


How To Prep Coffee Beans

by gothicdancer



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Family, Coping, Crying, Cute Kids, Disguise, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Is Alive, Explicit Language, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Gift Giving, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Manga Spoilers, Married Life, Meeting the Parents, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mpreg, Multi, One Big Happy Family, Panic Attacks, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-09 10:59:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 103,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5537405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothicdancer/pseuds/gothicdancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you believe that you should be dead and yet are somehow still alive, how do you find meaning in the life you're being forced to live? Kaneki Ken always believed that he should have died at V14--a fitting end for his tragic story--but now he's starting to wonder if the universe still has something in store for him. When he's taken in by the Tsukiyama Family, he dares to wonder if that thing is happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Perfect Cup of Basic Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all! I’m back with another family AU fanfic, this time with Shuuneki/Tsukikane from Tokyo Ghoul! My Ereri fanfic “Humanity’s Greatest Bedtime Story” (under Attack on Titan) was such a success that I decided to try my hand at this kind of AU again. I guess I’ve found a niche of sorts. This fic will contain some similar ideas to HGBS, but I’m going to try my best to create a new, original story. It’s a canon divergence AU in which the Tsukiyama Family was never exposed, because I recognize that Ishida has made a decision, but given that it’s a heartbreaking and tragic decision, I’ve elected to ignore it. And, as an added bonus, there will be a coffee recipe at the end of every chapter! So I hope you enjoy, whether you’re a new reader or a returning one.

" _I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life. This ridiculous weakness is perhaps one of our more stupid melancholy propensities, for is there anything more stupid than to be eager to go on carrying a burden which one would gladly throw away, to loathe one's very being and yet to hold it fast, to fondle the snake that devours us until it has eaten our hearts away?_ _" -Voltaire, "Candide, or Optimism"_

_~_

Ken lay still on the couch in :re's break room, staring at the couch's soft, brown cushions and listening to Touka talk in the hallway beyond a closed door. His eyelids were heavy, and bags hung beneath him. He vaguely wondered if Touka believed he had slept at all that day, or any day. Perhaps. Or perhaps not. She knew him better by now, even if she hadn't really interacted with him in years.

She was talking to Nishiki and Yomo. Ken didn't need to see or hear them to know. Who else would she be talking to? It wasn't like the manager was around. Or Hinami. Or Kaya and Enji. Or anyone really. Ken wanted to cry at the thought, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. There was no point.

He couldn't bring himself to reminisce on the happier times in the past either. Could they even be called happier times? Ken wasn't sure, as every "happy" label he could slap on a moment usually came with an asterisk. He and Hinami becoming close? That had come with Ryouko's death. Being able to read his favorite books while drinking a cup of hot coffee? The author had been a member of Aogiri and The One-Eyed Owl, the cause of so many problems in Tokyo. So that hadn't been so great. Finding peace at Anteiku? That had only cost him the low, low price of the worst date ever and becoming a psychotic serial killer's lab experiment. And that price had turned out to be not so low after all, because becoming a human/ghoul hybrid and being driven to madness through torture and cannibalism and having his memories erased and being forced to act as a quinque for the CCG's God of Death had been extra payments only mentioned in the fine print. Kanou would make a great used car salesman in another life.

But another life was the last thing Ken wanted to think about it. How many new lives had he started all before the age of twenty-five? He had lost count. And now, lying on a couch in :re's break room, he was realizing that he was going to have to start another one.

No.

No. No. No. Not again.

He couldn't do it again.

Touka opened the door and closed it behind her. Ken didn't hear any other footsteps come into the room.

"I know you're awake," Touka said.

Oh, so it had been the latter.

Ken didn't respond. Touka leaned against the door and looked at her fidgeting fingers. Her eyelids and frown were both heavy. "You're more than welcome to stay here," she finally said. "That's why this place exists, to give you a place to return to if needed."

Ken twitched at that.

"I know it isn't Anteiku, but we could make it look more like Anteiku if it made you happy."

"I don't want to be happy."

Touka looked up, surprised that Ken had actually responded.

"…Why not?"

Ken buried his face into the couch cushions.

"I won't kill you," Touka said. "Forget it, I don't care if that's what you want."

"So you don't actually want to make me happy."

Touka narrowed her eyes, and her frown straightened into a hard line. "Look," she said, the word acting as something of a scolding, "I don't want to argue with you, and I don't want to make things more difficult for you or anyone, but we need to talk about what we're going to do. I'm telling you that you can stay here if you want. That's :re's purpose. But, if you don't want to stay here, that's okay, too. We just need to figure out where you should go then. We're just trying to keep you safe."

"Well, maybe I don't want to be safe," Ken shot back, still not moving. "Maybe I'd much rather be dead than safe."

"So you're going to throw away all our hard work to get you back?"

"HA! Guilt tripping and emotional abuse! Knew that was coming!" Ken didn't get up from the couch, but he did smack his fist against one of the cushions, and his troubling laughter did make the couch shake. "That's always what's coming," he added. "If I don't do what you want me to do, if I don't act how you want me to act, suddenly I'm the bad guy. Suddenly I'm the one who's causing harm. What I want doesn't matter because it's all about everyone ELSE and what everyone ELSE wants."

Touka stood up straight. Her eyes threatened to water. "Funny," she said, her voice not sounding too amused, "I'm pretty sure you pulled that crap on me a while back."

Oh yeah. When they had met on the bridge before the Anteiku raid.

"You kept going on about how much you wanted to protect me and everyone at Anteiku and your human friend or whatever, and I wouldn't go along with it. Let's face it: you weren't interested in protecting us, you only wanted to protect yourself from being lonely, so you tried to guilt trip me into going along with your 'tragic hero' bullshit."

"And then you said that trash like me should stay out of Anteiku."

"You're doing it again!"

"I was planning on coming back anyway."

The heavy frown returned to Touka's face, and she leaned back against the door again. "So we were both abusive pricks. We're both fucked up, what a surprise." She paused to wipe her eyes, sniffed, and, after a moment of silence, said, "We all really missed you, you know. I'm not saying that to guilt you, I mean it. After the manager disappeared and after Anteiku was demolished, we were all left wandering around with no place to go and no one to turn to. Some of us got split up, some of us had nothing, and some of us had something but felt like we had nothing. It was horrible."

Ken shuffled on the couch, and his voice was quiet when he spoke. "It's not like me being there would have changed anything."

"But at least we all, including you, wouldn't have been alone."

Ken finally sat up and turned to Touka. His eyes were pink with fatigue, and his skin was deathly pale, like he had been sick for years. It was nearly as white as his hair. Touka wiped her eyes again, this time to brush two tear streaks away.

"So that's why we all want you to be safe."

Ken gazed at her and then let his eyes drop.

"…Can I stay here for a little while longer?"

~

The days passed with a sort of subtle excitement. :re's break room transformed into Ken's room, and it welcomed few visitors. Touka stopped by the most to bring Ken books and coffee. For the most part, the coffee tasted exactly like what the manager had always brewed at Anteiku, but Touka varied the blends and brews sometimes. She'd say things like "I bought a different brand and want you to try it first" and "I thought you'd like to try a different roast." Ken always drank everything she brought him, even if he didn't like it or preferred something else. Touka always asked him why he did that, but she never scolded him for it.

Every time, Ken shrugged. He honestly wasn't sure why he was indulging in something he didn't particularly care for, but he couldn't stop. He'd just ask for a cup of what he did like. Touka would sometimes roll her eyes before leaving to fulfill his request, and Ken would often see her do so, but he never took offense. He knew she didn't mean things that way.

"He likes being cared for," Nishiki said one day after Touka had returned from Ken's room.

She glanced at him with slightly narrowed eyes before putting Ken's cup in the sink and turning to the shelves full of coffee beans. "I know that."

"So, even if he doesn't like the coffee, he's gonna drink all of it. Because he likes that you're taking care of him."

"Are you telling me that I should stop?"

"Hell no. This is a good thing. Kaneki would never let anyone take care of him back in the day. Now he likes that someone is caring for him. This is huge."

Touka paused momentarily and then pulled a jar off the shelf. "Because the same thing happened to you?"

A small smile tugged at Nishiki's lips.

~

Other than Touka, Yomo visited Ken often, mostly to bring him food. Despite drinking quite a bit of coffee, Ken didn't eat much, claiming he had no appetite. Yomo didn't believe him, as a single plate with a few little splatters of blood sometimes wound up in the hallway.

One afternoon, Yomo knocked on Ken's door, a bag in his other hand. "Ken," he said, "it's me. Can I come in?"

"Yes."

Yomo opened the door and quickly closed it behind him for privacy. He found Ken sitting on the couch, a book in his hands. Ken watched his guest for a few moments, but his gaze slowly shifted towards his book as Yomo set the bag on the nearby table between the couch and another chair. When Yomo looked up, Ken was staring at his book, but his eyes weren't moving across the page.

"Ken."

Ken remained still.

Yomo sat down in the chair across from the couch, keeping his firm gaze on Ken. The latter didn't react.

"You aren't eating as much as you should be. You still don't look good."

Ken finally looked up. "When was the last time I looked good?"

Yomo pushed the bag forward and then sat back in the chair. "Eat," he said. "You can't live on coffee alone, you know that."

Ken opened his mouth, but no words came out. He looked back at his book.

A sigh escaped past Yomo's lips, and he reached for the bag again. Ken twitched when he saw the package inside, and his eyes widened slightly when Yomo unwrapped it. Ken gasped as Yomo ripped the large cut of meat in half, blood splattering against the table, and held one of the pieces out for Ken. When Ken didn't take it, he ripped it up again, this time into four pieces.

"You have to eat your half by the end of the day," Yomo said as he flattened the bag and set the meat chunks down on it. "I don't care how you eat it, all at once or a little at a time, but you have to eat it." He held up the large piece still in his hand. "I'll eat with you."

Ken hesitated but eventually put his book down, not bothering to mark the page. He leaned forward, reached out, and brought one of the pieces to his lips. It was a deep red, and he could see juicy fat marbled throughout the lean muscle. Little rivers of blood trickled down his hand. He glanced at Yomo, who was waiting for him to make a move, and then looked back at the meat, still hesitating despite the saliva gathering in his mouth. A drop of it threatened to break past the corner of his lips.

"Ken."

Ken looked up.

"We'll do it together."

Ken stalled for a few more seconds and then nodded.

"On three," Yomo said, ripping a piece off his half and holding it to his lips. "One…two…"

Ken's eye flashed red first.

~

The wall clock's ticking seemed slower than usual. Ken watched the second hand make its way around the face, counting every little tick until he ended at sixty. His eyes then shifted to the stack of books on the table, the only other thing in his line of vision from where his face was squished into the couch cushions. His gaze lingered there until it travelled back to the clock, where the second hand was starting at zero again.

A knock on the door broke him out of his trance. "Yes?"

Touka opened the door and walked inside with a book in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. "Here," she said, setting both down on the table. "Do you need anything else?"

Ken sat up and ran a hand through his mussed hair, shaking his hand after a long pause.

Touka frowned. "I'm sorry you can't go out. It's not safe yet. There are Doves everywhere, and they're still looking for you. I know that the break room isn't all that exciting, but…"

"No, it's okay, thank you, Touka." Ken looked up at the young woman and smiled. "It's funny. There was a time when the only thing in the world I wanted was a quiet, private place where I could read all day long. Now that I have that, all I want is to go outside. I should be more careful about what I wish for, right?"

"It's not like you chose this."

"I suppose. But part of me still feels bad."

"You're done with all the books I brought you yesterday."

Ken's sheepish smile widened. "Sorry. I don't have much else to do."

"No, I understand. I'll see about bringing you more."

"Thank you."

Touka smiled and gathered the finished books in her arms. "Alright, I'll try to get more tomorrow. In the meantime, maybe you wouldn't mind another guest?"

"What?"

Touka stepped out of the way, and Ken's eyes widened. Tears welled up in their corners. Ken tried to speak, but he couldn't make the words come out. What did come out was a cross between a squeak and a raspy breath followed by a choked sob. If time had been moving slowly before, it stopped in that exact moment.

"…Hinami."

Hinami rushed forward and jumped into Ken's arms, her own arms wrapped around his shoulders and her fingers making their way into his hair. Ken squeezed her around her torso, bringing her impossibly close, and he buried his face into her shoulder. The tears started falling.

"Hinami, oh god, Hinami," Ken gasped out, his fingers lightly digging into her back. "Oh my god, I thought they had killed you. I thought they had killed you a long time ago when I was—"

"No, no, I'm fine," Hinami whispered back, her own tears dripping down her cheeks. "I got out. Ayato got me out."

Ken's eyes shot wide open. He gripped Hinami by the shoulders and pushed her back so he could stare at her, eyes still watery and now pink. He wiped one of his eyes, panting lightly, and said, "Ayato? Kirishima Ayato? Of Aogiri?" He looked up past Hinami. "Your brother, Touka?"

Touka nodded. "He ignored Aogiri's orders and saved her."

"Kaneki, please understand," Hinami said, gently stroking Ken's face so he would look back at her, "Ayato isn't a bad person. He's grown and changed since the first time you saw him. Please don't think he hurt me; he was the only reason I wasn't hurt while I was in Aogiri. He saved me! Twice! Please?"

"Hinami…"

"Please?"

Ken wiped his eyes again and brought Hinami back into his embrace. "Alright, I believe you," he said as he rubbed her back. "Where is he now?"

"Downstairs," Touka interrupted as she headed for the hallway, "about to get the scolding of his life." She left the room and shut the door behind her. Sure enough, mere seconds later, Ken and Hinami heard her harsh shrieks echoing throughout the building, followed by two sets of footsteps rushing out the back door. Nishiki and Yomo, no doubt.

Ken swallowed. "I really hope there are no Doves nearby."

Hinami giggled and tightened her grip on Ken. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he gently held her against his chest, not unlike how one would hold a small child. They listened to Touka scream for a few more minutes before her voice broke down into sobs, and they both smiled. Eventually, a peaceful quiet enveloped them.

"Hinami."

"Hmm?"

"How were you able to come here? Isn't the CCG after you, too, now?"

Hinami shifted slightly. "They are but I'm not worried, not now anyway. Ayato snuck me over here in a disguise. Touka told me I could come up and see you since you're also hiding from them. It's safe here."

"Safe, yes," Ken hummed. "Also boring."

"You haven't left at all?"

"I can't, not while the Doves are desperately looking for ex-Investigator Sasaki Haise."

Hinami's smile fell and she moved so she was nearly sitting in Ken's lap. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and let a new batch of tears fall.

"I'm so glad you're not him anymore," she whispered. "So glad…"

Ken wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Me, too."

Pause.

"Hinami?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you know…where Banjou is?"

Hinami buried her face in Ken's chest, small whimpers escaping her throat. Ken's grip on her waist tightened, and his head dropped. Before long, his whimpers joined hers.

Downstairs, Ayato sat at :re's bar hunched over a cup of steaming coffee. "Hinami can't stay here," he said as he gripped the cup, warming his hands. "Bringing her here in the first place was a risk. I won't take it again."

Touka refused to make eye contact with her brother, wiping her eyes as she washed a coffee pot in the nearby sink. "And she's safe with you?"

"I have a place. Aogiri never knew about it, so I'll bet that any remaining followers won't be able to find it. Besides, without leadership, those grunts will never organize. And it's far away from where the Doves have been patrolling. She'll be safe there."

Touka snorted. "Forgive me but it's hard to believe you."

"The fact that Hinami isn't dead isn't enough for you?"

Pause. Ayato took a sip of his coffee.

"Sis…Kaneki isn't safe here either. Doves could walk in at any time."

Touka picked up a towel, dried the coffee pot, and put it away, still refusing to look at her brother. "I know that," she muttered. "I know, okay? Don't remind me."

"But if you want to keep him safe then I have to!"

"What am I supposed to do?!" Touka finally turned and stared at her brother, her eyes pink and puffy with tears. She threw the towel to the floor and rubbed her eyes with her palms. "What am I supposed to do, Ayato, tell me if you know! Or don't. I don't need you reminding me that I'm failing in doing the one thing I wanted to do for him. I wanted to create a place for him to return to, and I couldn't even do that. Even if he was safe here, staying in that tiny break room is no way to live. It doesn't matter how much food Yomo brings him. It doesn't matter how many books I bring him. It doesn't matter if Nishiki, Hinami, or anyone else visits him. Nothing…matters." Her knees started to shake, and she slumped against the bar, her hands still covering her eyes.

Ayato looked back down at his coffee and took a long sip. "I didn't say I had all the answers."

Suddenly, :re's front door opened.

Touka and Ayato looked up, and Touka sniffed as another tear ran down her cheek.

"It's okay," she gasped out after a short pause, "I may have just figured out one."

~

Ken stared out the break room's only window at the pretty lights dotting the skyscrapers against the night's dark sky. Some of them blinked and flickered; others eventually disappeared. Ken briefly glanced at the break room's ceiling light before looking back at the surrounding skyscrapers'. :re was so small in comparison to those buildings. Only two levels high, a rarity in Tokyo, the skyscrapers towered over it, dwarfed it. Realizing this made Ken's breath hitch.

A knock broke Ken out of his thoughts. "Ken," Yomo said, opening the door without permission, "the car's here."

Ken looked back at the skyscrapers one more time.

"Come on, we can't waste any time. The longer the car is there, the more suspicious it is."

"I know, I'm sorry," Ken said. He turned and joined Yomo, who turned the light off and closed the door behind them. They headed down the stairs and hallway towards the cafe's main room.

":re will always be here for you," Yomo said suddenly, catching Ken off guard. It was unlike him to say such compassionate things so easily.

Ken nodded. "I know, thank you. I've just spent the last few weeks staring out that window, and…"

"There will be many more windows where you're going," Yomo said, "and I hope that they can eventually open." He held :re's main door open so that Ken could pass through. Outside, Touka, Nishiki, Ayato, and Hinami were waiting next to a sleek, black car. The passenger door was open.

Ken hugged Touka and Hinami one last time, then looked at Nishiki. The latter nodded subtly before turning his head to focus his attention on :re's door. Ken frowned and looked at Ayato, but his expression was unreadable. Ayato didn't seem to care.

"Kaneki."

Ken looked at Shuu, who motioned for him to enter the car.

"Shall we go home?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Perfect Cup of Basic Coffee
> 
> This recipe uses a manual dripper, but you can also use a french press. Of course, if you have a Keurig or any other coffee machine, you can use that, but most coffee shops (like Anteiku and :re) use manual drippers. Cone-shaped drippers are okay, but flat-based ones are better since the water is able to saturate the coffee grounds more evenly. Remember to grind the coffee beans of your choice within half an hour of brewing for maximum freshness and taste. Light roasts (such as Cinnamon) tend to have grassy flavors, sharp acidity, and little to no sweetness. The darker your roast, the more the flavor of the roast takes over (sometimes resulting in burnt undertones, especially with the really dark roasts like French and Italian), and the less you taste the origin flavor. Additionally, the darker your roast, the less acidity there is. City Roast is a good option for specialty coffee, as it’s a medium roast with a balance of origin and roast flavors.
> 
> For 16 ounces of coffee (about the equivalent of two big cups), use five tablespoons (about 28 grams) of coffee and 16 ounces of water.
> 
> 1\. As your kettle heats, place a dripper lined with a paper filter on a mug or a carafe. Rinse the filter with hot water to get rid of paper dust and to preheat the cone.
> 
> 2\. Place ground coffee in the dampened filter.
> 
> 3\. After the water boils, wait 10 seconds for it to settle. Slowly pour just enough hot water (in a circular motion) to saturate all the grounds.
> 
> 4\. Pause 30 seconds to let the coffee “bloom.” It will bubble and soften.
> 
> 5\. Pour again, raising the water level to an inch above the grounds. Wait a few moments until  
> the water trickles through the dripper. Repeat this process of “pulse pouring,” which helps prevent overflow, until you have your desired amount of brewed coffee.
> 
> It is recommended that you drink the coffee without any additions first, then add sugar, milk, cream or any other desired addition to taste.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Real Simple, provided by 2012 US Barista Champion Katie Carguilo.


	2. Decaf Coffee Options

The moment the car left :re, Ken felt his breath quicken. The seatbelt was suddenly very tight across his lap and chest, and his stomach started doing flip flops. He looked out the window, hoping the feeling would pass, but all he saw was :re and its residents getting smaller and smaller. The car made a turn, and he couldn't see them anymore.

"Kaneki?"

Ken turned to stare at the car floor, eyes wide. "I'm fine," he said, his voice quiet and trembling.

Shuu watched Ken from the opposite end of the back seat, and he frowned when the other refused to look away from the floor. Lights from outside occasionally illuminated Ken's face, and Shuu could catch glimpses of his subtly twitching lips and eyes. Ken's hands were gripping each other tightly as if he needed to will them to stay still. Shuu looked up at Matsumae in the driver's seat through the rearview mirror as if she could provide an answer or explanation. The woman briefly met his gaze before her eyes softened and she turned her attention back to the road.

"You don't have to worry," Shuu said, looking back at Ken. He stopped short before he could say anything else and awkwardly cleared his throat. The words had been rushed, so he took a steadying breath and then said, "We have round the clock security at the estate. Every inch is patrolled by multiple guards day and night, no matter what. There's no way anyone can get in unnoticed. I doubt even Ari—a high-ranking Dove could get in!" He tried to smile, but Ken remained still, so he gave up. "You'll be safe."

Ken's grip around his hands tightened, and his stomach suddenly felt very small.

Arriving at the estate didn't help; Ken's breath was still shallow. He continued to sit very still, staring at the floor as if he had to. The passenger door opposite him opening had no effect either. It wasn't until his own passenger door opened that he jumped and looked up. Shuu stood there, offering his hand just outside the car. He didn't dare reach for Ken.

"Would you like to come inside?" he asked.

Ken stared at Shuu for a few seconds and then freed himself from his restraining seatbelt. He took Shuu's hand, his own hand small and shaking within it, while Shuu's grip was just strong enough that he could help Ken out of the car. Matsumae promptly closed the door behind Ken once he was standing and then opened the trunk to retrieve his single suitcase. With it in hand, she shut the trunk and headed for the front door. Shuu motioned towards the path she had taken and took a step towards it, gently tugging on Ken's hand. After a moment of hesitation, Ken followed suit, and the two were soon before the door. Matsumae gently knocked on it, and it immediately opened. Light flooded Ken's vision, sending a shock throughout his body, and his knees began to shake. His breathing quickened again, and he shuffled backwards.

"Welcome home, Master Shuu!"

Ken felt a sudden wave of panic overcome him at the sight of the many servants bowing in the estate's entrance hall. The powerful aroma of fresh cut flowers hit him next; several bouquets rested in gold-lined vases situated on hand-carved tables. The tables matched handrails that framed a grand staircase in the hall's center that split in opposite directions and led to the estate's main level. Secondary hallways embellished with large, elaborately carved doors surrounded the entrance hall. In the center of the ceiling hung a sparkling crystal chandelier large enough to bathe every corner of the space in bright light. Ken quickly looked down, only to see his stunned, sickly expression staring back at him in the spotless marble floor. He stumbled backwards and buried his face in Shuu's arm as if not looking would make everything disappear.

"Um, thank you," Shuu said, trying but failing to split his attention between the servants and Ken. Ken's entire body was shaking, and his eyes were squeezed shut. "Um, is the guest room prepared?"

"Yes, Master Shuu," Matsumae said, closing the front door behind her. "Please follow me." She headed up the stairs, prompting the other servants to return to their work.

"Kaneki," Shuu said quietly, reassuringly wrapping arm around the other. Ken still clung to him, his eyes still stubbornly closed. "Kaneki," Shuu repeated, "can you walk? I'm going to take you to your room."

After a moment of hesitation, Ken nodded, and the two began a slow pace to the stairs. Ken opened his eyes just enough to see where the steps were, otherwise following blindly. When Shuu stopped, he shut his eyes again. "Thank you, Matsumae," he heard Shuu say.

"My pleasure, Master Shuu," Matsumae replied before opening a door. She walked inside, turned on the main light, and set the suitcase down next to the bed. She then exited the room and said, "Is there anything else I may assist you with?"

"No, thank you."

Matsumae bowed. "Please do not hesitate to call if you need anything. Excuse me." And she walked off.

"…This is your room," Shuu said after a beat of silence.

Ken slowly opened his eyes and relaxed slightly. The room wasn't nearly as embellished as the entrance hall, thank goodness. Still, it was significantly larger than :re's break room, furnished with multiple dressers, a large armoire, and a king-sized bed covered in plush pillows and luxuriously thick blankets. Across from the bed were two Victorian style chairs and a coffee table facing a framed fireplace, and above the fireplace was a large mantle holding a wide, flatscreen television. Next to the bed was a full bookcase, and next to the bookcase was a double window looking out over a side yard.

"Do you like it?"

Ken opened his mouth, but he let go of Shuu and ran to the bed before any words could come out. Shuu could only watch as Ken scrambled to bury himself underneath the pillows and blankets. Once the blankets were pulled over his head, Ken curled up and stilled.

"…I guess you do!" Shuu said, exhaling a pathetic attempt at a laugh. He coughed once to clear his throat and then said, "Well, I think you have the right idea. It IS late after all. Um, like Matsumae said, if you need anything, just call. The servants from earlier work the night shift."

Silence.

"Alright, then I'll be going to bed, too."

He turned the light off, plunging the room into darkness.

" _Bonne nuit_ , Kaneki."

And he closed the door, completely missing the whimper come from underneath the blankets.

~

Ken groaned and rolled over for what felt like the millionth time that night. He had abandoned the heavy blankets, some of them stripped off the bed and gathered in messy bunches on the floor. Some of the pillows had followed. They were too plush, too comfortable. They were nothing like the couch cushions in :re's break room. Ken's head throbbed and his eyes stung, forcing a pitiful groan to escape his throat. He grabbed a remaining pillow and tried to snuggle it, catching a glimpse of the clock on the nearby nightstand. At first, he couldn't make out the time, but he quickly realized that he was looking at it upside down. 12:07 A.M.

Tears threatened to fall down Ken's cheeks. This clock was worse than the break room's clock.

"Sleep, I need sleep," he choked out, bottom lip quivering.

He moved onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Eventually, his eyes closed, and he could feel sleep creeping into his consciousness.

Suddenly, a force jerked Ken awake. His body convulsed, demanding, needing him to wake up. Ken shot up in bed, eyes wide and breathing heavy, and he turned to look at the clock.

12:09 A.M.

A sob easily made its way past Ken's lips; more followed. He buried his face in his hands and hunched over, his back hiccuping with every sound. He could barely hear any of his own sounds though. They took so long to bounce off the walls that by the time they hit his ears they had already dissolved into nothing.

When Ken finally looked up again, he nearly screamed.

12:12 A.M.

"…Coffee," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he crawled off the bed. "Coffee, decaf coffee! Yeah, a nice cup of decaf. It'll calm me down." He slipped his shoes off, embarrassed that he had kept them on the entire time he had been in bed, and slowly opened the bedroom door. The hallway was light enough that he could see but not nearly as bright as when he had first entered the estate. Thankful, he glanced down each end of the hallway before stepping out of his room and closing the door behind him.

Ken tiptoed down the hallway until he came to the grand staircase in the entrance hall. He looked down the intersecting hallways but saw no sign of the kitchen. He only heard light snores come from some of the nearby rooms, possibly the servants or even Shuu.

Gripping the rail with a sweaty hand, Ken slowly descended to the main level and looked down the two opposing hallways. The one to his right was quiet, but he could hear a low humming sound when he checked the left hallway. It beckoned him to investigate, and, sure enough, Ken soon found the sound's source: a refrigerator.

The kitchen wasn't as large as he thought it would be, considering how massive the estate was, but it was still an impressive size. The refrigerator was about as large as the one that had been in Anteiku's back room, but its exterior was a shiny stainless steel, and Ken could feel coolness even before he opened it. He closed it quickly though, as he had been unprepared for the mutilated head sitting on a platter on the center shelf.

"…Coffee," he said. "Just coffee."

Luckily, a brewing machine sat on the counter opposite the refrigerator, and an open bag of filters sat next to it. Ken turned the machine on, filled it with water, and placed a filter above the glass pot. He opened the cabinet above him and found a few bags of coffee grounds, but they all indicated that their contents were fully caffeinated. Ken closed that cabinet and opened the one next to it, but the results were the same. He knelt down and opened the lower cabinets but only found more coffee pots and dish detergent.

Ken's breathing started to quicken. He closed those cabinets and opened a cabinet on the other side of the kitchen. No luck, as all the coffee there was also fully caffeinated. Ken's eyes widened and his hands began to shake as he checked every cabinet and drawer.

"Why is there no decaf? Does no one drink decaf in this house?" he gasped out, opening another cabinet to find it was full of cups and saucers. The cups were all intricately decorated with flower paintings and lined with silver around the rims, bases, and handles, and their saucers matched. Their shape reminded Ken of fully bloomed tulips. He carefully took one in his increasingly shaking hands and closed the cabinet door.

"Master Ken?"

Ken let out a loud squeak and jumped. The cup and saucer fumbled in his hands and fell to the floor. They shattered upon impact.

Ken stared in horror at the mess, his eyes wide and the shaking in his hands traveling up to his arms. His chest suddenly felt very tight, and the air both in and out of his lungs seemed to disappear. A wave of nausea crashed over him and filled his stomach to the brim.

The maid standing in the doorway of the kitchen smiled gently. "I'm sorry, Master Ken, I didn't mean to startle you. I heard water running in the kitchen and came to make sure the faucet was off. Are you alright? You're not hurt, are you? Were you looking for a midnight snack? Master Shuu said that you might be hungry."

"…I'm sorry."

"Hmm? Pardon me, Master Ken, I didn't catch that. Oh, please don't worry about the mess. I'll clean it up and prepare whatever you'd like."

"I'm sorry!"

"Master Ken—"

"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!"

Ken sank to the floor, his entire body convulsing and his hands shaking as they held onto his dropped head. "I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!" he kept repeating, his voice becoming higher and more hoarse with every word. Those words quickly dissolved into screams, and the nausea from before drowned him as he spit up what little was in his stomach. Even through all that, he kept screaming, and the maid was soon screaming for help.

Ken didn't give her or any of the other servants time. He ran out of the kitchen, knocking over the coffee machine as he passed through the doorway, and crashed into the opposite wall. Several servants came running, and he blindly ran into them, pushing his way past them. A maid managed to grab hold of his arm, but he yanked himself free so soon she barely had time to think about what to do next. He pulled himself away from her so forcefully that he slammed into another wall, his head smashing against it first. The servants watched with bated breath as he quieted, but the peace was short-lived. Ken's kagune burst forth from his back, and he started screaming again.

"Get Master Shuu! Master Mirumo, too!" someone shouted.

A servant who had been coming to the others' aid cried out as Ken rushed up the grand staircase. The latter's kagune grabbed onto the handrails and nearby tables for support, knocking over the vases and sending them crashing to the floor surrounded by water puddles and destroyed flowers. Above, the chandelier swung ominously. Ken glared at the servant and reached for him, but the man jumped out of the way, and Ken wound up scampering back towards his room on his hands and feet. A stampede of servants and maids followed him.

"Get ready to fight!"

"Do we have any restraints?"

"Somebody grab a quinque out of storage!"

Ken only stopped running when he slammed into his bedroom wall. He slumped over, grabbed a hold of his head, and screamed, his kagune whipping about. The window exploded into a sea of glass, and the wood furniture crunched under the pressure. Several servants watched from outside the room, frozen in fear.

"KANEKI!"

The servants split apart, and Shuu's eyes widened at the horrific scene. " _Mon dieu…_ " He stepped forward and a servant grabbed him.

"You can't, Master Shuu, it's too dangerous!"

"What am I supposed to do then?" Shuu shot back. "Wait for him to destroy the estate and kill himself? _Non!_ " Shuu broke the servant's hold and rushed into Ken's room. The kagune thrashed about, lashing out at him and bashing into the walls. Slowly, Shuu approached and he jumped towards Ken at the first moment no tentacles were in his way. He grabbed Ken and turned him so his back was facing the walls. The kagune slammed against them and the ceiling, but it could no longer reach the servants.

"Kaneki, Kaneki," Shuu gasped out, holding the other close against his chest. Ken slumped against him, his voice completely shot as he gasped and drooled into Shuu's pajamas. His kagune soon met with Shuu's, the latter willing his to wrap around the both of them. With the Koukaku's high defense, the Rinkaku could no longer harm Ken. It occasionally smacked against Shuu's face and once hit the side of his head particularly hard, but those hits were nothing compared to how the kagune used to pierce him during training sessions all those years ago. Shuu gripped Ken tighter as the memories flooded his mind, and Ken's hysteria seemed to calm the longer Shuu held him. With the last of Ken's strength dispelled, the tentacles soon flopped to the floor and slowly retreated into his back.

The two sat in silence, the servants watching them from the hallway. Shuu only loosened his grip when he felt Ken's breathing return to normal. Looking down, Shuu saw that the other had fallen asleep, face still pressed against his chest. Shuu took in a deep breath and then let it out, allowing his kagune to unravel and retract.

"Master Shuu."

Shuu turned to find that Matsumae had joined the other servants. She stood poised to take orders with no hint of judgement in her neutral expression.

Shuu looked down at the peacefully sleeping Ken and then looked back at Matsumae. "Is the guest room near my room available?"

"Yes, it is suitable for occupancy."

"Good. Putting him in a room so far away was a mistake."

"We are sorry, Master Shuu, we should have done more."

Shuu shook his head and offered a sympathetic smile. "It's not your fault, Matsumae. Can we get a team together to fix all of this in the morning?"

"Of course."

"Thank you. Alright, up we go, Kaneki." Shuu stood, cradling Ken in his arms, and followed Matsumae out of the destroyed guest room.

"Master Shuu! Matsumae!"

The two looked up to see a maid running up the stairs. Shuu's eyes widened slightly. "Aliza?"

Aliza's eyes watered and her bottom lip quivered. "I'm so sorry," she gasped out. "I heard water running in the kitchen, so I checked it to make sure the faucet hadn't been left on. Master Ken was there, and I guess he was trying to make coffee, because he was looking through the cabinets for a cup. I startled him and he dropped one. I tried to tell him that it was okay, that I'd clean it up and make him whatever he wanted, but he started screaming and apologizing, and I didn't know what to do! He ran out of the kitchen and—"

"Aliza, it's okay," Shuu said. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"But the kitchen is a mess!"

"And it can be cleaned."

A tear ran down Aliza's cheek. "Master Shuu…"

"Come on, Aliza, we'll do it together," another maid said, coming from the destroyed guest room. "If we're all cleaning, it'll be done in no time." Two more joined her, and Aliza nodded, wiping her tears as they descended the stairs.

Shuu felt a tightening in his chest as he watched them go. "Thank you…"

"Master Shuu," Matsumae said, "please do not worry. The maids will take care of everything. The kitchen will be spotless by morning. For now, we should settle Master Ken in his new room and get you back to bed."

Shuu merely nodded and Matsumae continued leading him down the opposite hallway. Ken still slept soundly in Shuu's arms even when Matsumae opened the door to his new room, which was identical to the old one, and turned the light on. The servant pulled the bed covers back, and Shuu settled their guest on the mattress. Matsumae then brought the covers back up and tucked him in, fluffing his pillow before standing up straight and turning her attention to her master. "We will keep a close eye on him, Master Shuu, please do not worry."

Shuu kept his focus on Ken. The latter's face was relaxed and peaceful, and his breathing was quiet and even.

"Thank you, Matsumae," Shuu said, "but I'm going to watch Kaneki tonight."

Matsumae offered a small smile. "Understood, Master Shuu." She picked up one of the nearby chairs and placed it at Ken's bedside so Shuu could sit. She then left the guest room, returning a minute later with a bathrobe. She draped it around her master's shoulders and asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, thank you, Matsumae."

Matsumae bowed. "My pleasure, Master Shuu, good night."

" _Bonne nuit._ "

Matsumae turned out the lights before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

Shuu turned to Ken and sighed as he sat back in the chair. "And _bonne nuit_ to you, too, Kaneki, I hope that you can have at least a few sweet dreams."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decaf Coffee Options
> 
> Unfortunately, decaf coffee is often considered inferior compared to regular coffee. Caffeine is a flavor component in coffee (one of approximately 1,200), so removing it often removes some of the coffee’s natural bitterness and acidity. For those who like mild coffee, this is a good option. However, it should be noted that “decaf” and “caffeine-free” do not mean the same thing. According to the USDA, coffee must be 97% caffeine-free to be considered decaffeinated, and even the most decaffeinated coffee beans could still only be 99.9% caffeine-free.
> 
> All coffee beans are decaffeinated before they are roasted, and each method uses water in some form because caffeine is water-soluble. There are currently four major methods used to decaffeinate coffee beans. The four methods can be organized under two kinds of processes: solvent-based and non solvent-based.
> 
> Solvent-Based Processes
> 
> The Indirect Solvent-Based Process soaks the beans in near boiling water for several hours, which extracts the caffeine (and several other flavor components) and oils. The beans are then separated and washed in either methylene chloride or ethyl acetate for up to ten hours. The chemical bonds with the caffeine, and the mixture is heated so the caffeine and solvents evaporate. The beans are then reintroduced to the original water so they can reabsorb their flavor components and oils. This method is very popular in Europe, especially in Germany.
> 
> The Direct Solvent-Based Process steams the beans for approximately thirty minutes. Once the beans’ pores are open, the beans are washed in either methylene chloride or ethyl acetate for up to ten hours. The beans are then drained and steamed again to remove any residual solvent. This method is often referred to as “The Natural Decaffeination Method.” In general, if no decaffeination process is printed on your coffee container, one of the solvent-based processes was most likely used.
> 
> Non Solvent-Based Processes
> 
> The Swiss Water Process (AKA: SWP Method, Activated Charcoal Decaffeination, Dihydro-oxide Process) soaks coffee beans in hot water and then forces the water through an active charcoal filter. The filter captures the caffeine but lets the oils and other flavor components pass. The soaked beans have no caffeine and no flavor, so they are discarded. Another batch of beans is then washed in the flavor-rich water so that only the caffeine is removed. This allows the removal of the caffeine without the removal of the other flavor components. This environmentally friendly process is almost always used to decaffeinate organic coffee, so it’s certified organic (and Kosher!), and it is always printed on the container.
> 
> The CO2 Process (AKA: Carbon Dioxide Method, Liquid Carbon Dioxide Method, Supercritical Carbon Dioxide Method) places water-soaked coffee beans in a stainless steel container. The container is then sealed, and liquid CO2 is forced through the beans at a thousand pounds per square inch, extracting the caffeine without extracting the other flavor components. The CO2 is then transferred to another container where the pressure is released. The CO2 returns to its gaseous state, and the caffeine is left behind. This way, the CO2 can be reused. This process is often used to decaffeinate large quantities of commercial grade coffee found in your typical grocery store.
> 
> The “best” decaffeination process is up to your personal taste, but, in general, you should try to avoid decaf dark roasts. The flavors tend to clash.
> 
> Decaffeination processes provided by Coffee Confidential.


	3. Cappuccino

Matsumae swiped her finger across a tablet screen and then tapped twice. "Order complete," she said. "The replacement furniture will be here later today, Master Mirumo."

Mirumo nodded once. "Thank you, Matsumae."

"My pleasure, Sir." Matsumae held the tablet at her side and followed her master's gaze towards the renovated guest room. Servants and workers had been cleaning and repairing it since before dawn. The damaged furniture had been removed, the walls had been plastered and painted, and the window had been replaced. The books were neatly stacked in the hallway, waiting for their new case. Not a speck of dust or debris littered the floor.

"Master Mirumo," Matsumae said after a short pause, shifting her eyes towards the tall man beside her, "what shall I do about Kaneki Ken?"

"Hmm?" What about him?"

"Kaneki Ken caused all of this. It is only because Master Shuu calmed him down that he didn't completely lose control."

"I'm well aware of what happened last night, Matsumae."

The servant immediately bowed. "My apologies, Master Mirumo. It was rude of me to speak in such a condescending way."

"But I can see why you'd be concerned. Shuu told Papa about what's happened to Ken over the years. Between Ken's personal struggles and the Doves looking for him, we knew it was a risk to take him in, but Papa couldn't say no to Shuu. Shuu is just so happy that Ken is here, and that makes Papa happy."

Matsumae stood up straight. "Master Mirumo, may I speak?"

"You may."

"I believe we should take steps to ensure that this does not happen again. If it does, it may draw unwanted attention."

Mirumo sighed. "You are quite correct, Matsumae. As much as Papa thinks Shuu did a good job handling the situation last night, Papa does not want this to happen again. Still, that does not mean that we will not allow Ken to stay with us. For now, we'll keep him in the guest room closest to Shuu's room. We'll decide what to do once he's feeling safe and stable enough."

The two suddenly heard light footsteps run down the hallway. When they looked up, they saw someone turn a corner.

"Kanae?"

"It would appear so."

"Shall I pursue him, Master Mirumo?"

"No, I will speak to everyone regarding Ken later. He will be part of that meeting."

"Understood."

~

Ken's eyes fluttered open at the feeling of warm sunlight streaming over him. He blinked as his eyes focused on the ceiling, and he shifted underneath the bed's thick blankets. His body felt heavy but comfortable, like he was wrapped in a protective cocoon. The pillows completely supported his head and neck, despite how heavy he felt. It took a minute before he turned his head, and his eyes widened slightly.

"Tsukiyama?"

Shuu remained sleeping, his head resting on his crossed arms as he knelt at Ken's bedside.

Ken slowly pushed himself up and realized that he was a lot less stiff than he had thought.

"Tsukiyama?"

Shuu's eyes twitched and he slowly joined the conscious world. He rubbed his eyes and yawned as he sat up. His muscles screamed in protest.

"Ow," he muttered, trying to rub his shoulder through his bathrobe. He yawned again and then turned towards Ken, a sympathetic smile on his face. " _Bon matin_ , Kaneki, how are you?"

Ken rolled his shoulders and turned his neck from side to side. "Good actually," he said after another moment, his voice light but still groggy with sleep. "I…think I slept really well."

Shuu's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah, it's weird, I haven't felt this good in a while."

Shuu watched as Ken stretched, his own muscles still crying out in pain every time he tried to move. "Oh, that's good. I'm glad."

Ken almost smiled. "And…you? What are you, um, doing here?"

Shuu took a breath as if ready to respond, but no words came out. His eyes shifted back and forth between Ken and the floor.

"…Tsukiyama?"

"You, um, you…don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

No response.

"Tsukiyama, what don't I remember?"

"That you…had a nightmare?"

"Oh," Ken said after a short pause. "No, I don't. That's weird, normally I remember all my nightmares. But I guess it's a good thing that I don't remember. I'm sorry I woke you up and made you sleep in here, you must have been really uncomfortable."

"Ah… _non_ , Kaneki…"

Ken's eyes narrowed. "What?"

"You…"

"Tsukiyama, what is it?"

No response.

Panic began to creep into Ken's mind, and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. "Tsukiyama! What the hell happened last night? Tell me right now!"

"I don't know what happened!" Shuu finally said, looking at Ken with watery eyes. "I don't understand it myself, but you should know that no one is angry with you. No one is kicking you out. We're not abandoning you—we won't abandon you no matter what. It doesn't matter if you tear the whole estate down, we'll—!"

Ken grabbed Shuu's throat, his grip tightening as he stared the other down. He looked very much like the version of himself that had feasted upon Yamori's kakuhou. "Tsukiyama," he said, voice dangerously low and clear. "What. Happened. Last. Night."

Shuu took in whatever air he could and whispered, "You almost destroyed your room."

Ken let go of Shuu's neck, and Shuu's own hands flew to it. Ken watched as Shuu coughed once and then cleared his throat, looking back at Ken with sympathy. Ken's hands began to shake.

"Tsukiyama…"

"You didn't do it on purpose," Shuu said quickly. "I…I don't really know what happened—"

"Then you don't know that I didn't do it on purpose."

"Yes, I do, because I know you wouldn't."

"Bullshit! You don't know anything!"

Shuu's eyes narrowed. They were turning pink with frustration. "I know you and—"

"You don't know anything about me!"

"Kaneki—"

"You don't know anything about what I've been through! You don't know anything about what's been done to me! What I've seen! The life I've been forced to live!"

"Kaneki!"

"The Kaneki Ken you knew all those years ago is gone. He died at V14 like he was supposed to. This Kaneki Ken…no one knows him! No one knows what he's capable of! No one knows what he would and wouldn't do. Stop talking like you know him!"

"KANEKI!"

Ken stopped, his cheeks flushed and his eyes glassy. His breathing was uneven, and Shuu watched his hands continue to shake.

"There is no way you could have tried to destroy your room on purpose last night," Shuu said, his own hand inching towards Ken's. "I didn't see it happen, but Aliza, one of the maids, did. She said that you went to the kitchen, and you were startled when she found you. I guess you accidentally dropped a cup? Aliza said that you started screaming and ran back to your room with your kagune out. I only saw you there."

Ken swallowed hard. "And?"

"And…you calmed down."

"When you were there?"

Shuu nodded. "You actually fell asleep the moment your kagune receded, so I brought you here. It's the guest room closest to my bedroom. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Ken rubbed his eyes and sniffed. "…Thank you."

" _De rien._ "

Shuu tried to smile, but Ken's miserable face stopped him. "Are you sure I won't be thrown out?" Ken asked, looking down at his hands. They had finally stopped shaking. "Even if I didn't destroy the guest room on purpose, I still destroyed it. If that happens again…if I lose myself again, it could cause some unwanted attention. I don't want the police or the CCG to suspect you or your family."

"Even if Papa wants to kick you out, I won't let him," Shuu replied. "If we have to, we'll get ourselves an apartment like we did in the old days."

"…You'd do that for me?"

Shuu nodded.

Ken almost smiled but another sad thought prevented it once again. "It couldn't be too much like the old days though, even if Hinami is around."

"What do you…oh, _Monsieur Banjou_ is…not?"

At the mention of the name, Ken's lower lip began quivering, and he turned away from Shuu.

"…Oh no."

"I don't know where he is," Ken explained, sniffing. "Neither does Hinami. No one knows. I haven't heard about his friends either."

"Oh, Kaneki…"

Ken's face scrunched up in grief.

"I'm sure we'll find him though!" Shuu said quickly, putting on a smile. "I'm sure we'll find all of them. If we find Banjou, we're bound to find his friends, too. They don't go anywhere without him, and he doesn't go anywhere without them!" He took one of Ken's hands and held it in both of his, looking at the other meaningfully. "Don't worry, Kaneki, we'll find them. And then we'll all be together again. And little Hinami will be able to live here as well! I am grateful to _Monsieur Kirishima_ for rescuing her, but I would feel better if she were here. Ah, but I'm sure she's just fine where she is! I'm sure Monsieur Kirishima is taking good care of her! It would just be nice if she and the others could all be here, that's all I mean. It would certainly make me a lot happier, and I'm sure you'd like that."

Ken relaxed a little and wiped his eyes with his free hand. "Yes, I would."

"Then that's what we'll do. We'll have all of them live here with us."

"Like a little dysfunctional family."

" _Oui!_ Because that's what we are!"

Ken finally smiled. That, in turn, made Shuu smile back.

"Thank you, Tsukiyama."

" _Mon plaisir._ "

After a beat of silence, Ken looked down at their hands and cleared his throat. "Um, Tsukiyama?"

"…Oh!" Shuu gasped, letting go of Ken's hand. "I, uh, I'm sorry." He wrung his hands together and, after another beat of silence, said, "Now then, let's get you up and out—"

Ken paled. "No."

Shuu's smile disappeared. "Okay, you don't have to get up if you don't want to. Do you need anyth—"

"NO!"

"…Kaneki?"

"No, no, I don't need anything!" Ken cried, bringing his hands to his head. His arms covered his face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't need it. I don't need anything! Please don't, I don't, I don't need it. I don't need anything."

"…Are you sure?"

"I DON'T NEED ANYTHING!"

Shuu jumped at Ken's sudden outburst. "Alright, I understand! You don't need anything."

"No, no, I don't."

Shuu bit his lip and glanced towards the other end of the room. "Well, if you decide that you want to take a bath or something, there's a bathroom connected to this guest room. It's just beyond that door there next to the fireplace. I'll tell all the servants to leave you alone, too, since it seems you want some privacy." He turned back to Ken. "I know you said you don't need anything, but do you want anything? Food or coffee—"

"NO, NO, NO, I DON'T NEED IT!"

"Okay, okay! _Capisco!_ " Shuu said, standing and backing away towards the door. He went to speak again but decided against it when he saw Ken start to shake again. Reluctantly, he took a hold of the door knob and showed himself out.

"Master Shuu!"

Shuu looked up. "Oh, Kanae."

"Good morning, Master Shuu, did you sleep well?"

"Ah…well enough."

"Shall I help you get ready for the day?"

"Erm, _oui, merci._ "

Kanae grinned and bowed, leading the way to the master bathroom and shooting the guest room a glare as he passed.

~

Later that day, Mirumo called all the servants to a meeting in the entrance hall at the grand staircase. He stood at the lower level so everyone could see him, Shuu at his side. The younger was dressed in a surprisingly neutral suit.

"And so, no one is to approach Ken unless specifically told to do so," Mirumo said. "If you see him, do not acknowledge him until he acknowledges you, if he acknowledges you. But you will still refer to him as 'Master Ken.' He is our honored guest, and you will treat him as such."

"Yes, Master Mirumo," the servants said in unison.

Mirumo glanced at Shuu, who was looking down at his hands, and then turned back to the servants. "Shuu will be the only one who comes into direct contact with him."

Shuu flinched and stared at his father.

"If you would like to offer Ken something or ask him about something, do so through Shuu."

"Yes, Master Mirumo."

" _Très bien._ Any questions?"

After a pause, a hand rose.

"Yes, Aliza?"

"Master Mirumo, what if Master Ken…ahem, loses control again?"

Mirumo sighed. "As I said, we will not throw Ken out under any circumstances, though it may become necessary to hide him further depending on his state. I certainly hope it doesn't come to that though. According to Shuu, Ken was living in a tiny break room at :re with no access to the outside world. That's no way to live. At least here, he can walk around the estate's property freely. And now that he's situated in the guest room closest to Shuu's, there should be less of a risk of him running wild. However, if he does lose control, come get Shuu and Papa as quickly as possible."

"Understood," Aliza replied, bowing. "Thank you, Master Mirumo."

Mirumo nodded once. "If there are no other questions, you are all dismissed."

The servants dispersed and returned to their usual tasks. Mirumo himself headed towards the kitchen, Shuu following after a brief pause. "Papa—"

"Papa hopes you don't mind the responsibility, Shuu. You are the only one Ken seems comfortable with right now."

"Ah, _non_ , Papa, it's not that. You just caught me by surprise is all. Thank you for, um, this…everything."

"It's not a problem at all, Shuu. Ken is important to you, so he is important to all of us."

Shuu sucked in a sudden breath and brought his hands to his lightly flushed cheeks. He was thankful his father did not turn to him.

"Ah, Papa, speaking of Ken," Shuu continued once they were in the kitchen, "I'm worried about something he said to me."

"Oh?"

"I asked him if he needed anything, and he started shouting about how he didn't and how sorry he was."

"Do you have any idea of what he was talking about?"

Shuu shook his head. "I know he's been through a lot, but…"

"But he won't tell you anything." Mirumo said, turning back to Shuu. When his son nodded, he brought a bag of coffee beans down from a cabinet and dumped a cup of the beans into a grinder. "Ken will talk when he wants to," he said before turning the machine on. He let the blades spin for a few seconds and then emptied the grounds into a filter. "And, if he doesn't want to talk, he won't. Still, I think he will eventually. You can't force those kinds of things though. They take time."

Shuu watched as Mirumo poured hot water over the grounds, but not even the enticing aroma of freshly brewed coffee was enough to comfort him. "I'm just worried about him."

Mirumo turned back to his son with a cup of the coffee. "I know. But, if Ken does talk, Papa is sure you'll be the first person he talks to. For now, see if he wants this coffee. It's decaf so it might calm him down."

This time, Mirumo could very clearly see Shuu's slightly flushed cheeks. " _Merci beaucoup_ ," the younger said as he took the cup. He headed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to Ken's room. "Kaneki," he said, lightly knocking on the door, "can I come in?" When he heard a small "yes," he opened the door.

He found Ken wrapped in a blanket on the bed, not unlike how he had left him. Ken looked at him with pink, puffy eyes.

"Ah, I know you said you didn't want anything," Shuu began, "but Papa made coffee, and I thought you might like some. It's decaf so it might settle your nerves."

Ken's eyes widened and his entire jaw quivered. Suddenly, he burst into tears, and Shuu took a step back.

"…I wanted decaf," Ken eventually choked out.

Shuu swallowed hard. "What?"

"Last night. I had gone to the kitchen to make decaf, but I couldn't find it, and then I dropped a cup and it broke, so…"

Shuu's mouth dropped open. "Oh, Kaneki…"

"I'm so sorry."

Shuu set the cup down on the nightstand and sat down next to Ken on the bed. "Kaneki, you're not in trouble. No one is mad. That cup is easily replaceable, and your old room is almost completely repaired anyway." He went to touch the other's shoulder, but he stopped and brought his hand back to himself. "Papa had a meeting with all the servants. They won't approach you unless you approach them to avoid startling you. I'm sorry, we should have prepared you more for living here. We rushed you into it and didn't do anything to make sure you were comfortable."

Ken let out another sob and rubbed his eyes.

"From now on," Shuu continued, "if you need something, come tell me."

Ken jerked towards the other. "But I don't need—"

"Kaneki, everyone needs things sometimes. Whatever it is, you can come tell me about it until you're comfortable talking to the servants."

Ken went to argue but stopped, rubbing his eyes and looking away. Shuu took the cup off the nightstand and offered it to him, smiling gently as Ken took it and took a sip.

"Hey, Kaneki," Shuu said after a few minutes of silence, "I know you said that the Kaneki Ken I knew all those years ago died at V14. Honestly, I'm sad about that. I really wish that that Kaneki Ken hadn't left, that he hadn't fought in the Anteiku Raid, but he did and there's nothing I can do about it."

Shuu paused, watching Ken drink down the last of the coffee.

"And maybe you're right, maybe I don't know anything about this Kaneki Ken," he continued. When Ken took his last sip, Shuu lightly touched his shoulder, and their gazes met, Shuu still smiling sweetly. "But I'd like to get to know him."

After a long pause, Ken held up his empty cup. "Could I please have some more?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cappuccino is an Italian coffee beverage typically consumed in the morning. It is made with equal parts espresso and hot milk and has a thick layer of milk foam on top. It is usually served in a small cup. In Italy, it is consumed very quickly, so quickly that people usually order it and drink it standing at the same counter. Slowly drinking a cappuccino at a table and/or consuming a cappuccino later in the day is a sure sign of a tourist!
> 
> You will need 1/2 cup milk and 1/3 cup of hot espresso for this recipe.
> 
> 1\. Place the milk in the microwave (remember to use a microwave-safe cup) and let it heat on high for one minute.
> 
> 2\. Use a metal whisk to vigorously beat the milk until the milk turns to foam. Put the foam in a separate cup until it measures to 1/3rd.
> 
> 3\. Pour your hot espresso into a mug and pour in the remaining hot milk. Spoon the foam over the top and serve immediately. (You can use a non-dairy milk if you're lactose intolerant/milk sensitive like I am!)
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Taste of Home.


	4. Espresso

"Kaneki?" Shuu asked as he gently tapped on the guest room door. "It's me, can I come in?" When he heard a low "yes," he opened the door and walked inside, a smile on his face and a cup of coffee in his hand. " _Bon matin_ , Kaneki, did you sleep well?"

Ken nodded as he rubbed his eyes with one hand and blindly reached out with the other. Shuu's smile widened and he placed the cup in Ken's hands. Ken immediately drank the coffee down and only pulled the cup from his lips when less than a mouthful was left.

"More?"

Ken shook his head. "No, thank you." He yawned and held the cup out.

" _Merci_ ," Shuu said as he took it. "Ah, Kaneki?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't mean any offense, and I don't want to force you to do anything, but…"

Ken's eyes narrowed and his jaw hardened. He was certainly awake now. "But what?"

"…But you've been here for a few weeks now, and the servants would like to wash your clothes and bedsheets. Is that okay?"

Ken's eyes widened and he looked anywhere except for Shuu's face.

"…Kaneki?"

"I…yeah," Ken said, scratching at his chin.

Shuu's smile flattened. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Is now okay?"

"Ah, yeah, just let me change."

Shuu took a step back so Ken could get out of bed. He watched the other go to his dresser and then glanced at the nearly empty cup in his hands. "Will you be okay with servants coming in here, or do you want me to take the loads to them?"

Ken froze, a breathy sound escaping his throat.

" _Pardonnez-moi_ , Kaneki, what did you say?"

Ken cleared his throat and said, "Why would you offer to take my dirty laundry? You're not a servant."

" _C'est vrai_ but I am in charge of your safety and comfort."

"No, you—!" Ken's high-pitched voice stopped, and he rubbed his eyes again, his hands sliding down his face before tangling in his hair. "Fine, fine," he said. "One of the servants can come in. Just…you stay here when they do."

True to his promise, Shuu stayed with Ken the entire time the maid was in the room. He had excused himself to fetch her and then reentered the room once Ken had confirmed that he was dressed. Shuu entered first and stood next to Ken, who swallowed hard and told the maid to enter.

The moment she did, Ken hid his face in Shuu's side, his eyes squeezed shut and his breathing fast. The maid paused in the middle of pulling the sheets off his bed to look at Shuu with genuine concern, but the young master motioned for her to hurry up, his lips pressed together and brows furrowed. She jumped at the action and quickly resumed gathering everything together. She was done and out of the room in another twenty seconds.

Once she was gone, Shuu gently rubbed Ken's shoulders, and the younger let out a shaky sigh. "Thank you."

" _De rien_ , Kaneki."

They stayed as they were with Ken's face in Shuu's side so that he could cry in peace.

"Kaneki," Shuu said after a long pause, "you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but is there a reason why you don't want to go outside? Why you don't want to see anyone? It's perfectly okay, our current routine is fine, it's just…I want to make sure you're happy."

Ken shook his head and let out a sob. "I don't need anything."

With careful fingers, Shuu turned Ken so that they were facing one another, and the younger continued to cry until he had exhausted all his tears for the time being. After a moment of hesitation, Shuu put his hand on Ken's head. Ken did not reject his touch, and Shuu exhaled through his nose out of relief. "Your clothes and sheets should be done in about two hours."

"Thank you."

"Do you want to move to another room with a made bed until yours is put back together?"

Ken tensed. "No."

"Okay, then you can stay here. Will you be alright with just the chairs?"

"Yes."

"Do you have books you can read, or have you finished everything here?"

"I'm okay."

" _D'accord._ I will return when the laundry is done then."

Ken nodded and let go of Shuu. He rubbed his eyes and sniffed, a whimper escaping when he looked at Shuu. "I'm so sorry, I messed up your shirt."

Shuu looked down at the tear stains and shrugged, a smile returning to his face. "Ah, don't worry about it, I'll throw it in with the rest of the laundry. And I'll tell you a secret: it's last season anyway."

The slightest hint of a smile graced Ken's features, and Shuu's heart jumped.

~

As promised, Shuu returned two hours later with the maid and a load of clean laundry in tow. Ken was sitting in one of his room's chairs with his nose in a book when he heard the knock, his eyes widening with the realization of what time it was. His skin suddenly felt cold and clammy.

"Come in," he said, marking his place in the book and setting it down on the chair as he stood. Same as before, Shuu entered first, and the maid waited in the hallway.

"Kaneki—"

"I don't want to look," Ken gasped out, grabbing a hold of Shuu. "I don't want her to see me." He barely waited for the other to respond before he let go and rushed into the bathroom.

Ken could hear Shuu invite the maid in, and he could also faintly hear her putting his bed back together. A whimper escaped his throat followed by a sob, and, before he knew it, he was sitting on the toilet in tears. He barely registered the sound the maid putting his clothes away, only calming down slightly when Shuu knocked on the door.

"Kaneki? She's gone."

The confirmation allowed for another sob.

"Kaneki?"

"Stop it," Ken gasped out, "I hate this."

"What? What do you hate?"

"This! All of this!"

"Kaneki—"

"I HATE ALL OF THIS!"

Shuu helplessly looked at the closed door and pressed his hands against it. "And we were doing so well," he whispered. He cleared his throat and then spoke in his normal voice. "Kaneki, I—"

"Shut up! Don't tell me that you don't mind or that all of this is no big deal. I've been nothing but a burden on all of you. Everyone's been taking care of me when I've done nothing to deserve it!"

"Kaneki, everyone deserves—"

"DON'T TELL ME THAT I DESERVE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF! Not by you, not by the servants, not by Touka or Yomo or Nishiki or Hinami or anyone else! Everyone would be better off without me, everyone would be HAPPIER without me. If I had never been an idiot and been tricked into trespassing into the ghoul world, all of you would be a lot happier. None of you would have suffered like you have!" Ken stood and slammed his fist against the door, making Shuu jump on the other side. "And, even if I hadn't caused so much suffering, I'm taking time away from you now. You could be doing things YOU want to do, but you're stuck looking after me. You're stuck bringing me coffee and books and asking me if things are okay and eating with me because I'm too goddamn fucked up to eat by myself! And I've been keeping you up every night with my screaming and sobbing over stupid-ass nightmares! Things that aren't even real!"

"Kaneki—"

"I WANT TO DIE!"

Ken slammed his fist against the door ten more times between repeatedly screaming his desire before he slumped against the door and crumbled to the floor, sobbing into his hands and shaking all over. On the door's opposite side, Shuu gently ran his palm down the door before sitting down, his back against it. "The Kaneki Ken I knew all those years ago said the same thing."

Ken let out another sob.

"He didn't say it exactly like that," Shuu continued, "but it was pretty much the same. He told me that he wanted to die, and then he jumped to his death, even after I begged him not to. I would have done anything to keep him from going, just like I'll do anything now to keep you alive and safe. I don't care what it is. I'll become a servant myself if I have to, I just don't want you to go."

Shuu heard Ken continue to cry, and it brought him an odd sense of relief. A crying Ken was a breathing Ken.

"And, to be quite honest," Shuu added, "I don't think I'd be happier if I hadn't met that Kaneki Ken. I think I'd still be that person who deceived him at the restaurant, the one he fought in the church. And I know that person wasn't happy, he just thought he was. This person probably isn't a much better person. He's probably still trash, but at least he's happy. He's happy knowing that there's a living Kaneki Ken in the world, and he's very happy to have that Kaneki Ken so close. He'd be devastated if that Kaneki Ken—if any Kaneki Ken—disappeared again."

Shuu listened to Ken cry on the other side of the door, his head resting against it as he stared at the ceiling. The sound had been a relief before, but it was going on too long. Several minutes passed and Ken's wails still rang out.

"Kaneki…"

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be forced to live when all you want to do is die?"

Shuu let out a long sigh. "I don't," he admitted, "but I do know what it's like to feel like you're dead."

Ken's cries quieted.

Shuu brought his knees to his chest and dropped his head. " _C'est horrible._ It's like you're falling through a nightmare you can't wake up from. And there's nothing there. There's nothing to grab onto, and there's nothing to see or hear or smell or touch. You can't ground yourself. You can't even begin to think about climbing out or getting better or even just waking up because you're too scared of the nothingness around you. The fear and misery consume you until all you can do is wait to drown. And, if you do try to wake up, you're pulled back down and forced to lie still." He paused and then said, "Being alive is much better than feeling dead. That much I definitely can tell you."

Ken murmured something.

Shuu perked up. "Kaneki?"

"I just want to go to sleep," Ken said as he leaned against the bathroom door and stared at the ceiling. The light was too bright, but he couldn't look away. "I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I want to be wrapped up in blankets and be warm and sleep forever. That's all. But now…you're telling me that death isn't even what I want it to be? I won't be happy even when I'm dead?"

"I don't think—"

"I'll never be happy?"

" _Non, non,_ Kaneki, that's not what I'm saying at all."

"Then what are you saying? That I should keep living until I find something that makes me want to be alive?"

Shuu swallowed hard. "Essentially… _oui._ "

Ken shook his head, still staring at the ceiling. "You act like that's so easy."

"I'm not—"

"I can't even be in the same room as that maid, Tsukiyama. I couldn't even stand the thought of her seeing me."

"But that's understandable since she's a stranger!"

Ken's head dropped and a fresh tear made its way down his face. "I'm sorry, Tsukiyama," he murmured, voice muffled. "I know you're trying so hard to make me better. I know you're trying to make me feel welcome, but…I just…there's no hope for me. I wasn't even okay in :re's break room. I cried so much and screamed a lot and attracted the Doves' attention even more. I'm surprised they didn't break the door down and take me away. I put Touka and Nishiki and Yomo in danger, but they still kept risking their lives for me. I hated it. I hated everything about it. And now I hate being here, too, because I'm doing the same thing to you and your family. I just fuck things up wherever I go. That's why I'm telling you that you'd all be better off without me."

Shuu was quiet for several seconds before saying, "I don't think I can magically fix everything. I just hope I can help you so that you eventually have more 'good' days."

"Just go."

"Huh?"

"Just go, please. Just leave me alone for a while."

Shuu hesitated but eventually stood. He stared at the bathroom door before reluctantly turning and walking out of the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and tried to look at it, but tears blurred his vision. He rubbed his eyes before the tears could fall and headed towards the kitchen.

"Matsumae?"

The woman looked up from cleaning a coffee cup. "Yes, Master Shuu?"

"Do you have some time?"

"For you, of course."

"…Would you please play Scrabble with me?"

~

" _Tristesse,_ T, R, I, S, T, E, S, S, E."

"Nine points," Matsumae said as she wrote the score under Shuu's name on a nearby notepad. "My turn. Hmm…ah, _amore._ A, M, O, R, E. Eight points." She wrote that score under her own name.

Shuu scanned over his tiles. " _Dolore,_ " he finally said, placing his chosen tiles down on the board. "D, O, L, O, R, E."

"Thirteen points," Matsumae said as she wrote the score down. "Ah, _joie_. J, O, I, E. Eleven points." She wrote that score down, too. "Your turn, Master Shuu."

Shuu stared at his tiles but couldn't focus on them. "Matsumae?"

"Yes?"

"Could you give me some advice?"

Matsumae sat up a bit straighter in her parlor chair. "I will do my utmost to supply you with some."

Shuu chewed his lip and shifted his eyes towards the hallway. "Kaneki has been here for a few weeks now," he finally said after an awkward pause. "He's doing better…I think. He hasn't had another incident like the first night he was here, _ça c'est bon._ But he still hasn't come out of his room, not once, and he still doesn't want to see anyone or be seen by anyone."

"Other than you."

Shuu closed his eyes and cleared his throat. " _Oui_ , other than _moi._ I am quite worried about him. Before coming here, he was living in :re's tiny break room. He had to stay there because he wasn't safe in the shop. A Dove could walk in any time. We all agreed that that was no way to live. But if he's not leaving his room here, even when he can go anywhere on the estate property whenever he wants, I fear that the move may not have mattered. He might as well be back in that break room with _Mademoiselle Kirishima, Monsieur Yomo,_ and _Monsieur Nishio_. At least there he could see the little lady sometimes, too." Shuu opened his eyes, still looking down the hallway. "I just want him to be happy and comfortable, even if I have to send him back."

Matsumae stared at the other for a few seconds, her expression as passive as ever, and then said, "I believe you should do what you just said, Master Shuu. You need to make him happy and comfortable, though I suppose making him comfortable would make him happy."

"But how do I do that?"

"Perhaps Master Ken needs something he can call his own?"

Shuu finally looked at the woman, eyes wide.

"I believe Master Ken feels as though he is a burden on us," Mastumae continued. "This is not the case at all, but I can understand his feelings. When he first came to live with us, he seemed quite reluctant to enter the estate at all. In fact, we could barely get him out of the car. And then, once he was inside, he refused to look at anyone or anything. You had to guide him to his room because his eyes were closed. It is not unreasonable to say that he was overwhelmed, and I believe he is still overwhelmed. Master Ken has never lived in such a place as our home, correct? And he has never had employees to take care of him? He is probably not used to this life at all, so I think he feels like an unwanted stranger."

Shuu's jaw dropped slightly, and the only thing he could say was, " _Non,_ Kaneki…"

"I could be wrong, but—"

" _Non,_ Matsumae, I think you're absolutely right. But…" Shuu looked back down at his tiles as if they would spell out an explanation or answer for him. "But how do I…?"

"If I may, Master Shuu?"

The man's head shot up. "Please!"

"Perhaps Master Ken would like his very own coffee cup?"

Shuu's jaw dropped lower.

"Master Ken once worked at Anteiku, correct?"

" _Oui!_ "

"Then he certainly must know how to make exceptional coffee. If he had his own cup, one that was uniquely his, he could make coffee whenever he wanted. This may let him feel more in control, and it may give him a sense of independence. I believe it is a good place to start."

Silence.

"Master Shuu?"

" _TRÈS BIEN!_ " Shuu shouted, jumping up from his seat with the most animated smile Matsumae had seen on his face in years. He resembled an excited, energetic child. " _C'est parfait,_ Matsumae, you are a genius!"

Matsumae smiled slightly. "That is quite kind of you to say, Master Shuu, thank you."

"I…I have to go now!" Shuu continued, rushing for the hallway. "I have to go find him a cup right now, the best one there is!"

"Master Shuu!"

"Do not keep me, Matsumae!"

"But it's still your turn!"

Shuu stumbled back to the board, looked over his tiles, and set several of them down. " _Brillantezza!_ " he cheered. "B, R, I, L, L, A, N, T, E, Z, Z, A!" He then dashed out of the room, his hurried running heard all the way until he slammed the front door behind him.

Matsumae looked over the board and smiled wider. "Thirty-eight points."

~

Ken was curled up in his bedsheets when Shuu knocked on his door several hours later. Once granted permission to enter, Shuu quietly approached the other, unable to help the eager smile on his face. His heart thumped in his chest both out of anticipation and how oddly cute a wrapped up Ken was.

" _Pardonnez-moi_ , Kaneki, I didn't mean to wake you."

Ken shook his head. "I wasn't sleeping."

"Ah, well, I guess that's okay, so that you'll sleep tonight." Shuu looked down at the box in his hand and then looked back at Ken. "I have something for you. Would you like to open it?"

Ken sat up and eyed the box. "My birthday isn't until December."

"I know but I want to give this to you now."

Ken hesitantly took the box and set it in his lap. Slowly, he pulled the silk bow apart and then lifted the lid. When he saw the coffee cup inside, he gasped.

Shuu's smile softened. "That is your coffee cup, Kaneki. All yours. No one else in the estate can use it. It's yours to drink from, yours to decorate with, and yours to clean." He paused and waited for a response, but none came so he explained further. "Do you like the design? Those are letters from the Latin alphabet used across North and South America and Europe. They don't spell any real words out, but I thought you'd like how they're arranged to look like they make paragraphs all over the cup. And look!" He reached into another bag and pulled out another mug. "This one is mine! The swirling patterns are quite beautiful, _non_? And the colors are so bold and vivid!"

Ken stared at his cup in silence before a tear ran down his cheek. He was soon openly crying. "Thank you, Tsukiyama," he managed to say, clutching his cup against his chest. "This is…no one's ever given me something so nice before."

" _Mon plaisir,_ Kaneki. I thought we could have coffee sometime…when you're feeling up to it."

Kaneki nodded and stood. "Yes, please."

Shuu blinked. Once, twice. "Right now?" When Ken nodded, his heart began pounding in his chest. "Of course, that sounds lovely! Please, let us go to the kitchen!" He put an arm around Ken's shoulders and guided him out of the room and down the hallway, internally screaming about what a genius Matsumae truly was.

Said woman was actually in the kitchen when they arrived. "Good afternoon, Master Shuu, welcome back."

" _Bonjour,_ " Shuu said back.

Ken shuffled awkwardly next to him. "Hello…"

Matsumae perked up, smiling slightly. "Good afternoon to you, too, Master Ken. May I help you with something?"

Ken held his cup out. "…Coffee?"

"Of course." Matsumae placed a clean coffee pot on the counter and put a filter over it. Shuu picked a bag of beans out of the cabinet and ground them up while Ken filled another pot with water. Matsumae first showed him how to turn on the stovetop, and then Shuu showed him how to work the bean grinder. Once the water was hot, Ken poured it over the grounds, and deliciously bitter coffee streamed into the pot below. The fresh aroma hit Ken's nose, and his tears nearly started again.

"I had forgotten how good coffee smells when you make it yourself," he murmured.

Shuu placed both their cups on the counter. "Thank you for making it, Kaneki. I'm sure it's _fantastico_."

"Please, allow me," Matsumae said as she poured the coffee into the two cups. She then set the cups on a tray and said, "Where would you like to sit?"

Ken looked up towards the window. "…Outside?"

Shuu did a double take. " _Vraiment?_ "

Ken nodded. "It just looks so nice outside."

"It is nice. It's a beautiful day." Matsumae picked up the tray and led the two out of the kitchen and into the backyard. She set the tray on a table near a rose bush and then stepped out of the way so Ken and Shuu could sit in two of the matching chairs. She bowed to them, offered her services in case they needed anything else, and then gave them some privacy.

Shuu picked up his cup. " _Merci beaucoup_ for the coffee, Kaneki. Cheers."

Ken picked up his coffee and nodded before looking up at the sky. "Sorry," he said quietly, "I had just also forgotten how warm the sun is."

Shuu smiled. "Yes, it's quite warm and sweet, isn't it? It'll start getting cool outside in the coming weeks, so I think this was a splendid idea."

Ken smiled slightly before taking a sip of his coffee. The moment the drink hit his lips, his smile widened a bit. He kept his gaze on the sun in the distance, unaware that Shuu's gentle gaze was on him the whole time.

~

Touka looked up when she heard :re's front door open. A man walked inside, and she greeted him with a smile. "Good afternoon, Sir, how may I help you?"

The man held up a badge. "My name is Urie Kuki. I'm with the CCG. I'd like to ask you a few questions."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Espresso
> 
> Espresso is actually not a roast but a method of preparing coffee. It is usually a blend of many roasts that create a bold flavor, and the beans are ground very finely. The grounds are then tightly packed into a filter, and high-pressure water is forced through them so a small, concentrated amount of coffee is extracted. It’s quite an intense flavor, too (no wonder it’s called a “shot”). In general, espresso is more popular in Europe than it is in the US, but it’s catching on.
> 
> Many coffee drinks are made with espresso (including Chapter 3’s Cappuccino, but I’ve seen that made with regular coffee, too), but espresso can also be consumed on its own. “Ristretto” is the first 3/4-ounce of espresso, often considered the “perfect” espresso. A “Single Shot” is one full ounce of espresso. “Lungo” is 1 1/2 ounces. “Double Shot” is two full ounces made with twice the amount of coffee in the filter, while all the other styles use the single serving.
> 
> Information provided by Go Coffee Go.


	5. Black Eye

"Here you are, Sir," Touka said as she set a cup down in front of Kuki. "One Black Eye."

Kuki brought the cup to his lips and gently blew on the hot beverage. He then took a sip. "Thank you," he said as he set the cup back down. _Fuck, that's good._

Touka smiled slightly. "Um, you said you had some questions?"

Kuki eyed her momentarily before reaching into his bag and pulling out a folder. "Yes, I do. Are you familiar with a 'Kaneki Ken' or a 'Sasaki Haise'?"

Touka tapped her chin in thought. "Um, I feel like I've heard the name 'Kaneki Ken' before, but I'm not sure. As for 'Sasaki Haise," it doesn't ring a bell at all."

"Then do you recognize either or both of these people?" Kuki opened the folder and pulled out two photos: one of Ken's missing person poster and one of Haise.

Touka's eyes scanned across the two photos, and she put her finger on the one of Haise. "This man used to come here for coffee often," she said. "I remember he liked looking at the books we have on display. He didn't talk much, but he did once say he was also in the CCG. He was a mentor to a group of younger investigators."

Kuki held up the photo. "This is Sasaki Haise."

"Oh, he never mentioned his name."

"I was in the group he mentored."

Touka's eyes widened. "Oh."

"Have you seen him recently?"

Touka shook her head. "No, he stopped coming in a long time ago. I assumed he either moved or found a coffee shop he liked better."

Kuki put the photo down. "I see." He took another sip of coffee.

After a beat of silence, Touka pointed to the photo of Ken's poster. "Um, this is Kaneki Ken, right? I've never seen him before, but I've seen this poster before. I honestly haven't seen it lately though. Is he still missing?"

"I am not at liberty to say," Kuki replied. Another sip.

Touka frowned. "If he is, I could keep an eye out for him."

Kuki's eyes narrowed. "The sentiment is much appreciated, Ma'am, but the CCG is now handling his case. Civilians have been asked not to get involved any further." _Stay in your lane, bitch._

"Ah, I understand," Touka said, bringing her hands back to herself. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Kuki put his cup down and gave Touka his full attention. "Ma'am, the reason I came here today was not just because Sasaki Haise used to visit this cafe. Honestly, the CCG already knew he used to be a regular here, because he'd sometimes bring his squad along. The other members and I can vouch for this. The main reason I'm here is because we received an anonymous tip a few days ago. Someone reported seeing a car outside the main entrance of this cafe late one night several weeks ago. Normally, this wouldn't be much of a tip since there was no report of any ghoul activity or anyone resembling a ghoul the CCG is currently looking for, but the CCG takes every tip, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, seriously. So let me ask you, were you here on that particular night? If so, could you please explain why a car was parked outside the cafe's main entrance?"

Touka crossed her arms and pursed her lips, exhaling a long sigh out of her nose. It calmed her nerves a bit, though a horrible anxiety still climbed up her throat and threatened to make her sweat. "A car, a car," she murmured, looking down at the floor in thought. After a few seconds, she looked back at Kuki. "Ah yes, I remember that," she said. "This shop actually stays open late during the work week. We get a lot of salarymen who come in for coffee. After we closed for the night, we had to stay even later than usual to clean up, and one of our employees missed the last train. A friend came by to pick him up. Unfortunately, he quit a few days later because he found a job at a cafe closer to where he lives, so he's not around anymore. Sorry."

Kuki nodded. "I see, so that's all it was."

"Yes."

Kuki finished the last of his coffee and set the empty cup down in front of Touka. "Well, at least it was just that." He pulled his wallet from his bag, set a few coins on the bar, and put both his wallet and his photos away. "Thank you very much for your cooperation, Ma'am. And thank you for the coffee, it was delicious." _You weren't so useless after all._

Touka smiled. "My pleasure, Sir."

Kuki nodded to her once and then left :re, heading down the sidewalk and completely missing Touka furiously type into her phone. He headed into a livelier section of the ward and stopped in front of a store with several gachapon machines lining the front windows. His eyes narrowed. "Yonebayashi."

"Shhh!" the young woman hushed him. "I have to concentrate!"

"Those machines are completely random."

"If I concentrate hard enough, I'll get the fifth one and complete the set!"

Kuki rolled his eyes. "What about your investigation?"

Saiko pressed both of her hands against the machine and made a humming noise before saying, "No investigating could be done! While you were talking to the girl up front, two others were guarding the back. Could only smell and hear them, no visuals. Didn't say anything important either."

"So you just left?"

"So I didn't waste my time."

Kuki watched as Saiko put a coin into the machine and turned the knob, and he sighed. "Whatever. It hardly matters. The girl up front gave me all the information I needed. Let's head back and report." _You are such a pain in the ass. I'd rather team up with Shirazu._

Saiko made a drumroll-like sound as she pulled the plastic container out of the machine and pulled at the cap. "Mm-hmm, okay. Come on, black one! I have the purple one, the orange one, the green one, and the blue one. All I need is the black one and I'll have all five."

"Yonebayashi, I'm gonna leave without you."

The cap popped off. "Ah! I got the black one!"

~

Shuu reached into his pocket for his buzzing phone, distracting Ken from the afternoon sun's warmth. "Who's that?" the latter asked, taking another sip of coffee.

Shuu's eyes widened as he read over the message.

Ken's eyes mimicked Shuu's. "Tsukiyama?"

Shuu's jaw dropped and his grip on his cup loosened.

"Tsukiyama!" Ken gasped out, reaching over to take the cup. Shuu snapped back to reality and caught the cup before it could fall. Only a bit of coffee splashed out and hit the grass below.

Shuu looked up, panting slightly. " _Excusez-moi,_ " he said, "it's…I was distracted."

Ken brought his own cup to his chest as if protecting it. "What is it? Who was that?"

The terrified look in Ken's eyes made Shuu want to lie. He took a deep breath and said, " _Mademoiselle Kirishima._ "

Ken swallowed hard. "And?"

"She had a visitor today. At :re."

Ken's eyes widened. "A Dove."

Shuu nodded. "Asking about you."

"NO!" Ken shrieked, jerking backwards so hard he dropped his cup and nearly fell backwards. Shuu quickly put his cup and phone down and grabbed onto the chair. Ken still squirmed backwards trying to pull away. "No, no!" he cried. "I'm not going back there! I'm not going back! I'm not gonna be that bastard's quinque again!"

"Kaneki, Kaneki!" Shuu said firmly, trying to find a sweet spot between firm and reassuring without having to raise his voice. "Kaneki, listen to me, no one is making you go back. No one is forcing you to go back. You're staying right here. You're staying right here with us."

"Don't…Don't…" Ken's cries turned into sobs, and he fell forward, burying his face in his hands. "Don't make me go. I don't want to go back…"

"No one in making you go back, Kaneki. We won't let you go back."

"Don't…"

"Kaneki." Shuu gently took Kaneki's face in his hands and lifted it. Even pink and puffy with tears, Kaneki's eyes were still sweet and knowing. How he could have seen so much and yet remain so innocent was truly incredible. "You are not going anywhere," Shuu said calmly. "You are staying right here with me, with us. We promised we'd protect you, and we will, even if the Doves come straight to our front door."

Ken sniffed as another tear fell. "I'm putting you all in danger."

"Don't think about that."

"You know it! You just admitted it!"

"Kaneki, that doesn't matter. Like I said, we all promised that we'd protect you. We knew the risk when we took you in."

"…Why?"

"Why did we take you in? Because…"

Ken let another tear go at the silence.

"Because of things like this," Shuu eventually said. "If you had been at :re today, you might have been discovered, _oui_? But you weren't because you're here. And _Mademoiselle Kirishima_ would never tell the Doves where you are, so you don't need to worry about them coming here. Plus, even if they did, they'd have to get through security and have a warrant and deal with Papa first! See, you're very safe here. That's why _Mademoiselle Kirishima_ asked us to take you."

Ken sniffed and wiped his eyes with one hand, the other coming to rest over one of Shuu's hands. "Touka did that?"

Shuu nodded. "She knew there was a big risk in you being at :re, so she asked me to take you. She knew you'd be safer with us."

"I guess I should have known."

"Believe me, Kaneki, she felt bad that she couldn't protect you the way she wanted to. She didn't want you to leave."

The hand over Shuu's pressed down a little harder, and Ken found himself nuzzling into the added warmth. One of Shuu's thumbs brushed Ken's cheek and then travelled up to wipe the tear stains under his eyes away. The action made Ken's eyes water, but no tears fell. "I'm confused," Ken whispered. "Why are you all taking care of me if I'm such a burden?"

_"Master Shuu, oh, Master Shuu…"_

_"Please eat something, Master Shuu."_

_"Master Shuu, can you hear us?"_

_"Please tell us where it hurts, Master Shuu!"_

_"Master Shuu, please don't, you'll hurt yourself!"_

_"Master Shuu, we hate seeing you in pain."_

_"Please open your eyes, Master Shuu."_

_"Please, Master Shuu…"_

"…Trust me, Kaneki, people don't take care of those they consider burdens."

Ken's bottom lip quivered, and he let out a sad gasp, but he held the tears back. His hand gripped Shuu's tighter yet again. "Who was it?"

"Huh?"

"Did Touka say who showed up at :re?"

"Oh," Shuu said, picking his phone back up and looking over the message. "It was…a young man named Urie Kuki. Did you know him?"

A smile spread across Ken's face. "Yeah, I mentored him as one of the Quinx. Those are the humans with quinque steel-covered kakuhou implanted into them, so I guess it makes sense I'd mentor them. I was basically their prototype. Heh."

Shuu frowned.

"Urie was…he was a good kid. He was obsessed with taking on difficult tasks and taking down high-ranking ghouls so he could be rewarded with credit. He wanted to be promoted quickly, so he was kind of an ass to everyone around him. I guess he saw them as inferior. He was always at odds with Shirazu—he was another one of the Quinx—and he actually disrespected me a lot. He called me a ghoul when I was trying to live as a human…but he was a good kid, I swear."

Shuu watched as tears finally fell from Ken's eyes. He put his phone down and gently cupped Ken's other cheek. Ken immediately put his other hand over Shuu's.

"Sorry," Ken gasped out. "I made a big fuss about not wanting to go back, but…" He took in and let out a shaky breath. "…but I don't…I don't hate all of them. The Quinx…I wish I could be there for them. They didn't do anything wrong. They didn't do any of this to me. Why should they be punished?"

"Oh, Kaneki…"

"And my friends…I did have friends there. The Quinx and Akira and Juuzou…they were all good. It was only…" Ken's sobs started before he could finish his sentence.

"…Kaneki," Shuu said several minutes later, once Ken had started to calm down, "there's something you should know."

Ken looked up to meet Shuu's gaze.

"The only reason we came to save you from Cochlea was because a someone told us to."

Ken's eyes widened. "Someone told you to? Like a whistleblower?"

Shuu nodded. "Hori received a text message telling her to gather all your friends—all of us—together to raid Cochlea. She then received another message saying that you had regained your memories and were on your way to execution."

Ken cringed at the memory of the quinque steel restraints around his arms, hands, feet, and lower back digging into his skin. A gag had prevented him from speaking behind an opaque sack tied over his head as Arima Kishou had forced him to walk to his own execution, the Reaper's quinque threatening him from behind the whole time. Ken took in a sudden breath, the memory making him lightheaded. "So that's how you knew."

Shuu nodded. "We honestly didn't know you were in trouble until Hori received that message. The reason we didn't come for you sooner was because we thought you had been living a peaceful life in the CCG. We didn't want to take that away from you."

Ken let out a whimper. "You were willing to potentially let me kill you if it meant I could be happy?"

" _Oui._ "

Another tear fell down Ken's cheek. Shuu quickly wiped it away.

"…Do you know who messaged Hori?"

Shuu shook his head. "No idea. But it must have been someone with insider access at the CCG."

Ken suddenly seized up, his eyes wide. "What if it was Aogiri?" he gasped out. "Or the Clowns? Or even someone in the CCG? This could be part of some huge plan to expose you all! What if Urie figures out I was at :re? Because then he'll know that Touka and the rest of you are ghouls and—!"

"Kaneki," Shuu said, voice calm and steady, "if we have to, we'll deal with that when the time comes. And don't forget that Aogiri is gone. The top executives were all wiped out, all except _Monsieur Kirishima_ , and there's no way their grunts will organize without leadership. As for the Clowns, well, we're keeping an eye on them. You have nothing to worry about."

"But—!"

"You have nothing to worry about."

Ken silently looked into Shuu's eyes for several minutes. He had never noticed before, but they were such a pretty red color. The longer he looked, the more he noticed the blue undertones and how the rims were almost violet. He briefly wondered if he'd see the same colors in Shuu's kakugan, but he quickly pushed that thought out of his mind when he felt his cheeks start to heat up. He lowered his head and nodded as his hands dropped.

" _Ravissant,_ " Shuu said, lowering his hands from Ken's face and standing. He picked Ken's cup up and said, "Let me get you some more coffee. It's a good thing this landed on the grass! But be careful with it, okay?" He smiled when Ken nodded and then headed inside. Ken turned to watch him go, and his gaze quickly shifted towards the nearby hallway. It could lead to his room. His small, safe room.

When Shuu returned, he found a pair of socks next to Ken's chair. When he looked towards the yard, he saw Ken standing on the grass with bare feet, staring at the sun.

"Kaneki?"

Ken turned. "Sorry, I…I wanted to feel the grass. I can't remember the last time I felt grass."

Shuu put Ken's cup down on the table and slipped his own shoes and socks off. He set the shoes made of fine Italian leather down next to the table and then slipped his cashmere socks along with Ken's cotton socks into them. He then joined Ken in the yard and said, "I don't think I've ever felt the grass with bare feet!"

"Not even when you were a kid?"

"It was always, 'Master Shuu, don't dirty your clothes'!"

A small smile found its way onto Ken's face, and he wiggled his toes in the soft, springy grass. He took a step, then another, then another, and before he knew it, he was in the middle of a garden arrangement. Shuu followed behind, uncaring of the soil staining the ends of his pant legs. He watched as Ken leaned down to inspect six roses, three white and three red, arranged together, and he couldn't help but think the roses matched Ken's snowy hair and rosy cheeks.

~

Kuki stood perfectly straight and watched, face tense and muscles stiff, as Washuu Matsuri looked over his report. Silence hung heavy in the air, and Kuki felt a tightness in his throat. He didn't dare make an attempt to comfort himself though, keeping his steadfast gaze forward in the too large meeting room. He stopped himself before his breathing could hitch when his superior shifted his stare towards him from over the paper.

"And…?"

Kuki let a beat pass before responding. "Rank 1 Yonebayashi and I confirmed that the car had been outside the coffee shop to pick up an employee who had a missed the last train that night."

Matsuri's eyes narrowed. "How did you confirm this?"

"We spoke with another employee who had also been there that night. They supplied us with the missing employee's contact information, as the missing employee had quit their job a few days after the night in question in favor of a job closer to their home. We spoke with the missing employee, and they confirmed the story."

Matsuri looked over the report one more time and then set it down. "I see."

The door behind Kuki opened before he could reply. His eyes widened slightly when he heard who it was. "Ah, sorry to interrupt."

"No, that's quite alright, Special Class Arima," Matsuri said. "First Class Urie was just finishing his report in regard to the tip we recently received."

"About the car in front of the coffee shop?" Arima asked, walking inside and turning to Kuki.

"Yes," the latter said. "It turned out to be a false alarm."

Arima shrugged lightly. "What a shame. But your investigation is appreciated, First Class Urie."

Kuki bowed. "Thank you, Special Class Arima." _Don't stick your nose in my business._ He turned back to Matsuri. "Is there anything else I can help you with, Sir?" _Say "no."_

Matsuri slid the papers to the side of his desk. "No, that will be all. You are dismissed."

Kuki bowed again and exited the room. Despite keeping his ears open, he could not hear the conversation between the two Special Classes. _Fuck._

"Heeeeeeeey," Saiko said, not looking up from making her new toy dance. "How'd it go?"

"…Let's go report to Special Class Suzuya and Associate Special Class Mado."

"Aw, are they onto you, Pinocchio?"

"Put that goddamn toy away already."

"Should I make you a cosplay with a long nose and everything?"

Kuki glared. Saiko grinned.

"I wanna be the Blue Fairy."

"I'm teaming up with Shirazu next time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Black Eye
> 
> A Black Eye is an American coffee drink consisting of one cup (or one part) of regular coffee with two shots (or one part) of espresso. It is also known as a Sling Blade, a Shot in the Dark, a Cafe Tobio, an Autobahn, or a Hammerhead. Calling it a "Black Eye" sure does make it sound more like a coffee drink exclusively for ghouls though. Perhaps an American ghoul created it?
> 
> (If you'd like to make this or any other espresso drink mentioned in this fanfic at home, feel free to use instant espresso. Making your own espresso can be difficult without the proper machinery.)
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Zecuppa Coffee.


	6. Café au Lait

Ken rolled over in his bed and looked at the nearby window. He hoisted the blankets to his chin and hoped to relax, but the loud, continuous sound of rain beating against glass stopped him before he could try. Eventually, he sat up and got out of the bed in favor of standing in front of the window. If he didn't know that it was early afternoon, he would have sworn it was the middle of the night, as dark clouds covered every inch of sky. Ken gently pressed his fingertips against the glass but then jerked backwards when he saw a split-second flash. Low thunder rumbled several seconds later.

"It's just thunder," he whispered, taking a few deep breaths. "Just thunder."

But he still left the room before he could see any other lightning flashes or hear any other thunder rumbles. He quietly closed the door behind him and headed down the hallway towards the estate's grand staircase. The chandelier above it was especially bright that day, offering artificial light in the natural light's absence. Ken squinted and looked at the estate's lower level. A maid was arranging a bouquet of yellow roses in one of the vases. Ken briefly looked back towards his room but decided to head down the stairs instead. He counted the steps as he descended and then looked up at the second floor. Twenty-one steps separated the two levels, and Ken tilted his head as he thought about how big the staircase had looked when he had first seen it.

The maid finished arranging the bouquet and took a step towards Ken, but she stopped short and headed in the opposite direction.

Ken quietly cleared his throat. "Hello."

The maid stopped and turned again, her eyes wide when they landed on Ken. After a few seconds, she smiled and said, "Good afternoon, Master Ken."

A small smile appeared on Ken's face, and the maid returned to her original exit plan. She passed by Ken, still smiling.

Twenty-one wasn't a big number.

Ken headed down the nearest hallway to the kitchen and opened the coffee cup cabinet. He took his cup, closed the cabinet, and opened another cabinet. Ken's smile flattened when he saw all the different cans, jars, and bags of coffee beans.

"Excuse me, Master Ken?"

Ken turned. "Oh, hi, Matsumae."

"Good afternoon. Do you require assistance?"

"Ah, sort of. I don't really know any of these coffee brands."

Matsumae joined Ken at the cabinet and pulled a jar off the shelf. "I am rather fond of this brand," she said. "They specialize in darker roasts, but my personal favorite is the Continental Roast. It's a lighter roast among the dark roasts."

Ken nodded. "Okay, then I'll have that."

"If you want, I could explain the other brands and roasts we have available."

"No, thank you. This sounds good."

Ken took the jar and scooped the beans into a nearby grinder. Matsumae took a step back and watched him work, her lips tilting into a smile when she saw how expertly Ken poured the hot water over the grounds.

"Master Ken?"

"Hmm?" Ken put the pot down and looked at her.

"Would you mind if I have a cup as well?"

"Um, sure, that's fine with me. Just one minute." He opened the cabinet and pulled one of the uniform cups out.

Matsumae's eyes widened. "Oh no, Master Ken!"

"What? Do you have your own cup?"

"Goodness, no. I just didn't mean for you to make it."

"It's alright," Ken said as he poured the coffee into her cup. "I ground up enough beans for two. Here you go." He offered the cup, and Matsumae took it with a bow.

"You are far too kind, Master Ken. Thank you very much."

"I hope I did it justice, since it's your favorite brand and all."

"I am positive it is delicious. Thank you."

Ken was about to pick up his own cup when he saw a flash out the corner of his eye. He jumped back and stared out the window above the sink. The rain seemed to be coming down harder now, and a low rumble in the distance soon joined it. Ken swallowed hard and took a breath, forcing his hand to steady as he took his cup.

Matsumae glanced out the window and then looked back at Ken. "Do you not like rain?"

"Ah, it's not the rain," Ken said, wrapping both his hands around his cup. He relaxed further at his warming hands. "It's the thunder and lightning. It's okay though, I'm okay." One hand left the cup to scratch at his chin before going back to the cup.

Matsumae let out a small sigh. "Unfortunately, the rain is not supposed to stop until tonight, and it sounds like the worst of the storm is still yet to come. If you'd like, I can take you to a room where you're unlikely to hear anything."

"That's alright but thank you. I'll wait it out." Ken smiled at his reflection in his coffee. "It's funny. When I was living in :re's break room, the only thing I wanted to do was leave. I didn't want to be there when I first came there—that is, when everyone first rescued me from Cochlea—but I didn't even really want to be alive back then. I remember being so miserable that I just stared into the couch cushions for days."

Matsumae's frown deepened. "That's very sad to hear, Master Ken."

"But things got better," Ken said, looking up at her. "Touka and Nishio and Yomo all helped me. They brought me books and coffee and food and visited me so I wasn't so lonely. And then Ayato came and brought Hinami with him! And that was what made me feel a lot better. I was so worried about her, so to see that she was alive and well was amazing.

"But then Touka told me that I couldn't stay because the Doves were getting closer to :re. Some of them had even stopped in for coffee. As far as I know, none of them asked about me, but Touka could have been saying that just to make me feel better. It doesn't really matter though, because I couldn't stay."

"I want you to know that we are very happy to have you here, Master Ken."

"I know. But it was hard at first. It was weird. When Touka told me that I was being moved to the Tsukiyama estate, I accepted it right off the bat. I didn't even think about it because I figured I was just going to spend more time with Tsukiyama. But then when I got in the car and when the car left :re…I don't know, I froze. I realized how real the situation was. I wasn't just going to be spending more time with Tsukiyama, I was going to live at his house. And it wasn't just a house, it was an estate. I was so overwhelmed when I came here, and I was so scared to leave my room. I felt like some unwanted stranger."

The corner of Matsumae's mouth twitched into a slight smirk.

"I didn't want anyone to see me. I didn't want anyone to know me. That was why I would only let Tsukiyama see me. I already knew him; he had already seen me at my worst. But I felt bad because I thought I was being a burden to him. I was a shut-in who refused to speak to or see anyone except him. I essentially turned him into my personal servant, and that made me feel horrible. I felt like I couldn't do anything for myself, but I wanted to, yet I was too scared to. It made me even want to die. And then he gave me this cup and—"

Ken stopped short when he saw the full smile on Matsumae's face, and he looked away, blushing deeply. "I'm sorry," he said, "I'm talking too much."

"No, no, hearing you speak makes me very happy, Master Ken. When you first arrived here, we could barely get a peep out of you. We have so much to catch up on. So please, tell me about the cup."

Ken smiled shyly and said, "Tsukiyama gave me this cup, and he told me it was mine to do with as I wished. If I wasn't around, this cup wouldn't be taken care of. Nobody would drink coffee out of it. Nobody would clean it. It would just sit in the back of a cabinet until everyone forgot about it. That's not what's supposed to happen to a coffee cup, so I felt the need to make coffee, and I remembered that I know how to make coffee. Good coffee even! So I…I'm sorry, this is all really stupid."

"I do not believe there is a stupid reason to want to be alive."

Ken watched as Matsumae took a sip of her coffee, and her smile widened. "And you do make excellent coffee, Master Ken."

A big smile began stretching over Ken's face until he heard a door slam. He jumped at the sudden noise and turned towards the kitchen doorway. "What was that? Did the storm close a door?"

Matsumae didn't respond until she heard another door open and close. Her smile immediately disappeared. "I believe that was Master Shuu," she said. "It seems he just finished a meeting with Master Mirumo."

"His father?"

"Yes."

"Oh, I wonder if they had a fight."

"That is highly unlikely, but I am sure they had to agree on something they did not want to agree on."

"…I want to go check," Ken said after a long pause. "Do you know where he'd go?"

Matsumae's lips twitched into a tiny smile again. "You'll know it when you hear it."

Ken was about to speak when he heard a soft melody come from far away. "Excuse me," he said to Matsumae before passing her and heading down a hallway. The woman took another sip of her coffee and turned so she was leaning against the kitchen counter, smiling at her good work.

Ken followed the sound of the sweet music up the grand staircase and down multiple hallways, listening as its volume increased. He passed several closed doors but jumped when he heard one open behind him. He turned and watched a large man walk into the hallway and close the door behind him. The man then headed in the opposite direction, much to Ken's relief.

Eventually, the sound led Ken to a closed door near the end of the estate. Ken pressed his ear against the door before slowly and quietly cracking it open. When he peaked inside, he stopped mid-breath. Shuu sat at a piano in the center of a spacious room with multiple floor-to-ceiling windows and intricately designed frames lining the walls. The checkered floor had enough space for dancing, and the high ceiling made for excellent acoustics. Ken's eyes darted around for only a few seconds before settling back on Shuu. He had never seen such perfect posture mixed with such fiery passion. Shuu's fingers danced over the keys impossibly fast, creating a song that was anything but the gentle tune Ken had heard earlier. Shuu nearly flung himself to each of the piano's sides, occasionally spreading his arms wide to play on both ends before returning to one section. Soon he began banging his head with the speed of the music, and before long he threw himself back and created a perfect arch, his face parallel to the ceiling as he slammed on the keys one final time. Ken saw sweat droplets fling backwards and splat against the floor.

When Ken looked back up, Shuu was still facing the ceiling. He panted heavily as sweat droplets ran down his temple, his flushed cheeks, his neck, and disappeared into his collared shirt. His side swept bangs had fallen in front of his face, stringy, sweaty strands sticking to his skin. Eventually, he inhaled a huge breath and leaned forward to release it. When he undid the first button of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves, Ken tensed and pulled the door back to close it. At the sudden, creaking sound, Shuu turned, eyes wide.

"Kaneki!" he gasped out. " _Désolé_ , I didn't see you there."

Ken shook his head and shuffled backwards. "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been watching you…"

" _Non, non_ , I'm sorry, I was distracted. _Idiot me!_ "

"Seems like I was the distraction."

" _Jamais_. Please, come in!" Shuu scooted over so there was room on the bench, and he pat the empty spot next to him. He smiled when Ken walked over and sat down.

Ken gently ran a finger over a piano key and pushed it down. A single note rose into the air and disappeared. "I knew you played piano," the young man said. "I never realized how well you play it."

" _Merci beaucoup._ But I was just relieving some stress."

"If that's what your stress relief sounds like, I can only imagine how incredible a rehearsed piece is."

"You flatter me, Kaneki."

Ken smiled sadly and ran all five of his fingers over five different keys. "I wish I knew how to play an instrument. I've read about them, but I've never actually practiced on one. It seems hard."

Shuu shrugged. "It's a bit difficult, but it's not impossible. Here, sit up straight." Ken put his coffee cup on the floor and followed his instructions. "Face forward, feet flat on the ground and a bit apart, relax your entire body, _oui, très bien_. Looks like the bench is the right height. Now then, your right thumb should rest on this key here, the C note. Typically, you should be sitting in the middle of the piano, but this is fine for now. The middle C note is your anchor. Try this." He lowered his five fingers one at a time so five different sounds rose from the instrument. When Ken copied his action perfectly, his smile widened. "There now, that's the first lesson. It's not so hard."

"Unfortunately, I'm not very musically inclined," Ken sighed, setting his hands in his lap. "Thank you for teaching me, but I think I'd rather watch you."

"If you insist," Shuu said, and he began playing a lighthearted melody.

Ken watched the other's fingers move, unable to control his widening smile. Koukaku type ghouls were typically slow and sometimes a little clumsy, but Shuu's hands and fingers glided across the piano keys so swiftly and gracefully. Killer and artist. An artistic killer? That fit Shuu rather well.

"So," Ken began quietly enough that he didn't distract Shuu from continuing, "if you don't mind me asking, what stress were you relieving?"

Shuu stopped playing and his eyes widened.

"I'm sorry!" Ken said, holding up his trembling hands. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything!"

Shuu shook his head. " _Non_ , Kaneki, it's okay. _Excusez-moi._ I suppose I should tell you."

"You don't have to…"

" _Non_ , I should." Shuu let out a long sigh. "Kaneki, I have to go on a business trip."

Ken lowered his still hands to his lap. "Oh," he said quietly. "Um, okay. Where? For how long?"

Shuu bit his lip and fidgeted in his seat. "Kyoto. For two days."

"…Is that all?" Ken asked after a long pause. "I thought you were going to say France for a month."

"Ah, I have to travel abroad sometimes, yes, but not this time. This time it's just Kyoto. Or I wish it was just Kyoto."

Ken frowned. "What's so bad about Kyoto? I've never been but…"

Shuu began playing the piano again, this time weaving together a somewhat darker tune. "It's not Kyoto. Kyoto is a lovely city. I actually quite like it there. It's quieter than Tokyo, and there's more to see than just a bunch of skyscrapers. My tastes tend to lean towards the modern and the European, but it's nice to get back to traditional Japan sometimes."

Ken smirked. "I can't imagine you doing anything in the Japanese tradition."

"I'll have you know I look ravishing in a kimono."

Ken giggled quietly.

"…It's the people," Shuu said lowly after a pause, finishing his improvised song with one final note. "More specifically, it's the branch of the Tsukiyama Family that lives there. You see, Kaneki, there are branches of the Tsukiyama Family all over the world. Take our servant Kanae for example, he is a member of the branch that was living in Bremen, Germany. There are branches living in other major cities around Japan, too, like Kyoto, Osaka, and Sapporo. We—Papa and I, that is—are part of the main branch because we live in Tokyo, the capital of Japan, the country where the Tsukiyama Family originated."

Ken's eyes widened and he reached for his coffee. It had cooled a bit too much, but he sipped at his anyway to settle his nerves. "I knew you were from a wealthy and powerful family," he murmured. "I never realized just HOW wealthy and powerful."

"The Tsukiyama Family goes back several hundreds of years. We've always been a major part of Japan's economy and a major influence on its society. But, in the same vein, we've always cooperated with a changing Japan."

"So…you've both led and followed? I don't understand."

Shuu let out a heavy sigh. "The capital of Japan has changed many times throughout history, Kaneki."

Ken's eyes widened. "Before Tokyo…it was Kyoto."

Shuu nodded. "And, thus, the Head of the Tsukiyama Family changed when the capital changed. From 794 all the way until 1868 with just one brief change in 1180, Japan's capital was Kyoto, and the main branch of the Tsukiyama Family was the branch living in Kyoto. When Tokyo became the capital in 1868, the branch living in Tokyo, my ancestors, became the main branch. And Papa eventually became Master Tsukiyama, Head of the Tsukiyama Family."

"…I'm so sorry," Ken said after a long pause, suddenly feeling too nauseous to drink his cold coffee. "I'm so sorry, I asked too much."

" _Non, non_ , Kaneki, it's not your fault!" Shuu insisted, flinching at Ken's breathy, horrified voice. "Please don't think you said something wrong. I didn't mean to make it sound like you did, but I'm so sorry if I did. I just didn't want to keep anything from you."

"But I didn't need to know that the Kyoto branch hates you."

"I don't mind you knowing about my family. Since you're living here, you were bound to learn something sooner or later."

"I'd rather have learned that everyone loves you."

Shuu smiled thankfully. "I appreciate the thought. For the most part, relations between the branches are good. It's just between Kyoto and Tokyo where things aren't so good. The Kyoto branch is second in command so to speak, so they'd love to see the end of the Tokyo branch. Papa and I aren't going to let that happen though! I will one day take Papa's place as Master Tsukiyama, so the Tokyo branch will live on for another generation."

"And after you?"

A bright flash interrupted Shuu before he could respond. Ken jumped and looked out the windows, but he heard no thunder. He took a few deep breaths and turned when he heard a faint shuffling to his right.

Shuu let out another sigh. "Little Mouse, what did I tell you about sneaking around while Kaneki is here?"

Chie popped up from behind an instrument case. "It's not my fault the lighting in here is amazing, especially during a thunderstorm."

Shuu rolled his eyes. "Please try to restrain yourself."

"That's rich, coming from you," Chie said as she snapped another photo. "I'm going to call this one 'Hypocrisy'."

"Stop!" Ken suddenly shouted. Shuu jumped at the outburst, and Chie lowered her camera. Ken tried to take more deep breaths, but his jaw was tense, and the nausea in his stomach was steadily climbing into his throat. He turned to Shuu, face flushed and skin sweaty. "You said that not even a high-ranking Dove could get in here. You said that not even Arima Kishou could get past the security here. I haven't seen her anywhere in the past week. You never mentioned she was here! So why is she here? How did she get into the estate?"

"Kaneki," Chie deadpanned, prompting the other to stare back at her. "Are you seriously insinuating that Arima Kishou and I are on the same level? Don't insult me."

"Hori," Shuu said, wrapping an arm around Kaneki and pulling him in. "I told you not to take any photos of Kaneki. I told you not to sneak around while he's here. Leave."

Chie lifted her camera and snapped another photo.

"HORI!"

"Alright, alright, I'm leaving," the woman said, getting up and going for the door. "Do you have anything for me in the kitchen?"

" _Non_ , unless you want coffee or a decapitated head."

"You promised me—"

"I will buy you your cake before I leave for Kyoto this weekend. Now get out."

Chief shrugged. "I'm gonna take some coffee anyway. I'll stop by the convenience store for milk and sugar on the way home."

"You know, you ruin perfectly good coffee with that _merde!_ " But Chie slammed the door before Shuu could finish.

An eerie silence hung in the room save for Ken's frantic panting. He gripped his cup and held it to his chest, uncaring that his shaking hands made the cold coffee splatter against his shirt. "Chie's here," he gasped out. "If she could get into the estate, then—"

"Kaneki," Shuu said gently, his arm still around the other. "It's okay. Hori won't tell anyone you're here."

"I know that!" Ken cried, looking up and jerking away. "Chie spent so much time helping us. She got us information we didn't think we'd ever be able to obtain. She's known you for years and hasn't exposed you yet. What I'm angry about is that you didn't tell me she was here! You didn't tell me that she sneaks around the estate. How did she even get past all the security anyway? How did she sneak in here without anyone seeing her?"

"There is a reason I call her 'Little Mouse'."

"So she's small and quiet enough not to be noticed? What about your sense of smell?"

"There's nothing remarkable about her scent. The first time she took my photo, I didn't know she was there either."

Ken looked down at his coffee and rubbed his slightly swollen eyes. "I just wish you had said something."

Shuu placed a hand on Ken's shoulder, prompting the latter to look back up into the former's sincere eyes. "I am sorry. I specifically told Hori not to photograph you, so I didn't think it important to mention that she was around. I didn't think she'd spend much time around here anyway, since she's in the middle of a project. But I know none of that matters. I am sorry, Kaneki. I am sorry I made you feel unsafe."

"…You are forgiven," Ken murmured. "Play another song to make it up to me."

In the kitchen, Chie poured her coffee into a portable mug swiped from a cabinet while she looked through her camera's memory. She smirked when she came upon the photo of Shuu with his arm wrapped around Ken.

"'I'll have you know I look ravishing in a kimono.' 'I'd rather have learned that everyone loves you.' 'What did I tell you about sneaking around while Kaneki is here?' Y'all are so gross, just get married already."

~

"Kaneki?" Shuu heard a low groan on the other side of the bedroom door and slowly opened it. When he peeked inside, he saw his houseguest wrapped up in his bedsheets. "Kaneki?" He walked over and gently tapped the other on the shoulder.

Ken glanced up. "You're leaving?"

Shuu nodded. "I came to say goodbye. I'll be back on Sunday night. Are you okay?"

"Sorry," Ken murmured, scratching at his chin, "I'm just tired."

"You've been in your room all day. Did you sleep last night?"

"No. I couldn't get comfortable. I remember seeing 3:16 on my clock."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can sleep tonight."

"Thanks."

An awkward silence enveloped the room for several long seconds until Shuu said, "Like I said the other day, Matsumae is in charge of taking care of you. I also asked Kanae to assist. If you need anything, ask one of them or another servant you are comfortable with."

Ken nodded.

"Kaneki," Shuu said after another silence, "can I show you something?"

With some coaxing, Ken eventually stood and followed Shuu into the hallway. Shuu brought him down another nearby hallway and stopped at a set of double doors. "Close your eyes," he said, a sweet smile on his face that widened when Ken followed his instructions. He gently took Ken's hand and led him inside the room. "Okay," he said, stopping and letting go, "open your eyes."

Books. Hundreds of thousands of books lined countless shelves that reached the ceiling. Ken's heart sped up at the sight of them, and his jaw dropped as he surveyed the room.

"This is the Tsukiyama Family's library," Shuu said. "I was going to show you it as the grand finale on a tour of the estate—that is, if you were interested—but I think it's appropriate to show you now. _C'est magnifique, non?_ "

"It's," Ken swallowed hard. "incredible."

"And it's yours for the weekend."

Ken brought his hands to his blushing face, unable to stop tears from forming in his eyes. "Tsukiyama…"

"You can borrow from it any time you want afterwards," Shuu explained, "but I wanted to be sure you were somewhere other than your room all weekend. The library is nice and quiet, so I'm sure you'll be able to get a lot of reading done. Also, between you and me, this couch over here is excellent for a _siesta_."

"Shuu!"

Shuu jumped at his father's voice. " _Oui,_ one moment please, Papa! _Excusez-moi_ , Kaneki, I have to go. Please help yourself to anything you want and enjoy the library. I'll see you on Sunday night." And he rushed out of the room and down the hallway.

Ken's heart pounded in his chest as he watched Shuu leave. With another hard swallow, he fanned his burning cheeks and walked to one of the shelves. He pulled the first book that caught his eye and opened it to the first page, eventually finding his way to the comfortable couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Café au Lait
> 
> Café au lait is a French coffee beverage made with regular coffee and steamed milk. It is traditionally consumed either as part of breakfast or post-brunch with a square of chocolate.
> 
> You will need: 1 part coffee and 1 part milk.
> 
> I personally like to pour the coffee and milk into my cup at the same time and then stir, but you can pour them one at a time if you'd like as long as they're mixed well.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of About Food.


	7. Pharisäer

Ken could hear rain pattering against the library's windows, and the sound was a great excuse as to why he couldn't concentrate on reading. The book in his hands was a thriller, something that critics across Japan had praised, but he could barely get past the first page. His eyes wouldn't even stay on that page, insisting to look around the massive library and its overwhelming collection instead. The image of the skyscrapers and their lights dotting the night sky outside :re's break room window emerged in his mind, and he put his book down upon realizing how similar the settings were.

Ken lowered himself to the couch and turned so he was facing the back cushions. The couch was way too comfortable to be :re's couch, and the cushions' print was hideously gaudy. It was certainly not the plain brown of the cushions at :re. Ken closed his eyes, and while the pattern was gone, the couch was still too soft and inviting. He had taken Shuu's advice the previous day and napped on it, and the latter certainly had not been exaggerating. That had been one of the best naps of his life.

The familiar feeling of drowsiness began to creep into Ken's body and mind as he imagined himself curled up on :re's break room couch. In the library's silence, he could conjure the sounds of the city outside his window. They had been quiet sounds, and he tried to imagine what they had actually sounded like without the walls filtering their volume. He could remember Tokyo being a large, lively city with people moving in all different directions all at once. Locals going to work, tourists exploring the streets, kids going to school, friends going out, families going home, all of these old memories slowly passed through his mind like an animation flip book. He tried to think back to his human days when he had freely roamed the streets and been one of those people, the nameless, faceless people who all had their own thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears, and lives. He had seen so many people but could barely remember any of them. Did any of them remember him? Had anyone ever passed him in a crowd and actually remembered his face? His hands gently clutched one of the couch cushions at the thought.

His mind then wandered to the text message Shuu had received that one warm, sunny afternoon over sipping coffee in the backyard. Urie Kuki had found :re, and that probably meant that the rest of the old team knew about it, too. Ken's mind shifted to the memory of bringing Tooru and Ginshi there for the first time, how they had all loved the atmosphere, how beautiful they had all thought Touka was, how elegant they had all thought Yomo was, and how delicious the coffee had tasted. Ken could still feel the light tears that had dripped from his eyes upon the drink hitting his lips.

Oh…those were real tears lightly dripping from his eyes.

Ken rubbed his eyes and sniffed, curling up tighter into the cushions. As far as he knew, Shuu hadn't received any other messages from Touka or anyone else at :re. Kuki probably hadn't come back. Touka was good enough at covering for herself and other ghouls, so she had probably fed Kuki a good enough story to end any suspicions.

Another tear threatened to spill at that thought. "I'm sorry, guys," Ken whispered. "Urie, Shirazu, Mutsuki, Saiko, I'm sorry. Akira, Juuzou, everyone…I'm so sorry."

An image of Arima passed through his mind.

"No…!"

He suddenly couldn't see the Reaper, and the memory of a hot, stabbing pain in the back of his head emerged.

"NO!"

Ken grabbed onto his head and buried his face into the couch. "No! No! No! Stop it, leave me alone! I'm not your quinque, and I'm not your pet! You're not my dad! I'm not…I don't…!" He shakily tried to inhale a breath, but only a little air entered his lungs. He tried to exhale anyway, knowing that an in-and-out pattern, no matter how uneven, was better than no pattern at all. He tried to inhale again, but his mind ran wild. Doctor Kanou ordering his assistants to transplant Rize's organs into him. Yamori chaining him to a chair and cutting off his fingers and toes. The disgusting taste of ghoul meat sliding down his throat. The feeling of his skin ripping apart to allow his transformed kagune to burst through. Leaving everyone he loved behind to fight and die in the Anteiku Raid. Being forced to live a lie. He pushed his mouth against a cushion and screamed, but he could barely hear it over the scratching sound in his ear. His dark nails clawed at his ears until tiny blood droplets formed.

But then another thought entered his mind. Calm down. It was quiet and he could barely hear it over the raging chaos, but it was there. He sucked in as much air as he could and then let it all out slowly, and the thought pushed its way to the front of his mind.

"Touka is alive," he said to himself through tears, his mouth still pressed against the couch. "Yomo is alive. Nishio is alive. They're all at :re. They're probably making coffee. Coffee…" Ken rolled over so he was facing the back cushions again. "Coffee," he repeated quietly. "Coffee…in my cup." He slowly sat up and eventually stood on shaky legs. His shoulders slumped forward and forced him to take a step. His toes tingled with numbness, but he took another step. The steps soon brought him to the doors. He pushed them open and stepped into the hallway, letting out a sigh of relief at its familiarity.

It took longer than usual, but Ken eventually made it to the kitchen. He opened the cup cabinet and felt a bit calmer just by seeing his cup there. It was bigger than the other cups and had no fancy design, but the miscellaneous letters made a smile appear on his desperate face. He carefully took it from the shelf with shaking hands and set it on the counter.

"Don't drop it," he whispered. "Don't break it."

Once he was sure the cup was safe, Ken closed the cabinet and opened another one full of coffee bags. He pushed the bag in front aside and frowned. "Where is the one Matsumae showed me?" he asked as he pushed another bag aside. He felt tears forming in his eyes and brushed them away before pulling a random bag down. He squinted at the brand name and tried to sound it out, but the word was more foreign than even Shuu's vocabulary. "…Whatever," he breathed as he opened the bag. The beans smelled dark and bold, and Ken felt another wave of calm wash over him.

Ken took a sip as soon as the coffee was ready, uncaring of how hot it was. The flavor was deep, tasting as dark and bold as the beans had smelled. "Is it because it's super expensive or something?" he asked, looking at the back of the bag. His eyes widened at the Euro-based price printed there. "Imported," he gasped and he immediately set the bag back down and closed it. "Sorry, Tsukiyama." He put the bag back in the cabinet behind several other bags and then closed the door.

"Touka is alive. Yomo is alive. Nishio is alive," Ken repeated as he walked back to the library on steady legs. "They're all at :re making coffee. Good, delicious coffee. No Doves are there. They are safe. Hinami is with…Ayato. He is taking care of her. Aogiri is gone so they can't get them. They are safe. The Quinx…" He gripped his cup tighter and refused to let the tears fall. "The Quinx are doing their jobs. Akira and Juuzou are watching over them. They are safe. Tsukiyama…" Ken stopped in front of the library doors. "…Tsukiyama is in Kyoto." He opened the doors and walked inside.

Once he was comfortably seated on the couch, Ken took another sip of coffee. "Wow, this is really good," he whispered. "I better not have it too much or else I'll get spoiled." He tried to laugh, but all that left his throat was a pathetic huff. He drank down about half of his coffee before speaking again. "Tsukiyama is supposed to come back today. I wonder how his trip went. I hope the Kyoto branch didn't bother him too much."

Ken looked up at the library doors and imagined them bursting open upon Shuu's return. " _Bonsoir_ , I am home!" he'd probably shout, dramatically posing in the doorway with his arms above his head and dressed in one of his bright suits. He'd smile brightly and strut into the room like a cocky supermodel and sit down next to Ken, wanting to know all about what he did while he was away. Ken smiled sadly at the realization that his answer would be, "Sit in the library being too distracted to read."

"I wonder if he'd bring me back a souvenir," Ken murmured. "Coffee? Is it different in Kyoto? Maybe a book or something with a famous Kyoto temple on it. I don't know." He looked down at his reflection in his coffee. "I shouldn't think about that, he's done too much for me."

Ken's head suddenly jerked up when another thought entered his mind. "Tsukiyama is in Kyoto right now. He's not here. Did I…?" He slowly looked back down at his reflection in the coffee. "…Did I just calm myself down without him?" He bit his lip, closed his eyes, and drank down the remaining coffee.

Despite drinking a full cup of strong coffee, Ken still felt drowsiness creeping into his body and mind, especially after panicking. The continuous rain outside certainly didn't help. He set his cup down on a nearby table and tried to read his book again, but he still couldn't get past the first page. He mentally apologized to the author, knowing they had put so much time and effort into writing it. "Another time," he promised, setting the book down next to his cup. With a sigh, he curled back up on the couch, this time facing the doors.

Several minutes passed but Ken couldn't relax enough to sleep. His mind still wandered about from thoughts of his friends to thoughts of how he had just helped himself get through a panic attack. "I wonder what Tsukiyama will say," he murmured. He imagined himself mentioning it after Shuu asked about what he had done over the weekend. Shuu's eyes would probably widen, and he'd probably say something like, " _Mon dieu,_ Kaneki, _incroyable!_ " or whatever other European word happened to pass through his mind at the moment. Ken could barely understand any of the foreign words Shuu used, but he had heard them enough to have an idea about what they meant. " _Fantastique_ " and " _très bien_ " were other options. They all worked for Ken, who suddenly realized that he wanted to hear any of those foreign words right at that moment. "Um, _très bien_ ," he said quietly, but he sounded nothing like Shuu. His voice lacked the confidence, personality, and melody. With a sniff, he squeezed his eyes closed and rubbed his cheek against the couch cushion.

Nothing. He couldn't push any thoughts from his mind. The library, which had once been silent, was overwhelmingly noisy even though the only sound echoing throughout it was that of the rain outside.

"Tsukiyama," Ken sobbed.

With a shaky breath, Ken stood back up and walked out of the library. He headed down the hallways until he came upon the one with his room, but he did not go for it. Instead, he carefully opened the other doors until he came upon a rather large, extravagantly decorated room. It was dark even though the multiple windows' curtains were drawn, and Ken could detect the faint smell of deep, masculine cologne even though the bottles sat on a dresser pushed up against the opposite wall. The bed had to be three times the size of his own and covered with three more layers of blankets and pillows. Several books were stacked on a wide desk, and treasures from around the world filled numerous display cases.

Swallowing hard, Ken stepped into Shuu's bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him. He first tiptoed to the desk and read the title of the first book he saw. His eyes immediately widened, and he picked the book up to read the title of the book underneath it. He then put all the books back exactly as he had found them and looked at another pile. The title of the top book made him shrink backwards, and he quickly turned so he wouldn't have to look at it. He reached out to touch the bed but suddenly took his hand back and looked towards one of the closets. He tiptoed to it and opened it to find it filled with sweaters of every color and design. Ken took the first one he saw, hot pink with navy blue polka dots, and closed the closet before tiptoeing back to the door. He creaked it open and, once sure he was alone, entered the hallway and closed the door behind him. He rushed back to the library on light feet.

Back in his sanctuary, Ken closed the doors and sat back on the couch. He held the sweater up before hugging it close and breathing in its scent. It was clean but he could very faintly smell Shuu's cologne on it, and that was enough for him, so he slipped it on. It was two sizes too large and twice as soft and warm as any sweater he had ever worn. His mind screamed at him that this was wrong, that he was a hypocrite for sneaking into Shuu's room and taking something of his when he himself had made a huge fuss about not allowing anyone into his own room. Shuu had made sure that no one even so much as touched anything of Ken's without his explicit permission, so wearing one of Shuu's sweaters felt like a terrible sin. Even looking at the door to Shuu's room had felt like a crime. But Ken couldn't resist pulling the sweater up over his nose and mouth and breathing in its scent. With the inhale came several gentle waves of calmness, and the exhale forced all of Ken's previous anxieties out of his body and mind. He once again curled up on the couch, and he was deeply asleep in seconds.

~

Ken awoke to a light clinking sound. When his eyes opened, he saw the library doors close.

"Hmm…Tsukiyama?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He yawned and surveyed the room, smiling at the thought of Shuu coming in to check on him. "Coffee," he said, turning to take his cup.

Only his cup wasn't there. A yellow rose sat in its place.

Ken's eyes widened and a jolt of fear coursed through his veins. He stood and quickly walked out of the library and down the hallway towards the kitchen. "Cup," he gasped out. "Who took my cup? No one's supposed to take my cup. Even if Tsukiyama is back, he wouldn't take my cup. Where…?" His speed picked up and his legs started to wobble. The world seemed to be spinning around him; he had to lean against the hallway for support.

He froze once he made it to the kitchen. Someone stood in front of the cup cabinet with their back to him.

"Excuse me," Ken said breathlessly, "do you…have you seen my cup? It's kind of off-white and has a bunch of letters on it."

The person's head turned, and Ken nearly let out a terrified squeak. "You…from the auction…Mutsuki…"

"Looking for this?" Kanae asked, turning around to face Ken fully, the latter's cup dangling from his finger by its handle.

"That's mine!" Ken cried. "Give it back!"

"Really now?" Kanae asked. "It's yours? Did you buy it? Did you make it?"

"…Tsukiyama gave it to me."

"Master Shuu did?" Kanae's eyes widened in mock amazement. "Well, that was awfully nice of him. What, were our cups not good enough for you? Was the Tsukiyama Family's fine china not to your taste?"

Ken trembled, bracing himself against the doorframe. "No…I just…"

"I seem to remember hearing that you broke one of our cups on your first night here. You certainly didn't waste any time fucking everything up."

"No, I…that was an accident."

"An accident?" Kanae asked, his voice suddenly much more accusatory. It made Ken flinch. "Oh, and I guess destroying your original room was an accident, too? You accidentally let your kagune run wild and smash everything in there? You accidentally let it hurt Master Shuu? _Lügner!_ "

The breath caught in Ken's throat, and his voice was a tiny squeak. "He never said…"

"And let me guess," Kanae continued, holding up the imported bag of coffee beans, "drinking my coffee was an accident, too. So was grabbing Master Shuu's neck when he tried to protect you from the truth about how you destroyed your room. So was shouting at him when he politely offered to bring you food or coffee or literally anything else you wanted. So was making a huge deal out of a maid coming to do your laundry for you. So was sobbing all over Master Shuu like a _Dummkopf_ and ruining his shirt. So was screaming about wanting to die after everything he's done for you. So was nearly dropping this cup after all the trouble he went through to get it for you. So was interrupting him when he was trying to play the piano. So was accusing him of lying to you when you were frightened by a measly little rodent. And—don't tell me—so was sneaking into Master Shuu's room, taking one of his sweaters, and wearing that sweater yourself after all your little temper tantrums about how no one is allowed to even look at your stuff without your permission. All of that was just an accident, right? Just a little accident that you in no way meant to happen at all. Just an accident, right? RIGHT? JUST AN ACCIDENT! LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT!"

Ken couldn't speak through the waterfalls pouring from his eyes and the gasping sobs flooding from his throat. He crumbled to the floor, a shaking, sweating mess.

" _Scheiße_ ," Kanae snorted. " _Widerlich Scheiße_ , that's all you are. You take advantage of Master Shuu's kindness and don't thank him for anything. You play the innocent victim when all you are is a _Schlampe_. A _Schlampe_ , you understand me? A slut! A disgusting piece of shit slut! You can try to fool everyone here, but you can't fool me! Kaneki Ken, Sasaki Haise, whoever the fuck you are."

"…Cup…"

Kanae glared. "What did you say?"

"Cup…" Ken repeated, looking up at the other. His entire face was pink and puffy, tears and mucus and saliva running down it. "Just…my cup…please…"

"YOU SELFISH PIG!" Kanae screamed, attracting the attention of the nearby servants. They ran to the kitchen, but neither Ken nor Kanae paid them any attention. Kanae slammed the bag of coffee beans on the counter and took Ken's cup in both hands. "I tell you the list of everything you should be apologizing for, I expose you for the fraud you are, and all you can do is beg me for this stupid cup back? This cup means more to you than anything, huh? More than paying Master Shuu back for everything he's done for you and more than at least attempting to be a decent person. Disgusting. Disgusting! You're disgusting! This cup is disgusting!"

"My cup…!"

Kanae lifted the cup above his head. "GET OUT, YOU DISGUSTING, SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT!" And he brought his hands down.

A kagune burst forward and impaled Kanae in the shoulder. He screamed and fumbled, the cup falling from his hands and sent plummeting to the floor. Ken squeezed his eyes shut and tried to scream, but no sound came, and neither did the crash. When Ken opened his eyes, he saw Shuu on the floor cradling the cup like it was a newborn baby. He looked up and saw Matsumae holding her kagune, still firmly planted in Kanae's shoulder, like a sword. Behind Ken stood the large man he had seen in the hallway earlier that week.

"Well now," the man said calmly, "I was wondering why no one had come to welcome us home."

"My deepest apologies, Master Mirumo," Matsumae said. "Unfortunately, the situation here was quite urgent."

Mirumo nodded. "I can see that."

Kanae tried to grab at Matsumae's kagune, squinting out of pain as he attempted to focus. "Master Mirumo…"

"Care to explain yourself, Kanae?"

"I…"

"Because it certainly sounds like you're the disgusting, selfish one who hasn't thanked us for all we've done for you."

Kanae opened his mouth to speak, but his throat was tight and dry. Matsumae removed her kagune, and he finally let out a pained cry as he fell to the floor, blood dripping everywhere. He clutched his shoulder and looked up only to see Shuu glaring down at him, eyes blazing and tense jaw trembling with anger. Shuu turned to Ken before Kanae could speak.

"Kaneki," Shuu cooed, kneeling down in front of the sobbing man, "Kaneki, look, I have your cup. It's right here. It's fine, it isn't broken. Here." He gently touched Ken's shoulder, and Ken slowly raised his head to see that Shuu was right. His cup was in one piece, like nothing had happened. But the sight of Shuu looking at him with such adoration and care made him lower his head again, and Ken sobbed harder as Kanae's words repeatedly echoed in his mind.

"…Kaneki?"

Ken jumped at the new yet familiar voice. Breathing heavily, he turned, eyes wide.

"…Banjou?"

"Kaneki," Banjou repeated, voice breathy. He looked back and forth between Ken and Shuu before stepping aside. "And…"

"Big Brother," Hinami said softly.

Ken stared at the two of them before looking back at Shuu, looking like he was about to scream again. Shuu swallowed thickly. "The project the Little Mouse was working on," he said. "When you told me you didn't know where _Monsieur Banjou_ was, I asked her to look for him. That was why she said I owed her a cake. I received a text from her on the way home that she had found him in the 6th ward. We picked him up and stopped at _Monsieur Kirishima's_ place to pick up the Little Lady, too, so that's why we were late coming home. I thought it would be a nice surprise. And…" Shuu looked past Banjou, Hinami, and the servants at a bouquet of gardenias and a small bag on the floor. "…I had some souvenirs from Kyoto for you. I thought…we could all enjoy them together."

The servants began whispering amongst themselves, many of them shooting Kanae disappointed looks while Shuu helped Ken stand. Ken immediately fell into Shuu's arms, burying his face in his chest. "Wanna die," he choked out, "wanna die…"

Shuu glared at Kanae one last time before picking Ken up and carrying him to his room, Banjou and Hinami close behind. The servants dispersed while Matsumae picked up the bouquet and bag, following her master to drop them off in Ken's room.

"Master Mirumo…"

Mirumo looked down at Kanae, who clutched his shoulder and looked back at him with pleading eyes.

"Please…"

Mirumo took a rag from the sink and threw it into Kanae's face. "Clean yourself up."

Kanae's tears dripped into the blood puddles on the floor as Mirumo left him behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Pharisäer is the national drink of North Frisia, which is today part of Schleswig-Holstein, the northernmost state in Germany. It consists of coffee, rum, sugar, and whipped cream. It dates back to 1872 and was invented to sneak alcohol behind the back of a pastor who constantly berated people for drinking. His congregation snuck the rum into their own drinks and used the whipped cream to mask the alcohol's scent while serving him a version without rum. Eventually though, he caught on to what was happening, and he shouted, "Ihr Pharisäer!," referring to the sect that heckled Jesus in the Temple.
> 
> You will need:
> 
> 1 part strong coffee
> 
> Sugar cubes
> 
> 1 part rum
> 
> Whipped cream
> 
> 1\. Brew your coffee and pour it into your cup (usually a large, glass tumbler with a saucer, but any cup will do).
> 
> 2\. Sweeten the coffee to taste. Do not stir.
> 
> 3\. Add the rum. Do not stir!
> 
> 4\. Place the whipped cream on top and serve. Traditionally, you're supposed to sip this drink through the whipped cream. And if you stirred it? Then you're buying the next round of drinks.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of About Food.


	8. Latte

Ken woke slowly, his mind dragging him back into the conscious world with the feeling of a slightly overwhelming heat. He squeezed his eyes closed but soon found himself completely awake, and he opened his eyes to the sight of Shuu sleeping peacefully next to him.

Ken's eyes shot open, and he jerked backwards only to feel a solid mass behind him. He looked under the covers to find that he was fully clothed and then looked back at Shuu, who definitely had at least a shirt on. Ken peeked under the covers again and saw Shuu was also wearing pants. He let out a long sigh of relief, but the red color in his cheeks refused to leave.

When Ken set the covers back in place, he noticed something between himself and Shuu. Hinami was fast asleep and snuggled up against Ken's chest, Shuu's hand resting on her arm. Ken turned just enough so he could look over his shoulder and found that the solid mass was Banjou. One of his arms lay on Ken's waist. Ken settled back into his spot and let out another sigh.

"Mmm…Kaneki?" Shuu's voice was a whisper yet heavy with sleep.

Ken tried to burrow his face into his pillow as he let out a quiet whimper. Shuu frowned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before placing his hand on Ken's shoulder. "Are you okay?" he asked. "How do you feel?"

Ken kept his face in the pillow for a few seconds and then shifted so one of his eyes was visible. He grunted quietly and shrugged. "How was Kyoto?"

"That's not important right now. I want to know how you are."

"…Everything that happened yesterday feels like a dream, but I know it wasn't."

"I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner. I would have stopped Kanae before he could even get his hands on your cup. I'm so sorry, Kaneki, I told him to assist Matsumae in taking care of you. I had no idea he'd do such a terrible thing."

Ken shifted back into his pillow and let out a quiet sob. "But everything he said was true."

Shuu's eyes widened. "What? What did he say? Kaneki, what did Kanae say to you?"

Ken let out a shuddering breath and tried to keep his voice quiet and steady. "I've been so horrible to you. I've taken so much from you, and I haven't given you anything in return. All I do is sit in my room, read, and drink coffee."

"But that's not bad," Shuu said back. "We don't expect you to do chores or be a servant. You're here because we said we wanted to take care of you. You're our honored guest."

"But I…" Ken trailed off, sniffing and shaking his head. "…I destroyed my room and didn't help clean it up. I broke a cup and didn't replace it. I shouted at you and screamed about wanting to die when you were offering to bring me anything I wanted. I've cried all over you and turned you into a servant in your own home. I've interrupted you and called you a liar and made you worry and…" Ken reached up to wipe his eyes and stopped short when he saw the sleeve of the sweater he had taken from Shuu's closet. He gave Shuu a pathetic look of shame and pressed his face back into the pillow.

Shuu smiled awkwardly. "I'll admit I was a little surprised when I saw you wearing my sweater, but I'm not mad. You can keep it if you like."

"No…I took it without your permission after I threw a fit about people touching my stuff."

Shuu's smile disappeared. " _C'est vrai_ ," he said quietly, "but I'm really not mad. It's just a sweater."

"But I—"

"It's okay, Kaneki."

"No, it's not okay."

Shuu's hand travelled upwards from Ken's shoulder, and Ken peeked at the other, eyes red. "Then how about this," Shuu murmured as he gently rubbed Ken's neck, "I forgive you."

Ken exhaled quietly. "Thank you. I promise I'll make it up to you."

Shuu went to protest but stopped. "Thank you," he repeated. "Now why don't you go back to sleep for a little while. It's still early and I wouldn't want to disturb _Monsieur Banjou_ or the Little Lady. We'll talk more later."

Ken found himself lightly dozing off at Shuu's quiet, soothing voice and the warm, gentle sensation of his hands massaging his neck. He nodded and shifted into a comfortable position before closing his eyes, Shuu also lightly shutting his. Between them, Hinami shuffled and twitched a bit but did not wake. Behind Ken, Banjou opened his eyes, sighed, and also went back to sleep.

~

"I asked you to do one thing."

"Master Shuu—"

"I ASKED YOU TO DO ONE THING!"

Kanae flinched and took a step back. "But, Master Shuu—"

" _HALT DIE KLAPPE!_ "

Kanae jumped at the sudden, loud command in his native tongue. He took several deep breaths through his nose and kept his wide, nervous eyes forward. His tense jaw forced his mouth into a stiff, straight line. Behind him, the sky was gray yet bright through the window, and he cast a dark shadow on the floor. Before him, Shuu was perfectly illuminated; Kanae could see every twitch of anger and every glare of disappointment.

"I asked you to do one thing:" Shuu repeated, struggling to keep his voice low, "assist Matsumae in caring for Kaneki. That was all. I didn't ask you to take care of him entirely on your own. I didn't ask you to take him anywhere. I didn't ask you to submit your entire life to him. I just asked you to help Matsumae take care of him for one weekend. And, according to her, Kaneki didn't ask for anything. This should have been easy. And yet…" Shuu closed his eyes and shook his head. "…and yet you attacked him in the one way that could completely destroy him. Do you even have any idea of how much progress he had made? He was leaving his room! He was going outside! He was talking to people! All of that could be gone because of you. You could have damaged him beyond what Aogiri, the Clowns, Arima Kishou, or anyone else ever did or could!" He opened his eyes and looked at Kanae earnestly. "Can you even begin to understand the severity and gravity of what you've done?"

Kanae still faced forward, but his eyes shifted away.

Next to both of them, sitting in a large armchair, Mirumo crossed his legs and said, "Kanae, answer him."

Kanae took a deep breath.

"Kanae."

"…I did not think about that."

Shuu's eyes narrowed. "You didn't think…or you didn't care?"

Kanae's mouth shut tightly.

"Kanae," Mirumo growled out, "answer Shuu."

Shuu shook his head. "It's okay, Papa, I already know the answer. I'm going back to see Kaneki. We'll discuss your punishment later, Kanae. For now, stay here." He headed for the door, Mirumo close behind. Once they were in the hallway, Mirumo shut the door behind them, and another servant bowed to them before standing guard.

Shuu sighed heavily and leaned against the wall once they were in the hallway with Ken's room. "What do I do, Papa?" he asked. "I can't believe Kanae would do such a thing. I don't want to believe it, but he deliberately went for Kaneki's cup. He knew it was important to him, and he tried to destroy it. Was it me? Did I do something?"

"No, Shuu," Mirumo replied, "you did nothing wrong. Papa must confess, he knew Kanae had been acting suspicious."

"What do you mean?"

"Kanae was sneaking around the estate and running off before anyone could say anything about it. Papa is so sorry, Shuu, he should have told you."

"No, it's not your fault, Papa. I've been so caught up with Kaneki that—"

" _Non_ , you've been doing what's right," Mirumo said. "Ken needs you, Shuu. Papa is very proud of how much you've been doing for him. The only reason Ken has been progressing, as you said, was because he had you."

Shuu swallowed hard, his face a light pink.

Mirumo smiled kindly. "Go see him, Shuu. He needs you right now. Papa will have Matsumae bring you all coffee."

Shuu nodded and turned to Ken's bedroom door, waiting to knock until his father walked away. He only entered when he heard a soft "come in."

"Welcome back, Flower Man," Hinami said, smiling brightly.

Her smile was contagious, and Shuu sat on the floor next to her. "Hello, Little Lady."

"Banjou was just telling us about what he's been doing lately. He's the leader of the sixth ward now."

Shuu's eyes widened and he turned to the large man. " _Vraiment, Monsieur Banjou?_ "

"Ah," Banjou said, smirking, "it only took you several years to pronounce my name correctly."

"I can go back to calling you 'Banjoi' any time."

"Fair enough. But, yes, I've become the leader of the sixth ward. I've been keeping it safe. There hasn't been much Dove activity there lately."

"That's amazing," Ken breathed. "You've become so strong."

"Oh! And I wanted to show you something!" Banjou jumped up and rushed towards the bookcase. He pulled the first book he saw, sat down next to Ken, and opened the book. He cleared his throat and began reading the first paragraph. Ken looked at the page and silently read along, his eyes widening and tearing up the more his friend read. Hinami covered her mouth, unable to hide her ecstatic smile, and Shuu found himself stunned as a smile spread across his own face.

When Banjou finished reading the first page, he closed the book and smiled at Ken. "Surprise!"

"That was amazing!" Ken gasped. "I can't believe it. That book is full of difficult kanji, and you read it flawlessly like it was nothing. I…I'm so happy for you! I'm so proud of you!"

"Thank you," Banjou replied, "but I never would have learned at all if you hadn't taught me the basics. Thank you, Kaneki."

Another knock at the door interrupted them. "Who is it?" Ken asked.

"Matsumae."

"Oh, come in."

The woman entered with a tray carrying four cups, two of which were Ken's and Shuu's personal cups. "I brought coffee for all of you. Master Shuu, I hope you do not mind that I used some of the coffee you and Master Mirumo brought home from Kyoto."

"Oh no, Matsumae, _c'est parfait._ "

Matsumae set the tray on the nightstand and served the cups before bowing. "If you require or desire anything else, please do not hesitate to ask," she said, and she left the room.

Shuu's gaze turned to Ken. The latter gripped his cup tightly and brought it to his nose. As he inhaled the coffee's aroma, he pressed the warm cup to his lips, then he finally took a sip. "This is great," he said, pulling the cup away. "Thank you, Tsukiyama."

" _De rien._ "

"Flower Man," Hinami said, pointing to the full vase on the nightstand. "You brought those flowers back from Kyoto, too, right? What's their name?"

"Ah, those are gardenias."

"They smell wonderful."

"Don't they? They're native to subtropical regions of Africa, south Asia, and Oceania. The most popular of the species, the Cape jasmine, is native to China. They require high humidity to grow properly, so you can imagine my excitement when I found them for sale even though the colder weather is coming. _Lucky!_ "

Hinami giggled and took a sip of coffee. "What do they mean?"

"Well, they primarily symbolize purity and sweetness, but they can also convey joy."

"Hee, I think they look like Big Brother's hair."

Shuu's smile widened and his eyes brightened at the smile spreading across Ken's face. " _C'est vrai_ ," he said, "Kaneki comes equipped with his very own flower crown." He laughed when Ken tossed a pillow at him. "Ah, and here's another fact," Shuu continued, leaning against the pillow in his lap, "gardenias are related to the coffee plant!"

"Eh? Really?" Banjou gasped. Next to him, Ken's eyes widened, and he shifted his gaze back and forth between his coffee and the flowers.

Shuu took a sip of his coffee and said, " _Oui!_ They are part of the same family: Rubiaceae. Actually…" He set his cup on the floor, got up, and took two flowers from the bouquet. When he sat back down, he put one in Hinami's hair. "Still ever so lovely," he said. "You have grown into quite the beautiful lady, Miss Hinami. And…" He leaned towards Banjou with the other flower.

Banjou leaned back. "Don't even think about it."

Shuu laughed and leaned towards Ken instead, setting the flower on his ear. "Another jewel for your crown."

Ken's eyes had followed Shuu's movements the whole time, and he only looked away when he reached up to feel the waxy petals between his fingers. He quickly took a long gulp of coffee instead. "Tsukiyama," he eventually said, "you know all about flower meanings, right?"

"It's a hobby."

"Could you tell me what yellow roses mean?"

Shuu sat back in his place and sipped at his coffee as he searched his mind. "Usually joy and friendship," he said. "Papa had them put in the vases at the estate's entrance about a week ago because they brightened up the room during that horrible thunderstorm."

"Oh," Ken murmured, "that doesn't make sense."

"Hmm?"

"Ah, never mind."

Quiet.

"…We should watch a movie."

Shuu, Hinami, and Banjou turned to Ken.

"Since we're all together again," Ken continued. "We used to do that back…oh." His eyes widened when he looked at Shuu, and he turned away in embarrassment. "Sorry."

" _Non_ , that is an excellent idea!" Shuu said back. "What kind of movie do you want to watch? I'll go get it."

"Yeah, I wanna watch something!" Hinami agreed. "Ayato doesn't have a DVD player. And Flower Man is here now, Big Brother. We can make up for last time."

Ken shrugged. "I still feel bad that Ichimi, Jiro, and Sante aren't here."

"They're watching the sixth ward while I'm away," Banjou explained. "Don't worry, they don't feel left out. When Tsukiyama came to pick me up, they actually said they didn't want to come all at once because they didn't want to overwhelm you. They'll come next time."

"Then it's settled," Shuu said. "Now, which genre?"

~

Banjou and Hinami stayed for another two days before Banjou announced he had to leave. "I've overstayed my welcome," he said, standing in front of the estate's front door. "I don't want to leave, but I need to get back to the sixth ward. And all of this," He gestured to the chandelier and grand staircase. "it doesn't suit me anyway."

Ken frowned, looking up at his friend with glassy eyes. "I don't think anyone would mind if you stayed longer."

"It wouldn't be a problem at all," Shuu agreed.

Banjou shook his head. "No, I should go. But I enjoyed myself, so thank you, Tsukiyama. You're not so bad after all."

"I never was!"

Banjou and Ken exchanged a knowing glance.

"And I need to go back to Ayato," Hinami said, "but thank you for these clothes, Flower Man! They're beautiful!" She held up the bag she clutched at her side.

Shuu smiled wide. "You are quite welcome, Little Lady. You deserve beautiful clothes. Are you sure you don't want some clothes for yourself, _Monsieur Banjou_?"

"No, that's okay. But thanks."

"Ah, then you should take some coffee."

"I'm good, thanks."

Matsumae appeared from behind Shuu with a set of keys. "The car is ready any time, Master Shuu."

" _Merci_ ," Shuu said, turning to Matsumae before turning back to his friends. "The very least I can do is offer you a ride home. Please accept it, especially since the Little Lady shouldn't be out and about until the Doves loosen their hold."

Banjou nodded. "That's a good idea. Thank you." He turned to Ken with a smile. "I'd like to visit again sometime."

"Both of you are always welcome," Shuu said. "And please bring your gas mask friends next time, too."

"I will."

Before Banjou could say anything else, Ken wrapped his arms around him. "I was so happy to see you," he said. "I was so worried about you. I didn't know where you were or what you were doing. I was afraid something terrible had happened, but you're leading a ward and reading kanji and…!" He squeezed a bit harder. "Just…thank you for coming, Banjou. I'm so happy."

Banjou wrapped his strong arms around Ken in return. "I was so happy to see you, too. I had heard rumors about a one-eyed Dove and then I had heard that the Eyepatch ghoul had returned, and I wanted to see you, but I didn't know where you were or if you were safe. So to find you here…it's better than I could have ever hoped. You deserve this luxurious life and so much more, Kaneki."

Ken squeezed harder and then reluctantly let go, wiping his watery eyes before turning to Hinami. "You, too," he said. "I was so happy to see you again. And I'm so happy to know that Ayato is taking care of you."

Hinami jumped into Ken's arms and nodded. "He's so kind to me, Big Brother. I like being with him, but I wish I could stay with you. I wish I could be with both of you all the time."

"I guess…we'll have to have Ayato over sometime, too."

" _Tout le monde!_ " Shuu exclaimed. "We'll have everyone over!"

Hinami looked up at the man with sparkling eyes. "Big Sister, too, please!"

" _Bien sûr!_ "

Hinami reached towards Shuu with one arm, and the latter moved closer until he was within her reach. She wrapped her arm around him and brought him to her embrace with Ken, each one of them wrapping an arm around her. "Thank you, Flower Man. Thank you, Big Brother. I really…I really love you both so much."

"And you are very much loved, too, Little Lady," Shuu said. "Next time I go on a business trip, I'll bring a souvenir for you, too."

Banjou shook his head, smiling amusedly. "Alright, stop it before I start crying," he said, motioning for Hinami to follow him. "Come on, we have to go."

Hinami nodded and squeezed the two men one more time before letting go and joining Banjou. They waved, said their last goodbyes, and followed Matsumae out the front door. A few minutes later, Ken and Shuu heard the car start up and leave.

Silence. Ken stared at the front door, his eyes still watery and his bottom lip beginning to tremble. When Shuu tried to put an arm around his shoulders, he jerked away.

"Kaneki?"

Ken looked at Shuu and slowly moved backward, his eyes shifting between the man and the grand staircase. When Shuu tried to reach for him, Ken took another step back and ran up the staircase with his face buried in his hands. Shuu flinched when he heard a door slam shut.

~

Shuu was about to turn the light on the nightstand out when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. "Come in." His eyes widened when he saw the door open. "Kaneki."

Ken awkwardly shuffled into the room and closed the door behind him. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, and he kept his head down. "…I'm sorry."

"Eh? _Pourquoi?_ "

"For stealing your sweater. For running away after Hinami and Banjou left. For losing my mind over a cup. For…bothering you…" Ken shook his head and turned to reach for the doorknob. "I'm sorry, this was a stupid idea. Good night."

"Wait, Kaneki!" Shuu pushed the blankets away, stood, and joined Ken at the door. "You wouldn't have come here unless it was important. Is something bothering you? Do you need something?"

Ken scratched at his chin. "I…I wanted to…apologize."

"Come now, Kaneki, you and I both know that's not true. I already forgave you for taking my sweater. Laundry day will come, and it will be good as new. You had every right to be upset over Kanae taking your cup. It is YOUR cup, and he was wrong to take it. His punishment will start tomorrow. And you are most certainly not bothering me, so don't entertain that thought. Now then, what's on your mind? Is it that Hinami and Banjou left?"

Ken reluctantly nodded.

"I thought so. I was sad to see them go as well."

Before Shuu could say anything else, Ken leaned forward and rested his head against the other's chest. Shuu's eyebrows rose but he didn't fight the action, especially when he heard Ken whimper.

"…Lonely."

Shuu let out a long, soft sigh as he put one arm around Ken and the other in his hair. "It's okay," he cooed. "You'll see them again. We'll have them over again soon, along with everyone at :re."

"…It's cold."

"What?"

Ken looked up, his eyes pink and puffy. "I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I wanted to be wrapped up in blankets and be warm and sleep forever. I thought I'd be happy like that. But when I woke up every morning with Hinami and Banjou at my side…I was warm. I was happy to wake up. And now…" He lowered his head again. "…everything is so cold."

"…Oh. Did you want to sleep in my bed?"

Ken tensed and held his breath before nodding. "But this was a bad idea, I'm sorry."

" _Non, non!_ It's a very good idea!"

Ken looked up and eyed the other.

Shuu coughed awkwardly. "Erm, I mean—ugh— _calmato, tremolo_ …"

"What?"

"I mean that I don't mind!" Shuu said quickly. "If it makes you happy, then I'll welcome the company!" He guided Ken to his bed and pulled the blankets back. Ken hesitated, looking back and forth between the bed and Shuu, but eventually crawled onto the mattress. Shuu followed and pulled the covers back up. "Comfortable?"

Ken nodded. When he lay down, the soft blankets lightly swaddled him, the mattress sank just slightly, and the plush pillow cradled his head. Shuu turned out the light and rolled over so they were facing each other.

" _Bien. Bonne nuit_ , Kaneki."

"What if I have a nightmare?"

"I'll wake you up and calm you down."

"What if Kanae comes in?"

"He won't, I promise."

Ken could only see a faint outline of Shuu's face in the darkness, but he could sense the gentle look in the other's eyes, and he could feel the coolness from his silky pajamas printed with Van Gogh's _Starry Night_. Ken curled up in his plain cotton t-shirt and shorts and pretended to sleep until he heard Shuu's light, even breathing. He then opened his eyes and scooted closer without touching his bed partner before finally allowing himself to doze off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Latte
> 
> The latte is an Italian coffee beverage made with espresso and steamed milk. The full Italian name is actually caffè latte or "milk coffee." The biggest difference between the latte and the café au lait is that, in the US, the café au lait is made with regular coffee while the latte is made with espresso. These two beverages are both made with espresso in Europe though, so the names are technically interchangeable. Popular variants to espresso are masala chai and matcha.
> 
> You will need:
> 
> 2 cups of milk (non-dairy alternatives are useable, too)
> 
> 1 1/3 cups of espresso
> 
> 1\. Heat the milk in a saucepan over medium-low heat. Whisk briskly with a wire whisk to create foam.
> 
> 2\. Brew the espresso and pour it into your cup of choice.
> 
> 3\. Pour the milk in with the coffee, holding back the foam with a spoon. Spoon the foam over the top.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of All Recipes.


	9. Coffee Cake

"You understand your punishment then? You are, from here on out, Kaneki's personal servant. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, you will be at his beck and call. Whatever he wants, he gets. I don't care if he asks you to put on a costume and dance. You will do it. You will say, 'Yes, Master Ken,' and you will do it. Do I make myself clear?"

Kanae stared, his open mouth frozen in an "o" shape. Across from him in the room where he had been locked away, Shuu stood, arms crossed and eyes dark. The latter waited and let out a growl at the silence.

Kanae jumped at the low, animalistic sound. "Ah, yes, Master Shuu."

"Good. Kaneki, are you okay with this?"

Next to Shuu, Ken sat in a large armchair hunched over with his head down, his fingers twiddling between his knees. When Shuu knelt down next to him and repeated his question, Ken nodded and rubbed his chin.

" _Bien_ ," Shuu said, standing. "That's all for now. You are dismissed, Kanae."

Kanae nodded after a long pause and walked past Shuu and Ken towards the door. When he passed Ken, he sent an angry glare the latter's way.

Once he was gone, Shuu exhaled a long sigh. "I don't know what's gotten into him." He turned back to Ken. "If at any point Kanae refuses to do something you ask, come tell me. I'll also make sure the rest of the servants keep an eye on him. And don't be shy about speaking up, okay? …Kaneki?"

Ken's head dropped lower.

"Kaneki, what's wrong?" Shuu asked, kneeling in front of him. "Do you not feel well?"

"I…I'm sorry."

"…Is it about this morning?"

"I was right on top of you!" Ken nearly sobbed. "I tried to stay on my side of the bed, but—!"

Shuu shrugged, a small, awkward smile tugging at his lips. "I think something like that is bound to happen when two people share a bed. And you weren't on top of me, one of your arms was."

"But—"

"It didn't bother me."

Ken looked up, his eyes watery and cheeks pink.

"Besides, you didn't have any nightmares."

"I'll sleep in my own bed tonight," Ken said. "Thank you, Tsukiyama, but I knew it was a bad idea. I'll go back to my room tonight so I won't bother you again." He stood and walked out of the room, unwilling to believe that Shuu seemed almost disappointed.

~

Ken looked up from his book when he heard a knock on the library door. "I had Kanae make coffee," Shuu said, walking inside and placing Ken's cup on the table in front of him.

"Oh, thank you," Ken replied, taking his cup as Shuu sat down next to him. He took a sip and then said, "It's good."

Shuu took a sip as well. " _Oui_. But you say that like you're surprised. Haven't you had him make you coffee this past week?"

Ken shook his head. "I don't want him touching my cup."

"Ah, that makes sense. _Désolé._ Just so you know, I was watching him the whole time he was making this coffee."

"I figured. Thank you."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both periodically taking sips from their personal cups. Ken set his book on the table, Shuu's eyes subtly following his movements until Ken sat back agains the couch cushions with his cup. Shuu turned to face him.

"I noticed you haven't asked Kanae for nearly anything this past week."

Ken flinched. "I haven't needed a whole lot."

"I can understand that, but you seem like you're avoiding asking him for anything."

Ken looked away.

"Kaneki," Shuu continued, voice gentle, "were you not okay with his punishment?"

Ken touched his chin, appearing to be deep in thought.

"….I'm sorry," Shuu said. "I thought you were okay with it. I was worried being around him would bother you, but you didn't say anything, so I thought…It doesn't matter what I thought. I was wrong. I'm sorry, Kaneki."

"It's not that," Ken said quietly, prompting Shuu to move closer so he could hear him. "It's just that I think knowing you're mad at him is punishment enough."

Shuu sat back against the couch cushions and let out a sigh. " _C'est possible_ ," he said. "I've noticed he's been moping a bit. Even taking care of the roses hasn't lifted his spirits. But I didn't want anything having to do with me be his punishment. He did something terrible to you, so I wanted him to feel regret about what he had done to you. I don't really have anything to do with this."

Ken's lips pressed together in a hard line before he took another sip of coffee.

The two sat in silence for several more minutes before Ken said, "I hope Banjou made it home okay."

"Mmm, I hope so, too. According to _Mademoiselle Kirishima's_ texts, the Little Lady is safe with _Monsieur Kirishima_ , though apparently she misses you dearly. She keeps asking when she can visit again." Shuu paused to drink in Ken's small smile. "I do think _Monsieur Banjou_ is safe," he continued. "You don't become the leader of a ward through weakness, and there have been no news reports of high Dove activity in the sixth."

"That's good," Ken said, his smile faltering. "I just kinda wish I could talk to them."

"I would buy you a cell phone, but—"

"No, no, that's okay. They're expensive and I shouldn't have one anyway. It would make it easier for Doves to find me."

" _Oui_ , sad but true," Shuu said. "But I might be able to pull some strings and find you a phone that's much more difficult to track. Let me talk to one of our family's partner companies and I'll see what's available."

"You don't have to—"

" _Non_ , I think I do. I think being able to communicate with your friends will make you feel more at ease."

Ken's small smile returned. "Thank you."

Shuu smiled back. "What were you reading, if I may ask?"

Ken picked the book up off the table. "It's about flower history and meanings," he said. "I only know a few meanings—like I know that red roses can mean true love—but you bringing the gardenias made me interested to learn more. Apparently there are many flowers related to the coffee plant."

Shuu's face lit up bright pink, and he seemed to look everywhere except at Ken. "Ah, really? I'm glad I could pique your interest." His voice cracked slightly at the end of his sentence, and he cleared his throat. "Have you, uh, learned anything particularly interesting?"

Ken's face flushed pink as well. "Um, sort of," he said, opening the book and flipping through the pages. "Like, let's see…white roses represent innocence and purity. At least that's the Western meaning. I find that kind of interesting—the color meaning, that is. White doesn't always have a positive connotation throughout Asia."

" _C'est vrai_ ," Shuu replied, undoing the first button if his shirt. His neck was suddenly very warm. "We dress the deceased in white. Many ghosts and spirits are depicted wearing white. And yet in places like America and Europe, white has an overwhelmingly positive connotation. Brides wear white dresses, many religious figures are dressed in white…I honestly like that meaning better."

"What a surprise, you prefer a European meaning over a Japanese meaning."

Shuu playfully smacked Ken's shoulder, prompting both to laugh lightly.

"I haven't gotten too far in the book yet," Ken said, leaning back against the couch cushions again, "but I like what I've read so far. I don't often read non-fiction, but when I find a well-written non-fiction book, I can't put it down."

"I'm so glad to hear some of the collection appeals to you."

"It does. Thank you…for this. For all of this." Ken motioned towards the library's many shelves. "But I did want to ask something. The other day I saw a book that I had read before, and I realized I had read it while I was living at :re. That whole time while I was there, you were the one supplying the books that Touka gave me, weren't you?"

Shuu's face, which had just started to mellow, flushed pink once again. "Ah, you got me," he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his suddenly tingling neck. " _Mademoiselle Kirishima_ told me that you couldn't leave the break room, and I thought that you must have been horribly lonely and bored, so I thought a book might lift your spirits. Or at least keep you occupied for a little while. After you finished the first book, I just kept bringing them until _Mademoiselle Kirishima_ told me it was too dangerous for you to stay at :re, and—"

"You were right," Ken said. "I was lonely and bored, but the books made me feel a little better." His smile widened and he looked at Shuu with sparkling eyes. "Thank you."

Shuu coughed twice and cleared his throat. " _De rien_ ," he said, feeling the tingle in his neck travel down his back.

"And now I can even share recommendations with Banjou."

" _Oui_. I'm very happy for you both."

"What kind of cake did you get for Hori?"

"Strawberry shortcake, I think it was called?"

Ken's smile vanished. "Oh," he said, looking back at his book, "I made that once."

"Eh?"

"When I was…Um, Juuzou and his squad went shopping and brought a batch of strawberries back for my squad. I used them to make strawberry shortcake and then gave it back to him. He was really excited and said it was delicious. Obviously I couldn't taste it myself, so to know he liked it made me really happy."

Shuu stared at Ken, a brick of guilt dropping into his stomach.

"…I want to bake again."

" _Quoi?_ "

"For Hori. I know you bought her a cake as payment for finding Banjou, but I want to bake her a cake myself to say thank you." Ken looked up again, eyes shining. "Can we? Do you have any supplies for that?"

"Um, I know we have bowls and whisks and things like that," Shuu said. "And I know someone who can get us the ingredients."

~

"I barely ask Kanae for a thing for a whole week, and the one time I do ask him for something, I ask him to buy human food."

Shuu tried to suppress a laugh as he set the ingredients on the kitchen counter.

"He probably thinks I'm going to make him eat it."

"Well, you could but I can't picture it."

Ken shook his head. "No, that would be a waste and way too cruel. This is for Hori. Could you please pull up the recipe on the tablet?"

"Ah, _oui_ ," Shuu said, removing the device from the nearby charging station. "Let's see, coffee cake?"

"Yeah. Could you read the first step?"

Shuu squinted as he looked over the recipe. "There's no coffee in this cake."

"No, not in this kind. It's a cake you're supposed to eat with coffee."

Shuu looked at Ken as if he had just grown a second kagune before shaking his head and looking back at the recipe. "Humans are so strange. Preheat the oven to 176C. Grease and flour a 10 inch tube pan."

As the oven heated, Shuu continued to read each step in the recipe, and Ken led in adding the ingredients. Shuu watched him the whole time, his eyes slightly glazed as the electric mixer transformed the wet ingredients and the sugar into a grainy yet oddly silky blend. When Ken slowly added the sifted dry ingredients, the mixture changed again into a more solid batter.

"It's like when I add ground bones to blood to thicken it."

Ken awkwardly cleared his throat. "Same concept, I suppose."

"And all of this is really going to turn into a delicious cake? Because it smells vile."

Ken smiled sadly. "You get used to it after a while, especially when you see how much those who can eat this food like it."

Shuu frowned as he poured the brown sugar into another bowl. "I hope Hori enjoys it then." He moved the bowl between the two of them so Ken could add the dry ingredients and the butter, and Ken began pinching the blend into little peaks, Shuu following until they had a crumbly streusel.

Ken was about to go to the sink when he felt something damp hit his cheek, and he turned to see that Shuu had flicked a small bit of butter and sugar from his fingers, a devilish smirk on his face. Ken flicked a piece off his own hands in Shuu's direction, but Shuu jumped back before it could hit. A smirk found its way onto Ken's face when he saw a little bit of flour still left in the measuring cup, and he threw it at Shuu. It hit Shuu's shoulder, white powder clashing against gray and red stripes. Shuu grabbed a handful of the leftover brown sugar and threw it, laughing when it landed right on Ken's chest. The kitchen was a mess in minutes.

"We're not even done with the cake!" Ken laughed, shielding his face from another sugar attack.

Shuu put the nearly empty bag down and laughed aloud, leaning against the fridge. " _Oui, c'est vrai. Désolé,_ Kaneki, I couldn't resist! I've never seen you so happy and carefree, and I don't think I've ever seen you laugh so hard!"

Ken's cheeks flushed. "Good thing we didn't mess up the batters," he said, turning back to the bowls. "Come on, let's put this together so we can get it baked." He poured some of the cake batter in, waiting for Shuu to create a layer of streusel before adding the rest. Shuu then topped the cake with the rest of the streusel and placed it in the oven, setting the timer for an hour.

"Anything else?"

"We'll make the glaze once the cake is cool."

" _D'accord._ I suppose we should clean up then."

Ken looked down at his messy clothes, smiling only momentarily before he saw that the floor, counters, fridge, and cabinets matched. He jerked his head towards Shuu, eyes wide with horror and tears. "I—"

"This was my fault!" Shuu suddenly said, gently grasping Ken's shoulders. "I hit first, Kaneki; none of this is your fault. I'm sorry, I just wanted to make you laugh." He looked at Ken so sincerely that a tear dripped from the other's eye. Shuu quickly wiped it away. "Don't worry, nobody will be angry with you. If Papa or the servants want to be angry with anyone, they can be angry with me. I'll take all the blame."

"Tsukiyama…"

"Go change out of those dirty clothes, and I'll start cleaning up here. It's really alright."

Ken nodded and broke away from Shuu so he could head towards the doorway. Before he walked into the hallway, he turned back to Shuu and said, "I'm sorry I broke the cup on my first night here. I'm sorry I let my kagune run wild and destroy my room. I'm sorry I grabbed your neck when you tried to protect me from the truth about that. I'm sorry I screamed at you when you offered to take care of me. I'm sorry I sobbed all over you when the maid came to do my laundry. I'm sorry I dropped the cup you got for me. I'm sorry I interrupted you when you were playing the piano. I'm sorry I called you a liar when Hori showed up. I'm sorry I stole your sweater after I made a fuss about no one touching my stuff. And I meant what I said on the first night Banjou and Hinami were here. I remember it now: I really did think of you as part of the team! I really did like having you around, and I'm sorry I didn't let you stay with us during that whole time."

Shuu's mouth dropped open, his eyes wide, and all he could say was, "But you didn't trust me."

"Well, I do now!"

Ken ran off before Shuu could respond, a hand slapped over his mouth, his eyes big and glassy, and his face a dark red. Shuu had to grasp the kitchen counter for support as he stumbled to the floor, panting hard.

Above him, the kitchen cabinet opened, and a camera flashed. "So you haven't told him that a couple Investigators saw Matsumae drop Hinami and Banjou off?"

" _Calmato…Calmato, tremolo!_ "

"Okay, let me know when you're done realizing that you guys need to just kiss already. I'll wait."

~

Ken tossed his soiled clothes into the nearby basket and slipped on some fresh ones, his face burning the entire time. "Why did I say that?" he asked himself, gathering the rest of his dirty clothes. "I meant to apologize, but I didn't…oh god." The memory of waking up with an arm slung over Shuu's torso made him bury his face in the clothes. He could feel his heart pounding in his throat, and locking himself in his room for the rest of his life suddenly sounded like his best option.

"No, no," he said quietly, "that's no good. Take a deep breath, go out, and do some damage control. Alright." He fanned his face as he evened out his breathing and walked into the hallway, stopping when he saw who was blocking his way.

"I was told to clean you up," Kanae said, voice bitter.

"Oh. Did, um—"

"I offered to clean Master Shuu up, but he told me to tend to you."

Ken's heart sped up again. "Oh."

Kanae held his arms out. "May I take your laundry, Master Ken?"

"Actually…I was wondering if you could show me how to work the washing machine?"

" _…Was?_ "

"I just thought I'd do it since I want to wash Tsukiyama's sweater, too. It's not fair that you have to do it."

Kanae's face scrunched up in disgust, and he let out a snort. "If you wash it, it'll never get clean. And now more of his clothes are covered in the garbage you were making for that little rat."

Ken frowned.

"Fine, I'll show you. Follow me." He walked past Ken, picked up the laundry basket, and headed down the hallway, disappointed when Ken did not protest.

Eventually, the two came upon the basement, where several washing machines and driers lined the walls. "First we'll separate the clothes according to color and fabric and organize them into piles," Kanae said. Ken nodded and went for Shuu's sweater. " _Halt!_ " Kanae cried, smacking his hands away. "You've already dirtied it enough. If your stench permeates it any further, it'll be impossible to wash properly."

"Kanae," Ken said, "whatever I did, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I did to make you hate me so much—"

"You were born. _Miststück_."

"…Oh, I see."

" _Ja_ , your parents committed a terrible cri—"

"No wonder you left a yellow rose."

Kanae tensed and turned, glaring at Ken as the latter looked at the floor.

"I read about their old meaning. I'm so—"

" _Fick dich._ "

Ken looked up.

" _Fick dich. FICK DICH! Du Hurensohn!_ "

"Kanae—"

"GET OUT!" Kanae pointed towards the door. "Get out, get THE FUCK out of here. Sasaki Haise or Kaneki Ken or whoever the fuck you are. Get out of here, get off this property! Go give yourself up to the CCG. Or just take a quinque and kill yourself, I don't care. Just GET OUT! DIE! DIE!"

Ken waited as Kanae panted and then headed towards the door. Before he opened it, he turned back to the other.

"I feel really sorry for you."

And he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coffee Cake
> 
> Shuu is only half-right when he says there's no coffee in coffee cake. Coffee can be incorporated into cake, but what's known as "coffee cake" is usually a soft, moist cake with a crumbly, sugary streusel on top that's meant to be consumed with coffee.
> 
> You will need:
> 
> For the cake:
> 
> 1 1/2 sticks of unsalted butter at room temperature
> 
> 1 1/2 cups of granulated sugar
> 
> 3 extra large eggs at room temperature
> 
> 1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
> 
> 1 1/4 cups of sour cream
> 
> 2 1/2 cups of cake flour (not self-rising)
> 
> 2 teaspoons of baking powder
> 
> 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
> 
> 1/2 teaspoon of kosher salt
> 
> For the streusel:
> 
> 1/4 cup of light brown sugar, packed
> 
> 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
> 
> 1 1/2 teaspoons of ground cinnamon
> 
> 1/4 teaspoon of kosher salt
> 
> 3 tablespoons of cold, unsalted butter cut into pieces
> 
> 3/4 cup of chopped walnuts (optional)
> 
> For the glaze:
> 
> 1/2 cup of confectioners' sugar
> 
> 2 tablespoons of real maple syrup
> 
> 1\. Preheat the oven to 350F/176C. Grease and flour a 10-inch tube pan.
> 
> 2\. Cream the butter and sugar in an electric mixer until light. Add the eggs one at a time, then add the vanilla and sour cream.
> 
> 3\. In a separate bowl, sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together. With the mixer on low, add the mixture a little at a time until fully mixed.
> 
> 4\. For the streusel, place the brown sugar, flour, cinnamon, salt, and butter together in a bowl and use your fingers to pinch it until it turns into a crumble. Add the walnuts if you'd like.
> 
> 5\. Fill the pan with about half of the cake batter. Use about 3/4 of the streusel to create a middle layer and then top it with the rest of the cake batter. Sprinkle the remainder of the streusel on top.
> 
> 6\. Bake for 50-60 minutes and then let cool for 30 minutes. Drizzle the glaze mixture on top. Makes 8-10 servings.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Ina Garten on Food Network (Sour Cream Coffee Cake).


	10. Vietnamese Egg Coffee

"Well?"

Chie opened a nearby drawer and pulled out a fork before running to the other side of the kitchen. She climbed onto the counter, opened a cabinet, and took one of the cup and saucer sets. Once she was on the floor, she filled her cup with coffee that Ken had made just a few minutes prior. She then opened the fridge, pulled out a carton of milk she had been sipping earlier, and lightened her coffee. When she saw the nearly empty bag of white sugar, she poured enough that the beverage rose to the very top of the cup. Once it was stirred, she brought the cup and saucer back to the counter, picked up her fork, and stabbed the cake. Shuu watched in awe as she ripped off a large piece and put it in her mouth.

"…Well?"

"It's good," she said, swallowing. "Did you really make this?"

Shuu's face lit up, his eyes wide and sparkling. " _Oui!_ " he said with a big smile. "Ah, well, Kaneki made it. I helped."

"That's cool. Thanks, Kaneki."

"You're awfully calm for someone who just took a carton of milk out of a fridge with a decapitated head."

"I've seen worse."

Ken shrugged as Chie dove back into the cake. A good quarter of it was gone in a minute. "Alright. I'm glad you like the cake. I wanted to say thank you for finding Banjou. I know Tsukiyama already bought you a cake—"

"It's been a while since I've had a homemade cake. This is nice," Chie said, pausing in her eating to look at Shuu. "You're gonna have to pay me in homemade pastries from now on. No more store-bought crap."

Shuu snorted, still smiling. "Ah, so even the Little Mouse has a taste for gourmet food."

"Nah, I just think you making human food is funny." Chie took another bite and then picked the whole cake up. "Anyway, thanks again. I'm gonna go. I have another project."

Ken smiled sadly. "Hori."

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry I freaked out in the music room."

Chie set the cake down, picked up her camera, and took a photo. She then put the camera in her bag and picked up the cake. "No worries. Later." And she headed out of the kitchen. When Ken looked around the corner to watch her go, she was already gone.

" _Pardonnez-moi_ , Kaneki," Shuu sighed, "I have quite the sassy little pet. She didn't even take the coffee she ruined."

"It's not a big deal, I'm just happy she liked the cake." When Ken turned back to Shuu, his smile was gone. "Um, Tsukiyama?"

" _Oui?_ "

"I think you should cut Kanae some slack. I think he's learned his lesson."

Shuu pursed his lips. " _Vraiment?_ "

Ken nodded, scratching at his chin. "He's been nothing but nice to me recently. He even apologized when he offered to do my laundry. Oh, by the way, your sweater is drying downstairs. Again, I'm sorry I took it."

Shuu's face softened and he gently grasped Ken's shoulders. "You've apologized enough, Kaneki. I'm not angry, I never was. You should have a new sweater anyway, since it's going to get cold outside soon. But if you really think that Kanae has learned his lesson, I'll end his punishment."

Ken nodded again, both hands now covering his chin. "Thank you." He wiggled his way out of Shuu's hold and backed away. "I'm going to my room. I'd like to spend some time alone."

" _Bien sûr._ It's been a long day with a lot of people. I'm sure you're tired."

"Thanks. See you later." Ken allowed his gaze to linger on Shuu a second longer before he dove away from the other's sight and ran to his room.

Shuu let out a long, heavy sigh and leaned against the counter. "Come out, Little Mouse."

A lower cabinet door opened. "The Doves haven't made a move in the sixth ward or anywhere near where Hinami and Ayato are," Chie said as she stabbed her cake again. "I still think you should keep Kaneki in the loop on these things, but his friends are fine. I have photos to prove it."

"Kanae didn't apologize to Kaneki, did he?"

"Nope. Look." Chie held up a photo of Kanae screaming at Ken in the laundry room. "He kept shouting about how Kaneki should hand himself over to the CCG or kill himself. But it doesn't matter, because you're gonna let him off the hook anyway."

Shuu nodded. "It's what Kaneki wants."

"You're disgusting."

"What?"

Chie rolled her eyes. "I've taken photos of you hunting and killing humans. I've watched you eat them. I've seen you rip flesh apart and slurp it down. I've seen you suck blood straight out of beating hearts. I've seen you fight and impale other ghouls. I've watched you pull organs out of still-living humans and ghouls and eat them as the victim dies. But this, Tsukiyama, all this fawning over Kaneki and giving him whatever he wants and feeding him and complimenting him and embracing him and letting him sleep in your bed and comforting him at the slightest sign of any pain is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen you do because you are so damn in love and don't even know it. You are head over heels, over the moon, stupidly, hopelessly, disgustingly in love."

Shuu stared, bracing himself against the counter, his knuckles white and his shirt suddenly too tight.

"It's gross and you need to stop."

"I—I don't—"

"What?" Chie asked around a mouthful of cake. "You don't know what I mean? Pfft, you're worse at lying than Kaneki, and you don't even do something that gives it away. For the record, inviting another guy into your bed and then being disappointed when he won't join you again is not just dudes being bros."

Shuu swallowed hard an undid his first shirt button, fanning his burning cheeks with his other hand.

Chie picked up her camera and snapped a photo. "Don't think I've ever gotten one of you speechless before," she said. "That's something. But, anyway, you need to do something about this. Either admit that you love Kaneki and pursue a relationship with him or go back to being your old self because I swear you are boring as hell like this. I haven't photographed you hunting in, what, over three years? Why don't you go pull out someone's heart and offer it to Kaneki? That's romantic."

One of Shuu's hands came to his forehead, which was very pale compared to his cheeks. He stumbled, still trying to hang onto the counter, but his legs shook and his grip loosened. Chie crawled out of the cabinet, her cake almost gone, and snapped another photo.

"About to pass out. Never got one of that either."

~

Matsumae set a cup of coffee down. "Would you like anything to eat, Master Shuu? I hope you do not find me rude, but you seem as though you have not fully recovered from fainting yesterday."

Shuu shook his hanging head. " _Non, merci._ "

"Very well. Enjoy."

"Matsumae?"

"Yes?"

"Did Kaneki come out of his room while I was…?"

"I am afraid not. He has been rather quiet since yesterday afternoon."

Shuu bit his lip and gripped his coffee cup. "I see. I was hoping we could have breakfast together."

"Perhaps he was merely absorbed in a book and went to bed late," Matsumae said. "Or he could have been exhausted otherwise. It seems you and he had very much fun yesterday."

Shuu flinched mid-sip, causing hot coffee to splatter on the table. Matsumae immediately wiped it away. "Are you alright, Master Shuu?"

" _Oui, pardonnez-moi,_ " Shuu said, fanning his burning face. Shame bubbled up within him, as his mind had run wild upon hearing that he and Ken had had "fun."

Matsumae retreated to the kitchen and returned moments later with Ken's full coffee cup. "If I may make a suggestion," she began, "why don't you see if Master Ken is awake? And, even if he is not, I am certain he would be happy to wake up if you bring him coffee. He told me he enjoyed this roast."

Shuu hesitated at first but eventually took Ken's cup and stood. He thanked Matsumae before heading towards Ken's room. "Kaneki?" he said, gently tapping on the door. "Kaneki, are you awake?"

When he didn't receive a response, Shuu pressed his ear against the door, and his eyes widened. "Kaneki?" he said, shifting the cups so he could push the door open. He found Ken wrapped in blankets and holding onto his head, his face buried in a pillow. "Kaneki, what's wrong?" he asked, setting the cups on the nightstand and reaching for the other. "Kaneki, are you hurting? Do you feel sick? What…?"

Ken curled up impossibly tighter. "I don't know," he gasped out. "I just…I couldn't sleep. And then I felt so sad and…"

"Oh, Kaneki…"

"I don't understand, I was so happy yesterday."

Shuu bit his lip, awkwardly shuffling so he could be as close to Ken as possible without touching him. "I've heard that this happens sometimes when, um…"

"You can say that I have PTSD, Tsukiyama, I know I do."

Shuu took a step back. "I…"

"You know I have it, too," Ken snapped. "I saw those books on your desk in your bedroom. 'How to Care for Someone with PTSD.' 'Understanding Mental Illness.' 'Helping Someone with Depression.' I have PTSD and depression and anxiety and probably a million other things fucking up my mind. I'm just mad now because I thought I was doing better."

"But you are doing better," Shuu said gently. He stepped back towards Ken and continued, "Yes, I've been researching how to help you. I know I can't magically cure everything, but I wanted to know if there were ways I could help you cope. I wanted to help you have more good days than bad."

"So today is a bad day."

"…I'm afraid so."

Ken let out a sob into his pillow. "But why? I…"

"I don't think there's any rhyme or reason to it. I think you just need to push through it until it passes."

Ken started wailing, the pillow muffling the worst of the noise. "It's not that easy!"

"…I know," Shuu said, kneeling next to the bed. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Stay." Ken looked over his shoulder, face pink and eyes watery. "Stay with me please."

Shuu nodded and crawled into the bed, wrapping his arms around the other from behind. "Is this okay?" he asked, settling himself when Ken nodded. His heart pounded against his chest, and he was sure Ken could feel it against his back, but he found himself not caring. His head was level, and every even breath brought a bit of Ken's enticing scent with it. He resisted the urge to brush his lips against Ken's neck.

"I can't sleep," Ken suddenly whispered, snapping Shuu out of his trance.

"What?"

"I can't sleep. I thought I'd sleep if you were here, but…"

"Oh. Um…maybe you should do something? I mean expel some energy."

Ken rolled over to face Shuu. "But I feel like I have no energy."

"Kaneki?"

"Yes?"

"You said you trusted me, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then I have an idea. Please just humor me for a little while."

After a moment of contemplation, Ken nodded and Shuu stood. He helped Ken stand, too, and led the other through several hallways and down two sets of stairs to the basement. They passed the washing machines and dryers and entered another room, this one completely bare but with fortified walls. Shuu closed the door behind them, and Ken's breath hitched.

"Tsukiyama?"

"I think you need to move," Shuu said as his kagune burst forth and wrapped around his arm. "I think you've been sedentary for too long. It doesn't suit you. And a little nostalgia wouldn't hurt either."

Ken's eyes widened and he took a step back. "But what if I lose control again?"

"You won't. And even if you do, I'll stop you."

Shuu waited but Ken remained still, staring at the other and twiddling his fingers. Nerves tingled from his neck and down his back, his kakuhou twitching in anticipation, but he did not allow it to release its muscle. Shuu frowned at the fear in Ken's eyes, his own surveying how the other's body had softened over time. With black hair, Ken would look very much like his former self.

"So I'll be my old self, too," Shuu murmured, and he rushed at Ken. When he went to strike, the Rinkaku kagune appeared and blocked him.

Ken breathed heavily, surprised at his own reaction. "Tsukiyama!"

"If I don't come at you seriously, there's no meaning. That's what you said, right?"

"But—!"

"I've been following all my research so closely. But those books are for humans, and we are ghouls, so I'm going to do what I think is best for you. _Désolé_ , Kaneki, please do not hate me if I'm wrong." Shuu lifted his arm and slammed it down again, Ken's kagune reacting to block it again. Ken then pushed Shuu away and jumped backwards, hot blood already coursing through his veins. Shuu followed up with another strike, and Ken dodged.

"Try to hit me, Kaneki!" Shuu shouted, his kagune pulsing and forming into a blade. "I will not hold back, so you shouldn't either."

"But, Tsukiyama—!"

"Let it out, Kaneki, let it out!"

One of Ken's tentacles blocked Shuu's next attack, and another initially went for his chest but veered off towards his shoulder instead. Shuu growled and dodged before clenching his hand into a fist. Ken's head jerked to the side, and he cried out at the sudden pain. Before Shuu could strike again, Ken squirmed out of his grasp, kicked at one of Shuu's legs, and let a fist go straight into Shuu's stomach. Shuu coughed and gagged, sputtering as he jumped out of the way slammed his kagune down. Ken dodged and his kagune thrust forward, but the Koukaku expanded in time to shield Shuu's entire torso.

"That's good, Kaneki, give me more! Don't stop!"

"I NEVER WANTED THIS!"

Shuu stopped. Ken's kagune slammed right into him, but he quickly found his footing and jumped before he could be hit again.

"I didn't ask to be a ghoul or an investigator!" Ken continued, his kagune wildly thrashing about. Shuu increased his speed to dodge, but the tentacles quickened as well. "I didn't ask to be turned into some experiment. I didn't ask to live this life. And I didn't want to be responsible for so much tragedy and death! I don't want it to be my fault that Ryouko died! And…and I didn't deserve to be tortured, I didn't! I didn't do anything wrong, but Yamori…!"

Shuu dodged another strike, his hard eyes focused on Ken. "What do you mean 'tortured'?"

"And I actually enjoyed my time with you and Banjou and Hinami and everyone else! Despite what we were doing, I was happy because I felt like I was part of something. I had people around me who cared about me, and I loved that. But the only reason I loved that was because I was a selfish bastard who was scared of being alone! I wanted to protect everyone, but I put everyone in danger, and I hurt Banjou—"

Shuu thrust his kagune forward so he was right next to Ken's face. "We already know that you didn't mean to do that, and we all know that Banjou wasn't hurt!"

"But it's not just that!" Ken cried, pushing Shuu backwards with every attack. "I took Hinami to Eto's book signing and put her in danger. She joined Aogiri because she met that one-eyed bitch! I joined the fight at the Anteiku Raid and made the manager's sacrifice meaningless. Aogiri was able to take him for more of Kanou's experiments because of me! And then there were Koma and Irimi…and you! I put you in a catatonic depression for years! I killed Amon Koutarou! I heard whispers around the CCG that Arima would have arrived at the roof in time to defeat the One-Eyed Owl if I hadn't shown up. I made EVERYONE'S sacrifices meaningless!"

A strong jab pushed Shuu against the wall, and he ducked before the Rinkaku kagune could strike. He slid away and tried to swing his own kagune towards Ken, but a Rinkaku tentacle blocked his attack. "And I hated being an investigator!" Ken shouted, pushing Shuu backwards. "Why did nobody try to bring me back? Why didn't anyone try to bring me HOME? Why did you all wait until I had regained my memories in such a dangerous place? I could have killed all of you! And don't say you were willing to make that sacrifice because I know it isn't true. And I even went along with turning innocent children into ghoul-like monsters! What kind of mentor DOES that? All of this while the CCG watched and waited for me to lose control. I was nothing but a circus animal to them! I was only there for their entertainment! Arima treated me like his little pet he could occasionally play with and then abandon when he got bored. And I still thought of him as my FATHER! That's not how a parent is supposed to be, but it's not like my real parent was any better!"

"Kaneki—!"

"My mom—!" Ken let out a sudden scream. "I'M SORRY, MOMMY, STOP HITTING ME! I DON'T NEED ANYTHING, SO STOP HITTING ME!"

"KANEKI!"

"I don't want…I didn't want…" Ken's kagune ran wild.

"SCREAM IT OUT, KANEKI!"

"I JUST WANTED TO GO ON A DATE TO THE BOOKSTORE!"

Centipede tails burst from Ken's back, and he screamed at the top of his lungs as they began thrashing around the room and slamming into the walls. Shuu's kagune expanded to shield against some of the falling debris, but he kept his eyes on Ken, who had fallen to the floor in a sobbing heap. He quickly rushed forward while avoiding the worst of the two kagune and jumped at the first sign of an opening. He grabbed Ken and held him close, his Koukaku stretching and expanding to wrap around both of them. Ken's arms shook as they snaked around Shuu and clutched his back. Loud sobs rumbled against Shuu's chest, and buckets of tears dampened his shirt, but he paid them no mind. He gently massaged Ken's back and ran his fingers through his soft, white hair, murmuring comforting words that calmed the kagune. First the centipede tails slowly relaxed and retreated, then the regular Rinkaku followed, and Ken's cries quieted.

"…Gardenias."

Shuu flinched. "What?"

Ken looked up, tears still running down his face. "You brought me gardenias. You said they meant purity, sweetness, and joy, but there's another meaning. I read about it."

Shuu paled, his breathing uneven as Ken slowly closed in and held Shuu's face.

"Secret love. Only it's never been a secret."

Shuu moved first. He closed the distance between himself and Ken, wrapping both arms around the other and kissing him deeply. Ken's hands moved into Shuu's hair, lightly scratching at his scalp as Shuu gently pushed him towards the floor. Ken only broke from Shuu to take a breath, but Shuu was back on his lips in a second.

"Tsu—Tsuki—"

"Shuu. Call me 'Shuu.' _S'il vous plaît_."

"Shuu."

A tear slipped from Shuu's eyes, and he dove back down to continue his meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vietnamese Egg Coffee (Cà Phê Trứng)
> 
> The story goes that Vietnamese Egg Coffee was invented in the 1940s when a Hanoi hotel barman named Nguyen Giang ran out of milk and decided to serve coffee with a concoction of condensed milk and eggs yolks. The beverage was so well-received that he opened a cafe, and Vietnamese Egg Coffee has been popular in Hanoi ever since. Think of the taste like liquid tiramisu.
> 
> You will need (for 2 servings):
> 
> Strong, black coffee (about enough to fill two cups' worth about 2/3 full)
> 
> 2 egg yolks
> 
> 6 tablespoons of sweetened condensed milk
> 
> 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla essence
> 
> Directions
> 
> 1\. Brew the coffee (see Chapter 1).
> 
> 2\. Whisk the egg yolks and the vanilla essence together until thick. Add and beat the condensed milk 1/2 teaspoon at a time. Beat until the mixture is custard-like.
> 
> 3\. Pour the black coffee into your cups of choice and spoon the egg mixture over the top. Serve immediately.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Nude Food Hero.
> 
> Additionally, I will be at Anime Central this coming weekend, cosplaying Shuu on Saturday and hosting both the Tokyo Ghoul photo shoot and a panel all about the tarot card references in TG! If you'll be at ACEN, please stop by and say hello.


	11. Vienna Coffee

The sun was just starting to rise when Ken finally awoke. His eyes shifted upwards to the still sleeping Shuu before shifting back down to the other's chest. Shuu's bathrobe was wide open, but silky pajamas covered most of him. All Ken could see were his sharp collarbones thanks to the undone top button. Slowly, he placed his hand on Shuu's chest, and, when he received no response, began lightly drawing little circles into the fabric.

Ken's eyes were fluttering closed when Shuu finally stirred. He stopped his finger's movements and flattened his hand against the other's chest, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face into Shuu's side. Shuu yawned and turned over just enough so he could brush the hair out of Ken's eyes without disturbing his position. Ken shuddered at the touch, and he cautiously opened his eyes.

Shuu's face suddenly flushed pink, and he pulled his hand back. "I'm sorry."

Ken shook his head, still buried in Shuu's side. "I was already awake."

Shuu looked Ken up and down before lifting himself a bit. "Can I…?"

"Oh yeah," Ken murmured, moving back just enough so Shuu could turn on his side. When the two faced each other, Shuu reached for Ken but paused before he got too close. "It's okay," Ken said, and, after a moment of hesitation, Shuu placed his hand on Ken's cheek. Ken's eyes closed and he scooted closer.

"Sorry, I don't know what to do," Shuu whispered after several silent minutes.

Ken's eyes opened. "What?"

"I've never woken up next to someone like this before. I don't know what to do."

Ken reached up and placed his hand over Shuu's. "I don't think you have to do anything."

"Then…is there anything you want me to do?"

"I don't know. I've never woken up next to someone like this before either."

Shuu removed his hand and said, "Can I hold you?" And he brought Ken close once he received a nod.

Ken cleared his throat after several more minutes. "Tsukiyama—"

" _S'il vous plaît_ , keep calling me 'Shuu'."

Ken inhaled a sharp breath and said, "Shuu." The word felt odd in his mouth, but the taste was rather pleasing, especially when Shuu's grip on him tightened.

" _Merci._ "

"What are we?"

Shuu froze, his heart suddenly speeding up. After a pause, he curled around Ken and said, " _Je ne sais pas._ "

Ken moved his head upwards so his nose was level with Shuu's neck. He inhaled deeply and said, "I don't know either."

"Ken?"

"Hmm?"

"You said that you had always known. When was 'always'?"

Now it was Ken's turn for his heart to speed up. "I honestly don't remember," he said. "I know it was sometime while we were together with Hinami and Banjou. I don't remember the specific moment, but I at least knew your feelings had changed. I knew I was right when…yeah. You don't scream and sob and beg your dinner not to leave."

Shuu's face flushed further.

"I'm sorry," Ken continued. "I hurt you."

"Ken—"

"I hurt everyone, I know, but I feel the worst about leaving you behind. If I had known what would happen to you—"

"How did you know?"

"I overheard some servants whispering about it. And I put two and two together once I became myself again. Why else would you have been in a wheelchair?"

Shuu squirmed on the bed, his grip around Ken tightening further. "But," he whispered, "I'm not mad. I don't hold a grudge."

"Shuu…"

"I'm just glad I can hold you now."

Ken sniffed and nodded. "We have a lot of things to catch up on. Where do we start?"

"…Can I kiss you again?"

Ken's eyes widened and he jerked back suddenly, breaking Shuu's hold on him. "Ah, sorry," he said, silencing Shuu's panicked apologizing. He fanned his burning face and continued, "Sorry, I'm sorry, I just—oh god, my heart is pounding—I just never thought my first kiss would be a make out session on a gym floor." He almost laughed, making Shuu smile awkwardly. "But, yes, you can. Just…I don't want to make out again."

" _Capisco,_ " Shuu said, and once Ken was calm, he slowly rolled on top of him, moved in, and captured his lips again. This time, the action was much gentler, sweeter, kinder. Ken's entire body relaxed to the point that he forgot to kiss Shuu back. He gasped and pulled away.

"Sorry…"

" _Non,_ it's okay. I liked it."

"But I'm—"

"What?"

"A bad kisser."

Shuu shook his head, smiling warmly. "I think I'm worse."

"No, you're—it was nice."

"I'm glad. Again?" He moved back towards Ken's lips when the other nodded. " _Merci._ Practice makes perfect after all." Shuu chuckled quietly when Ken seized up, the latter reluctantly relaxing once he ran his fingers through his soft, white hair. Shuu's other hand took Ken's, and their fingers interlaced.

"Shuu," Ken eventually gasped.

" _Excusez-moi,_ " Shuu said, pulling back. "I got carried away."

"No, I just…I don't know. I'm awkward, I don't know what I'm doing. This is weird."

Shuu smiled again. " _C'est vrai_ , it's weird. But I like it. I never thought we'd ever be like this."

Ken quickly wiped his eyes. "I don't want to kiss anymore."

"That's okay, we won't," Shuu said as he lay back down. "Can we still lie here?" His smile widened when Ken nodded. " _Dolce._ Do you want to go back to sleep? It's still early. Or do you want to talk about something?"

"I kinda just wanna lie here."

"Do you mind if I talk?"

"No."

"Good. Because I actually wanted to ask you something. Papa hosts a Christmas party for all the Tsukiyama Family branches in Japan every year here at the estate. We were planning on making sure you had a space to yourself during then, but I wanted to ask if you wanted to come."

Ken's eyes widened. "You mean as…?"

Shuu's cheeks flushed but he kept his eyes on Ken, and he was still smiling comfortingly. " _Oui_ , as my date. You wouldn't have to stay the whole time—you don't have to come at all if you don't want to—but there will be excellent food and our best coffee and blood wine and music and dancing and so much more. I always play the piano, and we have an early toast to the New Year. So I would be honored if—"

"I'll come."

Shuu jumped and his mouth dropped open. " _Vraiment?_ You will?"

Ken nodded. "There would only be ghouls there, right? So it would be okay for me to attend. I'll come at least for a little while. And if I get overwhelmed, I'll just go back to my room. But it sounds like fun."

" _Très bien!_ Oh, you've made me so happy! _Merci beaucoup,_ I promise I'll make sure you're completely prepared. I'll get you something to wear, and I'll teach you everything you need to know! This will be great, I'll do whatever I can to make sure you have a great time!"

Ken smiled. "Okay, thank you."

Shuu opened his mouth but then looked towards the window. "Did you hear something?"

"What?" Ken broke away and sat up. Shuu only mourned the loss for a little while.

"I thought I just heard something. It sounded like shouting."

"I don't hear anything."

Suddenly, the two heard a distant slamming noise followed by what was definitely shouting and stomping. Several people ran just outside Shuu's bedroom door, and their frantic footsteps echoed as they rushed further away. Ken and Shuu looked at each other before jumping out of bed and opening the door. They followed the sounds down the hallway and towards the entrance hall where several servants were stampeding towards the back door.

"Back up, give him room!"

"Somebody get Master Mirumo!"

"Get bandages, too! And water! And meat!"

Shuu watched as a few servants ran off to fetch the supplies, and he put his arm out to block Ken from going any further. "What is going on?"

"Master Shuu!" a maid cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. "It's Kanae! He's hurt!"

Shuu looked past her and caught a glimpse of Kanae lying on a stretcher, his face and chest covered in blood and a large stab wound beneath his collar bones. Shuu let out a strangled cry and ran for him, but someone quickly blocked his way.

"Matsumae!"

"Please allow us to care for Kanae, Master Shuu," the woman said as several servants ran down a hallway with their wounded coworker. "We will make sure he is given the best treatment. He will be okay."

"But—"

Matsumae bowed. "We will tell you when you can visit him. You have my word."

"Matsumae."

"Master Mirumo," she said, bowing again, "good morning. We have already brought Kanae to the infirmary."

"Do you have any idea of the cause?"

"We do not believe he was attacked. Security did not report any Doves or other ghouls in the vicinity. As of right now, all the evidence points towards a self-inflicted wound."

Shuu gasped. "You mean he attempted suicide?"

"Unfortunately, Master Shuu, it is very likely."

"Wha—why?"

"We can discuss that later," Mirumo said. "For now, let Papa handle this. You should stay with Ken today." And he followed Matsumae down the hall towards the infirmary.

Shuu turned to Ken, the other's face pale and his eyes watering. His cheeks had a slight green tinge. "Why would Kanae…?"

"…It was me."

"What?"

Ken slapped both hands over his mouth and crumbled to the floor. Shuu flew down to his side and rubbed his shoulders as he sobbed. "It's my fault. It's all my fault! I shouldn't have…we shouldn't have…! He knew, he saw us!"

"Ken, what are you—?"

"He must have seen us in the training room last night! He must have seen us kiss!"

"I don't see why—"

"He was JEALOUS! That was why he left a yellow rose when he took my cup. Yellow roses can mean jealousy! I read about it in that book!"

Shuu pulled Ken in even as servants and maids rushed around them with first aid kits and other supplies. Ken grabbed Shuu's bathrobe and wailed into his chest, the other running his hands up and down his back. "I don't think it's your fault," Shuu eventually said. "I probably should have known better. Jealousy is an older meaning for a yellow rose, but I guess Kanae knew."

"How can you say this isn't my fault?" Ken gasped out, wrapping his arms around Shuu's neck. "I should die, not Kanae! If I hadn't…If I had stayed away—"

"Oftentimes people can only be happy because someone else isn't," Shuu murmured into Ken's ear. "If you're running a race and you win, you're happy because you won. But because you won, everyone else lost. It's only because they feel the sting of loss that someone can feel the thrill of victory. But it's not as though the winner intended to make everyone else upset. The winner wanted to win, of course, but they wanted to win to make themselves happy and proud, not to make everyone else a loser. That was just something that came with them winning, and everyone has to deal with it. I think this goes for lots of things. And sometimes the people who don't win or aren't happy take their loss too seriously. But that's not the happy person's fault. It's not as though you intended to make Kanae upset. You were seeking out your own happiness, and he got caught up in it. That's not your fault."

Ken let out a soft cry and buried his face in Shuu's chest. By the time he reemerged, most of the servants had returned to their normal work, and the panic that had once permeated the estate had significantly dissipated.

"Ken," Shuu said, brushing his lips against the other's forehead, "let me make you some coffee, and we'll go from there."

~

Ken had barely finished half of his coffee when he excused himself and returned to his room. He curled up in his sheets and tried to sleep, but his mind ran wild with guilt and fear, so his eyes refused to stay closed. He ignored his bookshelf and didn't bother reaching for the television remote, as even low background noise would do nothing to ease him. He waited and occasionally rolled over to look at his door, but no knocks came until late in the day.

"Ken," Shuu said, " _c'est moi_ , may I come in?" He opened the door when he heard a small "yes."

Ken sat up in bed, but the overwhelming urge to hide under his sheets rose within him when he saw that Shuu was not alone. "Ken, this is my father," Shuu said, sitting on the bed. "I don't believe you've formally met yet."

Mirumo knelt down next to Ken's bed. "We haven't," he said. "My name is Tsukiyama Mirumo, and I am the Head of the Tsukiyama Family. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Kaneki Ken. It's been my honor to have you as my guest."

Ken stared at the middle aged man who looked so unlike Shuu, but he could see their auras and the ways they carried themselves were similar. His face was older than Ken had expected, and his small glasses made his eyes look somewhat beady. Shuu seemed to have at least inherited his tall height and lean body from his father. Mirumo wasn't an unattractive man, but Shuu was significantly closer to what people would call "beautiful."

"It's nice to meet you, too, Sir," Ken finally said in a small voice. "I'm sorry I'm not more presentable."

"Please, this is your home now. You can relax here."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Call me 'Mirumo'."

Ken flinched but nodded. "Okay…Mirumo."

" _Bien_. Now then, Shuu told me you were worried about Kanae."

Ken nodded again. "Is he okay?"

"That was why we came here," Shuu said. "Kanae is resting now. The wound was terrible, but he's begun to heal."

"With some rest and some food, he'll be fine," Mirumo agreed. "I just wanted to ease your mind. All of our servants here have been trained in both combat and first aid. We have doctors and nurses onsite at all hours in case of emergency, so Kanae is in excellent hands. He can only whisper right now, but I think he'll be able to talk normally tomorrow."

For the first time since waking up next to Shuu that morning, Ken smiled. "That's good. Thank you for telling me."

"If you'd like, we'll take you to see him tomorrow," Mirumo said. "For now, I think we all need some rest. It's been a long day. Papa is going to bed early."

"I think I'll take a bath," Shuu said. "What about you, Ken?"

"Ah," Ken began, scratching his chin, "I think I'll just go to sleep, too."

" _D'accord_ ," Mirumo said, standing. "If you need anything, please do not hesitate to contact the servants, as usual."

Ken nodded. "Thank you."

"My pleasure. _Bonne nuit_." And he left the room, closing the door behind him.

"Shuu," Ken said before the other could speak.

" _Oui?_ "

"You knew that Kanae was jealous, didn't you?"

" _Oui_ , I did. I don't see why else he would try to go after something important to you."

Ken wiped his eyes before any tears could escape. "Then why didn't you…?"

Shuu's eyes narrowed. "Why didn't I what? Why didn't I stay away from you? Why didn't I give him a chance?"

"I don't…"

"Because you're the one I'm interested in."

Ken felt Shuu's gentle hand come to his cheek, and the fingers combed through his hair. For the first time since morning, Ken began to feel drowsy. He brought his own hand to rest over Shuu's, and Shuu lightly pressed his forehead against Ken's.

"I, too, pursued my own happiness the way you did, and Kanae got caught up in it," Shuu continued, his voice quiet and comforting. "I'm not going to apologize for that. I do think I should have done more for all of us, but Kanae is going to have to live with this reality. I'm not going to change my feelings just because he doesn't like them." He brought his other hand up to wipe Ken's watery eyes and then said, "May I kiss you?" He moved in and took Ken's lips once he received a nod.

"Shuu," Ken whispered once they parted.

"Please don't blame yourself for any of this," the other said. "It's not your fault. This is a matter for Kanae and me to handle. All you have to do is wait for it to end." He removed his hand from Ken's cheek and instead took his hand. "I think you should go to bed. Or you should at least relax. I'm going to take a bath."

"Okay."

"Do you want to join me?"

Ken's face lit up bright red. "No, thank you."

Shuu smiled. " _Excusez-moi,_ I was teasing. _Bonne nuit,_ Ken, sleep well." He squeezed Ken's hand one more time and then stood and left.

Ken watched the door for several minutes after Shuu closed it. His lips tingled and a pleasant warmth refused to leave his face. When he finally did look away, he noticed the clock said 7:16.

"Just for a moment," he murmured, throwing the sheets away and heading into the hallway. "I just need to know they're not hiding something." It didn't take him long to find the hallway with the infirmary, although he did wait quite a while until several nurses finally exited a room. Once they were gone, Ken pressed his ear against the door but heard only what sounded like someone shifting in bed. After another few moments of silence, he cracked the door open.

"You just changed my bandages," Kanae whispered. "What is it no—"

Ken stared as Kanae quickly grabbed the sheets and covered his chest.

~

A young man jumped as the bathroom door opened behind him, but he relaxed upon realizing who the intruder was. Said intruder took a step back and pulled the door back. "I'm sorry, Tooru, I didn't realize you were here."

"No, that's okay," Tooru said as he did the last button on his shirt. "I was just washing my face. You can come in."

"I just need to fix my hair real quick," the other murmured, walking past Tooru and opening the medicine cabinet. Tooru stepped to the side and let him run the putty through his orange locks, both silent and purposefully avoiding looking at each other in the mirror.

"I don't like it."

"Shirazu—"

"I don't like it!" Ginshi repeated, slamming the jar of hair putty against the counter. "Sassan is—I mean…Kaneki Ken is…ugh, I don't like it! How are we supposed to deal with this? If word gets out, we're fucked!"

Tooru frowned and reached for his eyepatch. "I don't like it either," he said quietly. "I mean, I suppose it's what's best for Mr. Sasa—Kaneki Ken. The Tsukiyama Family is extremely wealthy and has plenty of resources. There's no doubt they can easily protect him, but to learn that the Tsukiyama Conglomerate is run by ghouls…"

"That's what I don't like!" Ginshi nearly screeched. "If anyone at the CCG ever finds out, they'd be hunted down and slaughtered real quick. And what's worse, they were 'Rose!' They were the ones that scary-ass Washuu guy and that stitched bastard were looking for. I've heard about the way he fights. He's got a chainsaw quinque or something, it's brutal! And then there's Ui or whatever his name is. He's a Special Class, so you know he'd have no problem taking out the boss or any other strong ghouls. I hear Hairu is like a fucking monster when she fights, too. If any of them find out about this—!"

"That's why we're not going to tell them," Tooru said as he slipped his eyepatch on. "This is a secret just for the four of us, Associate Special Class Mado, Special Class Suzuya, and Special Class Suzuya's squad. If we all keep quiet, no one else will find out."

"If someone does find out, it'll be the death of Tsukiyama and then the death of us."

Tooru swallowed hard. "Like I said, it's our secret."

Ginshi let out a low groan. "It's hard to be optimistic about it. Everyone associated with the hunt for 'Rose' is itching for blood. That stitched bastard—"

"Associate Special Class Kijima."

"Whatever. He got in big trouble for that video he posted, especially because nothing ever came out of it. He swore he'd lure 'Rose' out, but no one ever responded to it. If he even got the slightest hint on 'Rose,' he'd go on a killing spree."

"You're right," Tooru said as he headed for the door. "You're absolutely right."

"Wait, I'm right?"

"Yes, you are, Squad Leader!"

Ginshi's mouth briefly twitched into a half-smile before falling flat again. He stared into the mirror and said, "I'm scared, Tooru."

"I am, too," Tooru said after a beat of silence. "I'm scared of Special Class Washuu, Special Class Ui, First Class Ihei, Associate Special Class Kijima, and everyone else who could hurt Mr. Sasa—Kaneki Ken. I'm scared for Kaneki Ken, for the Tsukiyama Family, for Associate Special Class Kijima's assistant—"

"Wait, who?"

"The man who's always following Associate Special Class Kijima around. He's really quiet but really polite. I think his name is Furuta?"

"Why are you scared for him?"

"Because Associate Special Class Kijima has been verbally taking out all his frustrations on him."

"Holy shit, I'm scared for him, too, then," Ginshi said as he followed Tooru out of the bathroom and down the chateau's stairs.

"Yeah, but it's for the best," Tooru sighed. "Sorry, Furuta, we have to protect our old mentor."

"Yeah, I—SAIKO, GET YOUR FAT ASS DOWN HERE AND CLEAN UP YOUR COSPLAY SHIT!"

A loud, squealing "NO" echoed down the hallway. "I'm making a Blue Fairy costume, and there isn't enough space in my room. Too many figurines!"

"YOU'RE GONNA BE THE BLACK AND BLUE FAIRY IF YOU DON'T PUT THIS CRAP AWAY!"

Tooru watched as Ginshi tripped over a pile of tulle just as Kuki walked through the room with a cup of coffee. Kuki briefly looked at Ginshi, turned to Tooru with deadpan eyes, and sipped his coffee before leaving the chateau in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vienna Coffee
> 
> Coffee is a way of life in Austria. Try this recipe for a little taste of the capital city Vienna.
> 
> You will need:
> 
> Espresso
> 
> Whipped cream
> 
> Chocolate (optional)
> 
> Ground cinnamon (optional)
> 
> 1\. Brew 2 shots' worth of espresso
> 
> 2\. Fill the rest of the cup with whipped cream
> 
> 3\. If desired, chop up some chocolate and sprinkle it on top
> 
> 4\. If desired, sprinkle some ground cinnamon on top, too
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Epicurious.


	12. Cafecito

Ken stared, his wide eyes locked with Kanae's as the latter tensely held the blanket over his chest. Ken could see the bandages wrapped around the other's back, and, luckily, there was no blood, but Ken almost believed there was no blood in Kanae's body at all. His skin was paler than the sheets.

"I'm sorry," Ken finally said.

Kanae's eyes narrowed. "For what?"

"I just wanted to see if you were okay."

Kanae yanked the blanket over his shoulders so Ken couldn't see any of his torso. "I don't want you checking on me. You put me here."

"Kanae—"

"I'm—!" Kanae stopped and turned away. His voice had cracked. "Never mind! Just go and tell everyone!"

"But Shuu and the others know you're okay."

"Not that!" Kanae turned back to him, eyes watery and pained. "That I'm a girl! Go on, go tell everyone! That's what you're thinking, right? Just come out and say it!"

"Are you a girl?"

Kanae glared. "Why would you even ask me that? Shouldn't it be obvious? Look at me!" He pulled the covers down to reveal his bandaged chest. It had a slight curve.

But Ken shook his head. "It's not obvious."

"What the hell? Why not?"

"Because I once knew someone who had a body like yours but wasn't a girl."

Kanae's glare turned into a soft look of wonder, and he pulled the blankets back to his chest. " _Scheiße_ , I hate you so much."

"I know you do," Ken said, "and I think I know why."

Kanae's glare returned. "Then why don't you do something about it?" he asked. "If you really want to make me feel better, if you really want me to be okay, go take my advice and kill yourself or give yourself up to the CCG. Things would be much easier and more peaceful around here without you. You put Master Shuu and the rest of the Tsukiyama Family in danger every moment you're here. Even right now, there's a terrible risk, so I think you should do something for the greater good. Take one for the team, as they say. I heard from Master Shuu that you used to sacrifice yourself for everyone all the time, so why don't you do it now?"

Ken stared, mouth drawn into a hard line.

"Well?"

"Because I want to find a better reason to live."

Red rushed straight to Kanae's face, his eyebrows tightly knit.

"Dying for other people wasn't okay. There has to be a better reason for me to live. There has to be a better way for me to help the people I care about."

Kanae looked down and twisted his hands in the blankets, red blooming all over his body. " _Börg_. You disgusting pig. Your so-called 'reason to live' is to fuck Master Shuu, is it not? _Scheiße, Scheiße_ , you… _Schlampe_! You _Schlampe_! Slut! You disgusting slut!" Ken flinched when he heard the fabric rip. "You just waltz in here…you waltz into Master Shuu's life and—!"

"Kanae!" Ken cried, rushing forward and putting his arm around the other. "Stop it! Your wound is opening!"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Kanae screamed back, pushing Ken away. His hands then flew to his chest when a hot, dull pain began spreading across it. He looked down and saw red bandages. "Now look what you've done!"

"I'll go get the nurse."

"Don't you—!" Kanae grabbed at his chest and hunched over. "I don't want your help," he spat, voice weak and breathy. "I don't want your help, and I don't want your pity. You came into Master Shuu's life and completely ruined it. You built him up only to tear him down. You sent him into a terrible depression for over two years. And when you saw him again, you crushed him further, completely forgetting who he was. And yet now you remember him? And just like that you get to have coffee with him and read with him and sleep in his bed and make out with him on a gym floor? You should have just let him consume you all those years ago, then none of this would have happened. He'd still be his old, happy self. He used to talk about food and music and art and history and culture and so many other things, but now he only talks about you. It's been that way since the moment he saw you!"

Ken knelt down next to Kanae's bed, his eyes glassy and his bottom lip trembling slightly. He placed a hand on the blanket and said, "I know I ruined his life. I'm so sorry."

Kanae wiped his eyes and turned away. "Get out."

"Huh?"

"Get out, you disgusting _Schlampe_. You have no place here."

After a pause, Ken stood and walked out of the room, gently closing the door behind him. He considered calling a nurse but quickly pushed the thought from his mind.

"So now you know."

Ken looked down to see Chie sitting next to the door fiddling with her camera.

"…Who else knows?"

"Everyone except Tsukiyama."

Ken's breath hitched. He opened his mouth, but Chie spoke first.

"No one is really sure why he's doing this, but we've all been playing along to appease him. He's not happy though. Even before you came into Tsukiyama's life, he wasn't happy, at least not on the inside. He always looked kinda happy, but that was only whenever he was around Tsukiyama. I've got pictures in case you wanna see."

"No, no," Ken said, shaking his head, "no, I don't. I'll take your word for it."

Chie shrugged. "He saw you make out with Tsukiyama last night, but you already know that. I've got pics. That was why he stabbed himself in the chest with his own kagune. I have pictures of that, too."

"Chie—!"

"What? It's the truth. Not like it's your fault though."

Ken's mouth dropped open. "How can you…how can everyone here say that? You just said that Kanae attempted suicide because he saw Shuu and me—"

"Yeah, exactly," Chie said, giving Ken a look as if the answer were obvious. "He saw you. He did. He then went out and attempted suicide. He did all that, not you. What are you supposed to do, put your life on hold because Kanae is jealous of something you have? That's ridiculous. You're the only one who gets to live your life, and you're the only one who can decide how to live it. If you wanna put it on hold for Kanae's sake, then fine, but that's gotta be your decision. And if Kanae wants to end his life for whatever reason, that's his decision. And if he chooses to live but doesn't like it, he's gonna have to deal."

Ken fell against the door and slid down, curling into a ball next to Chie. "Shuu said the same thing," he murmured. "A lot nicer but the same thing."

"Every now and then he has a clear, cohesive thought."

"How can you two say such things though? How can you separate all of this so easily?"

Chie snorted. "Tsukiyama can only say things like that to you. Trust me, he never said crap like that before you, and I'm willing to bet my entire photo collection that he could never say such things to anyone else. As for me, well, I guess I'm just scared of dying. I know it'll happen someday, but I at least want to be content about it. So I'm just filling up my life with the things I want to do so that I'll be satisfied when my time to go comes. If I let anyone else's feelings or actions stop me or even just delay me, I'll miss out on stuff. That's also why I don't interfere in any situation unless I feel like I'll miss something if I don't. I'm not saying you have to live this way, but it works for me." She snapped a picture of the hallway and smirked. "By the way, you've taken quite nicely to calling Tsukiyama by his first name."

Ken's head shot up, his face bright red, and Chie snapped several photos of his horribly embarrassed face. "Nice," she snickered, looking through the camera's memory. "I'm getting these framed."

"Chie—"

"But not before some coffee for the road." She stood and headed down the hallway before turning back. "Maybe you should have a snack and then go to bed. Or go take a bath with Tsukiyama. I dunno. Have a good night!" And she ran off, leaving Ken's face impossibly red and skin prickling with heat.

~

Ken was already conscious when the knock on his bedroom door came the next morning. "Ken?" Shuu said. "Are you awake?"

He cleared his throat and nodded even though he knew Shuu couldn't see. "I am. Come in." He sat up and scratched his head as the door opened.

"I brought you some coffee," Shuu said. "Did you sleep well?"

Ken shook his head as took his cup and sipped from it. "I was tossing and turning."

"Oh, you must still be in shock."

Ken shrugged. "Maybe. Or…I don't know. I had a lot on my mind."

Shuu smiled sadly as he sat down next to Ken. " _Oui,_ the past few days have been quite hectic. I'm sorry you got caught up in all of this. You have enough to deal with."

Ken shrugged again. "Do you have coffee?"

" _Oui_ , but I didn't know if you wanted to be alone."

"I don't. Can we, um, drink together?"

Shuu's face brightened. " _Bien sûr!_ One moment please!" Shuu rushed into the hallway and reappeared in Ken's room mere seconds later, panting slightly and still smiling wide. He sat back down next to Ken and took a large gulp from his own cup. "I like this, taking things one at a time. It's so nice," he continued. "It would be lovely if we could have morning coffee together more often."

Ken managed to give him a pained smile. "I'd like that," he said as he gently placed his head on Shuu's shoulder, his skin warming against the soft bathrobe. His bottom lip trembled as he took another sip of coffee, and he closed his eyes so threatening tears wouldn't fall.

"Ken," Shuu said after several long minutes of silence, "unfortunately I do not think Kanae will be taking visitors today. His wound reopened last night, and we're not sure why. _Désolé_ , I know you were worried about him."

Ken inhaled sharply and lowered his head, nodding. "I understand. Whatever it takes to help him get better."

Shuu frowned. "You still feel guilty." He put his arm around Ken before the other could respond. "It's okay, _mon cher._ You have nothing to feel guilty about."

"Shuu," Ken said quietly, voice cracking.

Shuu pressed his forehead against Ken's temple. "But I know you need to work through those feelings. Take your time." He smiled again when Ken nodded. " _Bien_. Now then, I wanted to know if you'd let me take your measurements today. I'd like to send them to our family's tailor for your Christmas party suit."

Ken glanced up. "I thought we'd just buy one."

"Non, I want you to have a personalized suit perfectly tailored to you. I don't mean to scare you, but with the all the Japanese branches of the Tsukiyama Family there—"

"I get it, I need to make a good impression."

" _C'est vrai_. Between you being my date and how judgmental some of the family can be, it is imperative that you present well. Not to say you don't on normal days!"

"Shuu, today is a normal day, and I'm a goddamn mess right now. I've been a goddamn mess for years."

Shuu covered his smiling mouth and snorted lightly. " _Excusez-moi_ , you word things so amusingly sometimes."

"Look who's talking."

Shuu snorted again, this time unable to hide his growing smile and increasing laughter. It made the pain in Ken's smile fade. "But yeah," he said, "let's take measurements today."

" _Ravissant_ ," Shuu replied, downing the last of his coffee. "Don't bother getting dressed for now. I'll return once I have all my supplies. Are you done?" He took Ken's cup after the latter, too, had gulped down the remaining coffee.

When Shuu returned, he was dressed for the day and carrying a small basket of sewing supplies. "Stand please," he said as he unwound flexible measuring tape. His cheeks flushed slightly when he set the rest of the supplies on the nightstand. "And please get undressed."

Ken let out a long exhale and did as he was told. He noticed that Shuu was purposefully looking away as he stripped and only turned back to him once he was done. With an awkward smile, Shuu stretched out the tape. " _Excusez-moi,_ " he said as he started at Ken's chest. Ken spread his arms and stood as straight as he could. Both of them purposefully avoided eye contact.

"How nostalgic."

Ken finally looked at Shuu. "Huh?"

"Ah, I was just remembering when I measured you for your battle suit," Shuu replied, meeting Ken's gaze with a kind smile.

Ken's face flushed and he looked away. "I liked the way things were back then," he said quietly after a long silence.

Shuu's smile widened. " _Moi aussi._ "

"You said you were going to send my measurements to a tailor, right?"

" _Oui._ I could make your suit myself, but I want to be surprised the first time you wear it."

Ken's face darkened. "Don't say things like that! Don't talk like—!"

"Like what?"

Ken chewed his lip and squeaked out, "Like we're getting married." He waited for a response but heard nothing and felt no movement, so he looked down at Shuu, who was blushing bright red and had his wide eyes fixed on Ken's face. "DON'T IMAGINE IT!"

"Ack, _pardonnez-moi!_ " Shuu squeaked out, quickly maneuvering the measuring tape down to Ken's legs. He cleared his throat as he took notes, occasionally smacking his hand against his hot cheeks. Ken could swear he felt steam rising from both their faces.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was the one who took it there. I should have kept my mouth shut."

Shuu shook his head. " _Non_ , it's not a big deal. I shouldn't have stared. You just surprised me, I wasn't even thinking of that." He let out a pathetic laugh and added, "So much for taking things one at a time." Ken resisted the urge to slap him.

"Whatever. Are you done?"

"Yes, just finished," Shuu said as he jotted down the last of his notes. He rolled the measuring tape back up and put it away. He pulled a catalogue from the basket of supplies as Ken slipped on a pair of jeans. "Now I'd like to go over style and color options," he said once Ken finished buttoning a shirt. "I have a feeling of what you'd like, but I want to show you options anyway."

Ken nodded and sat back down on his bed as Shuu sat down next to him, already flipping through the pages. His eyes were narrow as they scanned the multiple options, but they all looked the same to Ken. Did the number of buttons really matter? Did the length of the pant leg? Shuu occasionally stopped to place a tag next to a picture or ask Ken what he thought, but Ken's answer was always short, either "yes" or "no."

"I think darker colors suit you better," Shuu said as he passed through pages of lighter suits. "Colors like taupe and tan are very modern, but I don't think they're your style. I don't know if we should just go straight for black, even if it's classic. Dark gray? Not navy but…"

"Shuu?"

He looked up. "Hmm?"

"Can you do this part, too, please?" Ken asked as he looked away, cheeks flushed. "I'm not so good with fashion. Just surprise me."

Shuu frowned. "I can but this is your suit. Or is this too overwhelming?"

Ken shrugged. "Kind of. But I also…it's stupid but I feel like I'm not going to look good no matter what."

"Why would you think that?" Shuu asked, voice heavy with concern. "Ken, that's…you're beautiful."

Ken's cheeks flushed darker. "No, I'm not. And now I…"

Shuu waited but Ken's mouth closed. "And now what?"

"…I haven't…I look…" Ken rolled up his shirt sleeve so his soft, slim arm was visible. "My measurements changed."

Shuu stared at Ken's bare arm for what felt like forever to Ken, and then his eyes suddenly widened, and he gasped lightly. "Oh, _mon petit_ , you are still so beautiful even if your body has changed. It reminds me of when we first met! Although nowadays you could probably beat me senseless in squash." He laughed but Ken merely rolled his shirt sleeve back down and slumped forward. Cautiously, Shuu placed his hands on Ken's shoulders. "If you really don't like the way you are now, then we'll go back to training like we used to. We can create a whole workout routine if you want."

"It's not just looks," Ken mumbled. "I don't want to be kept here forever. I want to go outside again, and, if I do that, I'm going to need to be able to defend myself. I don't want you to have to shield me forever."

A smirk found its way onto Shuu's face. "But I am not your shield," he teasingly whispered into Ken's ear. "I am the dagger hidden beneath your pillow. I'm the weapon you use to fight, so I am very much in favor of training and fighting alongside you again. And if you gain those lovely muscles of your back, all the more _dolce_."

Ken covered his burning cheeks. "Shuu…"

"I desire you no matter how you look or what you wear." He kissed the back of Ken's neck, causing the latter to shiver rather noticeably. It made Shuu's smirk widen into a full grin.

A sudden knock shattered the moment. Shuu pulled away as Ken's head shot up towards the door. He rubbed his arms and then rubbed his eyes before saying, "Yes?"

"Pardon me, Master Ken," came Aliza's voice, "but is Master Shuu there with you?"

"Ah, yes, he's here," Ken said after a moment of hesitation. His face was still bright red. "You can come in."

Aliza gently opened the door, a worried look in her eyes. "Master Shuu," she said, "Kanae would like to see you."

Shuu's face fell as he stood. "I'll be right there." He turned back to Ken once Aliza closed the door. "I…"

"Go," Ken said, holding up the catalogue. "I'll look through this and decide what I want."

A smile momentarily appeared on Shuu's face. "You'll look stunning no matter what, I promise," he said, and he turned and left the room. Ken smiled back until Shuu left. He then put the catalogue back in the basket of sewing supplies, curled up in bed, and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cafecito
> 
> No Cuban meal is complete without this famous Cuban Coffee! It packs a punch but has just enough sweetness at the same time.
> 
> You will need:
> 
> Espresso (enough for 6 servings)
> 
> Sugar (about 1/4 cup)
> 
> 1\. Brew your espresso.
> 
> 2\. Pour about 1/2 teaspoon of espresso over the sugar and beat it until it turns pale beige (about a minute).
> 
> 3\. Slowly pour the espresso over the sugar mixture and stir. A thin layer of sugar foam should rise to the top.
> 
> 4\. Pour into cups and serve immediately.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Epicurious.


	13. Flat White

Ken blew his nose and wiped a stray tear from his cheek. He was done.

"Never realized how exhausting crying is," he murmured as he threw the tissue away. He sniffed and stood, grimacing when he saw himself in the mirror. Dark bags hung under his pink, puffy eyes, and his pale skin was blotched with red. He recalled that first night at the Tsukiyama Estate and thought he must look similar to the way he did back then. He rubbed his eyes, took a deep breath, and went back to his bed to look through the catalogue.

There was a knock on his bedroom door not too long later. "Master Ken? May I come in?"

"Yes."

Matsumae entered the room and continued, "Master Shuu has asked me to apologize on his behalf for not returning to you. Another matter required his attention once he was done visiting Kanae."

"Oh, that's okay, it's not a big deal," Ken said, mentally letting out a sigh of relief that Shuu hadn't returned to find him crying. "It's actually better. I still haven't decided which suit I want for the Christmas party. I'm not so good with fashion."

The corner of Matsumae's lips twitched into a small smirk. "May I?" She gestured to the bed.

"Oh, yes, please."

With a small bow, Matsumae sat down and flipped through the catalogue. Specifically, she stopped on all the pages with Shuu's tags. "Master Shuu's taste in fashion always astounds me; his personal style and his style choices for others are complete opposites. In my opinion, you would do well with a little bit of color. Nothing bright or bold but a deep, rich color that compliments a more neutral suit. Ah, something like this." She pointed to an image, and her smile grew slightly when Ken's eyes widened. "It's very modern but has the feel of a classic style. I think the colors would go with your skin, hair, and eyes as well. And perhaps…yes, I think it would compliment Master Shuu's suit as well."

"Shuu already has a suit?"

"It is currently being sewn."

Ken nodded, already beginning to forget his tears. "Alright, then I'll go with that."

"I am honored that you would agree to my choice, Master Ken, but there are several other options. I could show you more."

"No, no, that would get too overwhelming. And you haven't steered me wrong before. Anyone with such good taste in coffee has to have good taste elsewhere."

Matsumae's head dropped before she could smile further. "Master Ken," she managed, her voice cracking quietly, "I must apologize to you. I—"

"Wait, what?" Ken said, reeling backwards. "What do you mean?"

Matsumae inhaled deeply and said, "I must apologize to you for my previous thoughts about you. When Master Shuu first brought you here, I was skeptical about your presence. While I respected you as a powerful ghoul, I did not think highly of you as a guest. After your first night here, I even questioned Master Mirumo's decision to shelter you at all. I believed you would pose a threat to our existence, that you would attract the Doves, but now I see that all my worrying was for nothing. You have cared about our safety and kept all of us in your thoughts. We are as safe as we have ever been. You have been an absolute joy to serve. Anything that has happened since your arrival has not been your fault, so I see that I was wrong." She sat up straight, turned to Ken, and finished, "Master Ken, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize for thinking so negatively of you. I do hope you can forgive me." And she bowed again.

Ken squirmed in his spot, his hands wringing in his shirt. He looked from side to side before looking back at Matsumae and biting his lip. "You don't have to do that. It's okay," he said quietly. "Please don't—please raise your head. It's not a big deal. I thought the same thing when I first came here. I still think it."

Matsumae finally looked up. "Master Ken, you are not a burden here. No one here fears you or the Doves."

"But I'm still afraid. And I still…" Ken shook his head. "It's okay. Just please be more relaxed around me. I'm not good with formality."

"Ah, I am sorry, Master Ken, you're still not used to all this." Matsumae stood with the catalogue. "I will inform Master Shuu that you have made a choice, and I will take that choice to the tailor. I estimate your fitting will be in approximately one month."

Ken nodded. "Thank you."

"My pleasure. If you require anything else, please do not hesitate to call." With that, Matsumae lowered her head slightly—just enough to show respect without fully bowing—and left the room. Ken watched her go and felt the urge to cry again, but he sucked in a deep breath before it could take hold and instead took a book from his shelf.

~

Ken jumped when he heard another knock. "Yes?" he said, fumbling with the book. He suddenly realized he was almost finished with it.

"It's me."

"Come in."

Shuu opened the door, smiling sadly. " _Excusez-moi_ , I took so long to return to you."

Ken shook his head. "No, no, Matsumae said you had something else to do."

" _Oui_ , I'm sorry, it just came up so suddenly. But I heard that you chose a suit?"

"Yeah, Matsumae suggested it."

The sadness in Shuu's smile disappeared. "I can't wait to see it."

Ken smiled back, gazing at the other for a second too long. He turned away, still smiling, and rubbed his eyes in an attempt to cover his embarrassment. "She also said that it'll compliment your suit."

Shuu flinched and rubbed his eyes as well, a small, sputtering laugh escaping his lips. "That Matsumae," he said, inhaling deeply to calm his nerves and suddenly pounding heart.

Ken nodded. "So I can't wait to see yours, too."

Still flustered but smirking, Shuu sat down on the bed and eyed Ken. "Weren't you the one who told ME not to talk like…you know." He laughed when Ken's entire face flushed and the other turned away with his book over his face.

Then Shuu suddenly stopped. His face fell and he stared. "Oh no."

Ken looked up, the tone of Shuu's voice making his own face fall. "What?"

"You're going to need things to talk about at the party," Shuu said. " _Santo cielo,_ I completely forgot."

"…Oh," Ken said back. "Um, okay. What kinds of things?"

" _Idiot me, idiot me,_ " Shuu whispered a few times before taking a deep breath and continuing, "Okay. So. Everyone in the Tsukiyama Family, regardless of branch and status, is well-versed in several subjects. It's part of our education in addition to our regular schooling. Of course, we all have our specialties, but, in general, we have to have significant knowledge of art, literature, poetry, music, theatre, history, politics, foreign affairs, culture, business, and the like. Since you'll be attending the party as my date, the other branches will want to know about you. Some will likely want to test you as well. Oh _mon dieu_ , Ken, I am so sorry. I didn't even think about this. It's probably all too much for—"

"It's alright," Ken said, gently placing a hand on Shuu's arm. "We still have time. You just need to teach me what I need to know."

Shuu nodded, breathing deeply through his nose. " _Oui, c'est vrai._ Let's not waste a second. You are already quite knowledgable when it comes to literature, so I don't think we'll need to dwell on that. Although I will say that you should focus on foreign literature in conversation. You will appear more worldly. Who is your favorite foreign author?"

Ken only had to think for half a second. "Franz Kafka."

" _Parfait!_ Good answer. So literature will be your fallback. If you get stuck or if the conversation turns awkward, try to turn the topic back to literature." Shuu smiled when Ken nodded, though his expression still showed anxiety. "Now then, where else are you knowledgable?"

Ken scratched the back of his head and said, "Poetry and theatre both kinda fall under the 'literature' category, right? I've studied both but I can read more."

Shuu nodded enthusiastically, his smile widening. "Yes, yes, please do. I'll show you where such works are in the library. Again, we'll try to focus on foreign writers. Alright, yes, I already feel better about this. I think overall you'll be fine with your current knowledge, but we should expand it as much as possible, especially—" He suddenly stopped and his eyes widened. "Ah, never mind, that's not important. Let's move on."

Ken didn't believe him for a second, but he nodded anyway.

"As for politics and foreign affairs," Shuu continued, "that's easy enough for you to read about. I don't think the conversations will go there often since this is a Christmas party. Such heavy topics hardly ever come up, but it wouldn't hurt for you to know what's currently happening in the world."

Ken nodded again. "Then I'll start reading the newspaper every day."

" _Oui_ , that should suffice."

Ken went to smile but stopped, squirming in his spot. "Um, what about music? I'm not…That's not really my forte."

Shuu gave him a sympathetic look. "But I don't think anyone will care since you're so well-versed in other subjects. Like I said, everyone has a specialty or at least a preferred topic. And you can get away with it even more since you're not part of the Tsukiyama Family."

"But I want to make a good impression."

"I think you will. We'll expand your knowledge and polish you up a bit, and you'll be perfectly fascinating."

Ken finally smiled. "Alright. And maybe I can listen to some music while I read? It might help."

"If you'd like, I'd be more than happen to loan you—" Shuu suddenly stopped short, and his eyes widened with fear. "Ken," he gasped, staring at the other, "do you…oh _mon dieu, mon dieu, idiot me._ "

Panic began to rise in Ken's throat. His breathing shallowed and his hands began to shake. "Do I what?"

"…Do you know how to dance?"

Ken slapped both hands over his mouth as his eyes mirrored Shuu's, and he shook his head.

"…Have you ever read anything about dancing?"

Ken shook his head again.

"Alright, _be cool_ ," Shuu said, although he wasn't sure to whom he was speaking. "This isn't such a big deal, we have time. With practice, I think you'll do just fine."

"I know how to fight, Shuu!" Ken cried. "I don't know how to dance! I can handle conversations, but I know nothing about dancing!"

"Fighting and dancing actually quite similar! And you take directions well, so you'll be fine, I promise. Maybe you won't even have to dance—"

"Wait, I'd have to dance with people other than you?"

"Yes," Shuu said, but he immediately regretted his words when Ken backed away and shook his head. "But maybe not! I can say that you don't dance."

"I don't want you making excuses for me! And if I say 'no,' then…I'm just thinking about how you said the other branches might want to test me. My appearance at this party is going to be a reflection of you, right? That's how these things work, right?"

Shuu stared at Ken as if the latter had just slapped him, and he nodded solemnly. "I am so sorry. I didn't think about any of this. I invited you because I wanted you to be my date. I want to take you on a date, but you're still housebound, so I thought this party was the perfect opportunity." Tears welled up in his eyes, and he attempted to rub them away. "I am so sorry, so, so sorry. I was only thinking of myself. I wasn't thinking about you at all. I'm so sorry."

Ken took several deep breaths and then leaned forward to put his hand on the other's shoulder. "Shuu," he said, scooting forward until they were close enough to embrace, "Shuu, it's okay. Really, it's fine. We'll make this work. I'll learn to dance, I promise. I'm sorry I freaked out, I just never even considered dancing before. And I…want to go on a date with you, too, so, yeah, this is the perfect opportunity. It'll be a big date, but it'll be a good one."

"Ken…"

"I'll be fine. With you as my teacher, I'll learn in no time."

Shuu closed his eyes and felt himself relax when Ken's lips pressed against his forehead. He smiled and the tears receded. " _Merci beaucoup, mon amour,_ " he said when Ken pulled away. "I have full confidence in you. I'm sorry if I made it seem like I feel otherwise."

"No, you were thinking of my comfort. Thank you." Another forehead kiss.

Shuu let out a slightly embarrassed huff of laughter. "I still need practice, but I guess there's never been a better time to start. For both of us." He stood and held out his hand. "Shall we begin?"

~

"Okay, try it on your own this time. _Un, deux, trois, quatre—_ "

Ken's feet followed each other in a box-like pattern.

" _—cinq, six, sept, huit._ Ah, _très bien!_ I think you already have the basic steps down!"

Ken looked up at Shuu with a small smile. "It's actually not as hard as I thought it would be."

"That's good! Do you want to try it with a partner?"

Ken nodded. "Is anyone—"

"Matsumae!" Shuu was shouting at the music room's door before Ken could even register him moving. "Matsumae, I have a favor to ask!"

Even more surprising to Ken was when said woman appeared mere moments later. "Yes, Master Shuu?"

"Would you please be Ken's dance partner? We are practicing for the Christmas party."

"I would be honored," Matsumae said, lowering her head in respect. She followed Shuu back into the room and waited patiently as he positioned Ken properly.

"Now then, keep your back straight, your shoulders relaxed, _bien_. Now then, since you're playing the 'man' in this duo, you're leading. Matsumae will follow your movements. This hand goes around her waist, and this hand holds hers." Shuu stepped back and motioned for Ken to approach his partner, but the latter only looked back at Shuu nervously. "Something wrong?"

"I, um…"

"Feeling a bit embarrassed?"

Ken nodded. "Sorry, I know it's stupid. Of course you have to touch the person you're dancing with. It's just—"

"A bit intimate, _oui?_ It's okay, many people don't realize how intimate dancing is until they try it themselves. Here, just—"

"Just pretend I am Master Shuu."

Shuu, eyes wide, whipped towards the servant, who smiled pleasantly as Ken slowly approached her and took her hand. Shuu covered his eyes momentarily and then said, "Whatever works, I suppose." When he looked again, Matsumae was still smiling, and Ken, cheeks pink, was holding her properly. Shuu nodded. "Yes, yes, good, alright, let's try the basic waltz again. Remember, Ken, you lead and Matsumae will follow. Now then, _un, deux, trois, quatre—_ "

Ken jumped at the fourth beat. "I'm sorry!" he cried, looking down.

"It is quite alright, Master Ken," Matsumae said. "A mistake or two is to be expected on your first try."

"But I bumped into your foot."

"You did not injure me, Master Ken."

"Here, Ken, look up," Shuu said, positioning Ken's head so he was facing Matsumae again. "One of the most important rules of any dance is to keep looking up. Never look down at your feet. It's a one-way ticket to mistakes. Now then, let's give it another try. Ready?" He stepped back when Ken took a deep breath and nodded. " _Bien_. And… _un, deux, trois, quatre—_ "

It took several more tries before Ken could repeat the same basic steps without bumping into Matsumae somehow. Despite this, the woman remained patient, and every time she gently encouraged him to try again with a smile. Shuu counted their steps, and his smile widened the first time he could count without stopping. When he could repeatedly count to eight, he couldn't help the excitement in his voice. " _Très bien!_ " Ken, too, smiled as the counting stopped.

"I think we should try it with music," Matsumae said.

"Agreed," Shuu said, sitting down at the piano. "And then I think that will be enough for today. Remember, Ken, count the steps in your head. And…!"

Ken began counting once Shuu began playing. The second time around, he began moving, and soon he was smoothly counting throughout the entirety of Shuu's impromptu song. Shuu's smile continued to widen, and on the eighth beat of a count, his hands stilled. "Ken," he said, voice nearly giddy, "I do not think our worrying was necessary. You seem to have already mastered the basic steps of this waltz."

Ken felt his heart swell with pride as he pulled his hands away from Matsumae. "Really?"

"That was quite a stellar first attempt, Master Ken," Matsumae said.

Shuu nodded. "I was not speaking in jest when I said that fighting and dancing are similar. We must build upon these skills, but I am not concerned in the slightest."

"If I may," Matsumae added, "perhaps Master Ken would like to read about dance?"

" _Oui,_ just like when you read about martial arts!" Shuu said, stepping away from the piano. "Like that time at the restaura—Yes, you are a quick study when you read about something!" He pulled at his collar and tried to laugh.

Ken smirked. "Nice save."

Shuu cleared his throat, still smiling. "Um, yes, so… _merci beaucoup_ , Matsumae!"

"My pleasure, Master Shuu. Should you require my assistance in the future, please do not hesitate to call."

"Much appreciated! Come along now, _mon petit_ , I'll show you where everything you'll need to study is in the library."

~

Chie lifted her camera, snapped a photo, and let the camera hang around her neck. "Tomorrow then, huh?"

Kanae sat up in bed holding the sheets to his chest and staring out the window. His bare silhouette was dark against the bright oranges and yellows of the sunset. Chie watched as he slowly let go of the sheets, and she snapped another photo as he nodded.

" _Ja_ , tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Flat White originated in either Australia or New Zealand in the 1980s (origin is hotly debated). It made its way to the UK and is now popular in the US.
> 
> You will need: espresso, cold milk (preferably whole milk), a preheated cup, and probably a machine to steam your milk
> 
> 1) Preheat your cup.
> 
> 2) Make your espresso and pour it into the preheated cup.
> 
> 3) "Stretch" your cold milk. When steaming the milk, break up the large bubbles by swirling milk around the steamer. Don't let it get too hot. You'll know it's right when the milk has a shiny surface and the consistency of latex paint.
> 
> 4) Pour in the milk into the espresso, keeping it concentrated in one spot. Serve immediately.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Whole Latte Love.


	14. Espresso Romano

_A sudden knock shattered the moment. Shuu pulled away as Ken's head shot up towards the door. He rubbed his arms and then rubbed his eyes before saying, "Yes?"_

_"Pardon me, Master Ken," came Aliza's voice, "but is Master Shuu there with you?"_

_"Ah, yes, he's here," Ken said after a moment of hesitation. His face was still bright red. "You can come in."_

_Aliza gently opened the door, a worried look in her eyes. "Master Shuu," she said, "Kanae would like to see you."_

_Shuu's face fell as he stood. "I'll be right there." He turned back to Ken once Aliza closed the door. "I…"_

_"Go," Ken said, holding up the catalogue. "I'll look through this and decide what I want."_

_A smile momentarily appeared on Shuu's face. "You'll look stunning no matter what, I promise," he said, and he turned and left the room. He took a deep breath and leaned against the closed door only to hear quiet sobs on the other side. He urgently reached for the knob but stopped short, biting his lip as he forced his hand back to his side. A tear slipped past his eye, but he stopped it before it could run down his cheek. "_ Be cool, _" he whispered, and he headed down the hall._

_His hand refused to touch the door. It trembled while the rest of him stood completely still, his eyes locked on the elaborately decorated wood before him. He heard a rustling followed by a shallow hiccup on the other side, and his mouth went dry. That hiccup and Ken's sobs echoed in his mind, one after another on infinite repeat, louder and louder until they clashed together in a loud boom. Shuu sucked in a sudden, terrified breath and stepped back._

_Breathe in,_ un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit _._

_Breathe out,_ un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit _._

Be cool.

_Once, twice, thrice, again and again, over and over. The pounding of Shuu's heart soon overtook the hiccup and the sobs, and all three sounds quieted the longer and deeper he breathed._

_Then silence, and he realized the hallway had been silent the whole time._

_With another deep breath through his nose, Shuu stepped forward and knocked. "Kanae," he said, "may I come in?"_

_A long pause. "Yes."_

_Shuu turned the knob, a chill coursing from his hand up through his arm and running down his spine as he pushed the door open. Kanae sat up in bed, a blanket gathered near his chest. He stared at his hands in his lap and didn't look up when Shuu entered the room and closed the door behind him._

_Hiccup. Sob. Hiccup. Sob._

_"Aliza said you wished to see me?"_

_"Please pardon me, Master Shuu," Kanae said quietly, still not looking up. "I didn't mean to call you here like you were a servant. I realize such an action is deplorable but—"_

_"_ Non, non, _you're still recovering. I am more than happy to come to you."_

_Kanae opened his mouth as if to respond but turned away from Shuu instead, swearing quietly. Shuu stood completely still save for his deepening frown. He watched as Kanae faced forward again, and the two fell into silence._

_Hiccup. Sob. Hiccup. Sob._

_"Did you want something?" Shuu asked._

_Kanae's hands balled into fists. "I…no."_

_"Oh, okay."_

_"I mean—"_

_"What?"_

_Kanae bit his lip and slowly curled forward. "It's nothing. Please forgive me, Master Shuu, I wasted your time."_

_Shuu shook his head. "I don't consider time with you time wasted."_

_Kanae's face scrunched up, and his knees soon met his forehead. He wrapped his arms around his legs through the blankets and let out a choked cry. Shuu could see his bottom lip quiver, and soft, pained hiccups quickly escaped past it._

_Hiccup. Sob. Hiccup. Sob._

_"Why?" Kanae said, his voice muffled by the blanket. "Why would you say that to me? You don't…"_

_"I don't what?" Shuu asked, though he already knew the answer._

_"You don't love me."_

_Shuu's breathing shallowed. He opened his mouth but quickly shut it. After a pause, he said, "That's not true. I love you very much."_

_Kanae flinched, curling up impossibly tighter. "That's not true," he gasped out, voice trembling. Tears ran down his nose and disappeared into the blanket. "It's not true at all. You don't love me. You don't care about me."_

_"Kanae, where did you get that idea?" Shuu asked, stepping forward. "I don't see how—"_

_"YOU DON'T LOVE ME!" Kanae slammed his palm on the bed and angrily glared at Shuu, his face red and his breathing labored. "You don't care about me one bit, just admit it! Just say that you don't love me so I can know it for sure. I'm sick of constantly hearing it in my mind. I hear it over and over again, but I've never heard it directly from you, so please just say it."_

_"Kanae—"_

_"Say it! I want to hear it!"_

_Hiccup. Sob. Hiccup. Sob._

_Shuu shook his head. "No, I won't say it. I won't say it because it's not true."_

_The anger drained out of Kanae's face as more tears slipped down his cheeks. "But it's what I want to hear."_

_"No, it isn't."_

_"Master Shuu—"_

_"_ NEIN! _"_

_Kanae jumped at the outburst in his native tongue._

_"_ Nein. Nein, nein, nein, _I won't say it. I don't care how much you say you want to hear it, I know you actually don't. And, like I said, it's not even true."_

_Hiccup. Sob. Hiccup. Sob._

_"So please tell me the truth. Please tell me what this is all about."_

_Kanae's arm slowly bent, and he crumbled forward, his face buried in the mattress. His light hiccups quickly turned into heaving sobs, and soon he let out a scream. Shuu watched him, unblinking and light-headed. His hands began to shake, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around himself._

_Hiccup. Sob. Hiccup. Sob. Sob. Sob. Sob. Sob._

_"Master Shuu…"_

_Just when Shuu thought he was about to faint, Kanae's heaving voice pulled him back to reality. He dropped his arms, which suddenly felt too heavy, and gave the other a pained, sympathetic look._

_"…I love you."_

_Cotton suddenly appeared in Shuu's throat. It multiplied and expanded up into his mouth and down into his stomach, but his lips were glued shut. When his dry, swollen tongue tried to press against them, he felt a rough, grainy line of drying cement. His eyes watered as he felt the cotton press into his lungs, and his vision blurred. Breathe in,_ un, deux _…what came after_ deux _? It hardly mattered, no breathing had actually been done._

_"Master Shuu."_

_Shuu jumped, the words pulling him back to reality almost violently._

_"Please…say something."_

_Shuu hadn't realized that Kanae had stopped crying. The latter's face was still buried, and his hands were hanging over the bedside, but he had calmed significantly. His breathing was still a bit ragged, but the words had been stable. Shuu's too-heavy hands came together and began to fidget. He looked down at them, swallowed the cotton in his throat, and said, "I really do love you, Kanae."_

_Kanae hiccuped into the mattress. "But not the way you love Kaneki Ken."_

_Kaneki Ken. The name sounded strange coming from Kanae. Shuu expected more malice, he expected Kanae to spit the name with venom. Kanae had said it so neutrally, so apathetically, as if he had completely surrendered to its power._

_The cotton was rising again. "It doesn't change the fact that I love you."_

_Kanae let out another sob._

_"Please don't—" Shuu continued, stepping forward with an outreached hand. He stopped momentarily, took a breath, and said, "Please don't hurt yourself over this, Kanae, it's not worth it."_

_"Don't tell me it's not worth it," Kanae said, slowly looking up to glare at his master. "Don't tell me how to feel. Don't tell me I shouldn't do something about it. Everyone in this damn estate tells me what to do all the time. I at least want to feel on my own terms." He pushed himself up and sat on his knees, his bandaged chest on full display. "I had a wonderful life in Germany. I had a mother and a father and brothers and a beautiful home and so, so much until the Doves came and took it all away. And then, after losing so much and wandering helplessly to a place on the other side of the planet, I was told I had to serve a man I didn't like if I wanted to have any semblance of a decent life. The only thing that kept me from attempting suicide earlier was you. You were kind to me. You didn't tell me I had to be a servant, you didn't say I had to be grateful. You told me to live proudly with my head held high because I was part of the Tsukiyama Family. You told me that I still had some power and status, that I hadn't lost everything. You were the only reason I went along with all the demands and all the scoldings and all the sleepless nights of servitude. I figured that, as long as you were around, I could still live happily. So don't you dare tell me how to feel now that I know you don't love me the way I love you. Don't you dare say that the way I feel isn't understandable, especially when I spent almost three years caring for you and praying to every god I could think of for your recovery. Don't you dare say I shouldn't give up my life now that I feel like I have nothing to live for. Don't you dare, Master Shuu. And if you want to punish me for all this then fine, I don't care anymore. Anything you could do to me would hurt less than what I feel right now. Compared to how I feel right now, impaling myself on my kagune was a mere mosquito bite."_

_Shuu felt a buildup of pressure in his eyes, and a tear rolled down his cheek. "Kanae…"_

_"Karren."_

_Shuu's eyes widened. "What?"_

_"My name is Karren. Karren von Rosewald."_

_Another tear ran down Shuu's cheek, and he nodded, looking down. "I know."_

_Karren recoiled backwards. "_ Was? _" She didn't even noticed herself revert to German._

_"I've always known," Shuu said, still looking at the floor. "I knew from the moment I saw you as a child, but I didn't say anything because you called yourself Kanae. I didn't know if you…so I just didn't say anything."_

_A fresh waterfall of tears spilled from Karren's eyes. She made no move to wipe them away._

_"I really do love you," Shuu continued, finally looking up. "I love you and I care about you. I want you to be happy. I want you to live the best life you possibly can. But I…I just…" His hands balled into fists, and he bit his lip. "I don't…"_

_Karren crumbled into her bed before he could say another word. Without thinking, Shuu ran to her and pulled her into his arms. She grabbed onto him, burying her face into his chest and screaming. Shuu resisted his own urge to scream, tightening his hold on his little cousin and running his fingers through her soft, mussed hair. He would not be returning to Ken for a while._

_Hiccup. Sob. Hiccup. Sob. Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup._

_Sob._

_Kanae. Ken. Karren. Ken. Karren. Karren. Karren. Karren. Karren._

_Ken._

_~_

_Shuu held onto the sleeping Karren long after she had finished crying and collapsed from exhaustion. When he finally felt like he could let her go without losing her, he placed a kiss on her forehead and tucked her back into bed. He brushed her hair away from her face and stepped back. Her face was pink, and her eyes were swollen, but at least she finally looked somewhat peaceful. Quietly, he turned and left the room._

_When he arrived in his own bedroom, Shuu stripped off his tear-stained shirt and put on a clean one of the same color. He stepped in front of his mirror to button it and stared at his reflection. His own face was also pink, and his eyes were also swollen. His cheeks had their own tear stains._

_It only took a second for him to let out a heaving sob. Shuu stumbled backwards and sat in the middle of the floor bawling. He hunched over, face in hands, and his tears dripped into a small puddle between his legs._

_FLASH!_

_Shuu looked up to see Chie looking through her camera's memory. "Not the type of shot I like of you, but it's more interesting than you just moping around. So when do you think I'll be able to get some good shots of you and Kaneki being all lovey-dovey again?"_

_Shuu shook his head as he lowered it. "Never. I don't deserve him."_

_Chie snorted. "Well duh. But you love him so—"_

_"I'm not going to be with him! I don't deserve any of the love I've received!"_

_Chie frowned. "Well, that's just gonna upset him even more. He loves you, too, ya know."_

_"And I don't understand why," Shuu murmured, wiping his tears away. "I don't understand how he can have any feelings for me after all I've done to him. I lied to him and tricked him and manipulated him for my own selfish gain, and now I'm playing with his feelings because I'm too afraid of hurting Karren's. Only I'm hurting Karren's anyway! I want them both to be happy, but I've done nothing but hurt them. It's like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I always end up ruining people."_

_Chie's eyes narrowed and she held up her camera. "Again, duh. Why do you think you're so much fun to photograph? It isn't because you're a genuinely good person."_

_Another tear slipped down Shuu's cheek._

_"But I got news for you," Chie said with a sigh. "Everyone in this world is a little shitty. Some people are shittier than others, but everyone's got some shit in them, even Kaneki and Karren. To you, they're too good and pure for this world or something, but they're actually pretty shitty people. I can't tell you how many people Karren killed trying to help you recover. She's threatened to kill me a few times, too. Not only that, but she swears like a construction worker. Have you HEARD her German vocabulary? And I don't need to tell you about all the shitty things Kaneki's done because you were there doing a lot of them with him. So don't beat yourself up because you've done some shitty things. You never used to care about any of that. Actually, you were a lot more fun when you didn't care, so do me a favor and stop caring. Just get with Kaneki already and move on, for everyone's sake."_

_Shuu managed to smile at the thought through his tears. "I want to be with him," he gasped out. "I want to wake up next to him everyone morning. I want to drink coffee with him every day. I want to greet him with hugs and kisses. I want to read with him. I want to take him everywhere and make him feel safe. I want—"_

_"To be super sweetly gross with him and make everyone around me puke," Chie finished. "Ugh, when the hell did you get so domestic?"_

_Shuu's cheeks flushed dark red, and he laughed pathetically. "I want that, too."_

_"You two would still go out and brutally murder people, right? I want more of those pics."_

_"You're something of a shitty person yourself, Little Mouse."_

_"When did I say I wasn't?"_

_Shuu almost laughed but the sound came out choked and pained. His head lowered again, and he sniffed pathetically. "But I don't want to hurt Karren. She nearly killed herself because I didn't return her feelings. If I go be with Ken, what is she going to do?"_

_Chie rolled her eyes. "Kaneki said this to you after Karren attempted suicide, and you told him whatever Karren did wasn't his fault. Somehow it would be your fault though? Are you that much of a hypocrite?" She paused to take a photo of Shuu wiping his eyes and then continued, "He went on about that crap to me, too. Look, what Karren chooses to do isn't your problem. If she can't deal, that's her problem. Suicide seems stupid to me, but that's probably because I'm so scared of dying, so I guess I can't judge. Still though, you and Kaneki can't put your lives on hold because of Karren. You can't because of anybody."_

_After a long pause, Shuu's hands pressed against his temple, and he leaned forward to let out another loud sob. "It hurts," he whimpered. "It hurts so bad, Little Mouse. I can't return to Ken like this."_

_Chie lifted her camera and looked through the eyehole but didn't take a photo. With a sigh, she set the camera down, got on her hands and knees, and crawled forward. She forced herself into Shuu's embrace and snuggled against his chest. Shuu wiped his eyes and said, "What are you doing?"_

_"I'm your pet, right? It's a pet's job to comfort her master, even if her master's an idiot."_

_Shuu immediately wrapped his arms around her, and the tears started flowing again. This time, they were for Karren, for Ken, and for the realization that this was the first time he had ever hugged his first and only friend._

~

"Ken?"

Ken awoke the next morning to the sound of Shuu knocking on his bedroom door. He sat up, yawned, stretched, and said, "Come in."

Shuu was already dressed for the day, though his most startling accessory was the urgent look in his eyes. " _Bon matin, mon cher,_ I'm sorry to ask this of you so suddenly, but would you please get dressed as quickly as possible?"

Ken was taken aback. "Why? Do you have visitors? The Kyoto branch?"

Shuu shook his head. "Papa has called everyone in the estate to the main hall. _Excusez-moi_ , but that includes you. And, even if you didn't have to be there, you should be anyway. I must introduce you to someone."

After a moment of hesitation, Ken nodded. "Alright, I'll be right there." Shuu's small smile settled his nerves a bit, but anxiety still coursed through his veins as he slipped normal clothes on.

He stopped frozen in his tracks once he reached the main hall. Mirumo stood in front of the grand staircase next to someone. Shuu stood next to that person, and all of the servants stood before them. Some of the servants turned upon realization of his arrival, and Aliza motioned towards Mirumo. Ken joined her and stared, torn between Shuu attempting to keep himself composed and the person standing next to him.

"Thank you all for coming," Mirumo said. "I'd like to introduce you all to this lovely young lady standing next to me here. Her name is Karren von Rosewald."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Espresso Romano
> 
> Espresso Romano is an Italian espresso beverage that is very easy to make at home. If you Google the name, you are likely to get a list of Italian coffee beverages, but Espresso Romano is also a specific beverage.
> 
> You will need: Your favorite espresso (instant is fine) and a lemon
> 
> 1\. Brew the espresso
> 
> 2\. Cut a slice of lemon and rub it around the cup's rim
> 
> 3\. Add the lemon slice to the espresso itself
> 
> And that's it! The sourness and acid of the lemon enhance the flavor of the smooth, rich espresso.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Food(dot)com.


	15. Pumpkin Spice Latte

Ken jumped backwards as Shuu's kagune came smashing down. One of his own kagune tentacles thrust forward while two others burst out on opposite sides and looped around towards Shuu. The Koukaku kagune unwound itself from Shuu's arm and quickly wrapped around his entire body, halting the three tentacles. Ken grunted and pulled them back, allowing Shuu a moment to jump up and rewrap his kagune around his arm. Once he was on the ground, he ran forward with his kagune shaped into a sword, jumping side to side as the tentacles slammed into the floor. He was suddenly right in front of Ken's face, kagune raised high above his head. Ken only smirked and grabbed onto Shuu's tie. The latter stumbled and looked down only to straighten the moment he felt all four tentacles pressing into his back.

"…You win."

Ken let him go as his kagune retreated. "You need to stop wearing ties to fights. Didn't you learn anything at the church battle?"

" _Oui_ ," Shuu said, dusting himself off as his kagune disappeared, "that I taste delicious."

Ken rolled his eyes as he picked up a nearby towel. He tossed another one to Shuu and wiped his face. "Thanks again for training with me. Felt good to move around since it's gotten so cold outside."

" _Mon plaisir_ ," Shuu replied as he undid his tie and the first two buttons on his shirt. He wiped the sweat on his chest away and continued, "It's been much colder than usual lately, _non_? Perhaps we will have an especially cold winter. I certainly wouldn't mind."

"Why, so you can show off your coat collection?"

"So I can spend every evening sipping hot blood wine with you in front of a roaring fire."

Ken's face flushed dark red, and he turned away, wiping his face frantically. Shuu's flirting had intensified over the recent months. What had started out as awkward suggestions and hesitant touches had turned into smooth talk and promises of intimacy. It reminded Ken very much of the Shuu he knew during their Anti-Aogiri Squad days.

"…Sounds nice."

Shuu smirked and dropped his towel into a nearby laundry basket. "Until then, I guess we'll just have to settle for enjoying the fall foliage with a cup of hot coffee. Would you like to join me for a stroll around the estate grounds this evening? The sky is supposed to be very clear, so I'm sure we'll see a lovely moon."

Ken nodded. "I'd like that."

Shuu's heart gave a little leap at the agreement, and his smirk became an excited smile. " _Ravissant_. But for now I'm sure you'd like to shower. The tailor will be here soon."

"Yeah, definitely," Ken said as he wiped the towel over his arms. They were finally bulking up again. When he lightly squeezed them, he could feel defined muscles, even through the towel. He smiled, feeling a pleasant buzz spread throughout his body. He tossed the towel into the laundry basket and said, "Hope your fitting goes well."

"Likewise," Shuu said, heading towards the stairs. He paused and turned back to Ken, leaning down with a loving smile. Ken hesitated only for a moment before closing his eyes and meeting him in a kiss. Shuu had stopped vocally asking for kisses about two weeks before, but he still paused before he got too close. The first time it had happened, Ken had felt slightly panicked, and part of that was because he hadn't known what Shuu wanted. But after a few seconds, he had received the message and nodded. Their kisses now were silent questions, always initiated by Shuu and answered by Ken. When Shuu pulled away, he opened his eyes, and they lingered on Ken's for a few intimate seconds before he said, "Until this evening" and headed upstairs. Ken stood still for a full minute, absorbing the moment and trying to calm his pounding heart.

Once he felt settled, Ken, too, headed upstairs to the top floor. When he turned into the hallway, he jumped at sudden, unexpected contact. "I'm sorry!" he said, stumbling slightly when he saw the other.

"…My apologies, Master Ken," Karren murmured, clutching a thick blanket.

Ken shook his head. "No, that was my fault. I should have been looking where I was going."

Karren's eyes wouldn't stay still, anything to keep from looking at Ken. " _Danke_ ," she said and she passed him.

That was the one thing that had not changed: Karren still avoided Ken like the plague. The only difference was that she had not lashed out at him since her debut. In fact, her voice had not risen beyond a typical indoor volume. Shuu, Mirumo, and the other servants had all noticed this as well, and it bothered them all. Karren was so unlike Kanae, and nobody in the estate was sure whether that was a good or bad thing quite yet.

But Ken wasn't going to push her. "She doesn't want to talk to me," he said as he entered his bathroom. "I'm the last person she wants to hear from." He undressed and turned on the shower, leaning against the tiles as the hot water cascaded down his body. He tried to turn his thoughts back to Shuu, but Karren's likely misery kept eating at him. Being romantically involved with Shuu felt so good and yet not so right. With a sigh he stepped forward and wet his hair.

A little over an hour after Ken stepped out of the shower and dressed, he heard a knock on his bedroom door. He looked up from his book and sat up. "Yes?"

"Master Ken, the tailor is here," Matsumae said. "May we come in?"

"Ah yes," Ken said, marking his page and setting the book aside. The door opened and he stood, greeting the sweet-faced, middle aged man with a smile.

"Master Ken, it is a pleasure to finally meet you," the man said, offering a small bow. "I certainly hope the suit is to your liking."

"It's very nice to meet you, too," Ken said. "I'm sure the suit is great."

Matsumae nodded. "I shall take my leave then. You are in good hands, Master Ken." And she left the room.

The tailor set a basket of sewing supplies on the coffee table near where Ken had been reading and laid a large, flat, plastic bag over the chair. He unzipped the bag and said, "If you would be kind enough to undress, Master Ken."

With a deep breath, Ken turned away from the tailor and unbuttoned his top, his fingers shaking slightly. He tried to glance back at the tailor every few seconds, but the man remained out of his view. He didn't feel the other's eyes on him, but the skin on the back of his neck still tingled a bit. With another deep breath, he tried to pull thoughts of Shuu to the front of his mind, but that only made his fingers shake more and slip on the buttons.

Undressing before Shuu.

It would happen one day?

Ken eventually managed to slip his shirt and jeans off without hyperventilating or fainting, impressing himself and making the tailor's smile widen, as if the older man knew what Ken had been thinking. " _Voila!_ " the tailor said, pulling the suit from the plastic bag. He held it up and continued, "What do you think, Master Ken? Is the color satisfactory?"

Ken's eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly. "…Yes," he breathed without a hint of irony. The color was more than satisfactory, it was beautiful.

"I'm glad," the tailor replied. "Let's get you into it."

Ken was stunned at how quickly and professionally the tailor worked. He was dressed in seconds, holding out his arms and changing his posture when prompted. Ken could barely relax before the tailor commented, "I can already tell it needs some editing."

A brick dropped into Ken's stomach. "What?"

"Please don't be alarmed, Master Ken, these are very easy fixes. It's just that your shape has changed since you were last measured. You're much leaner and seem to have more muscle now."

The brick turned into butterflies. "Oh."

"So I'll just give you more room in the arms," the tailor continued, jotting down notes, "and take it in there…yes, I think that'll fix it. And if your shape changes again, please do not worry. I'll fix you up on the spot the minute before the party starts if I have to."

That got a nervous laugh out of Ken. "I hope you won't have to do that."

"But it can be done," the tailor said, giving Ken a reassuring smile. "Do not worry, Master Ken, everything will be perfect."

Ken smiled back, butterflies still fluttering about in his stomach and making their way up his throat. Despite this, a calmness washed over him, and he let out a breathy "thank you." He still had no idea what the Christmas party would bring, but he was starting not to mind.

"It is my honor, Master Ken," the tailor said, putting his notepad away. "Anything for an associate of Master Shuu's. Speaking of which, let's get you out of this. I still have to fit Master Shuu, and I would hate to keep you from your appointment with him."

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"You have a date this evening, correct? Master Shuu must have mentioned it to Matsumae, because she mentioned it to me."

Ken's cheeks warmed. "I don't know if we can really call it a date if we're not leaving the estate grounds."

The tailor's smile softened. "With all due respect, Master Ken, I believe a date can be two people who care about each other going into another room together."

Even after Ken was back in his normal clothes and even after Shuu was finished with his fitting, the tailor's words still echoed in Ken's mind. He and Shuu bundled up and stepped outside on that full moon night, the fall scenery dark but still visible. The outdoor flower gardens were starting to wilt away, but Ken knew the indoor rose garden would last throughout the winter. A light wind reddened his exposed face, and his face only reddened further when Shuu took his hand. A pleasant warmth tickled his cheeks and made his whole body shiver slightly, especially when his mind wandered back to the thought of undressing before Shuu. How romantic would that be, baring himself to Shuu for the first time next to a lit fireplace after coming in from the cold. As if sensing his thoughts, Shuu's hand let go of Ken's and instead wrapped around his shoulders, and Ken returned to reality. He smiled sheepishly and rubbed his cheeks, thankful Shuu was keeping his gaze forward with his own shy smile.

Inside the estate, Karren wiped a tear away and sighed, turning away from the window to see the thick blanket she had been carrying earlier set out next to the fireplace. She walked into the kitchen, poured two glasses of blood wine, and carried them to the blanket. Once the fire got going, she looked at her good work, nodded once, and smiled.

~

It wasn't long before all the trees on the Tsukiyama Family's estate grounds faded together into a rainbow of gorgeous yellows, reds, oranges, and browns. And just as quickly as the colors had appeared, they disappeared as the leaves fell. Ken and Shuu had taken many walks around the estate during autumn, soaking up as much of the crisp air and beautiful scenery as possible, but now the grounds seemed almost disturbingly bare. There was no lush flower garden, no full bushes, and no protective forest blocking Ken's view. He could see beyond the family's property, into the outside world he hadn't seen in so long. The desire to step beyond the border and into the ward rose from his stomach and into his mind as he pressed a hand against the window.

"Master Ken?"

Ken turned to see Matsumae smiling gently. "Would you like to go outside?"

Ken shook his head. "No, thank you, I was just looking. The property looks different without all the trees and flowers."

Matsumae's smile flattened. "Master Ken," she said quietly, "I'm sure there's a way we could let you leave the estate's grounds if you'd like. With the temperature dropping, we could dress you in coats and hats and scarves and perhaps even put a wig on—"

"I appreciate the thought," Ken said with a sad smile, "but I'm okay. Thank you, Matsumae."

"Your birthday is tomorrow, so maybe—"

Ken shook his head, his sad smile widening. "It's not safe. It doesn't matter how much I want it, it's not a good idea. I've heard Shuu talk to Touka, I've seen and read the news reports. Doves are still swarming the place. They stop in at :re all the time. Sure, they may only be drinking coffee, but they're still there. Every one of them knows to look for me outside their regular duties, so as much as I want to go, I really shouldn't, it's too risky. I would be putting lives of everyone here at risk, too."

For the first time in years, the normally stoical Matsumae felt a distinct sting in her eyes, and wetness threatened to build up. "Master Ken."

"It's okay. But thank you again."

"At least allow me to serve you some hot coffee."

Ken's smile was still a bit sad, but it lightened at the offer. "I would love that. Thank you."

"Where would you like to take it?"

"My room, I guess?"

"Of course. I will be there soon."

Matsumae bowed and headed for the kitchen. Ken smiled after her and looked back out the window, briefly resting his forehead against the glass. With a sigh, he straightened himself up and headed for his room. Matsumae appeared there a few minutes later with his cup full of fresh coffee on a platter. Ken took the cup, thanked her again, and walked to his bookshelf once she was gone.

"Ah, _moi aussi_ , Matsumae!"

Ken looked up at the familiar voice and opened his door. Shuu pulled back his arm before he could accidentally knock on Ken's head. " _Bonjour!_ "

"Hello to you, too. What's up?"

"I have something for you!" Shuu held up a box with a wide, cheerful smile. "I was just asking Matsumae for a cup of coffee, too. May we drink together?"

Ken stared at the box and then looked up at Shuu, his eyes big and slightly panicked. "You already gave me my cup."

"As if a cup is the only thing you'll ever need!" Shuu said with a laugh. "Besides, that was your 'Welcome to the Tsukiyama Estate' present. This here is your birthday present, though I'd love to give you much more than this. I want to take you on an online shopping spree one of these days. But this is good for now, I think you'll love it."

A long pause and then Ken said, "But my birthday is tomorrow."

"Consider it an early birthday present then. Please, I insist."

Ken bit his lip and then took the box with a nod. "Thank you. Come in." He sat on his bed and set the box in his lap; Shuu sat down next to him, still smiling. Matsumae appeared again with another cup of coffee and left just as quickly with a small bow.

" _Salut_ ," Shuu said, holding up his bright, colorful cup. Ken lifted his own simple, muted one, and the two clinked together, complete opposites that somehow complimented each other perfectly. Shuu took a small sip all the while staring at Ken, who gulped down several mouthfuls. Shuu glanced at the box when the cup finally left Ken's lips. "Open it."

Ken passed his cup to Shuu, the latter setting both cups on the nightstand as the former slowly tore the wrapping paper off the box. He looked up, feeling Shuu's giddy gaze on him, and then took the box's top off. His eyes widened as he pushed the tissue paper away, and his jaw dropped as he picked up the small, rectangular object. "It's a cell phone."

"That can't be tracked!" Shuu said, nearly bursting at the seam with joy. "Well, it's pretty much impossible to track anyway. I called in a favor to one of Papa's electronics companies, and they designed this especially for you. Its signal scrambles itself multiple times every second, and it leaves no location behind no matter how long you talk. It also has no GPS capabilities, so it can't calculate any directions. I also already had it preprogrammed with all your friends' numbers! And don't worry, there will be no trace of you on their phones either. You can call _Mademoiselle Kirishima, Monsieur Nishio, Monsieur Yomo_ , _Monsieur Banjou_ , and _Monsieur Kirishima_ whenever you want. Oh, and remember you can reach the Little Lady through _Monsieur Kirishima_ any time! And my number is in there, too, so we can even talk when I'm away on business if you want! What do you—"

Shuu stopped, his enthusiasm softening to a comforting, loving smile. "Ken, _my darling_ ," he said, pulling a few tissues from the box on the nightstand, "I'm sorry but the phone isn't waterproof."

Ken blew his nose and then threw his arms around Shuu, burying his face in the other's chest. "I love it," he gasped out through wails. "I love it, I love it so much, it's perfect. Thank you, thank you, I love it. I love everything about it."

Shuu chuckled quietly and leaned back against the bed's pillows pulling Ken with him. Ken curled up against Shuu as if the latter would disappear if he didn't hang onto him. Shuu reached for the phone and set it on the nightstand so he could wrap both arms around Ken. Next to the phone, the coffee in their mismatched cups was going cold, but neither man really cared.

_~_

_"The phone is only the first part of your birthday present. Keep it on tomorrow and do not leave your room."_

Ken couldn't concentrate on his book. He kept looking at his bedroom door, tapping his fingers against the armrests of his chair, and letting out irritated sighs. On the table before him sat his phone, annoyingly silent. For the sixth time since waking up, Ken unlocked the phone, but it remained blank. Whatever Shuu had in store for him, he sure was taking his sweet time. He hadn't even had any coffee yet.

The phone buzzed the moment Ken put it down. He picked it right back up and unlocked it again, reading the text message.

_"omw!"_

"…What?" Ken said aloud. A few seconds later, he heard knocking. With a groan, he put his phone and book down and answered the door. In the hallway stood a brightly smiling Shuu wearing jeans of all things with a white t-shirt and a rich navy blazer. His hair was neatly swept to the side, and his shoes were a polished brown.

How normal. How weird.

" _Bon matin!_ " he greeted. "Are you ready to go?"

Ken cocked an eyebrow. "Go where?"

"I'm taking you on a date today!"

Ken jumped at that, taking a step back. "I can't go out. You know that."

"That doesn't mean I can't take you out."

Ken was about to retort when he looked past Shuu at the opposite door, which looked like a house's front door. When Ken stepped into the hallway, he saw that every door looked like that, even his own door. The walls surrounding the doors looked like homes and apartment buildings, and the ceiling looked like the sky. The floor beneath him looked like a street.

"What…?"

"I told you, I'm taking you on a date," Shuu said. "This is the second part of your present. Happy Birthday!"

Ken stared at Shuu, his mouth open and his hands shaking slightly. The hallway really did look like a neighborhood, and Shuu really did look like he was ready to go out on a date. "Where are we going?"

"I thought we'd go to the bookstore and then to a cafe."

Ken looked down at his jeans and long sleeved t-shirt. "Should I change?"

" _Non_ , I think it's appropriate." Shuu held out his hand. "Shall we go?"

With only a bit of hesitation, Ken took Shuu's hand, and the latter led him down several hallways. Sure enough, each one looked like a neighborhood street, but more storefronts started appearing the further they went. Ken mentally mapped out the estate and quickly recognized the path. The library didn't look like the library though; it looked exactly like the bookstore where he had once taken Rize.

"Welcome!" a servant dressed as a clerk said. Ken and Shuu both acknowledged him with a small bow, and Shuu tightened his grip on Ken's hand.

"Do you want to look at the mysteries? Or the horror books?"

The library had been completely rearranged to look like the bookstore's interior. The books were neatly shelved and labeled by genre. There were even signs for discount offerings and sale deals, and a cashier with a real register stood near the door. A few other servants also dressed as clerks walked through the sections organizing and dusting off their wares while other servants dressed as civilians browsed the titles. Ken stared at them, almost too mesmerized to listen to Shuu, who kept smiling sweetly and patiently waiting as Ken absorbed the reality of his gift. At one point, Shuu thought he saw a tear in Ken's eye, but the latter rubbed it away before he could confirm.

"I wanted to take you out," Shuu said quietly. "I wanted to take you on a real date, but I knew you still couldn't leave the estate. But then I overheard the tailor say that a date could be two people who care about each other going into another room together, and I started thinking. Ah, I admit I thought about seeking a peek at your suit, but I resisted!" He paused, biting his lip. "I also, um, wanted to redo the first time we went out. I wanted to make it up to you. Downstairs we'll go to the cafe that we went to, the one with all the books. What do you think?"

Ken turned to Shuu and pulled his face down so they were a mere inch apart in a silent question. Shuu's smile widened and he answered when he leaned down to meet Ken's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pumpkin Spice Latte
> 
> Yes, you can make the famous Pumpkin Spice Latte at home! And it’s surprisingly easy!
> 
> You will need:
> 
> 2 tablespoons of canned pumpkin
> 
> 1/2 teaspoon of pumpkin pie spice, plus more for the garnish
> 
> Freshly ground black pepper
> 
> 2 tablespoons of sugar
> 
> 2 tablespoons of pure vanilla extract
> 
> 2 cups of whole milk
> 
> 1/4 cup of espresso or coffee
> 
> 1/4 cup of heavy cream, whipped until peaks form
> 
> 1\. In a small saucepan over medium heat, cook the pumpkin, the pumpkin pie spice, and a few generous cracks of ground pepper for two minutes or until the mixture is hot. Stir constantly.
> 
> 2\. Add the sugar and stir until the mixture looks like a bubbly, thick syrup.
> 
> 3\. Whisk in the milk and vanilla extract. Warm them gently over medium heat. Do not boil.
> 
> 4\. Pour the whole mixture into a blender and blend until frothy.
> 
> 5\. Brew your espresso or coffee (instant is fine!) and divide it into two cups. Add the milk mixture to both. Top with whipped cream and more pumpkin pie spice.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of The Kitchn.


	16. Christmas Coffee Blend

"It's not the same without Sassan."

The activity in the chateau immediately stopped. Kuki paused in placing an ornament on the Christmas tree. Tooru's hand halted inches away from the bag of confectioner's sugar. Saiko stared at the stack of plates she had just picked up.

Ginshi's finger hovered over the "play" button on the stereo, and he shut his eyes tightly. "Fuck, I'm sorry!" he said, bringing both hands to his face. "I didn't mean it like…Oh god, I fucked up. Everything was fine until—"

"Shirazu," Tooru said gently, turning to the other, "it's okay. We all miss him, too."

"It's not just that!" Ginshi said, stomping a foot. "Sassan was safe last year because he was here. We knew where he was; we knew what he was doing. And he looked really fucking happy! He was singing and smiling and cooking that amazing dinner, like that was some good shit. I still think about that turkey! And now he's…I don't care if he's safer with the Tsukiyama Family or whatever, I just want him here!"

Ginshi didn't need to turn to know his friends were horrified. He slapped his hands over his mouth and crumbled to the floor. "Oh god…"

Tooru ran to him. "Shirazu!"

"That came out totally wrong. That's not, that wasn't what I meant! I—"

"We know you don't mean that," Tooru said, gently rubbing Ginshi's back. "You're frustrated and you miss him. It's okay, we all do."

"Mamaaaaaaaaan."

"Oh crap, now I've gone and made Saiko cry." Ginshi turned to her, his own eyes threatening to water. "I'm sorry, Saiko, I really mean it. I didn't…I wasn't—!"

"Shirazu."

Everyone turned to Kuki.

"Sasaki isn't with the Tsukiyama Family, Kaneki Ken is. Sasaki doesn't even exist anymore, so there's no point in complaining that he's not here with us."

"Fuck you, Urie!" Ginshi shouted, holding up his middle finger. "Don't fucking tell me there's no point in missing Sassan."

"Shirazu's right, Urie," Tooru said. "Even if Mr. Sasaki isn't around anymore, we're still allowed to miss him. Missing him is a sign of how important and special he was. He had a major impact on all of us."

"Mamaaaaaaaaan."

"Stop blubbering, Saiko, we're gonna need to wash the plates before we even use them." _Blow your fucking nose, for god's sake._

"Let her cry!" Tooru said, his voice rising. "It's totally normal to cry when you miss someone. The plates aren't a big deal."

"Oh god, I really fucked up," Ginshi mumbled as the water in his eyes began to run down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry, I really am."

The doorbell rang and everyone froze. Tooru's eyes shifted from Ginshi to Kuki to Saiko before he stood and peeked through the eyehole. He let out a sigh of relief and nodded to everyone before opening the door. "Associate Special Class Mado."

"It's just 'Akira' today," the woman said with a smile. "Merry Christmas, Mutsuki."

"Merry Christmas," Tooru replied, stepping out of the way. "Please, come in."

Akira's smile widened as she stepped inside and took her scarf off. "Hello, everyone," she said as she unbuttoned her coat. "So nice to see all of you. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Ginshi said glumly, standing and wiping his nose.

Akira handed her scarf and coat to Mutsuki, eyeing Ginshi. She was about to say something when she heard a loud sniffling. "Oh, Yonebayashi," she said, rushing to Saiko's side. "What's the matter, dear? Why the tears?"

Saiko let out a strained wail. "Mamaaaaaaaaan."

Akira put her arm around Saiko and pat her side comfortingly. "There, there, I know," she said. "It's okay. C'mere, give me the plates so we don't drop them. There we go, it's alright."

"I'm sorry, Akira," Ginshi said, shoulders slumped and bottom lip trembling. "It's my fault, I made Saiko cry. I brought up Sassan, and it went from there."

Akira gave him a sympathetic smile. "It's very normal to be sad during the holiday season when someone you love can't be with you. I know the feeling all too well. And it's okay to express those feelings, especially right now. We're not working so it's okay to be emotional. If you need to cry, you should cry, and you should definitely do it before Arima gets here. I promise not to tell anyone."

Ginshi's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Really."

"You swear?"

"I swear."

After a beat of silence, the floodgates opened, and Ginshi dragged himself to Akira's other side. Tooru closed the closet door and wiped his eyes. He took a box of tissues from a nearby table and brought it to Akira, who took it with a grateful smile. Tooru smiled back through his own tears, sure he could see Akira's eyes watering as well.

Kuki shook his head in disbelief and immediately left the kitchen. He headed upstairs, running his hands through his hair. _I cannot believe I have to put up with those idiots. They're sobbing in the middle of the kitchen like babies. What the actual fuck._ He entered his room and slammed the door behind him. Standing alone in the darkness, he swallowed hard and sighed before leaning back and lowering himself to the floor. "Idiots," he gasped out, his voice cracking. "All idiots."

~

The tailor stood and nodded with a smile. "All done, Master Ken," he said, stepping away. "Please take a look."

Ken opened his eyes and looked into the full length mirror before him, flinching in surprise once his vision focused. The first thing he saw was how flawlessly his suit fit him. The jacket and slacks clung and let out in all the right places. He looked tall and lean and well-built, almost like a celebrity in a fashion magazine. The second thing he noticed was the suit's cool gray color. Thin pinstripes in a complementary light gray lined the suit, offering a subtle contrast. Underneath the jacket lay a vest in the same grays with a formal button-up in a deep plum topped off with a matching gray tie. The colors stood out against his pale skin but didn't wash him out. His hair was always a soft white, but against the darker colors in his clothes, it looked like fresh snow on top of a mountain.

"Wow."

The tailor's smile stretched across his face. "I am so glad you're pleased."

"I'm more than pleased," Ken said, voice breathy and a bit higher pitched than usual. "This is…I—I love it, I love everything about it. Thank you, it's perfect, I can't believe how perfect it is."

"You flatter me, Master Ken."

"How did you do it?"

"I've been in the business for decades. I've been the Tsukiyama Family's tailor since before Master Shuu was born. I've made dozens of suits for Master Mirumo, and I even used to make dresses for his wife."

The excited, overwhelmed tone of Ken's voice softened. "Shuu's mother?"

"Oh yes. She was such a beautiful woman, so gentle and kind. Master Shuu looks exactly like her."

Ken smiled sadly, trying to compose a picture of Shuu's mother in his mind. Shuu was definitely handsome, but there was something feminine about his looks, too. For every masculine feature, there was an underlying softness. Shuu's mother must have been quite the beauty for such subtle features to shine through. "I wish I could meet her."

"I think she'd like you very much, Master Ken." The tailor nodded and packed his supplies away. "Well then, I won't keep you. You should see Master Shuu and then head down to the party. The guests have begun to arrive."

Butterflies fluttered in Ken's stomach, a sort of giddy excitement coursing through his veins. "I will. And, um, I really can't thank you enough for the suit. I never dreamed I'd ever have something so nice. I mean, it's…it's really perfect."

"I would be more than happy to make you more suits in the future, Master Ken," the tailor said as he opened the door. "Thank you for your kind words. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas!"

The tailor shut Ken's bedroom door, and the young man looked at himself in the mirror one more time. Yes, this was definitely the best he had ever looked. He mentally apologized to Shuu for putting his battle suit in second place.

With a deep breath, Ken opened the door and headed across the hall to Shuu's bedroom. He knocked and stepped back, smiling when he heard Shuu's voice. "It's me," he said, and the door whooshed open.

Shuu wore a giddy smile that flattened and then opened as he looked Ken up and down. His eyes sparkled as they widened, and he slowly stood up straight. " _Mon dieu_ ," he breathed. "Ken, you look…"

Ken was just as speechless. Shuu's suit was a deep navy with bright red lining around the edges. Gold cufflinks proudly stood out against the dark fabric. His necktie had both suit colors wrapped around each other in diagonal stripes, and it contrasted against his white button-down shirt. Ken found himself even a bit confused by how well everything went together. The mix of dark and bright colors was definitely Shuu's style, but they lay together so tastefully that Ken wondered if Shuu had been the one to pick them out. The colors even went well with his hair, all the colors complementing each other without overwhelming one another. And because Shuu was already so tall and lean and beautiful, his suit just amplified everything. Ken suddenly felt very inadequate in comparison.

"You look amazing," Ken said quietly, smiling sadly.

Shuu's brows knitted together. " _Merci beaucoup_ , but why the long face? You look stunning! _Incroyable! Ravissant! Très beau!_ And so much more! You should be proud."

Ken's cheeks flushed. "Ah, thank you. But really, I—" He stopped short and swallowed hard. "I'm, um, do you think I'm presentable to your family?"

Shuu blinked, once, twice. "Ken," he said, reaching for the other and pulling him into a hug, "Ken, you are more than presentable. You look better than everyone downstairs, that's for sure. The Tsukiyama Family is going to look to you for style advice from now on."

"Shuu—"

"I mean it. People will be jealous."

"I don't want to start any drama."

"Please do. Some of those branch families need to raise their standards."

Ken's sad smile returned. "Alright, if you say so. I just don't want to be a burden or drag you down."

"Ken, _mon petit_ ," Shuu said as he leaned down. He planted a kiss on Ken's head and continued, "you could never in any life be a burden to me. I cannot wait to show you off to everyone, and if anyone tries to start something with you, I'll stop it. You deserve to have the best time this evening, and I will see to it that it happens, I promise."

Ken's smile widened, a hint of joy in his features. He looked up and nodded once. "Thank you, Shuu." He stood on his tip-toes, and Shuu leaned down to meet him in a kiss.

"Come along now," Shuu whispered against Ken's lips, "it's time to party."

~

"I want to thank all of you for coming to the annual Tsukiyama Family Christmas Party," Mirumo said, holding up a glass of blood wine. "Please eat, drink, and enjoy to your hearts' content. To this past year's successes and to this coming year's prosperity. _Bon appétit!_ "

The crowd of partygoers raised their glasses and cheered. Next to Mirumo at the top of the stairs, Shuu also raised his glass, and he winked down at Ken. Ken lifted his glass and smiled at him, tipping the drink back with everyone else. The blood wine was surprisingly light and slightly spicy.

"Isn't this blood wine delicious?" the man next to Ken asked. "Master Mirumo has always had good taste."

"Ah, yes," Ken replied. "It's quite nice."

"You're that Kaneki Ken I've heard about, aren't you?"

"Yes, that's me."

"Very nice to meet you. I'm Hiroshi of the Nagoya Branch."

Ken bowed. "It's very nice to meet you, too."

Hiroshi grinned and bowed back. "I knew Master Shuu would pick a good one. I won't keep you, I'm sure you'd much rather spend time with him than an old man like me."

Ken pulled his hand back. "Pardon me?"

"Ah, don't be so shy. Go enjoy the party with Master Shuu."

"But—" Ken stopped, as Hiroshi was already walking away. "He wasn't that old though." His eyes scanned the crowd, and he saw servants emerging from the kitchen with appetizers. Most of the partygoers already seemed quite deep in conversation, and Ken wondered if his lessons would even be necessary. "Party's just started," he said to himself with a shrug, and he took another sip of blood wine.

"Oh wow, it's you!"

Ken turned to see a young woman staring at him with wide, excited eyes. "I'm…?"

"You're Kaneki Ken! I knew it, I knew it! You have white hair, just like I've heard. I'm Etsuko of the Osaka Branch!"

Ken nodded. That explained her friendliness. "It's very nice to meet you," he said, offering his hand.

Instead of placing her own in Ken's palm for a kiss, Etsuko enthusiastically took Ken's hand and shook it. "It's very nice to meet YOU," she said. "You're the one with the big reputation here in Tokyo, Mr. Eyepatch. I've been wanting to meet you for a while. Nice suit, by the way!"

"I'm flattered, thank you."

"Tell me," Etsuko continued, still shaking Ken's hand, "how have you managed to avoid the CCG for so long? Is it true you fought a Special Class Investigator? I've always thought you must be really strong to live to tell that tale!"

"Etsuko!" a woman shouted, pulling the young woman back. The older woman looked at Ken meaningfully and said, "I am so sorry, please excuse my idiot daughter. She has a thing for celebrities."

"I'm not—"

"Mama, I was gonna have him sign my mask!"

"Enough. Behave yourself, young lady, or we'll go home now."

Ken watched awkwardly as the woman nearly dragged Etsuko away, and he released a long breath before taking a large gulp of blood wine. When he looked back up, he saw Shuu offering a sympathetic look. "What?"

" _Mademoiselle Etsuko_ is quite the firecracker. _Désolé, mon chou._ "

Ken shrugged. "She's nice enough, she just took me by surprise. Her mother said I was a celebrity. Am I, like, famous?"

"In the ghoul world, yes," Shuu said. "Even outside Tokyo. I don't think there's a ghoul in a major city that hasn't heard of the Eyepatch ghoul."

"Oh."

"Does that bother you?"

"No, it just makes me realize how secluded I've been all this time. I had no idea."

Shuu put his arm around Ken and pressed his lips against his temple. "I'll take you outside one day, I promise. Unfortunately, I must greet the guests with Papa for a while. Will you be okay on your own?"

"I think so. If things go south, turn the conversation back to literature."

Shuu's smile widened. " _Parfait._ " Another kiss. "I will return to you as soon as I can. Take a break if you need to." He released Ken and headed into the crowd, smiling and leaning down to embrace an elderly woman.

Ken was surprised to find that he was able to walk the party in peace. He took an appetizer whenever a tray passed and nibbled on it while watching the crowd. It felt odd to eat in front of others—especially knowing his eye lit up every time he took a bite—but seeing other sets of eyes turn put him at ease. He found his way to a large window and leaned against the wall next to it, finishing the small meat sample. His eyes shifted and widened as they landed on someone in a black cocktail dress.

"Who is that?" he whispered to himself. "Is it…?"

"Excuse me."

Ken turned to see a man smiling warmly at him. "Kaneki Ken, right?" the man said, offering his hand. "I'm Nobuyuki of the Sapporo Branch. Please pardon my rudeness, but I saw your eye change while you were eating, so I wanted to come talk to you."

"Ah, no, not at all," Ken said, shaking the other's hand. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Nobuyuki said, taking his hand back and leaning against the wall next to Ken. "I tell you,Tokyo is like the tropics compared to Sapporo right now. We've had heavy snow since October."

"I can't remember the last time I saw heavy snow," Ken said with a smile. "I've never been outside Tokyo."

"You and Master Shuu are always welcome to come visit us," Nobuyuki said before taking a sip of blood wine. "We'll set you up at one of our hot spring resorts, get you a private room with a view, show you the mountains and the forests, I'm sure you'd like it."

A blush bloomed on Ken's cheeks. "That sounds very nice."

Nobuyuki smirked. "Don't worry, the walls are soundproof." He laughed aloud when Ken's whole face lit up bright red. "I'm teasing. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. No, I actually wanted to ask you for a book recommendation. I was speaking with Master Shuu earlier, and he said you are quite the prolific reader."

"Oh, um, yes, I suppose," Ken said, shaking his head in hopes the color on his face would fade. "I've actually read quite a number of poems and novels from Hokkaido; they're quite beautiful. But, hmm, my favorite author is actually Franz Kafka."

"Kafka, huh?" Nobuyuki said, sounding quite interested. "Never read him. Where do you think is a good place to start?"

Ken swallowed hard. "'Metamorphosis'…or 'A Crossbreed'," he said as neutrally as possible. "Both are short stories."

Nobuyuki nodded, a sincere smile spreading across his face. "Alright, I'll check them out once I get home." He offered his hand again. "Thank you very much, Mr. Kaneki. I'm sorry again for teasing you. I'll make it up to you if you decide to visit us someday."

"That's alright," Ken said back, shaking the other's hand. "Thank you."

As soon as Nobuyuki left, Shuu appeared at Ken's side. "That could not have gone better!"

Ken eyed him. "You sent him to me specifically, didn't you?"

" _Oui, désolé._ But I wanted to show off your literary knowledge."

"I need more blood wine."

Shuu laughed and guided Ken towards a forming crowd. "I will send for some. But for now, please stay over here. I'm going to play a piece on the piano with Karren on violin, and then we can spend the rest of the party together."

Ken's heart jumpstarted and he smiled giddily. He watched as Shuu disappeared into the crowd and then reappeared at the piano. The partygoers applauded as he took a seat, and their cheers intensified when the person in the black cocktail dress appeared next to him, violin in hand.

"I was right," Ken gasped. "It was Karren."

"Isn't she beautiful?" Hiroshi asked. "I had heard about Karren's debut, and I just had to see her for myself."

Ken nodded and focused all his attention on the cousins. Matsumae stood to the side and held up her hand. Once the crowd was silent, Shuu pressed a key, and before long a sweet, joyful song reached Ken's ears. The violin soon joined the piano, and soon Shuu and Karren were serenading the party, their fingers moving together in perfect sync. Ken only pulled his eyes away briefly to thank the servant who refilled his wine glass. He drank down a large mouthful, and a smile quickly spread across his face as a gentle warmth bloomed on his cheeks.

The performance ended too soon, and Ken could barely clap before someone put their hand on his shoulder and turned him around. "Kaneki Ken, I presume?"

Ken's smile disappeared when he saw the tall, thick man smiling down at him. "Um, yes. And you are?"

The man's smile widened, and he pulled Ken further away from the crowd. Ken suddenly felt woozy, though he was unsure if it was nerves or the blood wine. "Please call me Daichi," the man said, his eyes darkening. "I am the head of the Tsukiyama Family's Kyoto Branch."

Ken stopped himself before he could gasp. He straightened up the best he could and smiled pleasantly. "It's very nice to meet you, Sir. Shuu has mentioned you before."

"Master Shuu and Master Mirumo came to visit us over the summer," Daichi continued, swirling the blood wine in his own glass. "It was quite a nice visit, very productive. We discussed many things, including future business. I think the plans we made will be quite successful."

"That's wonderful to hear."

"Isn't it?" Daichi tipped his glass back, and his eyes flashed as he swallowed the blood wine. Seeing those dark eyes shift to black, even momentarily, made a chill run down Ken's spine. "Master Shuu also mentioned you," Daichi continued. "He said he was helping you since you had nowhere to go, but it seems you've made yourself quite at home here. I don't blame you, Master Mirumo runs a lovely estate."

Ken cleared his throat and said, "I agree that the estate is nice, but Shuu was the one who insisted I stay here."

Daichi eyed him. "You speak of the Tsukiyama Family's heir quite informally."

"Um, I—"

"You don't have to explain it, I understand." Daichi's smile suddenly stretched into a smirk. "Please allow me to introduce you to my daughter. I'm sure she'd love to meet you."

Ken nodded, hoping it would lighten the mood. "Yes, I'd love to meet her. Perhaps, if I may, she would even join me for a dance?"

"No."

The two were silent until Ken coughed awkwardly. "Okay."

"Please pardon me, Kaneki Ken, but my daughter is in no condition to dance."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No need for apologies, she cannot dance for the best reason." Daichi turned and made a come hither motion. His eyes narrowed as he turned back to Ken, who followed his movements. His smirk split into a toothy grin as Ken's eyes widened and his face blanched.

"Oh my…"

"Kaneki Ken, this is my wife Kimiko and my daughter Chiyo."

An older woman guided a very young woman to Ken, and they both lowered their heads. "It's a pleasure to meet you," Kimiko said, both hands on Chiyo's slouched shoulders. "Please do not be insulted by our lack of contact. We don't want precious little Chiyo here catching a germ. We didn't even think we should bring her here, but we wanted to be sure everyone saw her, including you."

Ken nodded slowly, staring at the young woman. She glanced up at him momentarily and then looked down at her pregnant belly. "It's nice to meet you," she said quietly as she placed her hands over it.

"So you see," Daichi continued, "sweet Chiyo here won't be dancing until our little treasure is born. But even then, she wouldn't dance with you. We wouldn't want to make her husband jealous, would we? And we certainly don't want to take you away from Master Shuu. Why, you're just the perfect couple, and I'm sure you'll be very happy together, just the two of you."

Ken suddenly felt the ground beneath him slip away, but someone grabbed him before he could fall. "Ken," Shuu gasped. "Ken, _mon petit!_ "

"Oh, Master Shuu," Daichi said, unmasked glee in his voice, "Ken here seems to have had a bit too much blood wine. Perhaps he needs to sit down?"

Shuu glared at the other, his eyes threatening to turn. He pulled Ken close and grit his teeth. "What the hell did you—"

"Ah, excuse me," Ken said suddenly, scrambling to stand, "I'm sorry, I just felt lightheaded. Um, I, I'm going to go to my room for a bit." He pushed Shuu's arms away and ran off, nearly bumping into a servant as he turned the corner and tripped his way up the stairs.

~

The doorbell rang and nearly everyone in the chateau paused to look up. Only Saiko continued smashing the game controller's button, and she shouted "VICTORY!" as Juuzou's character fell from the combo move. The small man nearly screamed when he realized what had happened.

"Some Special Class I am," he said, tossing the controller to Ginshi.

Saiko grinned. "Come at me."

"Who else was coming today?" Akira asked from the couch. "I thought everyone was already here."

"I invited one more," Tooru said as he opened the door. "Good evening, Mr. Furuta, Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Mutsuki," Nimura said as he stepped inside. "Here, I was so happy you invited me to your party that I baked cookies for everyone."

Tooru closed the door and excitedly took the assorted plate. "That's so kind of you, thank you so much! Please, make yourself at home."

"Thank you," Nimura said as he unbuttoned his long coat. He turned to the group and smiled sweetly. "Merry Christmas, everyone! It's so nice to see you all outside work. I can't believe I even get to celebrate and have fun with such high-ranking Investigators!"

"Yo," Juuzou said as Hanbee unwrapped a lollipop for him. "You wanna have a try at beating Saiko? None of us have been able to do it."

"Oh my, well, I'll try." Nimura passed his coat to Tooru and sat down next to Ginshi. Before taking the controller, he turned to the couch and said, "What an honor it is to be here with you especially, Mr. Arima."

Arima said nothing. His eyes merely shifted away, and he sipped at his coffee. Still smiling, Nimura shrugged, took the controller, and pressed the "START" button.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Coffee Blend
> 
> You can make your own Christmas-themed coffee with ingredients you likely already have at home. You don't need to go out and spend extra money on specialty blends! The recipe below makes a whopping 64 cups of coffee, but you can always divide the ingredients to make a smaller batch or give away what you don't want as gifts.
> 
> You will need:
> 
> 4 cups of dark roasted ground coffee
> 
> 8 cinnamon sticks
> 
> 80 whole allspice berries
> 
> 40 whole cloves
> 
> 20 whole black peppercorns
> 
> 1\. Pour the ground coffee into a large container with a tight-fitting lid
> 
> 2\. Break up the cinnamon sticks by hand and add them to a mortar (or spice grinder). Add the rest of the ingredients and gently crush them. They should be less-than-whole but not powdery.
> 
> 3\. Add the crushed spices to the coffee, cover the container, and shake it all up.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Cook The Story.


	17. Coconut Peppermint Mocha Frappe

Shuu gently knocked on the door before him twice. "Ken? _C'est moi_ , may I come in?" He heard a small "yes" after a short pause and turned the knob.

Ken sat hunched over on the opposite side of his bed, his back facing the door. Shuu closed the door, sat down next to him, and smiled slightly when he saw the cell phone in Ken's hands. "I was thinking about calling Touka or Hinami or somebody."

"I think that is an excellent idea. I'm sure anyone would love to hear from you."

"But I don't want to interrupt anyone."

"I believe only _Monsieur Nishio_ would be interrupted if you called him today, he and his _mademoiselle_."

Ken smirked. "You're awfully considerate for the guy who kidnapped her and nearly killed him."

"Ken, _mon amour_ , I am trying to make up for some bad karma here, please work with me."

Ken's smirk widened momentarily, almost as if he were about to laugh, but the expression quickly faded, and he turned back to his phone. "I think about all of them a lot. I hope they're all doing okay, especially everyone at :re. If the Doves came after them because of me, I'd never forgive myself."

Shuu put his arm around Ken and placed a kiss on his temple. "I assure you, _mon petit_ , they are all okay. You should speak with them to see for yourself."

Ken was about to respond when his phone buzzed. He opened the text message from Ayato that read, "Hinami's number," with a series of digits after it. Ken and Shuu stared, looked at each other, and looked back at the phone. "I did not know the Little Lady had her own phone," Shuu said.

Ken quickly copied the number into his contacts. Mere moments later, the phone buzzed again, and Ken unlocked it. "Hello?"

"Big Brother!" Hinami squealed. "Ayato bought me a cell phone for Christmas, so I can call you now!"

Ken was speechless for a few seconds, his eyes widening between rapid blinks. Next to him, Shuu moved in so he could hear better. "That's…great!" Ken finally said. "I'm so happy! Sorry, Hinami, I was just surprised. That's so nice of Ayato."

"He's always nice to me, silly, but this is the nicest thing he's ever done for me."

Ken's expression softened. "That's good to hear. How are you?"

"Good," Hinami said, "but I miss you very much."

"I miss you, too. I hope we can see each other again soon."

"It's okay if you can't go out, I'll come to you."

"No, Hinami, you shouldn't be out either. Shuu and I will figure out a way to come see you."

"Oh! Is Flower Man there?"

" _Bonjour_ , Little Lady!" Shuu immediately said. "I am beyond thrilled to know you are doing well. Please thank _Monsieur Kirishima_ on our behalf for your new phone."

"You can talk to him if you want," Hinami said with a giggle. "Here you go!"

Ken and Shuu heard a low shuffling on the other end followed by a dull "hey."

"Hey, yourself," Ken said. "Thanks for buying Hinami a phone. You did, uh, buy it, right?"

"Of course I did," Ayato said, his eyeroll nearly audible. "Don't think so low of me. It was for Hinami, so I was going to buy it properly. I wanted to be sure she could contact you. She misses you."

"I see," Ken said with a little smile. "I'm sorry, that was very thoughtful of you. Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah," Ayato groaned. "So what's up with you? Shouldn't you be at some fancy-ass Tsukiyama Family Christmas party or something?"

Ken's smile flattened and his eyes widened. "Um, well—"

"Ken and I were just taking a break," Shuu interrupted. "We were having such a great time that we got a little ahead of ourselves and drank a bit too much blood wine."

"Oh, okay, I guess that makes sense," Ayato said with a shrug. "Anyway, here's Hinami again. Later." And he passed the phone before Ken or Shuu could respond.

"I'm not keeping you away from your party, am I, Big Brother?"

"No, no!" Ken said quickly. "I was just resting for a moment. But even if you did call in the middle of the party, I'd step out for a bit to talk to you, so don't worry. I'm really happy to hear from you."

Hinami smiled again and Ken could almost hear it in her voice when she spoke. "I'm really glad you're doing well. It sounds like Flower Man is taking very good care of you. You sound much better than the last time I saw you. You sound happier."

"…I am happier," Ken said after a brief pause, and Shuu gently squeezed his free hand. "Thank you, Hinami. It sounds like Ayato is taking care of you, too."

"He is," Hinami said, smile widening. "I want to talk to you more, Big Brother, but I don't want to keep you. Can I send you a message later?"

"Of course. And remember that you could never keep me from anyone or anything."

"Okay," Hinami giggled. "I'll talk to you again real soon. You, too, Flower Man! Bye-bye."

"Bye, Hinami."

" _Au revoir_ , Little Lady!"

Ken ended the call and lowered his phone, staring at it in his hands. Shuu's eyes were tense as he watched the screen go dark, and he said, "Why do I feel like a papa giving his only daughter away to the neighborhood bad boy?"

"Oh god, I thought it was just me," Ken said. He took a deep breath and let it out before continuing, "No, no, it's okay, this is okay. Hinami is obviously okay, and she seems happy. Ayato must really be taking good care of her."

" _Oui_ , I agree," Shuu said, nodding. "It's just—what's the best way say this—surreal?"

"Yes, I think that's the perfect word to describe this." Ken pressed a button, and his phone lit up, but he saw no new messages, so he put it on his nightstand. "I just never thought Ayato of all people would be a good caretaker, and I never thought I'd ever get the feeling that he and Hinami had any sort of bond. I guess that came out of the time Hinami spent in Aogiri?"

Now it was Shuu's turn to take a deep breath. "Surreal," he repeated.

Ken nodded. "Surreal."

They sat in silence for about thirty seconds before Shuu said, "Ken, about earlier—"

"I'm sorry," Ken suddenly said, head dropping. "I don't know what came over me, I just felt lightheaded all of a sudden. I'm so sorry, I completely embarrassed you in front of the Kyoto branch."

Shuu shook his head and wrapped an arm around Ken, pulling him in so Ken could rest his head on his shoulder. "You did not embarrass me, _mon petit_. I am the one who should be sorry. I should have been keeping an eye out for the Kyoto branch. Trust me, if I had seen _Monsieur Daichi_ approaching you, I would have helped you escape."

Ken tried to scoot closer to Shuu, but the two were already impossibly close. "You had to go on that business trip to Kyoto so he could brag, didn't you?"

A miserable look fell over Shuu's face, and he nodded. "The next heir to the Kyoto branch is on the way."

"Chiyo is so young," Ken murmured. "It took me by surprise, all of it."

"Ken, _mon chéri_ , I'd like to tell you everything, but I don't want to upset you."

"No, tell me."

Shuu bit his lip and lightly closed his eyes. "They wanted sons," he said quietly. " _Monsieur Daichi_ and _Madame Kimiko_ married very young, long before my papa married my mama. They tried to have children right away, but they had fertility problems. They were still childless when my parents married, and _Madame Kimiko_ especially was shamed when I was born because the Tokyo branch would remain the Tsukiyama Family's main branch for another generation. Other high-ranking families in the Kyoto branch nearly usurped them for not being able to provide an heir, but _Madame Kimiko_ finally became pregnant shortly after my third birthday. She and _Monsieur Daichi_ wanted a son, they wanted only sons, but they had _Mademoi—Madame Chiyo_ instead."

Ken clutched Shuu's jacket. He already knew where this was going.

"They tried to have more children," Shuu continued, "but when they realized _Madame Chiyo_ would be their only one, they betrothed her to a boy from another high-ranking Kyoto branch couples. They were married the day after _Madame Chiyo_ turned eighteen."

"She's still eighteen, isn't she?"

Shuu nodded. "She will turn nineteen in June."

Ken felt lightheaded again, and this time the feeling came with nausea. "That's so messed up," he breathed, his hands clasped together so tightly his knuckles were turning white. "They see their only daughter as nothing more than a womb, an incubator!"

"And they won't let her be the head of the Kyoto branch once _Monsieur Daichi_ passes. That title will go to her husband."

Ken unclasped his hands and rubbed his face, feeling potential tears forming. "I don't know what to say," he admitted, shaking his head. "They're abusing her and forcing her to have a child she doesn't want in the hope that they'll be able to take over as the main branch someday. And this has been going on ever since Tokyo became the capital of Japan?"

Shuu's eyes opened. " _Oui_." He looked down at Ken sympathetically and pressed a kiss against his temple. "Papa and I had been putting off the trip to Kyoto because we wanted to stay here and take care of you. When we finally did go, we were asked why we had delayed visiting so much, and we were forced to explain that you were staying with us."

"It's more than that," Ken said. "They figured out that I wasn't just staying here; they know that you and I are together."

Shuu nodded, wrapping both arms around Ken and kissing his temple again. " _Monsieur Daichi_ insisted that you meet _Madame Chiyo_ because—"

"Because he wanted to send a message: the Kyoto branch will be the main branch again."

Shuu nodded again and the two sat in silence for several long minutes. Ken took several deep breaths and lowered his hands, revealing his flushed cheeks and pink eyes. Shuu waited but detected no signs of an anxiety or panic attack. He brushed the hair away from Ken's forehead and said, "I want to stress that none of this is your fault, _mon coeur_."

"If you were with Karren—"

"Please don't start that up again. I thought we were past that."

Ken flinched at Shuu's assertive tone but eventually nodded, relaxing into his embrace. "I feel bad for Chiyo," he said. "To be given something you don't want, to be forced to carry it with you all the time, knowing you can't get rid of it, to be used for someone else's gain and be treated as nothing more than a tool, to have to deal with all of this against your will…I know what that's like."

Shuu's eyes widened. "Ken, what—"

"I was eighteen when I met Rize."

Shuu's eyes watered and he gently pressed his forehead against Ken's. " _Mon amour._ "

"And I know all too well what the abuse feels like, too."

" _Mon petit amour_ , I am so so—"

"It's not you. It's not you or anyone else I know now. It all happened before."

Shuu's grip around him tightened to the point that Ken actually felt a bit of pain. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ken shook his head. "It's just that I can empathize." He pulled away a bit and cupped Shuu's cheek. "Thank you for telling me."

"It's not my intention to keep things from you," Shuu said, placing his hand over Ken's. "I just don't want to upset you or make you feel any guilt. None of this is your fault; it's been something that's gone on in the Tsukiyama Family for generations."

"Can't your father do something?"

Shuu shrugged, shaking his head in defeat. "We have tried but we are stuck in quite the tight spot, _mon chéri._ Family politics is a rather tricky game."

"It always is," Ken sighed, lowering his hand. "Jeez though, this is like something straight out of a historical drama. I've only read about things like this in books. I never thought I'd ever see it for myself. Hell, I didn't even think things like this still happened." He stopped, eyes widening. "Wait, were you—! Oh my, I'm so sorry, Shuu, I didn't—"

_"Shuu."_

_Shuu looked at his father from the other side of the car. He was hunched over and trembling, his arms around his waist and his legs crossed over each other. His cheeks were pink with anger, and tears threatened to fall from his watery eyes. He jerked when the car pulled out of the driveway._

_"Papa wants you to know something," Mirumo continued with a sigh. "Papa is disgusted that he even feels the need to say this at all, but Mama and Papa did not have Shuu because they wanted an heir. Mama and Papa had Shuu because they wanted a baby, and they wanted to raise that baby into a confident, proud adult. Family politics had nothing to do with it."_

_The tears in Shuu's eyes fell._

_"Papa hates this just as much as Shuu does," Mirumo said, his own voice stumbling as he took a deep, shaking breath. "Papa is going to do something, Shuu, Papa promises."_

Shuu shook his head. "It's just the Kyoto branch."

Ken took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. That was rude of me."

" _Non_ , it's quite alright. If nothing else, it makes me remember how fortunate I am." He smoothed down Ken's hair and managed a smile. "Ken, _my darling_ , if you ever want to talk about things or if you ever have any questions about anything, please come tell me. I'm sorry I've kept so many things from you. It was never my intention to keep you in the dark, but I also didn't want to disturb you or make any anxiety you had worse. But now you seem to be okay, and so I promise to be open with you. I promise not to keep secrets from you anymore."

A grateful smile spread across Ken's face, and he nodded. "Thank you. Do you mind if I get a start on this now? I have something I've been wanting to tell you."

Shuu sat up straight, giving Ken his full attention with a nod. "Of course, go right ahead."

The smile on Ken's face remained, but it faltered slightly as he spoke. "Shuu," he said, looking down. He breathed in deep, and his eyes darted across the room before he took another breath and focused on Shuu. He pursed his lips and said, "I don't want to leave the estate."

Shuu's eyes widened. "What?"

"I mean—" Ken shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "I want to leave the estate someday, but I don't want to, you know, LEAVE the estate. I want to stay here, here with you."

Shuu jumped at Ken's words, his eyes widening further. " _TRÈS BIEN!_ " his mind screamed, and he nearly threw his arms up in joy. It wasn't until Ken's smile fell though that Shuu realized he hadn't externally reacted at all. "And you are more than welcome to stay here!" he said quickly, his voice high and excited. "Everyone here loves having you, and you seem to be very happy here. I promise that I'll find a way to let you go outside someday, but I'd love it if you returned here every time."

Ken nodded and his smile returned. "I'd like that." The smile widened when he saw the bright enthusiasm in Shuu's eyes, and he slowly pushed himself upwards in a silent question. A light giggle passed Shuu's lips before he leaned down to answer.

" _Monsieur Daichi_ won't win," Shuu whispered when Ken pulled back.

Ken nodded. "He wanted to send a message. Let's send him one."

~

"Ah, there you are!"

Ken and Shuu perked up at the familiar voice they heard once they reappeared in the main party room. Karren rushed towards them holding a small gift bag. "I was so worried about you, Master Shuu. You disappeared after our performance, and I couldn't find you anywhere."

"Ah, _pardonnez-moi_ ," Shuu replied, smiling sheepishly. "There was a bit of an incident, and I wanted to make sure Ken here was okay."

Karren turned to Ken, and her nose wrinkled in disgust. Ken braced himself for a string of German curses, but Karren's words surprised him. "I saw that _Hackfresse_ Daichi in the crowd. I suppose he had something to do with it?" She snorted when Ken nodded. "Figures. That bastard is always up to something."

"Not to worry," Shuu said cheerfully. "Ken and I have a plan. Tell me, _Schatzi_ , would you be interested in taking part?"

Karren's eyebrows rose as a smirk tugged at her lips. "Anything for you, Master Shuu. But first!" Karren turned to Ken and held out the bag. " _Fröhliche Weihnachten, Meister Ken._ "

Ken's eyes shifted back and forth between Karren and the bag before he cautiously accepted the gift. Karren motioned for him to continue, and he removed the tissue paper to find the present inside. When he saw the bag of imported German coffee, he immediately looked back at Karren, whose smirk had grown into a full grin. "Is this…?"

"And it's labelled so you don't take mine again."

Shuu laughed quietly at Ken's stunned face. " _Parfait._ Come, allow me to explain the plan."

Mirumo watched the trio from the other side of the room. He sipped his blood wine and glanced at Matsumae, motioning for her to join them. She bowed and slipped past the other guests right before Mirumo felt another presence approach. He took another sip of blood wine and said, "Daichi."

"Master Mirumo," Daichi replied with a grin. "So nice to see you again. This party is positively delightful."

"Thank you for your kind words," Mirumo said, finally turning to the Kyoto branch's head family. " _Madame Kimiko_ ," he said, offering his hand.

Kimono shook her head and stepped back, pulling her daughter with her. "Apologies, Master Mirumo," she said, "but we must take little Chiyo here into consideration."

"Ah yes, how true," Mirumo said as he took his hand back. "Congratulations again, _Madame Chiyo,_ you must be thrilled."

"Yes," Chiyo said with a nod. She spoke so quietly Mirumo could barely hear her.

Mirumo put on a smile for her. "I'm sure you will raise a beautiful child into a fine adult. I am very much looking forward to meeting them."

"Ah, but what about Master Shuu?" Daichi asked, voice alarmingly mischievous. "Isn't it about time he settled down with someone? He is, in fact, older than little Chiyo here."

Mirumo opened his mouth, but a beautiful, instrumental song cut him off before he could speak. He and the Kyoto branch turned to see Karren playing her violin on the dance floor. Her eyes were closed, and her body was moving in sync with the passionate song. The guests quickly silenced in awe of the performance, but they gasped when Shuu walked out to the middle of the dance floor hand-in-hand with Ken.

And then the dance began. Shuu pulled Ken into his arms, and the two danced a waltz to Karren's music. Their feet moved together, never once bumping into one another, and their bodies altered between suggestively close and romantically apart. Ken even spun under Shuu's arm and into his embrace. They smiled at each other, at least one set of their hands always touching.

It was over far too soon. Karren played out the final note, and Shuu and Ken took their last step that brought them close together. The room burst into applause—all save for the Kyoto branch—and Karren took a quick bow before stepping out of the way. She grinned when she heard the gasps and near screams coming from the crowd.

Before everyone, Shuu and Ken locked lips just as passionately as they had danced.

Daichi was about to shout when he heard loud applause next to him; he looked down to see Chiyo clapping and cheering. The young woman glared when their gazes met, but she quickly turned back to Shuu and Ken, ignoring her father's angry demands for attention.

"Well, Daichi," Mirumo said, swirling the blood wine in his glass and smiling patiently, "Papa believes Shuu has found the person he'll settle down with."

Ken and Shuu pulled apart, still reveling in the cheers from the crowd. They smiled at each other and pressed their foreheads together, thinking the same thing.

_"They will not win."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coconut Peppermint Mocha Frappe
> 
> Here is a most festive coffee drink for the holiday season. Trust me when I say that coconut and peppermint most definitely taste delicious together. And the best part is that it's a Starbucks-style drink you can make at home in just a few minutes (with only a little prep beforehand)!
> 
> You will need:
> 
> 1 cup of strong brewed coffee (french press and cold brew are recommended)
> 
> 8 coconut milk ice cubes
> 
> 1/4 teaspoon natural peppermint extract
> 
> 2 tablespoons light chocolate syrup
> 
> 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
> 
> 1\. Brew the coffee the night before and chill it in the fridge. Additionally, pour the coconut milk into an ice cube tray and freeze it overnight.
> 
> 2\. The next day, add all the ingredients in a blender and mix until well combined (you can add more of a specific ingredient to taste)
> 
> 3\. Serve immediately or chill until later. You can add chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and/or fresh mint leaves if you'd like.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Minimalist Baker


	18. White Russian

Ken woke just as the sun was rising, the light streaming into his room and spreading across his blankets. He rolled over, rubbed his eyes, and sat up with a yawn, feeling a slight chill as the sheets fell from his torso. He scanned the room and found himself slightly bothered by how quiet it was.

He surprised himself at how quickly he dressed. He quietly opened his bedroom door and scanned the hallway but found no servants. Across the hall, Shuu's bedroom door was shut, and when Ken pressed his ear to it, he heard a light rustle followed by silence.

"He's not awake yet," Ken realized, and he leaned back against his own bedroom door. He looked down both ends of the hallway again and then left. He didn't see a servant until he reached the grand staircase.

"Oh, Master Ken!"

"Good morning, Aliza," Ken said with a smile.

Aliza smiled back. "You're up much earlier than usual. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just a little restless for some reason. I didn't want to stay in bed."

"Would you like breakfast?"

"I'll just make some coffee myself, thank you."

"Should I wake Master Shuu?"

"Oh no, please don't. I'll wait for him."

Aliza nodded. "I understand. Please don't hesitate to call if you need anything." And she headed down the hallway.

Ken was still restless when he sat down with his coffee in the parlor. His feet shuffled against the floor, and his legs twitched every so often. His eyes shifted around the room, unable to concentrate on even his coffee as he sipped it, and the coffee was the imported brand Karren had given him for Christmas. He set the cup in his lap and gripped it with both hands, forcing himself to stare at his reflection in the coffee.

"It's too quiet," he finally said, looking up at the ceiling. He sat back in the chair and sighed. "Yeah, way too quiet."

Ken jerked when he heard the high-pitched shriek echo from upstairs, his coffee almost splattering against the ornate, plush chair. "Now it's not."

Within a few seconds, Shuu burst into the parlor still in his pajamas but looking wide awake. "Ken, _mon petit!_ " he panted. " _Bon matin!_ "

"Good morning to you, too."

"You're up so early! I went to wake you up, but Aliza told me you had already come downstairs."

Ken nodded. "I didn't want to stay in bed. Sorry if I worried you."

"Oh no, not at all, I am actually quite happy! _Tell me_ , may I join you for coffee?"

"Of course."

" _Parfait!_ Be right back!" And he rushed out of the room as quickly as he had rushed in.

Shuu reappeared in the parlor ten minutes later completely dressed with combed hair. Today's delightfully mismatched ensemble was a pair of blue slacks with a red, yellow, and green patterned button-down that resembled a woman's blouse. Ken smiled at it, a bit awed that he liked Shuu's typical wardrobe as much as he liked his formal suits.

"I have returned!"

"Welcome back. Sorry, I just finished this cup; I'll go make another pot."

Shuu followed Ken out of the parlor and into the kitchen where he stood back and watched as Ken poured the grounds and heated the water. A goofy smile stayed put on his face even when Ken turned back around with their full cups. "Here you go," Ken said, passing the brightly patterned cup to Shuu, and Shuu took it with a cheerful " _Merci_."

"You're in an awfully good mood this morning," Ken casually said as they walked back to the parlor. "Sleep well?"

"I did but I am also quite thrilled to see you up and about today. To be honest I was afraid you would still be tired after the, um, the event that was the Christmas party."

Ah yes, the Christmas party. Even though it had only been two days since then, it felt like an eternity. While all the guests had left the estate by the early hours of the morning, the strange tension following Ken and Shuu's dance had not. The Kyoto branch had left first with Daichi grabbing Chiyo's arm and jerking her towards the door immediately after. Kimiko had tried to protest, begging her husband to be gentle with their pregnant daughter, but the man had angrily cut her off and ordered her outside as well. It was not until Mirumo had intervened that the situation took even the slightest tone of civility.

_"_ Monsieur Daichi _, it is unbecoming of a family head to be so hostile with his heir."_

Ken, Shuu, Karren, and the rest of the party-goers had silently watched as Daichi let go of Chiyo and instead ushered her and Kimiko out. Chiyo had glanced at Shuu and Ken before disappearing into the main hall. The loud slam of the front door made nearly everyone flinch, but Mirumo had simply smiled and praised both Ken and Shuu's dance and Karren's violin skills. Shortly after that, the party had reawakened.

Ken sat down in his chair and let out a long sigh. "I'm not really tired, but I'm definitely feeling off," he said before gently blowing on his coffee. He took a sip as Shuu sat down on a nearby couch and continued, "The whole thing with the Kyoto branch still has me in shock. Chiyo is their only daughter, and they treat her like a tool. Is reclaiming power really more important to them than she is?"

Shuu frowned and nodded. "I'm afraid so. According to Papa, they treated _Madame Kimiko_ the same way before she was born. They still shame _Madame Kimiko_ sometimes for not being able to produce a male heir."

Ken ran a hand through his hair and leaned back into the chair. "It's wrong, it's so wrong. No parent should ever abuse their child."

Shuu looked at Ken concernedly for several long seconds before looking at his reflection in his coffee and smirking. "But we sure did send a message. I have not seen _Monsieur Daichi_ that frazzled since Papa told him I was interested in his work and actually wanted to be the Tsukiyama Family's head one day."

A little smile found its way onto Ken's face, but it disappeared when his eyes widened and a flush spread across his cheeks. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Hmm? Something wrong?"

"Uh, no, it's just that the, uh, adrenaline has worn off."

Shuu's face mirrored Ken's, but he soon smiled sheepishly. " _Oui_ , I understand completely."

Ken's eyes shifted towards Shuu, and he stood. After a short pause Ken walked to the couch and sat down, resting his head on Shuu's shoulder. "It's no big deal. I just have to get used to it."

Shuu's smile widened. "To be quite honest, I will have to get used to it as well, that we're, um—"

"Together?"

"Lovers!"

Ken jumped, the coffee splashing in his cup but not spilling onto the intricately patterned couch. He inhaled and said, "That wasn't the word I was thinking of but okay."

"Oh, um, we can call it something else if you want."

"No, no, I'll get used to it. It's just…weird to hear, that's all. And there's the fact that we pretty much announced it in front of your entire extended family and many employees before even confirming it with your father."

Shuu shrugged, still smiling and now shaking slightly as if holding in his excitement. "Papa seemed okay with it though. In fact, he praised us rather enthusiastically afterwards."

"For such a traditional family, you sure don't do anything traditionally."

Shuu laughed aloud and put his free arm around Ken, pulling him in so he could rest his head on Ken's. " _C'est vrai_ , you are absolutely right, _mon amour_." He kissed the top of Ken's head and continued, "I know that the status of our relationship changed very suddenly at the Christmas party, so we can take things slowly if you'd like. I want to keep you by my side, _mon coeur_ , but I only want you to be there if that is what you want."

Ken shook his head and inched closer to Shuu so he could nuzzle his nose into the other's neck. "No, I want to be by your side, and I want you to be by mine. I like it very much. It's just strange that it's happening because I always thought it never would."

Shuu's grip on Ken tightened. "You've thought about it?"

After a pause, Ken nodded. "From the moment I first saw you in Anteiku."

" _Vraiment?_ "

Another nod. "I was immediately drawn to you. The first thing I thought was, 'Wow, he looks like a model.' I wanted to get to know you so badly, but then Touka told me to stay away from you, so I did. When you came to visit me at Kamii, I was so excited, but I kept remembering her words. And then when you invited me out—" Ken stopped, cleared his throat, and took a deep breath. "Sorry, I got carried away. You know the rest."

They sat in silence for several minutes with Ken pulled so close Shuu could bury his nose in his soft, white hair. Ken closed his eyes, feeling the his words swirl around them and tightening around his throat. He felt the urge to pull them out of the air and pull them back into himself as a knot formed in his chest. Breathing was becoming difficult.

"I am so sorry, _mon amour_ ," Shuu whispered. "I don't know what else to say."

"You don't have to say anything at all," Ken said back quickly. The words pulled at the loose end of knot, and he felt his throat start to close. "I know you're different now, I know you would never do anything like that again. I know you would never hurt me."

" _Oui_ , I would never hurt you," Shuu whispered before placing another kiss atop Ken's head. "I regret every time I tried to, I regret every time I thought about it. I was wrong, I was so wrong. _Mon petit amour_ , you are the most precious person I have ever had in my life. It just took me far too long to realize it."

"Shuu—"

" _Je t'a—_ "

"Stop, you're going to make me cry."

Shuu did just that, clamping his mouth shut and pressing his lips against the top of Ken's head again. " _D'accord. Pardonnez-moi_ , I didn't mean to make you so emotional."

Ken shook his head and let out a long sigh. With the air went the tightness around his neck. "No, it's my fault, I'm the one who started it. I shouldn't have dug up the past. That was wrong of me, I'm sorry."

"You have every right to dig the past up," Shuu said back. "I can't believe you're even here, I can't believe you trust me after everything I've done to you."

"You've changed, Shuu; you've changed and you deserve a second chance."

Shuu smiled wide, feeling a sad joy bubble up within him. " _Merci beaucoup, mon chéri._ That means more to me than you could ever know."

The same smile appeared on Ken's face. "I'm glad I woke up early today. I'm really glad I got to spend the morning with you."

" _Moi aussi._ "

They shifted into a more comfortable position with Ken's head still on Shuu's shoulder and Shuu's arm still around Ken. Both let out long sighs and went back to their coffee, which had started to cool just a bit too much. Ken tried to focus on the taste, but his eyes wandered back to Shuu and how his cup clashed horribly with his outfit. He tried to suppress a small chuckle, especially when he remembered how plain he was in comparison. His black and white word-printed cup next to his solid t-shirt and jeans looked so minimalist compared to the oddly colorful masterpiece that was Tsukiyama Shuu, and he found himself thinking the two styles were a perfectly contrasting match.

"Hmm?"

"Ah, sorry, just thinking," Ken said. "When I woke up this morning, I was really restless. My mind has been all over the place."

Shuu lowered his cup. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no, it's nothing like that. I think the estate is just too quiet today. When I heard you scream this morning, I was actually quite happy just to hear something."

"Must be because of the party," Shuu hummed. "The estate was very noisy and full of life, and now we're prepping for New Year's, so things have calmed down significantly. And, well, there was the extra drama at this year's party, so, yes, the place does feel very empty right now."

"I guess I'm missing people," Ken said a bit absentmindedly. "It's weird. For the past few months, I haven't wanted to see or interact with nearly anyone, but now I'm remembering how much I always liked it. I actually really like people. I know I'm pretty introverted, and it's ironic because my favorite thing to do is read, which is like the ultimate solitary activity, but I actually really enjoy being with people. I like spending time with the people I like. That's all." He finished with a shrug and gulped down two mouthfuls of coffee.

Shuu's eyes widened and he frowned. The desire to pull Ken back into his tight embrace rose within him, but he fought it down and removed his arm instead. Ken jumped at that and turned to Shuu, wondering if he had said something wrong. He watched as Shuu put his cup down on the floor and then took Ken's own cup from him and set it down next to it. Shuu then clasped his hands around both of Ken's and said, " _Mon amour_ , you have been cooped up in this estate for far too long. It's time you went outside."

Ken reeled back. "What?"

"I'm going to take you outside for New Year's," Shuu stated, voice firm. "I don't know how yet, but I promise you that you will not welcome the New Year on Tsukiyama Family property. You will be somewhere else, somewhere outside this estate where you truly belong."

"But I like the estate!" Ken said back almost desperately. "I like it here, I don't want to leave. And if I'm spotted it'll put you and everyone else here in danger!"

"You'll come back here if that's what you want," Shuu explained, "but I won't keep you here like a caged bird. You belong in the outside world, and I'll make it happen even if it's the last thing I do."

~

Shuu smacked his head against the desk in his bedroom. "I don't know how I'm going to do this."

With a long groan, Shuu gently bonked his head several more times until a dull ache formed in his forehead. He sat up, rubbed the spot, and leaned back in his rolling chair with a sigh. His desk was cluttered with paper, pencils, and books, and the floor around it was no cleaner. The area was a stark contrast to the rest of his neat and orderly room.

"What am I going to do," he moaned. "I'm out of time."

Shuu silently stared at the ceiling until a soft click caught his attention. "Are you serious right now, Little Mouse?"

"You're still boring," Chie said bluntly, crawling out from under Shuu's large bed. "You and Kaneki drop the bomb on the Kyoto branch and don't celebrate it with a hunt or a feast or something? I can't believe this, I'm gonna end the year without a single decent picture."

"No one is forcing you to photograph here," Shuu shot back, turning his chair to face Chie. "You're not bound to this property the way Ken is, you can leave at any time. I honestly think you should, seeing as you still haven't completed the second assignment I gave you."

"This is ridiculous, it's like you're not even you anymore," Chie said, rolling her eyes. "A few years ago, you'd do anything to have me take your photo. You went out hunting when you weren't even hungry just so I would photograph you. Hell, you even invited me to the church you dragged Nishino Kimi to promising me photos of you feasting on Kaneki. Where is that Tsukiyama Shuu?"

"He's dead."

"You might as well be. And don't give me crap about my second job. I found Banjou Kazuichi for you."

Shuu's eyes narrowed. "It was a two-part job. _Monsieur Banjou_ was the first part, and I paid you as promised. I have not asked you for anything else, and if you're spending most of your time here harassing me, then you must not have any other pressing projects. What is going on, Little Mouse?"

Chie's mouth twisted into a bitter frown. It was a rare, odd look on her normally neutral face. "I have no leads," she admitted. "I have my entire street network looking, Tsukiyama. Nothing."

Shuu visibly deflated. He leaned back, pulled his hands down his face, and leaned forward with his elbows on his legs. " _Heartbreak_. Why? I don't understand."

"I don't either."

"Ugh, I can't think about this right now," Shuu said as he tried to rub out his growing headache. "I have to find a way to get Ken out of this estate without arousing any suspicions. He can't be recognized, and we can't be followed, but every plan I come up with is riddled with holes."

Chie's face softened. "You know, it's impossible for you to eliminate all risks. An investigator might be nearby at any time. Someone might recognize your car. Someone might even recognize Kaneki."

"That's exactly what I'm worried about!"

"Then why are you trying to do this by yourself? You've got friends, right? Well, I don't know if they're actually friends, but you at least know some people you can trust to some extent."

Shuu's eyes shot open momentarily before a sad look came over his face. "You're saying I should take him to :re? I thought about that, but :re and this estate are the only places Ken has seen since we rescued him. I want to take him somewhere new."

"Baby steps, Tsukiyama," Chie said as she snapped a few photos of Shuu's changing expressions. "You and your family have to work on not jumping into things and standing out so much. Besides, Kaneki loves everyone at :re. I know he misses them, and he just misses being with people in general, right? So take him to :re for a New Year's party. You can even get everyone there to help scout out the routes between :re and the estate to make sure there are no investigators. There, two holes filled."

A small smile appeared on Shuu's face, but it quickly flattened. Chie took another photo. "But I still worry someone might recognize him. It doesn't have to be a Dove, you know, a civilian might recognize him."

Chie lowered her camera, and a large, sinister smirk spread across her face.

Shuu tensed. "You have an idea," he said, his eyes locked on Chie. "You know something."

"I do."

Shuu stood. "Little Mouse, please, you must tell me."

"I don't know about that."

"I'll give you whatever you want. I'll pay any sum of money. I'll bake you as many cakes as you wish. I'll buy you an entire goddamn bakery franchise. I'll—"

Chie pulled a photo from her bag and held it up with the back facing Shuu. "You know what I want."

Shuu stopped and his face paled.

"You give me some interesting photos, and I'll tell you how to make sure no one recognizes Kaneki." Chie held out her free hand. "Deal?"

Shuu swallowed hard. Slowly, his own hand reached out.

"Deal."

~

Shuu had seen many different sides and versions of Kaneki Ken in the time that he had known him, but he had certainly never seen this.

"This brings back memories," Ken said sadly as he spun around before the mirror in his room, the skirt twirling with him. "I dressed up the kids as girls so we could sneak into a club and gather some intel on a ghoul we were following. And it worked! We were able to infiltrate a ghoul auction and take her out." He stopped and looked at Shuu in the mirror. "I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear about me hunting ghouls."

" _Non, non_ , it's quite okay," Shuu replied. "I'm just surprised at how different you look. You hardly look like yourself, I certainly wouldn't recognize you."

"Heh, I called myself 'Sasako'."

Shuu smiled. "It suits you."

Ken almost laughed but the sound came out shaky. "Sorry, I'm just anxious," he admitted, his smile flattening. "I'm going outside for the first time in months. I'm going back to :re, but I'm not going back to that tiny guest room. It's a bit overwhelming…and kinda scary."

"I understand completely, _mon amour_ ," Shuu said. He approached Ken and wrapped his arms around his shoulders from behind. "But I will be with you the entire time we're out. Please allow me to do the worrying, you should focus on being excited and having fun."

"I am excited," Ken said as he turned around. "Thank you." He put his hands on Shuu's cheeks and leaned forward for a kiss.

"Mmm, that's what I like to hear," Shuu whispered once they pulled apart. " _Allons-y_."

It seemed like the entire estate came to see them off. Mirumo, Matsumae, and Karren waved to them while the servants wished them fun and safety. Ken and Shuu waved back and closed the front door behind them. Once he heard the click, Ken breathed in sharply. He tensed momentarily but then stepped off the porch and onto the pathway, Shuu patiently waiting for him the whole time. He smiled wide once they stepped off the Tsukiyama Family's property, as Ken let out a nearly giddy squeal.

"I'm out," Ken said, looking up at the clear night sky.

Shuu squeezed his hand. " _Oui_ , you are."

Ken felt the beginnings of tears sting his eyes when he and Shuu boarded the train. They sat down in the two seats next to the door, Shuu still clutching Ken's hand. The train wasn't crowded, as most people were likely at home with their families or already at their respective celebrations, but Ken still found himself trembling slightly from the people who were there. He tried to take deep breaths and keep his face hidden.

" _Mon petit_ ," Shuu whispered in his ear, "it's okay. I received several texts from _Mademoiselle Kirishima_ ; everyone has confirmed that there are no Doves in the area. You are safe."

Ken felt bad that he didn't believe Shuu until their stop arrived. When Ken stepped onto the streets of the 20th ward, a large smile appeared on his face, and his eyes sparkled in the dim street lights. "It's the same," he breathed. "The 20th ward is the same, it hasn't changed. I was so afraid I wouldn't recognize it, but—" He stopped, bringing his free hand to his face. "Ugh, I'm gonna ruin my mascara." He giggled when Shuu burst out laughing.

"And its shops haven't changed either," Shuu added as they turned a corner. "Look." He reached out and pushed the front door of :re open.

"THEY'RE HERE!" Hinami nearly screamed as she ran forward and tackled Ken with a hug. Ken wrapped his arms around her, those tears from earlier threatening to fall as he looked up. One by one, he saw his friends. Ayato, Banjou, Ichimi, Jiro, Sante, Nishiki, Kimi, Yomo, and Touka all stood and ran to him, some offering hugs while others offered smiles. For Ken, that was more than enough.

"And I must say you make quite the lovely lady," Touka joked between all the greetings. "C'mon, let's get you changed. Plus, you gotta see who else is here."

Ken was about to ask what she meant when he heard a friendly "Yo!" come from the back hall. When he looked, his jaw dropped and his breathing quickened.

"Koma? Irimi?"

"Welcome back, Kaneki."

"How…?"

"We'll explain everything later," Touka offered, smiling the happiest smile Ken had ever seen on her face. "First, we'll get you changed and cleaned up. Your mascara is running."

Ken took a few extra minutes to change due to his tears, but they eventually ceased and he could rejoin his friends in the main room. Yomo, Nishiki, Kaya, and Enji passed coffee around, and Yomo personally passed a cup to Ken. "Welcome back," he said, a small smile on his face. Ken took the cup with a grateful "thank you" and took a sip right away.

"It tastes just like the manager's."

At the opposite end of the shop, Shuu leaned against the wall, perfectly content to stand back and watch his beloved Ken from afar. It had been far too long since he had seen the other so happy, and he burned the image into his memory with a sip of his own coffee.

"Excuse me?"

Shuu looked to his side, and his eyes widened.

"I don't believe we ever formally met. Um, I'm Nishino Kimi."

Shuu watched her with disbelieving eyes as she lowered her head. When she straightened, she smiled.

"…I am Tsukiyama Shuu. _Enchanté_."

"Shuu! Kimi!"

Both looked up to see Ken beaming at them. "Join us!"

The ghoul and human traded glances, smiled sheepishly, and walked over.

~

Outside on a nearby rooftop, Kuki stood and shoved his phone into his pocket. He gave :re a hard look and then sighed heavily, jumping down the side of the building and walking in the opposite direction.

"Happy New Year, Sasaki."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> White Russian
> 
> This is one of my favorite cocktails made with coffee liqueur. Just remember to drink it slowly, as it packs a punch.
> 
> You will need: Vodka, Kahlúa (or any other coffee liqueur), heavy cream or milk (non-dairy is fine)
> 
> 1\. Fill a glass with ice cubes
> 
> 2\. Mix two parts vodka and one part Kahlúa
> 
> 3\. Top with one part cream or milk
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Kahlúa.


	19. Americano

"Well? What are you waiting for?"

The frigid January night air seemed to pass right through Shuu's coat. He tightened his grip around himself and quickly rubbed his hands up and down his arms. He tried to take a steadying breath but found he could only inhale about half as much as he wanted. The sharp air stung his lungs. "Little Mouse," he said when he exhaled, his breath turning to fog in the clear moonlight, "is this really necessary?"

"It was part of our deal," Chie casually reminded him, not a tinge of discomfort in her voice. "I tell you how to safely take Kaneki outside, and you give me some interesting photos. Don't tell me you're backing out now."

" _Non, non,_ I'm not backing out, I'm just wondering if it was really necessary to come to the 13th ward for these photos."

"It's one of the bloodiest wards in Tokyo so yes."

"That's hardly because of ghouls anymore, it's more because of the Doves that have moved in."

"Then maybe I'll get a variety of photos, some of you with other ghouls and some with investigators."

Shuu turned to the woman with a glare, but Chie merely smiled and snapped a photo. She shifted through her camera's memory, completely ignoring Shuu's darkening eyes. "It has been quite a while since I went out hunting," Shuu reminded her, voice bitter. "If something should happen to me—"

"Then I'll take photos of your ghost. Get going."

Shuu was about to retort but decided it wasn't worth the effort. He rolled his eyes and sighed, turning back towards the street. " _D'accord_ , let's get this over with," he said as he put on his mask, and he quietly slipped into the darkness.

He immediately lost Chie's presence. This wasn't unusual even before he had fallen into his depression, as the woman had always been difficult to detect. Despite this, Shuu felt a strange fear once he realized he could no longer distinguish her. The night air was suddenly even colder with an added layer of aloneness, and he was reminded of how his once-sensitive nose was still dull.

But he knew she was there. She was always near him somehow with her camera on and her finger ready to press its button, whether she was behind him, above him, or even right in front of him. "The sooner I do this, the sooner I can go home to Ken," he murmured, and he headed down a vacant street. The emptiness didn't surprise him given the cold, but he quickly realized this would not be an easy job. His legs were already sore and stiff from the chill, and any exposed skin already felt frostbitten. He cursed his uncharacteristically frail self.

His luck suddenly changed when he spotted a tall, lanky man stumbling down the sidewalk across from him. Shuu braced himself against a building wall and watched the man take wobbly steps while chugging from long, thin bottle. When he closed his eyes and focused on listening, Shuu could hear the man mutter something about his ungrateful boss. He opened his eyes and finally smiled. The man was clearly intoxicated; he would be a very easy target. With as deep a breath as he could take, Shuu went to jump the man but stopped short when he heard a crazed scream.

"OH THANK GOD, WE FOUND ONE! DINNER TIME!"

Shuu watched as a man jumped down from the rooftop and lunged—kagune out and eyes blazing—at the drunk man. Two others followed suit, and the first person was about to strike when something swiped him to the side. He screamed and the other two backed off, pulling their kagune into a defensive position, but they were too slow, and two others cut them in their sides. They cringed and jumped backwards, eyes widening under their masks when five investigators gathered around the "drunk" man. Shuu gasped in realization and slipped back into the darkness.

"YOU BASTARDS!" the first man shouted. "The fuck is wrong with you? We're fucking starving here! That old fart ain't worth your protection."

The "drunk" man pouted. "I'm not that old."

"No doubt about it, that's Naki of the White Suits," one of the five investigators said.

The others nodded in agreement. "A capture was in the stars this evening, but I had no idea it would be this massive."

"I thought we'd catch a little hummingbird, but it seems we caught a vulture."

"Boss, how to proceed?"

"Don't play dumb, Hanbee, you know what to do."

"HEY, DON'T IGNORE ME!" Naki screamed, throwing his kagune-covered arm out towards the investigators. "Just let us have a bite, goddammit! Or I'll take you all down! I'll take you down and use YOU to satisfy my apple blight!"

"Bro, I think it's 'appetite'."

The three ghouls had no time to think. Keijin swung back at Naki first, knocking him off balance while Mizurou and Miyuki each went for one of the grunts. Hanbee tried to follow up Keijin's attack, but another kagune seemed to burst from nowhere and knocked his Ukaku quinque from his hands. Behind him, Juuzou unlocked Jason and swung, but the strike just barely missed Naki. Naki soon found himself flying upwards into a tree, and the investigators paused in surprise for just a second too long. The two grunts knocked Mizurou and Miyuki back just enough to escape.

Keijin heaved a great sigh. "Amazing. We had Naki and two of his followers right in front of us, five on three, and they all managed to escape. Truly amazing."

"I'm sorry," Hanbee whimpered, picking his quinque up. "I didn't see that other one."

"Useless giant."

"Perhaps the stars were not as aligned as I thought," Miyuki said. "Even the slightest deviation can throw an entire galaxy into chaos."

Mizurou shrugged. "Or Hanbee could just be that lacking."

"Oh well, we'll get 'em next time," Juuzou said as he packed Jason away. "It's not like any of the former Aogiri members can do much harm these days since they're scattered all over the place. The 13th ward has actually been pretty peaceful recently, too. This is the first time we've heard from the White Suits in a long time." He picked up his briefcase and turned to the sixth person in their group with a smile. "But that was some fine acting to lure them out, Nimura! Kijima was right about you, you ARE good bait!"

Nimura smiled sheepishly. "Really? I thought I was the most useless one since that's really all I can do."

"Nah, the title of 'Most Useless' still goes to Hanbee."

"But, um, Mr. Suzuya, can I just say…" Nimura trailed off and bit his lip. "That kagune that suddenly appeared, didn't it look familiar? I know it was dark, but I could swear I had seen it before."

"Hmm? Anything specific come to mind?"

"I thought it sort of looked like the Gourmet's."

Juuzou's eyes widened. "Now THAT would be a catch. We haven't heard from Gourmet in a really long time, so everyone at the CCG assumed he was dead. If he's still alive and we captured him, THAT would be a real victory. Hee, Kijima did also say you were good at noticing things."

"I'm flattered, thank you."

"Let's go back and report that then. Hanbee, did you bring my socks? My toes are cold."

"Boss, you probably shouldn't have worn slippers in below-freezing weather."

"I can replace you with Nimura any time."

Shuu watched Juuzou and his squad leave from a nearby rooftop, a gloved hand covering Naki's mouth as the man squirmed and pounded his fist against his side. He winced as the wiggling and punching intensified but toughed it out until he knew the investigators were gone.

"What the hell was that for!" Naki snapped, turning to Shuu with teary, red eyes. "That was my dinner that just escaped!"

"I don't even get a ' _merci_ '?" Shuu asked as shook his hand side to side. Naki had drooled on it. "You would have been killed and on your way to be made into a quinque by now if it hadn't been for me. You haven't changed at all, _Monsieur_."

"Missed tour?"

"Naki, _non_ —"

"How do you know my name?"

Shuu stared at him in disbelief. "You don't remember me? We fought multiple times. You knocked my mask off, cut my face, ran at me screaming, etc."

Naki stared back.

"You fought us for Doctor Kanou's nurse? We faced off in his lab beneath that huge estate?"

Naki's eyes shifted before cluelessly falling back on Shuu.

"…You kept calling me an American? 'Americano!' Remember that?"

Naki reeled back. "I have no idea what you're talking about. You're freaking me out."

Shuu sighed heavily and shook his head. " _Santo cielo_ , it's like arguing with a two-year-old. _Monsieur_ —"

"That's not my name!"

"Let's at least go find your teammates. They managed to escape the Doves, too, so they couldn't have gone far."

"Houguro and Shousei!"

" _Oui, oui,_ Houguro and Shousei."

Shuu jumped down the side of the building, Naki close behind. Once on the sidewalk, Shuu quickly scanned the area to make sure no other Doves were hiding nearby. He felt uneasy relying more on his eyes than his nose and ears, but the wind suddenly picked up, and his ears rang on top of his nose lacking its sensitivity. With a nod, he deemed the streets safe enough and headed in the direction in which he had seen the lackeys go.

Naki spotted them first. "Houguro! Shousei!"

"Ugh, there you are, Bro," Shousei groaned as he clutched his side. "Them Doves got us good. We haven't regenerated yet."

"Gonna take some time," Houguro agreed.

Shuu let out a long sigh through his nose and put his mask back on. "Stay right here _s'il vous plaît_ , I will return with food." He ran off before anyone could protest and luckily spotted a younger man in tears trudging down the street only a few blocks away. When Shuu listened closely, he could hear the man sob about his now-ex-girlfriend. " _Pardonnez-moi, Monsieur,_ " Shuu sighed, "allow me to put you out of your misery."

~

"I still don't think we've ever met, but you're not such a bad guy," Naki said around a mouthful of meat. When he spoke, blood spilled from his mouth and dripped onto the ground in the circle his legs made. Shuu cringed.

"Feel better already," Houguro sighed contently, leaning back against the wall behind the three of them. "Hm, look, the cut's healing."

" _Bien_ , I suppose," Shuu said with a shrug, "though I can't say the same of your manners."

"Though I gotta say," Shousei began, eyeing Shuu suspiciously, "it's pretty weird for a guy to help complete strangers unless he wants something. What're you hiding, man?"

"We're not strangers."

"You keep saying that, but I don't think you know what it means."

"You're the ones who don't know what anything means," Shuu muttered before speaking to the trio in his regular voice. "I helped you because you're struggling ghouls. I've been there before, I know how awful hunger is. The young man you just enjoyed should hold you over for a while, but you shouldn't do anything reckless."

Shousei turned to Naki. "Bro, now he's trying to lecture us."

Naki tore off another piece of meat. "The only one who gets to lecture me is my big bro Yamori! No one else!"

" _Oui, oui,_ I understand, _excusez-moi,_ " Shuu groaned as he rolled his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and continued, "Do let me return to the reason why I helped you though. I did want to help my fellow ghouls, but I also do want something."

"We ain't doing shit for you!"

"Please just answer a few questions," Shuu said, kneeling down to the trio's level. The freezing sidewalk stung his legs. "You three were under Aogiri's control, _oui_? Tell me, what has happened to Aogiri? The rumor was that it had completely disbanded and that all its executives had been killed."

"Hmpf, we're still alive," Naki snorted, "but, yeah, most of the top guys were killed in a big Dove raid. That bastard Arima came in and fucking slaughtered the lower guys, like they didn't even stand a chance. Then he and the other strong ones came after high-ranking guys and execs. Watched Tatara and Noro go, then all their underlings. Hakatori, Shikorae, they all got killed. Ayato was one of the only high-ranking guys who got away, though I dunno what happened to him after. Don't know about Taki-what's-his-name either. And then—!" Naki stopped short and suddenly burst into tears.

Houguro rubbed his back and sighed. "All the White Suits except us got killed."

"And we don't know about Grandma Miza," Shousei added. "She was always good at hiding, being from underground and all, but everything happened so fast that we don't know if she managed to get away in time. If she did, I doubt she'll show her face on the surface again."

"So there are new members we're unaware of," Shuu murmured, studying the ground as he processed all the information. " _Monsieur Kirishima_ and the Little Lady might know them though. I should ask."

"The fuck you muttering about now?"

"Nothing, please don't mind me," Shuu said with a sigh. "I am truly sorry for the loss of your comrades. No one should have to see that, but it is unfortunately an all too-common sight in the ghoul world."

"Thanks, man," Naki sobbed as he wiped his eyes. "Like, they were all my friends, ya know? Why did the Doves have to go and kill 'em?"

"I don't know."

"It's fucked up, man."

"I agree. May your friends rest peacefully."

Naki finally smiled though his tears kept falling. "You're really a nice guy, you know that? No one's been so nice to us in a long time. I actually don't really mind talking to you."

Shuu relaxed a bit as well, returning a small smile. That was likely the closest he was going to get to a compliment. "May I ask you for more information then? Can you tell me anything else about Aogiri or the raid? Did anyone else survive?"

"Only know that Ayato and the three of us made it, but Eto might still be out there."

Shuu's blood ran cold, and he inhaled a sudden, sharp breath that he could swear cut the flesh of his lungs. His eyes widened but the icy air immediately dried them out. With a slower, more calming breath, he rubbed his eyes before focusing back on the trio. "I thought the One-Eyed Owl was dead. That was supposed to be the reason Aogiri no longer exists."

Naki shook his head. "Nah, Eto ain't that weak. She was injured but we didn't see her get killed. She's probably hiding out somewhere though because no one's seen her."

Shuu dropped his head as though he had been defeated. He pursed his lips and sighed heavily through his nose before raising his head to face Naki again. "I understand. Do you know anything else?"

"No, unless I missed something."

Shousei nodded. "And that's definitely possible."

" _D'accord_ ," Shuu said, standing. " _Merci beaucoup_ for all the information, _Monsieur Naki,_ Gentlemen. This is all I need. Now if you don't mind, I must be on my way. Please take care of yourselves."

"Wait a sec!" Naki cried, stopping Shuu before he could go. "Tell me your name, man!"

"…Tsukiyama Shuu."

"Got it. I'll remember, I promise!"

Shuu rolled his eyes but smiled anyway. "We shall see." And he headed in the opposite direction.

"He was a little weird, but he was a good guy," Naki said as he ripped off another piece of meat. "We should help him out sometime."

Houguro shrugged. "Not sure what he could possibly need from us. Seemed like he was pretty well-off."

"Well, if he needs us, we'll be there. Just like how I was always there for my big bro…AUGH!" Naki let out a shrill scream and burst into tears again. "Ugh, Yamori! Big Bro Yamori! Ugh, fuck you, Eyepatch! You're lucky you're dead or I'd hunt you down and kill you myself!"

~

The walk home seemed longer than the walk to the 13th ward. Shuu shivered violently with his hands shoved in his pockets and his back hunched forward. The wind had stopped, but he could almost see ice crystals floating in the air.

"This is bad," he whispered. "All of this. I should have known."

He didn't even stop when Chie popped up behind him. "That was amazing!" she nearly squealed. "I got photos of you with those guys in the white suits, photos of you hiding from the investigators, photos of you killing that one guy, this is all so much better than I expected!"

"You're satisfied then?"

"Definitely! I might even owe you a favor."

"I'm going to hold you to that. It seems we have more problems than we originally thought."

Chie jogged to join Shuu at his side. "I overheard. So the One-Eyed Owl might still be alive, huh?"

"And I'm worried she could target Ken."

Chie hummed as she looked through her camera's memory. "Now THAT would be a photo, the One-Eyed Owl in action. I'd probably die though."

"I don't need you dying," Shuu said bitterly. "We already lost Yuuma a while back, and I still haven't forgiven myself for it. I put Aliza in so much pain. She acts fine now, but I'm sure she's still suffering."

"And you almost lost Karren."

"Don't remind me."

"So what are you going to do if the Owl does end up targeting Kaneki?"

"That's what I'm thinking about. I have no idea."

"Is there even anything you can do?"

"You're not helping."

Chie shrugged. "I'm honestly more worried about you right now."

Shuu stopped and stared at her. "Wait, what?"

"You didn't hear?" Chie flipped through more of her camera's memory and turned it so Shuu could see the screen. "It's hard to tell because it was dark, but this one investigator said he might have recognized your kagune. If you're not careful, he might make a connection."

"This is exactly what I was worried about!" Shuu shouted, eyes flashing angrily as he glared at Chie. "I told you it was too dangerous, and now the Doves could be on my tail! If anything happens to me, the Tsukiyama Family could fall, and Ken could be exterminated, too! Ugh, why did I go along with this? Why did I do this for you?"

"Because you're an idiot in love with Kaneki."

Shuu's eyes narrowed. "That was a rhetorical question."

"Oh, you don't faint when I say that anymore."

Shuu groaned and shoved the camera back towards Chie, who smiled mischievously. He kept walking, not caring that she nearly fell backwards. "We're done here. Go do what I asked. Go find him."

Chie found her balance and shrugged. "I guess we are. Okay, I'm gonna go get something to eat and then head out. You got any cash for a cafe?"

"Pay for your own _merde_ for once!"

If Chie responded, Shuu didn't hear her. He increased his pace and soon found himself sprinting through the connecting wards until he came upon the 21st. He panted as he reached the estate, suddenly feeling a fire burn deep within him. It flared to life when he reached out and swung the front door open. A few servants greeted him and took his coat and gear, not questioning the blood stains.

"Master Ken is in the library."

Shuu turned to Aliza with wide eyes. The maid merely smiled knowingly and headed to the laundry room, her smile widening when she heard the young master race in the opposite direction.

"Welcome back."

Ken was just as Aliza had said. He calmly and comfortably sat in one of the library's plush chairs, an open book in his hands and a small pile of closed books on the table next to him. He looked at Shuu with soft, adoring eyes and a content smile. For a moment, Shuu only stared to absorb the angelic image, but then he stepped forward to sweep Ken up into a hug. Ken's book fell to the floor before he could mark his place, but he found himself not caring as soothing warmth radiated from Shuu, and he snuggling into him.

"What's up?" he said. "I'm not complaining but—"

" _Excusez-moi_ ," Shuu murmured, running a hand down the back of Ken's head. "I just, I…I had a realization while I was out."

"What did you realize? What happened?"

Shuu lowered his head so he could kiss the top of Ken's. He stayed put, breathing in the scent of the cloud-like strands, and closed his eyes. "Life is far too short," he finally said. "It is far too short to hold back or wait, especially for us ghouls. Our lives are even shorter than those of humans. We could disappear at any time for any number of reasons."

Ken's smile flattened. "And…?"

"And I don't want to see that happen to you."

Ken's smile came back, this time accompanied by watery eyes. "Oh, Shuu…"

"Ken," Shuu said, urgency growing in his voice, "Ken, I…I love you, Ken."

The water in Ken's eyes fell.

"I love you and I want you to move into my room with me."

Ken pulled back so he could look into Shuu's eyes. The latter's were glassy yet full of hope and unmistakably sincere. With a growing smile, Ken reached up and cupped Shuu's face. "It sounds like you're proposing to me."

Shuu let out a short laugh. "I'm trying not to. You said I shouldn't imagine our wedding back when we were designing your suit."

Ken shook his head. "No, it's okay, you can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Americano
> 
> In one of the translations of the original Tokyo Ghoul manga, Naki does indeed shout "Americano!" when fighting Shuu. While he shouts this because he mistakes Shuu for an American, Caffe Americano is also a type of coffee drink. And it's really easy to make!
> 
> You will need: Equal parts of espresso and hot water (normally about 3 ounces of each)
> 
> 1\. Prepare your espresso
> 
> 2\. Heat your water and pour it into the cup you intend to drink from
> 
> 3\. Pour the espresso over the water and serve immediately
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Stark Insider


	20. Cafe Bombon

Ken stood with Shuu in the latter's room watching two male servants carry boxes in from his room. He looked down and played with his fingers, his mouth flattening into an awkward line even as Shuu kept an arm around him. He tried to take a calming breath, but he flinched when he heard one of the servants set a box down.

"That should be it," the servant said with a satisfied grin. "I think that was the quickest, easiest move we've ever done."

The other servant agreed and turned to his masters smiling until he saw Ken's face. "Forgive me if this is too bold," he said, "but are you sure you were comfortable with such few things, Master Ken?"

Ken nodded. "I don't need much."

" _Oui,_ all Ken needs are his basic amenities and his books, then he's happy."

The two servants smiled again. "Alright then, where shall we put these things, Master Ken?"

Ken flinched again. "Ah—!"

"I think this is good for now," Shuu said. " _Merci beaucoup._ "

The two servants exchanged quick glances and shrugged but nevertheless bowed. Shuu watched them leave the room and close the door behind them before looking down at Ken. "Do you feel guilty?"

"I only had a few things. It was just across the hall," Ken said. "They didn't have to move them."

"The servants only want to help you."

"But I could have handled it. It wasn't a big deal."

Shuu pursed his lips in thought and then said, "I can ask them not to interfere with small tasks if you'd like."

"No, I'd rather talk to them. I can't rely on you all the time. I've talked to Matsumae about making coffee, so I can talk to others about other things."

Shuu rubbed his hand up and down Ken's side. "If you insist."

"I do."

" _D'accord_. What would you like to do now?"

"I want to put my things away. Where can I put everything?"

A wide grin spread across Shuu's face, and he let go of Ken to open up his room's second closet. "I moved all my clothes into one closet, so this one is yours from now on. You are free to fill it with whatever you'd like however much you'd like."

Another pang of guilt hit Ken's heart. "But you have so many clothes. I didn't think they could all fit into one closet."

"They couldn't. It gave me an excellent excuse to get rid of what was from last season."

"But—"

Shuu held his hand up. "Ken, _mon amour_ , please do not think this is a burden or a hardship on me. I was the one who invited you to move into my room, so I am the one who must accommodate you. I am beyond thrilled that you agreed and that you're here! What was once only mine is now ours, so I merely want to make sure you have your space. Yes, we will share space, but you should have your own space as well." He paused to take in Ken's unsure expression and smiled sadly. "Ken, _my darling_ , if you do not want to move in right now—"

"No, I do!" Ken said, jumping at the suggestion. "No, no, I really want to be here, I swear. It's just…I'm not used to this. And I feel like I haven't done enough for you."

" _Mon petit_ ," Shuu said, reaching out and taking Ken's face with gentle hands, "you deserve every nice thing you receive, and you have already done more for me than you will ever know."

Loving warmth radiated from Shuu's hands, and Ken found himself covering them with his own hands so more parts of him could feel it. How emollient it felt to have such kind hands touch his face, almost like a balm. Ken could feel the fear leaving his mind and body, and he slowly softened. His eyes slipped shut, and he felt another warmth on his lips moments later. This warmth brought with it pleasant little sparks of electricity that surged through his systems and awoke the rest of his body. When Shuu pulled away, his lips tingled with those sparks. "Thank you," he whispered. "I'm better now."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sorry I made a fuss."

Shuu's thumbs caressed Ken's cheeks, and a knowing smile tugged at the man's lips. "Please do not apologize. Do you think today is a bad day?"

"No, I just feel a little off."

"Those days will happen, too. You don't have to apologize for either type of day."

Finally a smile found its way onto Ken's face. Shuu's healing effect on him was incredible. The longer he stayed at the Tsukiyama estate, the more time he spent with Shuu, the more secure he felt. Perhaps one day Shuu would be the only defense he would need, and he could do away with the walls he constantly kept built up. "Alright."

" _Ravissant_. Now then, would you like to put your things away?"

"Yes, please."

It didn't take long to fold and hang all of Ken's clothes. His jeans neatly stacked atop one another on a shelf while his slacks hung flat from the closet's long bar. His shirts kept their folded, square shape in a drawer. The only outfit that required any attention was Ken's Christmas party suit, and even that barely took any time to fold and hang properly. It was the last article to be put away, and when Ken stood back he realized just how empty his closet was compared to Shuu's. Even with all the older styles given away, Shuu's closet was still full to the brim.

"I think I need more clothes."

Shuu immediately perked up, a big, excited grin appearing on his face. "I think it's time for an online shopping spree then."

Ken nodded. "Maybe just a few new things."

Shuu's smile softened and he put his arm back around Ken. "Whatever you want. Although there's something I want to talk to you about first."

"What's that?

"The reason why I asked you to move in with me."

"I did think it was a bit sudden," Ken said as he twisted himself out of Shuu's grasp. He looked up at the other and said, "Did something happen last night while you were out?"

Shuu nodded. "As you know, I had to do a favor for the Little Mouse. You see, Hori was the one who suggested we disguise you as a girl so you could go out for New Year's Eve."

Ken's eyes widened. "Really?"

" _Oui_. She had taken a photo of you in that disguise during your investigator days."

"Oh, I see."

"So in return for that information, I had to go out and be her model again. I had to go hunting."

The breath caught in Ken's throat, and his eyes widened. "Were you spotted? What happened?"

Shuu bit his lip as Chie's warning echoed in his mind. One of the Doves had indeed recognized his kagune, though he didn't know which one it had been. With a sigh, he shook that thought away. Better not to tell Ken for now. " _Non_ , I don't think I was spotted, but I did run into a familiar face. Do you remember _Monsieur Naki_?"

"Naki of Aogiri? The guy in the white suit who screamed a lot?"

" _Oui_ , him."

"Of course I remember him, how could I forget?"

Shuu rolled his eyes. "How I wish I could forget him like he has forgotten me. I saved him and his lackeys from a group of Doves last night."

"I thought he was dead," Ken murmured. "I thought all the Aogiri higher-ups were dead. Only a few low-level members, Ayato, and Hinami had survived."

"That is what I also thought," Shuu said, "but it seems the rumors were not entirely true. Naki and two of his underlings managed to escape the CCG's onslaught of Aogiri. They've remade their home in the 13th ward. I don't think they pose any real threat though, as they're barely scraping by. They were starving and tried to attack a human, but that human turned out to be bait for the Doves to strike back."

"And you saved them?"

Shuu nodded. "And I received some very interesting information in return. That is why I want us to speak with _Monsieur Kirishima_ and the Little Lady as soon as possible. If anybody could tell us more about Aogiri and what remains of it, it's the two of them."

"But what information did Naki tell you?"

Shuu frowned and gently yet firmly placed both hands on Ken's shoulders. With a steady voice, he said, "Please remain calm. You know you are safe here, correct?"

Ken nodded. "Why?"

Shuu took a deep breath and said, "There is a chance that the One-Eyed Owl is still alive."

Ken jerked hard enough that Shuu had to tighten his grip on his shoulders for fear he might stumble backwards otherwise. Ken quickly grabbed onto Shuu's wrists and held himself steady even as his breathing started to turn frantic. "How?" he managed to gasp out. "I thought the Owl was dead. I really thought they were all dead! But if the Owl is still alive—"

"Ken, I promise you that we will all keep you safe. Papa, the servants, _Mademoiselle_ and _Monsieur Kirishima_ , we have all sworn to protect you. If the One-Eyed Owl is targeting you, it's going to have to go through all of us first. We won't let you be hurt."

Shuu's words were so sure and assertive that Ken felt the beginnings of tears in his eyes. The sincerity was unlike anything he had heard before, and he decided the tone sounded good on Shuu. With a nod, Ken managed a smile. "Okay, I believe you."

Shuu smiled back. " _Bien._ I just wanted you to know this I agreed not to keep secrets from you anymore, but I understand that some secrets can be a bit heavier than others."

"I know. Thank you for telling me."

"I don't want to scare you."

"I'm not scared as long as I'm not alone."

"And you are most definitely not alone, I can promise you that."

Ken's smile widened. "Thank you. You're not alone either."

A spark went off in Shuu's chest, and it quickly warmed his entire body. He knew he wasn't alone anymore, but to hear Ken say it meant something else entirely. Ken was standing in his room—in their room—telling him he wasn't alone, and Shuu felt the beginnings of happy tears in his eyes. He blinked them away and said, " _C'est vrai_ , neither one of us is alone anymore. And what a beautiful feeling it is."

Ken nodded. "We should go see Ayato and Hinami today."

"I'm sure we could manage that. Why don't you call them?"

In the hallway, Matsumae smiled lightly and headed towards the main entrance knowing she'd have to get the car started up soon. She took the keys from a tray on a nearby table and looked up when she heard rustling behind her. "Karren?"

Karren pulled the watering can away from the roses sitting near a window. She turned to the older woman and said, "Hmm? Do you need something?"

"No, I just wanted to be sure you are okay."

"Why would I not be?"

"Are you not aware that Master Ken is moving into Master Shuu's room?"

Karren looked back down at the roses and frowned. She gently took one of the white buds in her hand and sighed. "I don't know if I'll ever be completely okay, Matsumae. Regardless of how Master Shuu spoke to me and how much he cares for me, what he said to me was essentially a statement of rejection. I am happy for Master Shuu, I truly am. I want Master Shuu to be happy, but I cannot lie: I still have feelings for him, and the rejection still stings."

Matsumae pursed her lips. "My apologies, I should not have asked such a foolish question."

"It's not foolish," Karren said as she lifted one of the bloomed roses from the vase. She breathed in the light scent and smiled sadly. "It was very kind of you to ask me if I'm alright. You're the only person who's asked me all day. _Danke_. I only wonder if anyone has asked you."

Matsumae's eyes widened. " _Scusi?_ "

"Nobody has asked you if you're alright, _ja_? If not, I will. Are you alright?"

Matsumae stared at Karren for several long moments, her mouth open but no sound coming out. She looked down at her slightly trembling hands and then looked back up with a glassy look in her eyes. "No, no one has asked," she confessed, "and I am not sure if I am."

Karren nodded knowingly. "I am not the only one who knows the pain of Master Shuu's rejection. Master Ken moving into Master Shuu's room—no, even just Master Ken and Master Shuu being together at all—is a sign that Master Shuu is moving forward in his life. Master Shuu is—how shall I say—'growing up'?"

Matsumae's eyes closed and a wide smile spread across her face. "Bite your tongue, young lady."

Karren smirked. "Bingo."

"I have to start the car. Master Shuu and Master Ken are going out."

"We can have a good ugly cry together when you return if you want."

"There must be another bouquet of roses somewhere you could be watering right now."

There most definitely was, and Karren watered it as she watched Matsumae lead her masters into one of the estate's cars. Tinted windows blocked Ken's and Shuu's faces, but Karren watched them until the car disappeared down the street. With a long, heavy sigh, she pulled the watering can away and headed towards the kitchen. Her masters would definitely appreciate some freshly cut and watered roses in their room upon their return.

~

"Please meet us back here in one hour, Matsumae. I promise we won't be late."

"Understood, Master Shuu."

Matsumae bowed as Shuu and Ken turned and entered the large apartment building. Anxiety bubbled up in Ken's stomach when he heard the servant reenter the car and drive off. His way out was gone. If something happened at Ayato's apartment, he and Shuu and Hinami would have no way of escaping.

" _Ça va bien?_ "

Ken's eyes met Shuu's, and he nodded after a short pause. "I'm okay as long as I'm not alone."

Shuu smiled gently. "Remember, you are never alone."

Ken let out a sigh of relief when he realized no doorman or security populated the building's ground floor. He almost felt silly for thinking there would be such people, Ayato was smarter than that. Despite this and the general lack of people overall, he kept his head down as he walked and pressed his face into Shuu's side in the elevator. He did not look up again until Shuu knocked on a door.

"Yo," Ayato greeted, standing back. "Come in."

The foyer met the kitchen after a mere step. Two plates and cups sat on a drying rack, and a percolator steamed with a fresh batch of coffee. Ayato called for his roommate as he opened a cabinet and pulled out two more cups. "Sorry these aren't all fancy and shit," he said. "The coffee's probably crap to you, too, but it's what I got. I'm trying to keep a low profile, ya know?"

"I am sure it is quite delicious," Shuu said back. " _Merci beaucoup._ "

"How does anyone understand literally anything you say?"

"Big Brother!" Hinami squealed, appearing in the room before Shuu could respond. She rushed into Ken's arms and snuggled up against him, giggling when Ken ran his fingers through her hair. "I know it's only been a few days, but I missed you so much. You, too, Flower Man!"

"We missed you, too, Hinami," Ken said. "I'm so happy we could come see you."

"You can always come visit! I was so excited when you called. Ayato was, too!"

Shuu and Ken both turned but saw only Ayato's back. The percolator must have been quite the fascinating machine.

Once the percolator beeped, Ayato immediately took the pot off the heat and poured the fresh coffee. Hinami led Ken and Shuu to the nearby low table where they sat on thin pillows. Ayato served the coffee two cups at a time muttering about how he wasn't going to play servant. "So what did you guys want to talk about?" he asked as he sat down. "Something happen?"

"In a way," Shuu said before he sipped his coffee. He twitched at the cheap, bitter flavor but attempted to keep a pleased face anyway. Ayato snorted and shifted his glare towards Ken, who was definitely just waiting for his coffee to cool. "I ran into someone last night," Shuu continued, prompting Ayato's attention. "It's a long story as to why I was out, but I ended up saving _Monsieur Naki_ and two of his subordinates from a flock of Doves."

"Naki?" Ayato repeated, eyes popping open. "That idiot is alive?"

Shuu nodded. "Only he and two other White Suits—?"

"Houguro and Shousei, I'm guessing."

" _Oui_ , them. It seems they have rebuilt their home in the 13th ward, but they have fallen on quite the difficult times. They were starving and tried to hunt, but their target was Dove bait."

"Fucking hell, that guy still doesn't know a trap when it's right in front of him."

"In return for rescuing him, he offered me much information about Aogiri, but I wanted to talk to you to see if there was more."

Ayato groaned and rolled his eyes as he picked up his cup. "You're shit outta luck then. I didn't even know that Naki was still alive. I thought everyone had died in the raid."

"But you managed to escape before the worst of the raid even happened," Hinami reminded him. "Why would you think that everyone else was dead?"

"It's not like any of them have been knocking on my door like these two have."

Hinami frowned and turned to Shuu. "I didn't know that Naki was alive either, but I'm honestly not surprised. He was a really unpredictable person. I always thought the Aogiri members who always followed orders would end up dead first in a raid. They couldn't do anything without orders while members like Naki always acted on instincts. Maybe that was how he managed to escape."

"He said that most of his followers died as well," Shuu added. "Houguro and Shousei were the only others who managed to escape with him."

"I think all three of them had been living on their own for so long that they all followed their instincts and escaped. Many of the other White Suits were taken in like Aogiri members, because they had nowhere else to go. They were so used to following orders, so when chaos erupted they were the first to go."

"Can you tell us anything about any newer members, Little Lady?"

Hinami nodded. "Three Blades Miza worked with Naki a lot. If I had to guess, I'd say she probably escaped, too, but I'd bet she went underground. She was originally part of a ghoul tribe that never went to the surface, so she'd probably run back underground for safety. If she did, I don't think we'll hear from her again."

"Better to be safe, I guess," Ayato said with a shrug.

" _Monsieur Naki_ said the same thing about the one named Miza," Shuu said. "He also said that Tatara, Noro, and all their underlings were dead. There were also two others—I believe their names were Hakatori and Shikorae—whom he said also died."

"Yes, I remember all of them," Hinami said with a nod. "I'm a bit surprised that Tatara and Noro would be killed though."

"Yeah, that's weird," Ayato agreed between sips of coffee. "Neither one of them was a pushover. There must have been other high-ranking Doves there with Arima on top of the Zero Squad. Otherwise I don't see how even he could have pulled all of this off so seamlessly."

Ken stared into his coffee as his shoulders began to shiver. Shuu put a hand around him and continued, "Do either of you know anything about someone with a "taki" in their name? _Monsieur Naki_ also mentioned them, but he did not know if they had escaped."

"Takizawa," Ayato said. "He was another one of Kanou's experiments, basically another you, Kaneki."

Ken's eyes widened and he finally looked up. "I know him. The one-eyed ghoul at the auction, that must have been him."

Ayato nodded. "He's got old man Yoshimura's kakuhou, so we all called him 'Owl.' He was another crazy one, kinda like Naki or Shikorae, always jumping into shit without thinking. If there was a mission or assignment that called for a lot of firepower, Tatara would throw him into battle because he always ran wild and killed easily. Of course, Kanou had tortured him relentlessly and subjected him to dozens of terrible experiments, so I can't say I'm surprised he'd act like that. I remember he ate way too much, too."

Ken shivered again and put both of his hands on his coffee cup. Thankfully it was still warm. "Do you think he escaped?"

Ayato shrugged. "If we apply Hinami's theory, then he probably did, but there's really no way of telling."

"I think he did," Hinami said. "Takizawa was an investigator captured during the Anteiku Raid. He may have been used to following orders both then and more recently, but he was stronger and faster than the average Aogiri member. I would bet that he's still alive."

Ken took a long drink of coffee, uncaring of the flavor. When he set the cup down, he let out a long sigh and squeezed his eyes shut. Shuu's hand moved from his arm to his upper back, and his nails gently scratched his skin through his shirt. The movement immediately settled Ken's nerves.

"Little Lady, _Monsieur Kirishima_ ," Shuu said, eyes shifting to Hinami after confirming Ken was calm, "do you know anything else?"

Hinami glanced at Ken and bit her lip. "Are you sure?"

Ken cut Shuu off before he could respond. "We came here for information." He took another breath though this time the air felt sticky in his throat. "But, um, could we please turn a fan on or something? It just got very hot in here."

"The hell?" Ayato snapped. "It's fucking January, why are—!" He yelped when Hinami jabbed her elbow into him. "Fine, okay, I'll go get the fan." He rubbed his side and got up, returning after a minute with a small table fan. He set it near Ken and turned it onto the lowest setting, rolling his eyes when Ken thanked him.

"I actually think there are two very important things you should know, Big Brother," Hinami said as Ayato sat back down, "but I only want to talk about them now if you're okay with it."

Ken nodded. "Please, Hinami, tell me."

Hinami glanced at Shuu and looked back at Ken upon receiving his nod. "Okay. First of all, there's another person like Takizawa out there, a former investigator with Mr. Yoshimura's kakuhou. Everyone in Aogiri referred to him as 'Floppy'."

"In other words, he was a failed experiment," Ayato added. "Eto talked about him sometimes, but unfortunately neither one of us know that much about him. I honestly thought he was dead even long before the auction."

Ken swallowed hard. "And Eto was…"

"Yeah, the One-Eyed Owl. Takatsuki Sen."

A tear threatened to drip past Ken's eyes, but the fan's light wind pushed it back it. With another shuddering breath, Ken nodded and said, "I thought so."

" _Monsieur Naki_ said she could be alive as well," Shuu added. "Your thoughts?"

"What thoughts could there be?" Ayato asked back. "Like I said before, no one's been knocking on my door. This is all speculation."

"I don't want to think about her right now," Ken said rather abruptly. He squeezed his cup and looked across the table with pleading eyes. "Please, Hinami, tell me what the other thing was."

"…Are you sure?"

"Yes, please tell me."

"It has to do with Doctor Kanou," she said, hating the way Ken seized up. "I think he's dead, I really do."

"He was a big part of the reason why the CCG raided the Aogiri base in the first place," Ayato agreed. "When the raid first began, right before I managed to get away, I heard someone say, 'Find Kanou.' It could have even been Arima, who knows."

"And if Aogiri doesn't exist anymore and none of the executives are around to defend him, then I don't think he could last very long," Hinami continued. "I don't think you need to worry about him anymore, Big Brother, but I'm worried that someone connected to him might still be around, someone who wasn't caught in the raid."

Ayato quickly turned to her with wide eyes. "What do you mean 'someone who wasn't caught in the raid'?"

"I think Doctor Kanou had another connection outside Aogiri."

"What the—!"

"What do you mean, Little Lady?" Shuu asked urgently. He pulled Ken into his embrace as if the other would disappear if he didn't.

Hinami looked down at her coffee almost guiltily, as if she felt like she shouldn't have said anything. "I overheard Ms. Takatsuki talking once. She had just come back from a meeting with Doctor Kanou, and she was really angry. Tatara asked her if something had happened, and she said, 'Kanou brought his annoying little troll along.' I remember Tatara rolling his eyes and sighing and saying, 'Forget about him'."

"What the hell, I never heard about anyone like that," Ayato said.

"I'm sorry, I wish I had more information," Hinami said back, voice cracking slightly as if she were about to cry, "but that was the only time I ever heard her mention anyone associated with Doctor Kanou outside Aogiri. She never mentioned a name either. And I couldn't just ask her about it, I would have had to admit that I was eavesdropping. I couldn't do that."

"Oh, Little Lady—"

Ken reached across the table and took hold of Hinami's hand with a warm smile. "It's okay, Hinami, thank you for telling us. You've been so helpful."

"But I want to help you more."

"You've done more than enough. Now we have a better idea of what we're up against."

Hinami sniffed and nodded, looking at Ken earnestly. "I promise to help you out however else I can."

"Yeah," Ayato said, taking a sip from his own cup, "we both do."

Shuu smiled at the scene and checked his watch. "Matsumae will be back soon. We should get ready so we don't keep her waiting."

"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't want to draw any attention, even though I swear I haven't seen a Dove around here in months." Ayato stood and stretched his arms before picking up his empty cup. "You two want more coffee or—"

"No, thank you."

Outside a few minutes later, just as Shuu had predicted, Matsumae pulled up to the side of the building. She scanned the area before deeming it safe and exited the car to open the doors for her masters. She failed to look at a building further down the street where Kuki sat, his eyes shifting between the scene and his phone. With a groan, he rolled his eyes and put the phone away as the servant drove off.

"Really? The same car you picked him up from the cafe in?"

~

Ken didn't settle down throughout the car ride home. It wasn't until he finally walked through the front doors of the estate when his breathing evened, his shoulders stopped shivering, and his skin felt less clammy. With a smile, Shuu once again scratched Ken's back through his shirt, and the latter calmed further. Servants greeted them, took their coats, and stepped out of their way up the main stairs.

"Today was quite the day," Shuu said as he guided Ken to his—their—room. "I was worried about you for a moment there, _mon petit_. You were rather tense."

"I was afraid," Ken admitted, voice small but not ashamed. "I kept thinking about Kanou's other experiments, about all the failures and the two that might still be alive. I saw Kanou's failures back when we raided his lab, and I wondered if I could have turned out like them, but now I also wonder if I could have turned out like his other successes. Ayato said that Kanou tortured Takizawa and that Aogiri forced him to do their bidding. He was crazy and killed without a second thought. If I hadn't gotten away from Kanou, if I hadn't been a patron of Anteiku as a human, if I hadn't met Touka, would I have turned out like that?"

Shuu frowned as they stopped in front of the bedroom door. "But you did not," he said as he opened it. "You were saved in the best way, and now you're here. You're alive and safe and surrounded by people who would do anything to protect you. I do not mean to tell you that your thoughts and fears are not valid, but I think it's also important to remember that such things did not happen."

Ken smiled up at Shuu as they walked inside. "You're right, thanks."

" _Mon plaisir._ Shall we stay in for the rest of the day? I think some relaxation is in order after all that."

"Yeah, I think so, too."

As Ken crawled into Shuu's bed, memories of asking to stay with Shuu out of loneliness resurfaced. The warmth he had felt with him and Hinami and Banjou had been so comforting, like a feeling he had always wanted but never been able to grasp before that moment. He had feared he would never feel it again, that it had been a mere fleeting moment in his life, but something began to glow deep within his chest as he watched Shuu lie down in their bed with him.

Their bed. Their bed in their room. He was in the bed he and Shuu now shared in the room they now shared. There were even fresh roses sitting in beautiful vases on the nightstands next to their bed. Shuu was putting his arm around him in that bed, and he was drifting off into a peaceful, healing sleep in the man's embrace.

The world couldn't touch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cafe Bombon
> 
> Cafe Bombon is a Spanish coffee drink with roots in Valencia. It's very popular among both tourists and locals there, and nowadays there are variations of it around the world.
> 
> You will need: Espresso, Condensed Milk
> 
> 1\. Prepare the espresso as you prefer.
> 
> 2\. Fill the remainder of the glass with condensed milk. Ideally, it should be a 1:1 ratio.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Foodal.


	21. Wiener Melange

It was towards the end of February when Ken's anxiety flared up again. It had started out subtle and relatively harmless shortly after visiting Ayato and Hinami, and he had shrugged it off. Of course he wouldn't be feeling well after discovering his intel about Aogiri had been wrong. Of course he'd be scared of the One-Eyed Owl potentially targeting him. It made perfect sense to be uneasy about unknown executives still wandering Tokyo's streets. And then there were Kanou's other experiments, who knew what they could be up to? And there was still the CCG searching for him and the fact that Arima Kishou knew his face. Ken, as terrified as he was of it all, put on a brave face and kept everything in, instead choosing to bury himself in Karren's German coffee and the Tsukiyama estate's massive library.

But a bad feeling still poked the back of his mind, and it only intensified as time went on. Ken found it especially strange considering nothing was happening. Touka had no updates. No investigators visited :re looking for him, not even Kuki. In fact, television news reported decreases in ghoul and investigator activity in multiple wards. Every time the evening news concluded, the estate's servants would release their held breaths and congratulate each other on the peace. Mirumo would smile and comment on what a great day it was before retiring to his room. Shuu would clap his hands together and murmur something in Italian, probably a grateful message to the world for letting them all live another day.

Despite all this, Ken found himself unable to relax. He would stare at the screen in awe as everyone left, even as someone turned the television off. "How nostalgic," Shuu once said, his words finally breaking the spell on Ken's eyes. "This reminds me of the old days when we didn't have a care in the world back in the 20th ward. Perhaps we'll all be able to live like that once again."

"Yeah," Ken said, nodding, "that would be nice."

But his tone wasn't sure, and it didn't go unnoticed. One day after the broadcast, Shuu put his arm around Ken, and the latter nearly jumped out of his skin.

" _Excusez-moi_ ," Shuu said, pulling himself back and holding up both hands, "I did not realize you didn't want to be touched."

"No, no, it's not that," Ken said back, shaking his head. "You just caught me by surprise is all. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just tense."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Um, let's go to bed."

But Ken often found himself unable to sleep. Even long after Shuu had dozed off, Ken would lie awake staring at the ceiling. Sometimes his breathing would pick up, and he'd pray to whomever would listen that the noise wouldn't wake Shuu. Please, please, let him be able to control his feelings. Let him not shake. Let him not cry out. On the nights when he could sleep, it would be a restless, troubled sleep with the occasional nightmare. Even then, he refused to say anything.

What troubled him the most was how often his anxiety spiked around Shuu. Shuu, who had once been his only comfort, was suddenly his primary trigger. Reading with him, drinking coffee with him, and even merely being near him made his heart pound and his brow sweat. It only became worse as time went on. As January introduced February and as February threatened him with March, every little interaction the two had made him want to run and hide under the blankets in his old room. "I'm regressing," he whispered one day in the silence of the library. "No…oh no, oh no, no…"

How had it come to this? Everything had been going so well. He had a safe home, a warm bed, and all the books and coffee he could ever want. He had friends looking out for him all over Tokyo along with guards lined up around the estate. He had a loving, caring boyfriend who had done so much to make him happy, who would give him the world if he could.

Sometimes it even felt like Shuu had already given him the world. One day, Shuu pulled a shiny black card from his wallet and said, "We're going on an online shopping spree!" He had mentioned buying Ken new clothes multiple times in the past, but the two of them finally sat down that afternoon and scrolled through every clothing store they could find.

"Ah, this looks very chic," Shuu said, clicking on a picture of a slim, black sweater. "Elegant, sophisticated, we pair this with some slim-fit pants and you'll be good to go."

"It's nice," Ken agreed, resting his head on Shuu's shoulder. He focused on bouncing his leg so the parts of him touching Shuu would go unnoticed.

Shuu grinned. "We'll get it then. What about some color though? Most of what we've seen so far has been black, white, gray, or some other neutral. It's true you look great in black, but there has to be some variety."

Ken eyed him. "You think I would look good in colors?"

"Perhaps not bright colors. I don't think they suit you.  _Non_ , I think deep, rich colors would look better on you. Like your Christmas party suit! Yes, let's look for darker colors. Reds, purples, greens, blues…" Shuu scrolled through another site until a collared shirt caught his eye. "Look,  _mon amour_ , like this! It's the same color as blood wine!"

"Ah, I like that," Ken agreed. "Maybe with those gray slacks from earlier—"

" _Oui! Parfait!_  I'm ordering this now." Shuu was nearly giddy when he clicked "add to cart," and it tugged at Ken's heart.

"Are you sure you're okay with buying all of this?" he asked. "It seems like an awful lot."

Shuu picked up his black card again, still grinning. "Unlimited credit."

"But can you—"

"Don't worry, Papa won't say no to us."

"You didn't even ask your father?"

Shuu put his credit card down in favor of his phone. He typed a quick text and barely had to wait before he received a response. "Permission received," he said, showing Ken the screen. The text from Mirumo said, "You can buy whatever you and Ken want. Papa will handle it."

Ken didn't respond at first, just staring at the screen and suddenly feeling like he wanted to cry. "Unbelievable," he finally said, shifting his gaze to Shuu. "Just like that. I feel like I should have expected that though."

"If you want, you can thank Papa later by showing him all your new clothes. I'm sure he'd love to see them. Now then, what about prints?"

Ken froze. "Like on your clothes?"

"Only if you want prints like that."

"Uh, no, I—"

"I understand if you feel more comfortable in solids,  _mon chouchou_ , but there must be a subtle print out there you like."

Ken shrugged and looked down at his hands, which were starting to tremble. His leg was still bouncing. "We can look, I guess."

They eventually found pinstripe slacks and a shirt with a muted criss-cross pattern. After that, Ken decided he had had enough shopping for one day. A mere day later, everything arrived at the Tsukiyama estate's front door, and Ken nearly burst into tears when he saw the piles of boxes. Before he could beg to send them all back, Shuu insisted that he try everything on, adding that the tailor was already on his way to make any necessary adjustments. Knowing that, Ken couldn't refuse, but a brick of guilt kept slamming the back of his head the whole time. Not even Shuu and Mirumo's praises of " _Fantastique!_ " and " _Très bien!_ " could lift his spirits. He spent that night awake in bed again, the sheets balled up in his mouth to prevent himself from making noise.

Ken also found that training brought him no relief. What once had given him a (somewhat) healthy way of expelling negative, difficult emotions suddenly left him frustrated and unsatisfied. Nothing about the routine had changed either. He and Shuu mock battled at their full strength, their limbs full of power and their kagune unleashed in their full glory. Hands balled into fists and collided with one another while legs advanced and retreated in a strategic dance. Tentacles maneuvered around a sharp, elegant blade that expanded and retracted effortlessly. The two of them often emerged from training bloody, bruised, and beaten, prompting panic among the servants. While Shuu laughed good-naturedly at their concern and reassured them some rest and food would heal them right up, Ken panted and cursed himself for wanting more.

"Can we skip training today?" Ken once asked. He kept his eyes downcast focusing on his fidgeting fingers.

Shuu's brows rose. "If you would like," he said, voice void of judgement. "We don't have to do anything you don't want. I must say though, I'm a bit surprised. You're usually the one who wants to train more than me."

Ken shrugged. "I don't know, I'm just not feeling it."

" _Vraiment?_  But you've been so on point recently."

"I don't know, okay?"

"Ah, my apologies, I shouldn't have questioned you.  _Oui_ , we'll skip training today. Is there something else you'd rather do?"

Ken shrugged again.

Shuu smiled gently. "One of those days, I'm guessing? That's quite alright. Would you rather be alone?"

Ken finally nodded. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'll let you be."

Ken soon found himself curled up on the couch in the very back of the library. A book sat on the floor in front of him, one that had been opened but not a single word of it read. He kept his head down as he turned away, a great shame building up in his chest at the mere sight of it.

Two weeks before March, Ken found himself looking at the calendar hanging in the kitchen. He had just finished cleaning his coffee cup, and his fingers were wrinkled as he reached for the paper to reveal the next month. His cup hadn't even been that dirty, but continuously rinsing it had given him something to do.

Ken nearly screamed when he saw the first circled date in March. He slapped his hand over his mouth, and his eyes widened as he took in the sight of "Shuu's Birthday" written under March 3rd. He smacked the February page back down and looked side to side hoping no one had seen. "Is that it?" he asked himself, slowly pulling his hand away. With a few deep breaths, he headed towards the parlor but found no Shuu.

"Master Ken?"

Ken nearly yelped and turned to see Matsumae. "Are you looking for Master Shuu?"

"Ah, yeah."

"He's in the music room. I believe he is currently in the middle of composing a piece."

"Oh, I don't want to bother him then."

A smile tugged at Matsumae's lips. "Master Ken, with all due respect, I do not believe you could ever bother Master Shuu."

Ken's suddenly clammy hands came together, and something very thick seemed to appear in his throat. He swallowed hard and said, "Alright, thanks." With another shallow breath, he left the parlor, unaware of Matsumae's narrow eyes and vanished smile.

Sure enough, Ken could soon hear the occasional melody as approached the music room. He reached for the doorknob when the tune stopped but pulled his hand back once it started up again. When it stopped, he made no move until the room had been silent for several minutes. He breathed in as deeply as possible and knocked, receiving a prompt " _Oui_ , come in."

Ken slowly pushed the door open and poked his head inside. "Shuu?"

"Ah,  _mon petit_!" Shuu said, turning on the bench with a smile. " _S'il vous plaît_ , come in. Do you need something?"

"No," Ken said, shaking his head and closing the door behind him. "Well, maybe, sort of. Um—"

"Please come closer,  _cheri_ , you may join me if you'd like."

"What do you want for your birthday?"

Shuu stopped and blinked a few times as he took in Ken's crooked posture and shy, downcast gaze. Ken's shaking fingers sure had become quite the fascinating sight over the past few weeks, and now was no exception. With a patient sigh, Shuu called for his love, and, when he had Ken's attention, motioned for the other to join him at the piano. He smiled as Ken walked forward and sat down.

"There now, isn't this better than talking from opposite sides of the room?" he asked with a playful tap on Ken's shoulder. "That's quite the question though, what I want for my birthday. Honestly I haven't given it much thought. I'm certainly not looking for something from you, though I would love it if I could enjoy your company that day."

"No, no," Ken said quickly, shaking his head, "I want to give you something. Don't say that you just want to spend time with me; we do that every day. It's your special day, and I should do something special for you just like you did for me. I just don't know what to do or what to give you, that's why I asked." Ken finally looked up, bravely holding Shuu's gaze, and earnestly continued, "Please tell me what you want."

Shuu went to speak but closed his mouth and widened his smile. " _D'accord_ , I will come up with something.  _Merci beaucoup, mon amour,_  you are very thoughtful."

Ken finally broke eye contact and looked down, shaking his head again. "I'm not thoughtful. I forgot until I looked at the calendar in the kitchen. I'm sorry, I should have remembered like you remembered mine. Then I would have more time to make something really special."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Shuu said as he gently nudged Ken's side. "I forgot about Karren's birthday up until this morning. That's why I've been in here all day. I'm composing a piece for her."

Ken's head shot up. "Wait! When is Karren's birthday?"

"April 23rd."

Ken visibly deflated. "You still have plenty of time. I only have, like, two weeks."

Shuu smirked. "Not to worry, I just thought of what I'd like."

Ken's entire being brightened again. "What is it? Tell me, I'll get started on it right away!"

"I'd like to have something very nostalgic. The news reports have been very much in our favor recently, so I'd like to relive those old days at Anteiku. Ken,  _my darling_ , I'd like you to serve me coffee."

A strange anger washed over Ken at this response. He frowned and lightly shoved Shuu's shoulder. "I make you coffee almost every day! That's not special at all."

"To me it is."

"I'm being serious here!"

"So am I. Please allow me to finish. I'd like you to put your knowledge of how to prep coffee beans to use and create a brand new signature blend for me."

Ken jerked backwards nearly falling off the bench. He stared at Shuu for a few seconds, then shifted his eyes around the room before settling back on Shuu. "Oh," he finally said, voice quiet and timid, "that's…definitely special."

Shuu's smirk widened slightly, but there was no snark behind it. He placed his fingers back on the piano keys and said, "I thought so. Do you think you can do it?"

"Yes, of course!" Ken replied a little too enthusiastically. "Yes, I can definitely do that. I'll figure something out before March 3rd, I promise."

"I know you will," Shuu said sweetly before a short, improvised tune rose into the air. He closed his eyes momentarily and then continued, "I like that. I'll include it in this composition. Would you like to hear what I have so far?"

"No. Ah, no, I mean—I'd rather hear the whole thing once it's done."

" _Bien_ , I certainly hope Karren likes it."

"I think she will. Um, I'll leave you to it." Ken immediately stood, almost stumbling over his own feet as he headed towards the door. "See you later, thank you for telling me what you want."

" _De rien._  Thank you for asking."

Once he was in the hallway, Ken quickly closed the music room door behind him and ran for his and Shuu's bedroom. He locked that door behind him and dove for his phone. Frantically he scrolled through his address book and pressed the "call" button next to his chosen name. He panted heavily as he heard the phone ring, and after a second ring the other person picked up. "Hello?"

"Nishio!"

"That you, Kaneki? What's up?"

"Are you busy right now? I'm sorry, I just realized I should have texted first."

"Nah, I'm on my break. Just chilling in one of the back rooms. You okay? You sound really out of breath."

"Yeah, I am. Well, sort of. Sorry, it's a long story." Ken paused and pushed his hair back, hating how damp and heavy the strands felt. With another breath, he continued, "I'm sorry, I should explain. I'm just freaking out right now, and I don't know what to do, and you're the only person I know I can talk to about this—"

"Kaneki, what the hell is it?" Nishiki asked as he sat up straight. He was alone in the break room but felt a sense of claustrophobia merely from Ken's tone. "You literally sound like you're about to have an anxiety attack. Are there Doves nearby? Do you feel threatened for some reason?"

"No, no, it's nothing like that."

"Then calm down and tell me what's going on. God, don't give me a heart attack."

"I'm sorry," Ken mumbled out before taking a few deep breaths. "I just—I really need to talk to someone about this, and you immediately came to mind. It's something I've been thinking about for a while now, but recently it's been the only thing on my mind, and it's scaring me. I need advice."

"Okay, okay, I got you. You sound a bit calmer now, so go on and tell me what's up. I'll listen to whatever you have to say." With a smile, Nishiki reached for his coffee cup and gulped a large mouthful.

"I think I want to have sex with Shuu."

Nishiki spat the entire mouthful against the break room's wall. "KANEKI, WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, KANEKI."

"What?"

"You call me on my break to tell me about your sex life with Shitty-yama? What the actual fuck, Kaneki, what THE HELL did I do to deserve this?"

"But you—!"

"Is this about that time I tried to eat your human friend Naga-whatever? Look, Kaneki, I'm very sorry about that, okay? Although I REALLY thought we had called it even back when you impaled me in the gut."

"What? No, this doesn't have anything to do with Hide!" Ken flinched when he said the name but continued anyway. "This is what I wanted to talk to you about. I think I want to have se—"

"DON'T SAY IT AGAIN!"

Ken pulled the phone away from his ear at the sudden shriek and cringed. Nishiki hadn't sounded so disgusted and horrified since he battled Shuu over Kimi in the church all those years ago. And once that thought appeared, Ken realized that Nishiki probably wasn't the best person to call for advice in this particular instance. "I'm sorry," Ken said weakly, dropping his head. "I'm so sorry, Nishio, I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have called you. I should figure this out on my own."

Nishiki groaned and sat back in his chair as he put his empty cup down. He rubbed his temple feeling a headache coming on. "No, no, I'm sorry I yelled, I shouldn't have done that. You just shocked the hell out of me, like sex with Shitty-yama is literally the last thing I ever want to hear about."

"I'm sorry, it's just that you're the only person I know who's definitely done it before."

"I don't know if I should be flattered or creeped out."

"Nishio!"

"Alright, alright, calm down, Kaneki. I'll help you this time as long as you promise to never bring this up with me again. Now tell me what's going on. How did you come to this conclusion?"

Ken took a deep breath and explained, "My anxiety has been really bad lately for no reason. It's weird because there have been no threats. There haven't been a lot of reports about ghoul or investigator activity, and according to Touka no one's come to :re looking for me. Shuu even said it kinda feels like the old days in the 20th ward. And yet…" Ken stopped and slumped forward. "And yet I can't shake this weird feeling whenever I'm around Shuu. It's like I'm scared as hell that everything is going to disappear if I don't do something. Like if I don't grab him and hold onto him, someone's going to take him away. And I also feel like a bad boyfriend because we haven't done anything like that yet. He's been so good to me, taking care of me and all, that I feel so guilty for not giving him anything in return. He always says that he's happy just being around me, but I feel like he's just saying that to make me feel better. So even if the CCG doesn't take him away, he'll walk away if I don't—"

"Kaneki, I'm going to stop you right there." Nishiki held up his hand even though Ken couldn't see it, and his voice was low and firm with authority. "You need to banish that thought right this instant. It doesn't matter who you're dating or who you wanna have sex with or whatever. If that other person is going to leave you or if they're lying to you or if you think you owe them sex for some reason, they are not a person you should be having sex with. They are not a person you should even be associated with. And, yes, this even goes for that fucking Gourmet."

Ken sniffed, not realizing that his emotions were starting to take over. "Nishio…"

"Besides it really doesn't sound like you have anything to base those feelings off of," Nishiki continued. "Tsukiyama was the one who volunteered to take you in; he said he would take care of you. I hate to admit it, but he was pretty genuine about it. He wasn't expecting anything in return. For him, the two of you getting together was just a sweet bonus on top of your safety. I don't know the details about your relationship, and honestly I really don't want to know, but I'm willing to bet that he wouldn't mind if you two never went beyond holding hands."

A smile finally found its way onto Ken's face, and he let out a short laugh. "We've gone beyond that. We even share a room—"

"Kaneki, I literally just said that I don't want to know the details. Shut the fuck up."

Ken laughed a little harder at that. "Sorry. Thank you, Nishio."

"Let me just say one other thing before I go wash my brain out with bleach. Kaneki, I really don't think this anxiety is stemming from a desire to have sex. I think you're afraid to be happy."

Ken stopped short, his eyes widening and a chill rushing down his spine. "What?"

Nishiki sighed and leaned back in his chair, his voice taking on a softer tone as he spoke. "You said that you've been feeling anxious even though things are peaceful, right? Like despite all the good news something terrible is going to happen? This is the first time you've been able to relax in forever. No one is coming after you, and even if someone was you have a full support team ready and willing to protect you. You even have a romantic partner who seems to love you unconditionally. You're afraid of all that disappearing. More specifically, you're afraid of the pain you'll feel if all of that disappears. Am I right?"

Ken was silent for what felt like forever. The chill from his spine raced through his nerves and somehow found its way into his blood. He found himself shivering from the suddenly-cold sweat on his forehead. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

"Yup, I am," Nishiki continued. "Look, Kaneki, I know I can't just tell you to stop worrying. Anxiety doesn't work like that. All I can really say is that you shouldn't push happiness away out of fear. I think you should talk to Tsukiyama about this, too, if you haven't already. He'll probably be able to reassure you more than I ever will. But I can at least tell you that being afraid of happiness gets you nowhere. You're better off embracing it because doing anything else is only rehearsing misery that might not even happen."

Ken's voice finally decided to return. "But I—!"

"And if you're wondering how I know all this, it's because I, too, was once afraid of being happy."

Ken stopped at that and felt the ice in his system start to melt. An image of Kimi flashed through his mind, and after a short pause he nodded and smiled. "I understand. Thank you, Nishio."

Nishiki rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Just, like I said earlier, please don't ever bring this up with me ever again. I legit feel like I just ate taiyaki."

Ken let out a laugh, a real, amused laugh. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not." And Nishiki hung up.

"Nishiki!" Touka called as she opened the break room door. "Break's over. Come back down."

Nishiki shook his head, his face pale and distorted in disgust as he put his phone in his pocket and stood. "I'm taking the rest of the day off. Feel like shit."

"You can't do tha—WHAT ARE THOSE BROWN STAINS ON MY WALL?"

~

Ken stood outside the music room listening to the melodies coming from just beyond the door. He closed his eyes and conjured up the image of Shuu sitting at the piano, his back facing the door and his eyes focused on the sheets and keys before him. Ken could picture his perfectly fitted, collared shirt stretching as he moved his toned arms across the keyboard, his long, elegant fingers tapping keys as they danced further down the line. His could see every movement of the muscle underneath Shuu's skin thanks to the rolled-up sleeves. Shuu's fingers sometimes paused to write down a few reminders or ideas on his music sheets, but soon enough they would be back on the instrument testing out new sounds. His eyes steeled and his ears opened, focusing only on the sounds and how they melted together as they floated towards the ceiling. However Shuu decided to complete Karren's birthday present, Ken had no doubt the song would be utterly beautiful.

"…Would you ever write one for me?"

Ken pressed his forehead against the door and let out a deep sigh. Pushing away his fears was more difficult than he wanted it to be. This moment of listening to Shuu write music could disappear in a flash, but he refused to let that thought linger too long. After all, he had his own melody to write, one in the form of coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wiener Melange
> 
> This is another coffee drink from Austria ("Wien" is German for "Vienna"). Some describe the taste as similar to cappuccino but a bit milder.
> 
> You will need: espresso, 1 egg yolk, 2 tablespoons of brown sugar, and whipped cream
> 
> 1\. Brew a regular shot of your favorite espresso in a large cup.
> 
> 2\. Mix the egg yolk and the brown sugar together with the espresso.
> 
> 3\. Top with the whipped cream.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Chameleon Cold Brew.


	22. Cascara

Ken took a sip of his freshly brewed coffee and immediately dropped his head. "Not it," he whimpered, almost slamming the cup on the counter. It made a clanging noise that threatened to escalate into a crack. At the sound, Ken's head dropped further, and he immediately poured the remaining coffee into the sink. He didn't bother gathering the used grounds up—the trash can was already full. Ken went to pull the cup back but put it in the sink instead. He then crossed his arms on the counter and rested his head on them. The urge to cry quickly consumed him.

"It's not right," Ken eventually huffed out. "Nothing's right. I can't—"

"Master Ken?"

Ken flinched at the worried voice and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Matsumae, I know I've been in here all day. I'll leave soon."

"It is not that, Master Ken. I am merely concerned for your mindset right now. I fear you may be putting too much pressure on yourself to create Master Shuu's birthday present."

Ken would have pushed his head lower if he could. "It has to be perfect. I can't give him anything less."

Matsumae smiled and approached the young man. "Master Shuu will love anything—"

"Stop saying that!" Ken shouted as he turned. He stared at the woman with red, teary eyes and trembled as he tried to hang onto the kitchen counter. "Please stop saying that, Matsumae, I can't take it anymore! I want to make the best possible coffee I can, not some half-assed cup of crap. That's not good enough. I know Shuu will like whatever I come up with, but that doesn't mean I get to slack off. I want to satisfy him, of course, but I want to satisfy myself, too!"

Matsumae jumped back at Ken's outburst, and her smile flattened as she listened to his words. When they stopped, she slowly lowered her head. "My deepest apologies, Master Ken. I should have understood your feelings and your standards regarding this situation. I will never make such a statement again."

The motions only worsened Ken's feelings. The tears started falling quicker, and leaned back against the counter for support. "I'm sorry," he gasped out, bringing his hands to his face. "I shouldn't have shouted. I'm sorry, please don't be mad."

"I could never be upset with you, Master Ken, not when you are absolutely right."

Ken sniffed and rubbed his eyes, feeling the tears start to dry up. "I've just been here for days trying to get this right, and I've realized I don't even know what I'm looking for. I don't know what type of coffee Shuu prefers. And, even if I did, would I use that as a base? Wouldn't my creation end up tasting just like what he already likes? In that case, I would need to come up with something entirely new from scratch, but I don't know if I know enough about coffee to do that."

Matsumae lifted her head, and her eyes grew wide and gentle. "Oh, Master Ken…"

"And on top of that, I've realized something awful. I don't know what types of coffee Shuu prefers because we've never actually talked about it. But it goes beyond that. I know the types of coffee my friends prefer because I used to serve them at Anteiku. Either that or we used to all drink coffee together. But I never served Shuu at Anteiku because he wasn't allowed into the shop. I never invited him to drink coffee because I never allowed him to stay at our base. I mean, yeah, things were different between us back then, but I put so much distance between us. I feel like if I had given him another chance back then, maybe now…"

Matsumae shook her head. "Pardon me, Master Ken, but I do not believe it will do you any good to reflect on the past. As you said, your relationship with Master Shuu was different back then. With the knowledge I have of your past, I do not think anyone, including Master Shuu, would blame you for your decisions at that time."

Ken shrugged. "But I still feel bad about it."

"If I may, I think it would be in your best interest to take a break." Cautiously, Matsumae walked forward and motioned for Ken to step back. "Perhaps you should clear your mind for a little while. Relax, you still have a few days left until Master Shuu's birthday. You are most capable of completing the task at hand, but it does not mean you must constantly focus on it."

Ken nodded and walked past the woman towards a roll of paper towels on the opposite counter. "I know, thank you, Matsumae. I'll clean this up and—"

"I will clean everything here. Please allow me to do this much for you."

Ken was about to speak but quickly clamped his mouth shut and nodded. After another pause, he sighed and said, "I would be a hypocrite if I asked you to respect my wishes but didn't respect yours. Thank you." He passed the roll to Matsumae and smiled at her kind nod.

None of this erased the guilt Ken felt for going through so much coffee without a satisfying result though. He sat in the library and tried to read a book he had had his eye on for some time, but his mind kept wandering back to the kitchen cabinet full of opened coffee cans and bags. He figured all the coffee would be consumed eventually, but a feeling of failure still ate away at him.

He felt like he had failed Mirumo especially. He had spoken to the man shortly after receiving the gift request from Shuu, knowing money was the first thing he needed.

But even asking the man in the first place had been quite the task. He had stood outside Mirumo's study for several minutes practicing what he would say, wondering if he even could say it. "I'm supposed to ask my boyfriend's father for money?" he had whispered to himself, in awe of his own words and shaking his head.

But before he could convince himself to leave, the door before him opened to reveal the man himself. "Oh, hello, Ken," Mirumo greeted, his voice pleasant and warm. "Do you need something?"

"Yes! No!"

"…Do you need more time to decide?"

"No! Ye—!" Ken shut his mouth and stared at the floor, hoping it would open up and swallow him. "Um, I, um, I need to ask you a favor."

"Of course, what is it?"

"It's, um—"

"Oh, please come in. Two gentlemen shouldn't converse in a hallway when there's a perfectly good office available."

A jolt of electricity hit Ken, and he reluctantly stepped forward enough that Mirumo could close the door behind him. "Have a seat," the man continued, motioning towards a free chair. He sat back down in his own chair and looked at his jumpy guest with a grin. "Please don't be shy. You are not interrupting me, I was actually just about to take a break. Please tell me what is on your mind. What is it you need?"

Ken clutched his hands together in front of him as he walked forward and sat down, feeling rather small in the large, heavily decorated office. Unlike the rest of the somewhat gaudy estate, it looked very much like a professional office, but the medley of awards and certifications kept Ken from relaxing. Mirumo was already an intimidating man just by his tall, well-built figure and mature face, Ken didn't need any reminders of his wealth and accomplishments, too.

"I, um—" Ken started but quickly dropped his head. "Sorry, I—"

"Ken, this is no way to propose a business deal."

Ken flinched. "I know, I'm sorry."

"Here, let me help you." Mirumo stood and joined Ken at his side. "Here now, sit up straight, relax your shoulders, try not to fidget, better." Once satisfied, he sat back down. "Now then, please tell me what it is you'd like to ask of me."

Ken took a deep breath and let it out while mentally counting the seconds. He had once read it was good for calming down, and it seemed to work. Electricity was still sparking along his nerves, but he swallowed hard to keep it from reaching his mouth. "I need some help with Shuu's birthday present."

Mirumo's eyes widened. "Oh?"

"Yes, he asked me to make him something for him, but it requires I buy some raw materials, and I don't exactly have a job—"

"Take my platinum card," Mirumo said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. "Whatever Shuu wants, Shuu gets. Buy whatever you need, Papa will take care of the bill."

Ken nearly yelped at the shiny card's sudden appearance in his hands. Somehow Mirumo had shoved it there without him noticing. He looked at the man with a stunned expression and said, "Are you sure?"

"Papa is always sure when it comes to Shuu."

"Don't you even want to know what I'm making?"

"Why, do you think you'll need my black card?"

"No! I don't think I even need a platinum card!"

"Well, take it anyway. Do you need anything else?"

"No—"

" _Excellent._  It's been a pleasure doing business with you, Ken. Papa looks forward to seeing Shuu's happy face when he receives your gift."

Ken barely had time to respond before he was suddenly back in the hallway with unlimited funds innocently resting in his hands. "That was business?" he asked Mirumo's closed office door. He looked down at the credit card, shrugged, and walked towards his room where a laptop he had borrowed from Matsumae waited. Rich people were amazing.

But all the money in the world couldn't undo his guilt. He set his book to the side, curled up in a ball, and closed his eyes, trying to focus on the silence of the library over his mental chastising. The coffee would eventually be consumed. He would eventually come up with something for Shuu.

…"Something" wasn't good enough. Ken opened his eyes, stood, and headed back towards the kitchen. "Matsumae," he said, thankful the woman was still there, "can I borrow a laptop again?"

"Of course, Master Ken, there is no need to ask. There is one in the parlor."

"Thank you. I'm gonna figure this out, I swear."

Matsumae smiled as though she had been defeated as Ken ran off. "Yes, you most definitely will."

~

March 3rd.

Ken woke first that morning, blinking in the dim light creeping past the window curtains. At first he wondered if it was still early, if dawn hadn't broken yet, but a half turn towards the clock on the nightstand proved him wrong. Clouds covered the sky that morning, but they couldn't cast a shadow over Ken's confidence.

He turned back to Shuu who had his head buried in his pillow and his arms clutched around it. The corners of his eyes twitched slightly, and occasionally his breath hitched. Was he dreaming? If he was, the dream was certainly a good one, and Ken hesitated to rouse him from his comfortable joy. With a smile, Ken settled himself still and watched his love, his own eyes fluttering shut for a few minutes at a time. Every time they opened back up, he studied Shuu's face, and when Shuu's face and breathing finally calmed, Ken leaned over and kissed his forehead.

"Good morning."

Shuu's face scrunched together momentarily before relaxing again, and he smiled wide. A chuckle escaped his lips as his eyes opened, and he pressed his forehead against Ken's. " _Bon matin_. What a  _dolce_  greeting."

"Happy Birthday."

" _Merci beaucoup, mon amour_. If this is any indicator, it most certainly will be a happy day."

"When do you want your present?"

Shuu hummed thoughtfully and wrapped his arms around Ken, pulling him in. "Maybe in a little bit. I think I just want to stay like this for a while if that's alright with you."

And they did until about twenty minutes later when there was a knock on the door. " _Buongiorno_ , Master Shuu, may I come in?"

" _Oui_ , Matsumae."

Shuu and Ken parted and sat up in bed as Matsumae pushed a cart with a plate and cloche on top. She was dressed for the day and bowed to her masters. "Happy Birthday, Master Shuu. Breakfast is served." She removed the cloche to reveal a plate of meat strips. "Enjoy."

" _Merci_."

"What is it?" Ken asked as Matsumae left the room and closed the door behind her. "Looks different than what you usually eat in the morning."

Shuu grinned as he set the plate in his lap. "I wanted something different. A while back I saw TV show about breakfast around the world, and it said that Americans typically eat eggs and bacon. Obviously we can't eat either, but I wanted to know how they were prepared. It turns out that bacon is merely a certain cut of meat that's been smoked and fried, so I asked Matsumae to prepare a dish we could eat like that for my birthday. This is the result! I'm so excited to try it!" He picked up a piece and playfully tapped it against Ken's mouth. "Open up. Aaahhhhhhhh."

Ken shook his head. "You try it first. It's your birthday present."

"If you insist," Shuu said with a shrug, and he popped the morsel in his mouth. His red and black eyes immediately widened. " _Delicious!_ " he cheered and he picked up another piece. "You simply must try this,  _my darling_. Come on, open wide."

This time Ken obeyed. When he closed his mouth, he felt Shuu's finger still linger between his lips, and his own mismatched eyes widened. Shuu winked and pulled his finger away with a grin. "Well?"

Ken nodded as he swallowed. "It's delicious."

Shuu picked up another piece. "I simply must compliment the chef. Matsumae is a genius."

~

The rest of the morning and early afternoon was similar. Eventually Shuu and Ken left their room, and the servants greeted them with excited well wishes. Shuu responded to every cheer of "Happy Birthday!" with a charming smile and a pleasant "thank you." Behind him, Ken tried to stay out of the way, but Shuu soon took his hand and led him to the parlor.

There, they found Mirumo, who looked up from his morning paper and coffee with a smile. " _Bon matin,_ Shuu _, Bon Anniversaire_."

" _Bon matin_ , Papa,  _merci beaucoup_."

Mirumo looked to Shuu's side. " _Bon matin_ , Ken, I hope you're well today."

"Ah, I am, thank you. Good morning to you, too."

Mirumo looked back to Shuu. "Papa has a gift for Shuu later today. Did Shuu receive his present from Ken yet?"

" _Non_ , I'm thinking of receiving it this afternoon."

" _Bien_." Mirumo was still smiling, but his eyes softened with a bit of sadness. "Is Shuu sure he doesn't want a party? Papa could call up our party planner and all our friends, partners, and relatives right now. Papa is sure they'd all come immediately. The estate would be ready and full by night."

Shuu's smile widened and he shook his head. "I am sure, Papa. Again,  _merci beaucoup_ , but I am quite content to have a quiet birthday this year. All I need are my family, the staff, and Ken." He squeezed Ken's hand, and Ken smiled sheepishly.

Mirumo sat back in his chair with a sigh. "If Shuu insists. Papa just wants Shuu to be happy."

"And I am grateful for that, Papa."

"Papa knows. Now Shuu and Ken should run along and enjoy the day until Shuu's special birthday dinner tonight. Papa is throwing Shuu some kind of celebration whether Shuu likes it or not."

Shuu laughed as Mirumo playfully shooed him and Ken away, and the two headed back towards the library, Ken blushing the whole time. "He's so nice."

Shuu nodded as he let go of Ken and opened the library door. "He is."

"Ah, sorry, I didn't mean to say that aloud."

"But he truly is," Shuu continued as he and Ken sat down on one of the room's couches. "Papa truly cares about everyone in this estate. He rescued some of the servants off the streets, you know. Part of his mission as a businessman was to help and provide for the ghouls of Tokyo who had nothing, who couldn't help themselves. Eventually his practices were adopted by our ghoul business partners all over the world. I'm ashamed to say I didn't learn about this until recently though, so I haven't always known my father's greatness." Shuu smiled sadly as he turned to Ken, but his smile disappeared once he saw him. Ken was resting his head in one hand and resting his free arm over his leg as he stared at the floor. Shuu gently nudged him. "Are you okay?"

Ken straightened and nodded. "Sorry, just thinking."

Shuu hummed and put an arm around him. "Do you want to talk? Or should we just read?"

"Read please."

And they did until about two o' clock when Shuu shut the book after they had both confirmed finishing the latest chapter. Ken looked up with questioning eyes, to which Shuu smiled in response. "I think it's time for some afternoon coffee," he said. "Wouldn't you agree?"

Ken's eyes widened and he nodded, sitting up and letting Shuu's arm fall from his shoulders. "Yeah, I think it is."

" _Parfait_. I will be awaiting it in the parlor."

Ken watched Shuu leave before getting up and following him out. He diverted towards his and Shuu's bedroom to change into more formal clothes, pulling some of his new garments from the closet. As he buttoned up his shirt, he felt a wave of sadness wash over him at the memory of Anteiku. It was gone. So was the manager. Ken looked up and let out a sigh as the memories played in his mind, little clips of Touka bossing him around, Enji teasing him with stories of his "Demon Ape" days, Kaya smiling patiently as she jotted down orders, Nishiki complaining as he trudged from the break room, Renji silently returning from "food shopping" through the back door, and Yoshimura watching over all of them as their savior and guardian. Ken could still picture his gentle smile and hear his amused chuckle.

Ken lowered and shook his head as he let out a shuddering breath. The memories were sad, but :re existed. Touka was probably still bossing everyone around, but she was doing it now as their manager. On the cafe floor, Enji was probably furiously sweeping while Kaya gracefully ignored his ramblings. He knew Nishiki still complained, and Renji, still as silent and secretive as ever, probably still preferred to enter and exit the cafe through the back door. The more Ken thought about it, the more he realized that life wasn't too different, and that idea brought the smile back to his face.

But there would be time for reminiscing later. With a satisfied huff, Ken approved of his waiter-like look in the mirror and headed to the kitchen. There, Matsumae and Karren stood next to the counter lined with Ken's chosen ingredients, the necessary tools, and Shuu's personal cup.

"Do you require anything else, Master Ken?"

Ken shook his head. "This is perfect, thank you."

Karren eyed one of the ingredients on the counter and then eyed Ken. "You're sure about this?"

"Positive."

"If this so-called 'coffee' makes Master Shuu sick, I'll drink it down myself and then throw it up on you."

"Won't be necessary, it won't make him sick."

" _Jein._ "

Matsumae nudged Karren's side. "Behave. We'll be here if you need anything else, Master Ken." She bowed yanking Karren down with her and then pulled the younger woman out of the kitchen. Ken watched them go and then turned back to the counter.

A few minutes later, he entered the parlor with a silver tray holding a single cup of coffee in hand. Shuu sat in the center of the room scrolling through what Ken assumed were happy birthday wishes on his phone, if his happy smile and slightly flushed cheeks were anything to go by. Ken cleared his throat and stepped forward.

When Shuu looked up, his expression turned to a subtle excitement. "I've been waiting for this."

Ken offered the cup and said, "I hope it's to your liking."

"I'm sure it will be," Shuu replied as he took the cup. " _Merci. Santé._ " He held the cup up towards Ken and then brought it to his lips. He tipped it back, and Ken could pinpoint the moment the coffee hit his tongue. Shuu's eyes widened, stunned, and Ken began to sweat. He watched as Shuu lowered the cup and stared at him. "Ken, what is this? Is it coffee? I have quite literally never tasted anything like this before."

Ken managed an awkward smile. "Hold on, I'll show you." He disappeared and reappeared a moment later with one of the bags on the kitchen counter. "I used these with the coffee beans. That's what tastes different."

"Yes, but what IS it?"

"It's called 'cascara.' I was having a lot of trouble coming up with an original recipe on my own, so I decided to do some research on a scientific level. I asked myself, 'What is coffee at its core?' So I learned all about the coffee plant and how coffee beans grow. These here in the bag are the dried husks of the cherries that coffee beans grow in. 'Cascara' actually means 'husks' in Spanish. Upon further research, I found out they're used to make tea in countries like Ethiopia and Yemen, but they can be used with coffee beans to make a tea-coffee fusion, too. That's what this is! I admit I didn't know if ghouls could safely consume cascara, but I figured since we can eat the bean, we should be able to eat the fruit, too, so I took a risk and—"

Ken couldn't finish. Shuu put the cup on a nearby table, jumped up, and pulled Ken into a passionate kiss. His arms wrapped around him, and Shuu tipped them over so Ken was almost leaning backwards. Ken was too surprised at first, but he soon melted and kissed back, dropping the tray so he could wrap his arms around Shuu's neck. The sound of the tray hitting the floor didn't really bother either of them.

Shuu pulled away first, panting heavily as he took in the view of Ken's blushing cheeks and glistening forehead. His eyes were lidded even as they locked with Shuu's, and neither seemed too keen on separating any time soon. " _Excusez-moi_ ," Shuu eventually said, "I could not help myself."

Ken shook his head. "It's okay."

"That went above and beyond my expectations. I knew you would come up with something incredible, but,  _mon dieu_ , Ken, I have not been that overwhelmed in a very long time. You always surprise me,  _mon coeur_ , in so many ways."

A big, teary smile spread across Ken's face, and he took Shuu's face in his hands. "Really? I'm so glad."

"Always," Shuu repeated as he leaned back down. "Always."

~

Ken was satisfied yet oddly restless for the rest of the day. He barely left Shuu's side except to make cascara coffee for everyone else in the estate, Shuu insisting that everyone needed to try it. The reactions were similar to Shuu's (minus the hot and heavy make out session) with the servants chattering amongst themselves about how delicious and unique the flavor was. Mirumo nodded appreciatively upon tasting Ken's creation and gave Matsumae a knowing look. Behind them, Karren swore loudly in German, frantically looking back and forth between her cup and the cascara.

"This is amazing, Master Ken!"

"You discovered something new we ghouls can consume!"

" _WAS ZUR HÖLLE?_ "

"Ah, Karren likes it, too."

And the commotion didn't die down until after dinner. The servants had cooked a feast for Shuu complete with Mirumo's special selection of blood wine. The family head led the big toast for the evening, raising his glass and making a speech celebrating his son and all the life he had lived so far. Everyone in the estate cheered and sang for their young master's good health and bright future, to which Shuu responded with a huge smile and many thanks in multiple languages. Next to him at the table, Ken raised his own glass in one hand and held Shuu's free hand in the other. When Shuu turned to him, they clinked their glasses together and drank down their wine a little too quickly, resulting in a flurry of giggles.

It wasn't until Ken was in the bedroom with Shuu late that night when the two finally sobered up. Shuu emerged from the connecting bathroom already in his pajamas to find Ken standing in front of his closet still in his day clothes. "Are you okay?" he asked, tilting his head.

Ken let out a tense breath. "I was just thinking."

"Oh?"

"…Never mind, it's nothing." Ken went to work unbuttoning his shirt, stopping when he heard Shuu approach him from behind.

"Is it really nothing?" Shuu asked. "I have a hard time believing that. What's on your mind,  _mon chéri_? You can tell me."

Ken opened his mouth but said nothing. He closed it and shook his head.

"May I guess then?" Shuu continued. "Because I think I know."

Ken immediately straightened up, thankful Shuu couldn't see his bright red face. "Really now?"

" _Oui_ , because I know what has been on my mind for most of the day." Shuu put a hand on Ken's stiff shoulder. "Ken,  _sweetheart_ , would you like to do a bit more than just sleep tonight? Should we finish what we started in the parlor?"

Ken let out an embarrassed squeak, and a bead of sweat threatened to roll down his temple. "What did we start?"

After a pause, Shuu removed his hand and took a step back. "It's quite alright if you don't want to; I did not mean to make you uncomfortable. Shall we go to bed?"

"No, I—!" Ken whipped around, his face still blazing and that sweat drop rushing past his hairline. His brows were furrowed, but his eyes were wide as he looked at Shuu. "I don't—I mean, I want to. No, I don't want to! I don't want to, but—" A gloss quickly covered his slightly pink eyes. "I, I mean I—"

"Ken—"

Ken visibly deflated, sniffling as his head dropped. "Sorry, I just made everything weird. I ruined your day. Can I at least have a kiss before bed?"

Shuu pulled Ken in with a smile and tilted his head up so their gazes met. "You can have all the kisses you want. I am so sorry if I made you uncomfortable, and you most definitely did not ruin my day. This is the best day I've had in so long! I just want you to know that you can ask me for anything. Please be open and honest with your feelings, okay?" He leaned down and pressed their foreheads together before pressing their lips together. Ken melted against him, feeling the tension and anxiety retreat with every move of Shuu's mouth.

So soft. So warm.

Ken did not even realize he had closed his eyes until they opened only to see Shuu hovering over him. Somehow they had made it to their bed, and Ken's shirt was unbuttoned. He looked down at his flushed skin and then looked back up at Shuu. Oh god, he was so beautiful. His face was so elegant and so handsome, and Ken almost started crying again when he remembered Shuu was all his.

"Would you…take it slow?"

Shuu smiled and leaned back down, running his hands down Ken's chest as his lips hovered above the other's.

" _Bien sûr._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cascara
> 
> I actually got the idea for this chapter during the winter when I saw a Starbucks ad for a cascara latte. I tried the latte, loved it, and decided I had to bring it into this story somehow. Starbucks uses a cascara syrup full of sweeteners instead of the actual dried cherry husks, but the dried cherry husks are available for purchase online from other retailers. I haven't tried the husks, but the Starbucks latte tasted like cherries and maple with a distinct smokiness. I thought, "Wow, Shuu has probably never tasted these flavors before. Wouldn't it be great if he could safely consume cascara and enjoy them?" Thus, this chapter was born.
> 
> I don't have a recipe for the tea-coffee drink Ken made in this chapter, but you can check out 1912 Pike, the official Starbucks blog, for more information about cascara.
> 
> Also, if Karren's line "Jein" seems kind of odd, it's because it's German slang. It's a combination of "ja" (yes) and "nein" (no), and it's the equivalent of sarcastically saying "Yeah, right" in English.


	23. Yuanyang

Tooru was in the middle of scrambling eggs when he heard footsteps come down the stairs. He turned just enough so he could see his roommate walk into the kitchen and pull a mug from a cabinet. "Good morning, Urie," he said with a smile. "Breakfast will be ready in just a minute."

"Not hungry," Kuki said back. He placed the mug under a brewer and pressed a button. The machine roared and coffee slowly drizzled out.

Tooru's smile flattened and he turned back to the eggs. "It's not good to skip breakfast. You need your protein."

Kuki snorted and took a large gulp of coffee as soon as it finished dripping. He barely noticed the heat. "Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself."  _You're the one who needs to bulk up, weakling._

Tooru sighed and scooped the eggs onto a plate next to a small pile of pickled vegetables. Another machine dinged and Tooru opened it to reveal a pile of fluffy, steaming rice. He scooped a serving onto his plate and turned back to Kuki. "You sure you don't want any? Not even just some rice?"

Kuki could swear the grinding of his teeth was audible. "No," he spat, "I told you that I'm not hungry. You and Shirazu can split my serving, Saiko will get even fatter if she eats it. I'll eat later when I'm hungry." He gulped down the last of his coffee and placed the mug back under the machine for more.

Tooru looked down at his plate and sighed again. "Alright, whatever you say. If you're making more coffee, can you please make me a cup?"

"Fine."

"Thank you."

Tooru sat down to eat and offered another "thank you" when Kuki placed a cup in front of him. He decided not to press the other about milk and sugar, but he did glance at him as he sucked down his own coffee. By the time Tooru was done with his meal, Kuki was up and back at the machine.

"Are you tired?" Tooru asked. "If you're still tired, you should go back to bed. We don't have to be at work for another two hours."

"I'm fine," Kuki hissed, his exasperation all too obvious. "Can you please stop? I don't like being interrogated first thing in the morning."  _Shut the fuck up._

"I just thought—"

"Why don't you go harass Shirazu or Saiko? They're the ones who need babysitting. Or go talk to your new best friend Furuta. You two have been awfully chummy lately."

Tooru looked away, shoulders hunched. "He's not my new best friend, he's just nice. And he's on vacation now anyway, Mr. Kijima gave him a few days off."

Kuki rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'll get more coffee out." He put his mug in the sink and headed for the door, grabbing a jacket along the way. "I'll see you at work." And he slammed the door behind him.

Tooru flinched and turned towards the door. With a frown, he looked back and his plate and said, "Where are you going at night, Urie?"

~

Ken could barely even look at Shuu when he awoke. He hoisted the sheets over his head and curled up into a ball, forcing his head down as far as it would go and his legs up into his chest. If he could have shrunk himself to the point of disappearing, he would have.

He stayed like that, his hot breath and shamed nerves suffocating him, even after Shuu woke up. " _Mon amour_ ," he heard the other say, noting his lack of a usual morning greeting, "why are you hiding under the covers like that?"

Ken squirmed, knowing he had been caught. He lifted his head slightly and said, "I'm not hiding."

"Darling, you are right in front of me. I can see that you are trying to hide."

Ken reluctantly lowered the sheets and looked up enough so he could make eye contact with Shuu. He momentarily looked down at their fully clothed forms and then shrugged. "I wasn't feeling well."

"I believe what you're feeling is guilt."

"We didn't do anything last night!"

" _Oui_ , because you changed your mind."

Ken's eyes shifted away and began to water. "You mean because I was a coward."

" _Non_ , that's not what I mean at all. You changed your mind, so we stopped."

"But you wanted to."

"So? That doesn't mean anything if you didn't want to."

Ken wanted to reply, but his bottom lip began quivering before he could get the words out. Shuu sighed through his nose and reached out, pulling Ken in. The latter immediately cuddled up to him, and Shuu gently pet Ken's hair down while rubbing his back. "Come now, love, there's no need to cry. You did the right thing by stopping me when you wanted to stop. I always tell you to tell me what you're feeling, so I am very glad you spoke up. I do not think any less of you, and I do not want you any less."

"Shuu…"

"I don't want you to force yourself to do anything. That includes things having to do with me. Do you understand?"

After a long pause, Ken nodded. A small smile formed on Shuu's face, and he gently pat Ken's head. "Good. That's enough crying then." He reached over to the nightstand and brought a tissue back. "Here, wipe your eyes. Let's greet the morning. I think it's a bit gray outside again, but it's nice and bright. We'll have our coffee by the windows."

Ken took the tissue, dried his eyes, and finally smiled when he looked at Shuu. "Okay, thank you. Good morning."

" _Bon matin_."

Shuu leaned in a bit and then paused. Ken's smile widened and he met the other for a kiss. Ken soon broke away to breathe, but after a pause he dove right back in, and Shuu's hand found its way into his hair. Ken's hands came up to Shuu's face, and their kiss deepened as Shuu rolled them over, a plush pillow cradling Ken's head. The more the two moved, the more they kissed, the more Ken felt like he was sinking into the mattress. Just when he thought he'd drown, Shuu pulled away, and Ken gasped loudly. With lidded eyes, he looked at Shuu longingly, a love-drunk flush on his cheeks.

Shuu grinned and sat back, running a hand through his hair. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and said, "' _Bon matin''_  indeed. Thank you for the delicious breakfast,  _mon petit chouchou_."

It took all of Ken's restraint not to moan. He had a feeling he wouldn't say "no" next time.

~

When Shuu and Ken finally dressed and left their room, they found the hallway was oddly quiet. Servants would normally be bustling around the estate by now, but Shuu and Ken didn't see anyone until they were closer to the kitchen.

"Ah, good morning, Aliza."

Aliza turned, eyes wide. She managed a smile, but her face expressed slight panic. "Good morning, Master Shuu, Master Ken. Shall I have the chef prepare breakfast for you?"

" _Non_ , we'll just be having coffee, thank you. Is everything alright?"

Aliza's smile immediately dropped, and her gaze fell. "Everything is fine but, um, perhaps you should speak with Master Mirumo at your earliest convenience."

"What for?"

"Please pardon me, Master Shuu, but it's best if Master Mirumo explains the situation. I believe you can still find him in the parlor."

Shuu eyed the maid and then turned to Ken. " _D'accord_. Dear, why don't you make us some coffee? I'll be back soon, promise."

Ken shook his head. "No, I'm coming with you. I want to know what's going on, too."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. You're always supporting me, so I want to support you. I'll leave if Mirumo tells me to."

Shuu's smile returned and he nodded. "Alright,  _merci_." He took Ken's hand and led the other into the parlor, where, sure enough, Mirumo sat in one of the large armchairs. He held a half full coffee cup in one hand and his head in the other. Several servants including Matsumae and Karren stood around him, and they all seemed both terrified and relieved once Shuu appeared.

"Papa?"

Mirumo looked up and smiled sadly. " _Bon matin_ , Shuu. Papa hopes you and Ken slept well."

"We did, thank you. Is everything alright? Aliza said we should come speak with you."

Mirumo's gaze shifted and his smile flattened. "Please do not feel like you have to be here, Ken," he said. "There is something Papa needs to speak with Shuu about, and you are welcome to hear it, but I worry it'll alarm you. I do not want you to be stressed."

Ken's grip on Shuu's hand tightened. "I can handle it. If you don't want me to be here, I'll leave, but I don't like being ignorant towards what's going on around me…if that's alright."

"It's perfectly fine. It's just—" Mirumo paused and looked back at Shuu. "Chiyo gave birth this morning."

Shuu's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He squeezed Ken's hand but kept his eyes on his father. "And?"

"It's a healthy baby girl."

The color drained from Shuu's face, and his head dropped. He stared at the floor as he panted and then quickly looked back up. "Papa, you have to—!"

"Papa already sent his congratulations. Shuu should later today."

"Papa,  _non_!  _Non_ , I won't! You have to do something!"

"What else does Shuu expect Papa to do?"

"Daichi and Kimiko are going to make Chiyo go through this all over again. You have to stop them!"

Ken gasped as he thought back to the Christmas party. He remembered Daichi pulling him away from Shuu's performance and Kimiko refusing to allow Chiyo to get close to him. He could still picture Chiyo's scared, miserable face and hear her small, timid whispers. How could he forget? His face and voice had been the same at a time.

"They wanted sons," Ken suddenly said, grabbing everyone's attention. He look at Shuu and frantically continued, "That's what you said, right? That Daichi and Kimiko had wanted sons, but they could only have Chiyo. And now if Chiyo had a girl, then—!"

"Papa will discuss this with Shuu later," Mirumo said, standing. Ken took a step back—somehow he always managed to forget how big Mirumo actually was. "My apologies for getting you involved in all this, Ken. Please do not worry, everything will be fine. Matsumae." He placed his coffee cup in the woman's hands, and she followed him out of the parlor.

Shuu watched them leave and then let go of Ken's hand. "I am so sorry,  _mon amour_ , but I must postpone our coffee date. I must sort this out, but I will return as soon as possible." He offered a transparent smile and then dashed off after his father.

One by one the servants left the parlor until only Karren remained. Ken looked at her with glassy eyes, and she looked up to meet his gaze. "Have you ever fought in this type of battle, Kaneki Ken?" she asked, voice level. "It's quite different than a typical ghoul battle. No amount of muscle building or kagune training will help you, and you most certainly can't just bite or stab your way to victory. Do you understand what I'm saying? This will be your life now. If you are going to be Master Shuu's significant other, you will have to face these types of battles every single day. I suggest you get used to them." And she walked past Ken towards the hallway.

"It should be you."

Karren stopped.

"It really should be you," Ken repeated, failing to hold back his choked sobs. "I can't help Shuu, I can't give him an heir. But you—"

A strong hand met with Ken's face, and he stumbled backwards until he fell on a chair. He rubbed his face, wincing at the sting, and looked up to find Karren glaring at him. "Wha—?"

"How dare you," Karren hissed. "Did you really just say that to me? That I should be the one with Master Shuu?  _Sohn einer Hündin_ , you're just as bad as those Kyoto bastards."

Ken's eyes widened. "What?"

"You agree that what they're putting Lady Chiyo through is terrible,  _ja_? They're using her for her womb in the hope the heir will usurp control of the Tsukiyama Family, that the Kyoto Branch will be the Main Branch again. You see that and ask yourself, 'How could anyone do that to someone? How could anyone treat a woman that way?' And then you have the balls to look at me and say, 'You should be the one with Master Shuu so the Main Branch will have an heir.' You see me as nothing but a womb, too!"

"Karren, no—!"

" _Verpiss dich!_  That is exactly what you were thinking!

Ken slowly sat himself on the floor with his back against the chair. He looked up, eyes still watering, and managed, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Karren."

The woman sighed and crossed her arms. "You want to fix this? You want to help Chiyo? You can't run away. Family politics is a game all of us Tsukiyama Family people have to play, but you, Kaneki Ken, you are not a Tsukiyama Family member. That means you are a player who can see the game from the outside. You have the biggest advantage of us all."

"…What do you mean?"

"You still have to play the game, but you don't have to play by the rules."

Ken watched as Karren turned and headed for the door. "But I—"

"Although, I think you're already in the process of making your move. Don't let us down,  _Hosenscheißer_."

~

"Shuu, Papa said he would discuss this with you late—"

"It is later! Please, Papa, we have to do something!"

Mirumo looked at his begging son and then opened the door to his office. "Come in." He turned to allow Shuu to pass and then shut the door before sitting in his desk chair. Shuu still stood across from him in front of the door, a grieving expression on his face. Mirumo's own fell. "Shuu—"

"Papa, we can't let this happen again. I already feel terrible allowing it to happen once. We have to help  _Madame Chiyo_  somehow, please!"

"Shuu," Mirumo said as he looked at his son earnestly, "please try to understand. If there was something Papa could have done, Papa would have done it a long time ago. This has been happening ever since Tokyo became the capital of Japan, it's nothing new."

"That doesn't make it okay! And what do you mean that you would have already done something if you could have? You're the Head of the Main Branch of the Tsukiyama Family! You can do anything!"

"Papa can't, Shuu!" Mirumo tried to hold himself back, feeling the volume of his voice increase with his frustration. He paused to collect his thoughts and then continued, "Papa doesn't get to just tell people what to do. Papa can't wave a magic wand and do whatever he wants. Papa especially wishes he could do everything Shuu wants, but he can't. Papa must take the business and the rest of the family into consideration."

" _Attendez_ ," Shuu gasped, holding up a hand. "Did you just say that you have to keep the business in mind? Is the business more important to you than our actual family?"

"The business is the family, Shuu, and the family is the business. Papa has to hold both together to keep everything in balance."

Shuu's brows furrowed as he felt a fire begin to burn within him. The faces of his family—Hiroshi, Etsuko, Nobuyuki, and so many more—and the faces of the servants—Matsumae, Karren, Aliza, and the others—flashed through his mind, and his hands balled into fists at his side. "So if one falls, it's okay because the business and the family as a whole are okay?

"Shuu knows Papa doesn't mean that."

"Do I? Do I really, Papa?"

Mirumo let out a heavy sigh, and his head dropped. He ran a hand through his hair and said, "Shuu, Papa doesn't know who supports and who opposes the Kyoto Branch. Some of the smaller, lower branches might oppose the Kyoto Branch but rely on them anyway. If Daichi discovers that Papa is plotting against him, even if there's just a rumor, the family will be divided, and the business will suffer. Does Shuu understand why the business is so important? The business is the only reason Papa and the other branch heads are able to take stray ghouls in. If the business didn't exist, Papa would not have the resources to help others." Mirumo looked back up at his son, his own eyes now watering. "Does Shuu understand?"

" _Non_ , I don't understand. I don't understand why you are prioritizing the business over a family member. And not just any family member, but the heiress of the Kyoto Branch! Chiyo deserves to be the branch head one day, and you know it! But even if she wasn't, she still shouldn't have to suffer like this!"

"Shuu—!"

"Why do you act like our family is struggling? We have all the wealth and resources we could ever want! We should put them to good use, just like we did with Ken. You just said that we use our power to help our fellow ghouls and to bring stray ones in off the street. You can't claim to be a force for good in the ghoul world if you turn a blind eye to the torture your blood relative is facing!"

Mirumo stared at his son, and his mouth dropped open. No sound came out.

Shuu inhaled a shuddering breath, his eyes pink and on the verge of turning. When he let the air out, his whole body shook with it. "I can't just sit here and let this happen," he said. "If you won't do anything, I will. I may not be the most powerful player in this game of family politics, but I am no pushover. I'll break the rules, I'll cheat if I have to, whatever it takes."

Mirumo swallowed hard and suddenly found his voice. "Shuu, Papa thinks—!"

"Father," Shuu continued, bringing Mirumo to a stunned halt, "I intend to ask Kaneki Ken for his hand in marriage one day, but I cannot do that as long as  _Madame Chiyo_  is living the life she is. How could I possibly look Ken in the eye and bring him into our family, promising to love, honor, and cherish him, knowing someone already in the Tsukiyama Family is suffering so?" He turned and took hold of the doorknob, looking back at his father as he clicked it open. "I am Tsukiyama Shuu, the heir of the Tsukiyama conglomerate and the future Head of the Tsukiyama Family's Main Branch. Today is the day I start acting like it." And he slammed the door behind him.

~

Ken felt odd knocking on his own bedroom door. "Come in," he heard from the other side, and he twisted the doorknob.

"Shuu?"

Shuu turned and his eyes widened. "Ah,  _mon petit_!" He stopped short and dared to glance at the old clock leaning against the wall. He then turned back to Ken with a sad smile. " _Pardonnez-moi_ , I seem to have lost track of time."

Ken shrugged, keeping the tray in his hands level. "I was starting to get a little worried, but it's okay. I've had my own thoughts to sort through today. I made us coffee though. Better late than never, right?"

" _Oui, c'est vrai_." Shuu left his desk in favor of the armchairs sitting opposite the bed. Ken handed his cup to him and then took a seat with his own. He smiled when Shuu raised his cup. " _Merci beaucoup. Bon appétit._ "

"Cheers," Ken replied, lifting his cup towards Shuu. He took a sip while Shuu drank down about half.

"Ah, your coffee is really the best,  _my dear_."

"Thank you. What have you been working on all day?"

A serious look took over Shuu's face. "I have been contacting the Tsukiyama Family heads and business partners all over Japan regarding the Kyoto Branch. I feel it is my duty as the family's heir to help  _Madame Chiyo_  however I can. I can't let the Kyoto Branch use her again."

"It's almost like you're putting together an army."

" _Oui_ , that's what it feels like. Papa said he couldn't do anything because taking sides would divide our business, and he feared the business would fall apart soon after, but I don't think he's ever even spoken to anyone about this. The overwhelming majority of branch heads and business partners agree with me that all this is wrong."

Ken's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

Shuu nodded. "Other powerful side branches especially agree, like the Osaka Branch and the Sapporo Branch. They haven't wanted to support the Kyoto Branch's practices for generations."

Ken's expression softened. "But the Kyoto Branch is more powerful than they are."

Shuu nodded again. "If they wanted to do anything about it, they would need the support of the one branch more powerful than the Kyoto Branch: the Tokyo Branch. Because Papa never said anything, the other branches all assumed they could do nothing. Some of them even said they were relieved to hear someone in the Tokyo Branch bring attention to this."

"That's a good thing," Ken said with a smile. "It means you have the respect and support of the other branches. It sounds like they all look forward to having you as the Family Head one day."

Shuu smiled back, his cheeks flushing lightly. "I can only hope I'm worthy of it."

Ken's heart suddenly raced, pounding so hard and fast against his ribs he feared it might break through them. Shuu's eyes were tired yet gentle, his whole face soft and inviting. No doubt, he had been thinking of nothing but helping Chiyo all day. His sheepish smile was warm and modest, and his bottom lip was slightly red from biting it—Ken assumed. His hair, normally styled with not a single strand out of place, was stringy and tousled, like he had been running his hands through it. And while Shuu was still impeccably dressed—as always—his shirt sleeves were rolled up, and his slacks were slightly wrinkled around where they had gathered while he sat. But what stunned Ken most of all was Shuu's skin and how it seemed to glow. Ken couldn't even blame it on any lights, as dark clouds had moved in to cover the setting sun and the nearest lamp was turned towards Shuu's desk. Shuu, despite his constant work and stress throughout the day, shone brighter than Ken had ever seen him.

"Shuu," Ken said quietly, looking down at his coffee. He paused, shuffled in his seat, and then continued, "Can I, um…" He motioned towards the other's chair.

Shuu's smile widened and he pat his lap. " _Bien sûr._ "

Ken put his coffee down and joined Shuu. Immediately, he cuddled up to him, and Shuu put his cup down so he could wrap both arms around him. They sat like that for a few minutes until Ken slowly tilted his head upwards, his eyes locking with Shuu's and their lips locking mere seconds later.

This Shuu was so different than the Shuu Ken had first met in Anteiku all those years ago. Those arms that had once restrained him now embraced him so lovingly. Those hands that had once tried to tear him apart now held him with a fierce protectiveness. Those fingers that had once reached for his flesh now sent shockwaves through him as they caressed his body. Those eyes that had once looked at him as nothing more than a meal now looked at him as though he were the most precious person in the world. And that mouth, that mouth that had once tried to devour him now drank him in and stole his breath and consumed him in the most deliciously ironic way possible.

Shuu was perfect, far too beautiful and charming and perfect for one such as him, but that didn't stop Ken. He reached up and pulled Shuu down by the back of his head, feeling those silky locks between his fingers. Shuu's embrace on him tightened even as his hands began to move. Ken jumped when those hands traveled under his shirt and tentatively moved towards his jeans, but he didn't stop. He nodded even as he kept kissing, and Shuu's fingers quickly undid the button.

Everything stopped when "Neko Funjatta" suddenly blared from the desk. Shuu immediately pulled back, red-faced, and his eyes shifted. " _Excusez-moi_ ," he muttered, reluctantly maneuvering Ken off his lap. Ken redid the button on his jeans and tried not to send Shuu's cell phone a dirty look.

Shuu's eyes narrowed when he saw the contact's name on the screen. "Hori?"

"Tsukiyama, you're gonna want to come outside."

"Outside? What do you mean?"

"Come to the front door, trust me."

"Hori—!" Shuu swore when the line went dead. He glared at the phone and then sighed, turning to Ken. "My apologies, the Little Mouse has terrible timing."

Ken shrugged. "At least she wasn't taking pictures of us."

Shuu was about to respond when there was a banging on his bedroom door. "Master Shuu!" Aliza called, voice frantic. "I'm sorry for disturbing you, but you are needed in the foyer immediately!"

Shuu opened the door mere seconds later, but Aliza was already gone. He looked back at Ken, worry beginning to set into his eyes, and ran down the hall. Ken was close behind, and the two raced down the stairs to the lower level. At the front door were several servants and a woman on her knees with a portable car seat at her side, and horror overtook Shuu's face.

"Chiyo?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuanyang
> 
> Yuanyang is a popular coffee drink from Hong Kong. Other names include "yuenyeung," "yingyong," and "yin yang." It's actually milk tea and coffee mixed together, so it's as refreshing as it is energizing.
> 
> You will need: 1 cup of strong black coffee (Bolivian is recommended) and 1 cup of Hong Kong-style milk tea (which you can buy at any Asian grocery store). All you have to do is mix the two components together. Typically the ratio is 1:1, but you can switch it up depending on your taste.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of The Spruce.


	24. Cafe Breve

A midwife shut the guest bedroom door behind her and leaned against it, heaving a great sigh. She peeled her gloves off and looked up to meet the worried gaze of her master across the hall.

"Well?" Mirumo asked. Next to him, Matsumae waited with her usual calm demeanor, but the midwife could see an underlying anxiety in her eyes. On Mirumo's opposite side, Shuu stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall.

The midwife managed a smile for them. "Mother and child both seem to be in good health overall. With some food and some rest, Lady Chiyo will be just fine. Of course, she still needs the usual post-birth recovery time, but I think while under our care she'll start to feel better soon. Everything seems normal with the baby, too. If nothing else, the midwives in Kyoto seem to have taken great care of them."

"Daichi ordered them to so they could use her again as soon as possible."

Mirumo turned, a stern look in his eye. "Shuu,  _s'il vous plaît_." When his son didn't respond, he turned back to the midwife with a grateful look. " _Merci beaucoup_ , Satomi, your work is very much appreciated. Would you please extend your services to the rest of the estate staff?"

"Of course, Master Mirumo."

" _Merci_. Matsumae."

The woman turned and stood at attention. "Yes?"

"Please take Satomi to the kitchen staff. I want them to prepare something nutritious for Chiyo when she wakes up."

Matsumae bowed. "Yes, Master Mirumo. Satomi, if you would follow me please."

Mirumo watched the two women go and turned to Shuu once they were out of sight. "Papa wall make sure Chiyo is taken care of. Papa will have the servants care for her every need. Shuu doesn't need to worry."

"I don't?" Shuu asked back, brows raising. "Is that truly what you think? What about when Daichi figures out where she is? He's likely already realized she's gone. For all we know, he could be on his way here right now. What will you do when he barges through our front door demanding his daughter back? Will you hand her over, knowing what he'll do to her?"

Mirumo kept his gaze on Shuu for a few seconds before turning away. He sighed and took off his glasses to rub his eyes. "Papa isn't thinking about the future possibilities," he said as he put the glasses back on. "Papa is focusing on right now. Right now, Chiyo needs our help, and we will all give it to her." He sniffed, almost as if he could start crying, and sighed again. "Papa is trying, Shuu. Papa promises he will try to make things right, but please understand this is different than the situation with Ken. With Ken, we are united in opposing the Doves. With Chiyo, we can't unite against our own family."

Shuu glared at the floor. " _Annoying._ "

"Papa agrees."

Shuu glared so intensely he felt like his eyes could turn. He let out a growl and headed down the hallway. "I'm going to my room," he said. "Don't disturb me, please." He hadn't meant for the words to come out so spiteful, and guilt began to form in his gut when he heard his father let out a shuddering sigh. He sniffed and turned the corner.

He felt his anger melt when he saw a person standing near the bedroom door. "Ken."

Ken looked up at him, concern in his wide eyes. "Is she alright?"

Shuu smiled and nodded. "She'll be just fine. She's napping now."

"And the baby?"

"Also fine. Also napping."

Ken smiled back. "That's good. I was worried. Did she say how she managed to get here?"

"No, but I'm sure she'll tell us eventually. We just don't want to put any extra pressure on her right now."

"I understand. What are you going to do until then?"

Shuu visibly deflated. He ran a hand through his hair and said, "I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing. I want to tell everyone I contacted that Chiyo is safe with us, but I have to be careful. I don't want that information reaching Daichi. The less he knows, the better."

Ken frowned. "Do you think anyone would betray you?"

" _Non_ , but there is always a chance someone could be listening in."

"Oh, right." Ken felt the outline of his phone in his pants pocket, recalling how it couldn't be traced or tracked. He smiled slightly and said, "Well, so far no one from the CCG has been able to find me. If we can keep an entire organization off our backs, we can avoid one branch family."

The smile returned to Shuu's face. " _C'est vrai_ , you are most correct. Would you like me to spend a little bit of time with you? I feel awful, I've been away from you all day."

"No, you should do what you have to do. Chiyo is more important right now."

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely. If you need to get back to work, I'll go make you more coffee."

Shuu's smile widened and he wrapped his arms around Ken. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked as he nuzzled his nose in Ken's hair. It tickled his face when Ken let out an embarrassed laugh. " _Merci beaucoup, mon amour,_  I would love more of your coffee."

~

Ken didn't see Shuu again until late that night. After he had brought Shuu coffee, he had left for the library, believing it the best place for him to stay out of the way. He passed Chiyo's room along the way, noting the soft baby cries coming from beyond one of the many hallway doors. He had reached out to knock but stopped himself. "She's got enough on her mind," he had said upon choosing one of the library's books. "She doesn't need me adding anything else."

Ken didn't even see Shuu at dinner. "Master Shuu has requested a small plate in your shared room," one of the chefs had said. "Tapas, if you will. I do not believe he will be joining us at the table this evening."

"Oh, I see."

"My apologies, Master Ken. Shall I create a plate for you?"

"I'm not very hungry but thank you."

Ken had then retreated back to the library, not reemerging until bedtime. Upon opening his bedroom door, he had been surprised to find the space, including the connecting bathroom, empty. Disappointment tugged at him, but he brushed it off as he closed the door behind himself and stripped his clothes away. This was probably just another part of the life Karren had mentioned. With all his power and influence both in his family and across society, Shuu would definitely need to be away at times, sometimes for extended periods. He would have to work late and travel often and practically be in multiple places at once.

"And I guess it would be my job to support him," Ken said as he stood under the waterfall shower. "Either that or work with him. Hm, now I know how politicians' spouses feel." His cheeks lit up only a little bit at that last thought. It was definitely the hot water.

When Ken emerged from the bathroom in his pajamas, the door to the bedroom opened. "Oh, you're back."

Shuu quickly shut the door and yawned, nodding. " _Oui_ , I am back. I'm so sorry I took so long to return,  _mon petit_ , I certainly didn't mean it. I was just in a meeting with Papa and  _Madame Chiyo_."

"Oh! Did she say anything—Sorry, I shouldn't ask. It's none of my business."

Shuu smiled as he watched Ken approach. "You can talk to her, too. In fact, she'd like to speak with you."

Ken's eyes widened. "Really?"

" _Oui,_  she wants to get to know you better since she couldn't speak properly with you at the Christmas party. She says she feels bad about it."

"She doesn't have to feel bad, it's not like it was her fault. But I would like to speak with her sometime. Maybe tomorrow? If she's feeling better?"

"She claims she's already starting to feel better. I'm sure she'd welcome a meeting with you tomorrow."

Ken smiled softly and took a step back. "Sorry, you're probably exhausted. I'm sure you'd like to shower and go straight to bed."

" _Oui_ , I would.  _Excusez-moi_."

Ken didn't have to wait long for Shuu to return. Within fifteen minutes, the bathroom door opened to reveal a shirtless Shuu towel drying his hair with one hand and carrying his sleep shirt in the other. His pajama pants hung low on his hip as he shuffled over and sat down on the bed opposite Ken. His skin was flushed a fresh pink, and a few water droplets traveled from the tips of hair to his neck and down his back. When he let out a heavy sigh, some of those drops raced further down into his pajamas. Ken's book was suddenly very boring.

Reluctantly, Ken reached out. Just when his hand was about to meet Shuu's bare back, Shuu sighed and let go of his towel. Ken pulled his hand back as Shuu slipped his pajama top on, and he put his hands together in his lap as Shuu buttoned the shirt. Shame bubbled up within Ken as he stared at his hands, his gaze only diverted when he saw Shuu rub his temples.

"What a day…"

Ken pursed his lips as Shuu yawned. The need to apologize poked at him, so he swallowed and said, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Shuu smiled as he turned and climbed into bed. "I know I have no right to ask for your attention when I haven't given you mine all day, but would you give me a kiss,  _mon chéri_? I'd love that."

Ken pressed himself right up against Shuu and, feeling bold, nuzzled into his cheek. "Of course." Shuu's lips met him when he shifted, and Ken felt hands on his back and in his hair almost immediately. Surprisingly enough, he felt no need to go any further, even when Shuu's tongue swept through his mouth. Shuu's hands were large and warm, and his kiss seemed possessive, almost desperate. Ken pulled away first, gasping for air.

" _Pardonnez-moi_ ," Shuu said quickly, cheeks red and voice raspy. "I'm sorry, that was too much. I shouldn't have—"

"Are you okay?"

Shuu looked into Ken's concerned eyes and tightened his hold on the other man. "Please stay with me tonight. I don't just mean in the bed, I mean…like this."

"Close to you?"

" _Oui, s'il vous plaît_."

Ken nodded and rested his head next to Shuu's. His entire body moved as close as it could until it was flush with Shuu's, and the two finally relaxed. "Of course, anything you want."

" _Merci beaucoup_." Shuu placed another kiss on Ken's head. " _Bonne nuit._ "

~

Ken had not wanted to get out of bed that morning. He had awoken early when Shuu shifted at the low beep of his alarm clock. Shuu had reached over and disabled the alarm only to turn back around and find Ken rubbing his eyes. "Shuu?"

" _Pardonnez-moi, mon petit_ , I had not meant to wake you," Shuu had said as he planted kisses on Ken's forehead. True to his word, Ken had barely moved away all night, and now he found himself quite cozy and content. Shuu pulled him closer into a hug and continued, "I have to meet with the servants and check on Chiyo. Then I have to get back to contacting the other branches. And now we all have to consider what to say to Daichi when he figures out where Chiyo is. And then—"

"Shuu," Ken said, holding a finger up to Shuu's lips and smiling, "if you need to get up, go ahead. Do you want me to make you coffee?"

Shuu kissed Ken's fingertip. "I'd like you to go back to sleep. It's still quite early." He smiled and ran his hand through Ken's hair when the other frowned. "I will take breaks today. We should have a coffee date later. Deal?"

And now Ken found himself awake but still without his coffee date. He looked up at the clock in the library to find it was the early afternoon, and he closed his book with a sigh. He set it on the nearby table and opened his phone to find the contact list. Fueguchi Hinami, Hori Chie, Irimi Kaya, Kirishima Ayato, Kirishima Touka, he scrolled but ultimately ended up closing his phone. He would want to talk about the current situation in the Tsukiyama household, and that was inappropriate.

"I can drink more than one cup of coffee," Ken said, and he headed to the kitchen.

His eyes widened when he arrived there. The top cabinet was open, and someone was reaching for a coffee cup. "Chiyo?"

The woman let out a surprised shriek and turned so sharply her arm slammed into the open cabinet door. The shock jerked one of the cup and saucer sets off the shelf, and Chiyo watched in horror as it fell. She reached for it but stopped short and slowly looked up. A kagune tentacle gingerly held the set, and the organ traced back to the man in the doorway. Chiyo panted and brought her hands back to the bundle strapped to her chest.

"Don't worry, I got it," Ken said gently, smiling as he took the cup and saucer from his receding kagune. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

Chiyo shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said in a small, timid voice, "I didn't know you were there."

"I just got here. I was gonna make some coffee. Do you want some?"

Chiyo's eyes widened and they shifted around the room, refusing to stay on Ken. "You shouldn't be making coffee for me."

"Why not? I make coffee for everyone in the estate all the time. I'm more than happy to make it for you, but I understand if you want to make it yourself."

Chiyo went to respond but stopped when her bundle whined. She put both arms around her daughter and shushed her, then looked back at Ken with a flushed face. "I do want some coffee."

"That settles it then," Ken said as he walked over and opened the cabinet. "Do you have a roast you like?"

Chiyo shook her head. "I will drink whatever you make."

Minutes later, Ken set two cups of coffee down on the kitchen table and pushed one towards Chiyo. The woman gently bounced her daughter as she took the cup. "Thank you, Master Ken."

Ken paused, looked at Chiyo, and then took his cup. "May I sit with you?" he asked, and he waited for Chiyo to nod. He took the seat next to her and sipped his drink, then turned to her with a smile. "You don't have to call me 'Master Ken,' you know. You're not a servant. Heck, it's still weird when the servants call me that."

Chiyo kept her gaze down when she spoke. "But you outrank me. You are Master Shuu's significant other, correct? That makes you part of the Tsukiyama Family's Main Branch. Additionally, you are older than I am. Therefore, I am beneath you."

"Yeah, but you're related to the Main Branch by blood. Wouldn't that mean you outrank me?"

"I never thought about that."

"Why don't we just throw out the titles in general?" Ken asked with a little laugh. "I don't mind if you don't. Here, let's introduce ourselves properly since we didn't get to at the Christmas party." He held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Kaneki Ken. You can call me 'Kaneki'."

Hesitantly, Chiyo took Ken's hand and gently shook it. "Hello, I'm Tsukiyama Chiyo. You can, um, just call me 'Chiyo' if you'd like."

Ken grinned. "It's nice to meet you, Chiyo. May I ask your daughter's name?"

Chiyo took her hand back and put it around her sleeping daughter. Finally, she smiled wide. "Her name is Yui."

"Beautiful."

"Thank you."

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Ken sipped at his coffee and watched as Chiyo kept her gaze on Yui. The relaxed look on Chiyo's face made the smile on Ken's widen. He didn't realize he was staring until Chiyo looked back at him. "Is something wrong?"

"Ah, no! Sorry! I just, um, you look so happy whenever you look at Yui. Sorry, I couldn't help it."

Chiyo looked back at her daughter and nodded. "She's the light of my life. I always wanted to be a mother. It happened a bit sooner than I would have liked, but I'm still happy. I love her more than I can say."

Despite Chiyo's words, Ken frowned. "I'm sorry, I know about your situation. I can't believe what your parents and your husband—"

"Please do not speak ill about my husband," Chiyo said quickly, sitting up straight and holding Ken's gaze. She clutched Yui at her side and continued, "My husband is a good man. He cares about me very deeply, and I care about him. He was the one who enabled me to escape and travel here. You don't know him, so please don't talk about him."

Guilt plunged into Ken's gut, almost as if a quinque had impaled him. He looked away in shame and stared at his reflection in his coffee, feeling a stinging pressure behind his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said, voice cracking. "You're absolutely right, I shouldn't have said anything. I assumed and that was wrong of me. I'm so sorry."

Chiyo relaxed and looked back at Yui. "I can understand why you would think that way, but please understand that my husband has always been good to me. Our marriage was arranged, but he swore to me that he would do everything in his power to protect me forever. We had Yui because our family would have shamed us had we not. He took care of me more than my parents ever did; he fought them to be with me every step of the way. When Yui was born, he stopped my father from bursting out in rage. He convinced my father to step away long enough to sneak Yui and me out of the estate. He gave me money and called me a cab to the train station and told me to go somewhere safe. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone even if he was tortured. I have no idea what's happening to him right now, but I know he's keeping Yui and me safe. Therefore, I won't allow anyone to speak a single negative word about him."

Ken's jaw dropped as he looked back at Chiyo. He went to speak but shut his mouth instead as images of Shuu flooded his mind. There had been a time where even he would have—and did—say plenty of bad things about him, but Ken bristled at the thought of such words now. "I had no idea," he eventually said. "Everything I've ever heard about your situation has generalized your entire branch. I didn't even stop to think that someone there would openly oppose your parents."

"Is that so?" Chiyo asked, voice high with surprise. "They really don't know my family then. Many of the younger people in the Kyoto Branch don't support the beliefs of the older people. Even some of the older people are starting to question their methods. It's really just my parents and their closest confidants who are continuing this mission of becoming the Main Branch again, but it's not like the rest of us can do or say anything. My father's word is law."

"I'm so sorry."

"Thank you, I accept your apology."

The two sat quietly for a few minutes, the only noise being the sipping of their coffee, until Chiyo spoke again. "May I ask for your story? I have heard about it, but if the reality is different than what's been said, I want to know."

Ken shrugged. "It's probably what you've heard. I was a human once, now I'm a ghoul. I lived as a ghoul for a long time until the CCG captured me. They brainwashed me and forced me to live as one of their investigators until last summer when I suddenly remembered who I was. I was on my way to be executed when my friends saved me. Mirumo agreed to take me in to protect me, and I've been living here ever since."

"That's a very simple, very summarized version of what I've heard," Chiyo said back. "Tell me, how did you meet Master Shuu?"

Ken swallowed hard. "Um, in the cafe where I used to work."

"I see. And I suppose that's also where you learned to make such delicious coffee?"

"Yes. I'm glad you like it."

A smile spread across Chiyo's face, and she set down her empty cup. "If I may, you're incredibly easy to talk to, Kaneki. This is the most at ease I've felt in a long time, no doubt partially due to your coffee. Thank you again for it."

"My pleasure."

"The truth is that I wanted to talk to you, but I wasn't sure when or how. I admit I was interested when I saw you at the Christmas party because I could finally see the famed one-eyed ghoul with my own eyes. But my real interest came when I saw how Master Shuu looked at you. Kaneki, I have never seen Master Shuu so happy in my entire life. That was most intriguing."

Ken's face flushed and he stuttered on his words.

Chiyo giggled, covering her mouth with her free hand. "You make him happy, Kaneki. One day, he will be the Head of the Tsukiyama Family, and I will somehow work alongside him. Knowing that you mean so much to him and have changed his life for the better, I would be more than honored to work alongside you, too."

Before Ken could respond, Yui woke and began to fuss. She whimpered and whined even as Chiyo gently rocked her. With a sigh, the woman stood. "It seems it's snack time. Please excuse me, Kaneki. Thank you again for the coffee. Perhaps we can talk again sometime?"

Ken, still flushed, nodded.

Chiyo nodded back. "I look forward to it." And she headed off towards her room.

Mere seconds later, Shuu appeared, face surprised. "Was that Chiyo?"

"Yeah," Ken replied, rubbing his eyes and willing his flush to fade, "we talked."

Shuu's face lit up. " _Fantastique!_  I was afraid you'd be lonely. I'm so sorry I'm late,  _mon amour_ , but would you like to have coffee now?"

Ken nodded again, an embarrassed smile tugging at his lips. "Yes, please."

~

A strange tension hung in the air of the Tsukiyama estate. It could be seen in the eyes of the servants whenever they passed one another, it could be felt every time Mirumo or Shuu entered a room, and it was known every moment Chiyo emerged from her bedroom. The servants and hosts treated her with every ounce of dignity and respect they had, but even she knew what everyone was thinking.

"It's been two weeks," Shuu said as he paced back and forth across his and Ken's bedroom. "Two weeks. Two weeks and not a single word from Daichi or anyone else from the Kyoto Branch. None of the other branches have heard from them either, not even the smaller branches that rely on them. Are they plotting something? Do they not care?"

Ken watched him from their bed, his shoulders slouched and face miserable. "What if they don't know she's gone? What if no one's bothered to check on her?"

"That's not possible," Shuu immediately said back as he stopped, voice breathy in disbelief. "No nurses? No midwives? Even if her husband did help her escape, there's no way he could have gotten her out without someone knowing. The security at the Kyoto estate is the same as it is here. Someone would have noticed them."

Ken's brows narrowed and he stared at the floor, thinking back to his first conversation with Chiyo. The two had spoken many more times since then, becoming quite close and much more relaxed around one another, but that first conversation still stuck out in his mind. He bit his lip as a thought struck him, and he looked back up at Shuu. "What if it's just Daichi and Kimiko? What if they're the only ones who don't know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Chiyo told me that not everyone in the Kyoto Branch agrees with her parents, at least not anymore. She said that many of the younger people and some of the older ones have turned on their masters but haven't been able to say anything."

" _Pardon_ , what? Chiyo said that? She never—"

"What if Daichi and Kimiko haven't checked on her out of anger? What if everyone in the Kyoto Branch knows that Chiyo is gone but hasn't said anything to them because they're all on Chiyo's side?"

Shuu stared at Ken, beginning to shake as the realization sunk in. Before he could respond, the estate's main phone rang, the sudden noise echoing down the hallways. The two men jumped, bracing themselves as it went quiet. After a few tense seconds, they let out relieved breaths and cautiously laughed.

"A bit nervous, aren't we?" Shuu said as he rubbed his arms.

But then a frantic knock pounded against the bedroom door, making the two men jump again. "Master Shuu!" Aliza shouted. "That was a servant from the Kyoto Branch. Master Daichi and Mistress Kimiko are on their way!"

Shuu pulled the door open so hard Aliza thought he had ripped it off its hinges. He stared at her, face pale, and then turned back to Ken. He stared at the other and then jumped when he heard another door open.

Across the hall, Chiyo stood with a crying Yui in her arms. Yui had been so quiet for the past two weeks, only crying when she needed something, but even though she was securely bundled up against Chiyo, she wailed fearfully. Chiyo held her but didn't bother rocking her, looking down at her sadly as she said, "My father is coming."

Shuu swallowed hard. " _Oui._ "

After a short pause, Chiyo looked up and smiled. "Well, I suppose this is it. Thank you so much for all you have done for us, Master Shuu. I know we were a burden, and I apologize for that, but I cannot thank you enough for keeping us safe."

"You can't just give up," Ken said as he joined Shuu. "What about Yui? What about your husband? What about everyone who supports you? If something doesn't change, this whole cycle of abuse will continue. Even if you wouldn't do this to Yui, are you really willing to sacrifice the rest of your life?"

Chiyo's smile faltered the more Ken spoke. With every word, it trembled, and Chiyo's eyes began to puff up. She clutched the sobbing Yui against her, and her entire facade crumbled when she looked down at her daughter. She then slowly looked back up and said, "Master Shuu, I'm sorry, I need to ask for your help one more time."

Shuu grinned. " _Addolcendo._  Ken,  _my darling_ , would you mind staying with  _Madame Chiyo_? I have a few phone calls to make."

But they barely had any time, Daichi was pounding on the front door less than an hour later. The moment the sound reverberated throughout the estate, the world seemed to stop. The servants all froze. Shuu locked his cell phone and put it in his pocket. Yui began crying again, and Chiyo seemed on the verge of her own breakdown. Ken, who had stayed with her the whole time, put his hand on her shoulder, looked her in the eye, and said, "You're not leaving this estate without a guarantee of safety. That much we can all promise you."

He didn't need to speak to Shuu. Shuu stood in the foyer, looking as tall and confident as he could. Matsumae had her hand on the front doorknob, and he nodded to her. She bowed and opened the door, keeping her head down as the Kyoto Branch heads stormed inside.

"Where is she?" Daichi demanded as he headed straight for Shuu. He towered over the younger man, a dark look on his face as he continued, "Speak, boy. Where is Chiyo?"

Shuu crossed his arms, his face remaining neutral and steady. He looked up and replied, "Not here."

"Don't play dumb with me. This is the only place she could have gone. You will tell me where you are keeping her. We are taking her back."

"No, you are not."

"You don't get to decide that! You are not this family's Main Head. You may be the heir to the Tokyo Branch, but all you are is an heir. I am Head of the Kyoto Branch, the real Main Branch! You will listen to me!"

"I will not. I have never been particularly good at listening to people who don't interest me."

Daichi grabbed Shuu by his shirt and hoisted him forward, their faces mere inches apart. Shuu barely stood on his tiptoes. "You little brat," Daichi hissed. "You spoiled little creep of a brat. You've always lived a life of luxury without a care in the world as the Tokyo Branch heir, never giving a thought to the people you've lived off. You don't know what it's like to have everything taken away from you, to watch your birthright be stolen away as you watch on helplessly. The happiest day of my life was when I found out you were locked in your room wasting away all those years ago. It was what you deserved! We were going to take back what was ours! And then you had to go and—!"

"If you are trying to intimidate me, it's not working," Shuu said back, voice level. "You are right about me. I have lived a life of luxury, I still do. I have always taken from others, often in ways that have caused harm or death, and I am not proud of it. Looking at it that way, you and I are not so different, but there is one way in which we are." Shuu uncrossed his arms and took hold of Daichi's wrists, his grip tight enough that Daichi flinched. "One day I had to watch the person I love walk away from me, and I was helpless to stop him. I crumbled after that day, believing my life was over, but I was wrong. I was given a second chance, and I realized the error of my ways. I've changed. You, on the other hand, keep talking about how entitled you are to something that never belonged to you. My title doesn't belong to me either! The Japanese government could change the country's capital at any time, and the entire family dynamic could shift, but until that day comes—" Shuu's grip tightened further to the point that Daichi faltered and cried out. "—I will work to protect everyone in this family as the family's future Master, even if that means fighting someone within the family." He pushed hard against Daichi, and the man stumbled backwards into Kimiko's arms. Daichi rubbed his wrists and looked back at a murderous Shuu. "Go home," the Young Master continued, eyes blazing. "Go back to Kyoto. Chiyo will not be going with you."

"You don't get to decide that," Kimiko said. "You're just an heir, you have no real power."

Suddenly Shuu's phone buzzed. He pulled it from his back pocket and unlocked it, holding it up for Daichi and Kimiko to see. They immediately recognized the faces on the screen.

"This is Etsuko and Mama of the Osaka Branch!" Etsuko cheered. "Future Branch Head and current Branch Head reporting in. The entire Osaka Branch stands with Master Shuu against the Kyoto Branch's practices!"

The phone buzzed again, and another face appeared on the screen. "This is Hiroshi, Head of the Nagoya Branch. The Nagoya Branch stands with Master Shuu against the Kyoto Branch."

One by one, the other branches signed in. Hiroshima, Nara, Kobe, Yokohama, Nagasaki, Fukuoka, Nagano, Sapporo, all the major cities declared their siding with Shuu. Then the smaller cities and towns signed in, even the ones that relied on the Kyoto Branch. Daichi and Kimiko watched in horror as they all repeated their statements, and they soon realized that the servants of the estate were gathering behind Shuu. Behind them, Matsumae smiled as she typed into her own phone.

When the last branch head finished her statement, Shuu lowered his phone and said, "The entire Tsukiyama Conglomerate stands against you. Go home. Don't make me repeat myself."

But Daichi just smirked. "You can gather up support as much as you want. It doesn't matter as long as the one person more powerful than I am doesn't stand with you."

"She's right here."

Everyone turned and stepped to the side as Chiyo walked forward with Yui strapped to her chest, Mirumo and Ken waiting behind with Shuu. Mirumo put a hand on his son's shoulder while Ken took his lover's hand. The three of them watched as Daichi and Kimiko turned their full attention on the woman approaching them. Ken's eyes widened slightly when he saw the three of them together. Had Chiyo always been tall?

"We're going home," Daichi said as he stared down his daughter. "You have disobeyed me for the last time. You are not leaving the estate again until you learn to behave."

"I am not leaving," Chiyo said back, unbothered by her parents' shocked expressions. "I refuse to go back to Kyoto with you unless you agree to change. You used me to produce an heir, abandoned me when I gave birth to a daughter, and only came for me when you realized I was no longer a prisoner in your home. I will never return to Kyoto unless you apologize and atone for your sins."

"You can't speak to me that way," Daichi hissed. "How dare you. I am your father. I let you live in my home, I gave you everything you ever needed! I treated you like royalty, you wanted for nothing!"

"You only treated me well when you thought I would give you a male heir. That was the only reason you let me live in the estate, the only reason you provided for me. That's not the way a parent treats their child. I would gladly give up every luxury I have to have a parent who genuinely loves me."

"i'll treat you however I want! You are my property!"

"I am my own person."

Daichi glared at Chiyo and went to grab at her but stopped and pulled his hand back. He took in a deep breath through his nose and growled out, "Say whatever you want, but I am the Head of the Kyoto Branch. I am more powerful than you."

Chiyo shook her head. "You are not. I am far more powerful than you. I am the future. You need me far more than I need you."

Daichi looked up at Mirumo pleadingly. "And what do you have to say about that?"

Mirumo shrugged. "She's right."

"You are the Head of the Main Branch! Are you saying your little brat is more powerful than you?"

" _Oui_."

"But the title—"

"If you are concerned with titles, then I will use my title as the Main Branch Head to stand behind Chiyo and support everything she says."

Daichi stared wide eyed at Mirumo as he stepped backwards and scanned the room. He looked at Matsumae, across the crowd of servants including Aliza and Karren, at Ken, Shuu, and Mirumo, and finally back at Chiyo and Yui. Behind him, a tear slid down Kimiko's cheek, and she pressed her forehead against her husband's back.

"Give it up," she whispered. "We can't do this anymore."

Daichi slouched, all his anger and frustration leaving him as his body deflated. He looked into Chiyo's defiant eyes until he couldn't take it anymore and looked away.

"I…submit."

A chorus of relieved sighs and quiet cheers filled the foyer. Ken, who hadn't realized he had been holding his breath, suddenly felt dizzy and stumbled. Shuu caught him quickly, and the two smiled wide as Mirumo stepped forward.

" _Madame Chiyo_ ," he said, "do you feel comfortable returning to the Kyoto estate?"

Chiyo shook her head. "Not especially but it's something I have to do. I will be Head of the Kyoto Branch one day, after all."

Mirumo grinned. " _Oui_ , you will be. Therefore, I'd like to offer to come with you to, let's say, rehabilitate your parents and give you a start on everything you will need to know. I am aware that your parents have never bothered to teach you a thing, assuming your husband would take control one day instead, so I think some teachings will be necessary. Do you accept?"

"Yes, I do, Master Mirumo, thank you."

"I am glad to hear it. And as for you, Daichi…" Mirumo strolled over and grabbed the man by the collar, hoisting him forward so their eyes met. In a low, murderous tone, Mirumo continued, "If you ever speak to my son in such a way or threaten his life ever again, I will personally see to it that the beasts of the 24th ward enjoy themselves some  _kaiseki_. Do I make myself clear?"

Ken and Shuu shared a knowing glance and embraced, soon feeling bold enough to kiss in front of their audience. It was simple and sweet but still left them giggling when they pulled away, especially when they realized Chiyo was watching them with a smile.

"I owe you both more than I can ever say," she said. "Master Shuu, thank you again for all your help. I now know I have a safe place to go no matter what. You gave me my first sanctuary. Thank you."

Shuu's romantic smile turned into a charming grin, and he bowed with his hand against his chest. " _Madame Chiyo_ , you are welcome here any time. If you should ever require assistance of any kind ever again, please do not hesitate to call upon us. We will always help you to the best of our ability."

"Thank you. And you, Kaneki," Chiyo said as she turned to the other, "I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me the confidence to confront my father. If you hadn't spoken with me over coffee that day, I would never have found the courage to speak my mind. I was utterly terrified just now, but thanks to you I was able to say everything I wanted to say."

Ken reeled back at Chiyo's words. "Really? I mean, I'm glad I was able to help you, but did I really do anything?"

Chiyo nodded. "I was comfortable talking to you because you treated me like a person, not like an heir of the Tsukiyama Family. You even suggested we treat each other as equals, as normal people. And since you were not raised as a family member, you can see things from a different perspective. I don't mean to call you an outsider, but I think it helps to look at a situation with fresh eyes from a new point of view. So thank you for that, Kaneki, I'll never forget it."

Shuu put an arm around Ken as the latter smiled softly in understanding. "I see. Thank you for your kind words."

"Now please excuse me," Chiyo said as she bowed to both of them, "I want to go home and see my husband." They watched her join Mirumo as she gently bounced the quiet Yui.

"Karren has something to say, too," Matsumae said as she pushed the younger woman towards Ken. Karren's arms were crossed tight across her chest, and she looked away in irritation. When she remained silent, Matsumae nudged her again. "Go on."

Karren groaned and finally looked at Ken. "I am sorry for hitting you, Master Ken," she muttered out. "That was wrong of me. I should have used my words. But what you said was pretty awful! You were wrong, too!"

"Karren—!"

"No, she's right," Ken agreed. "I'm sorry for what I said to you, Karren, and I thank you for your apology. I think I understand what you meant back then now. Are we even?"

The woman reluctantly nodded. " _Sehr gut._ "

It was only a few minutes later when everyone was starting to clear out of the foyer when Shuu's phone buzzed again. He checked the name and answered, " _Allo_? Nobuyuki?"

"Yes, it's me, apologies for calling you on your personal phone, Master Shuu, but I wanted to reach you quickly."

" _Je comprends_ , what is it?"

"I offered this to Master Ken at the Christmas party, but I wanted to offer it directly to you. I would like to invite you and Master Ken to our hot spring resort outside Sapporo for a few days. You've both been working so hard to take care of Lady Chiyo, and I know you have your own personal stresses, so it'll be a vacation. Consider it a late birthday gift. I apologize for the short notice, but what do you say?"

Shuu's eyes popped open, and he stood in stunned silence for a few seconds. He didn't speak until Ken nudged him and mouthed, "What did he say?" "Ah,  _excusez-moi, Monsieur_ , I was just so surprised. One moment please," Shuu sputtered out. He put his hand over the phone and looked at Ken. "Do you want to go to Sapporo for a few days?  _Monsieur Nobuyuki_  has invited us to stay at his hot spring resort."

Ken's eyes mirrored Shuu's. He looked the other man up and down, then looked back at Chiyo, who was still standing with Mirumo as the man lectured Daichi. He then turned back to Shuu, eyes shifting side to side before finally settling down, and he nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cafe Breve
> 
> Think of Cafe Breve as the American take on a latte. It's made with half and half instead of regular milk.
> 
> You will need: 1 part espresso, 1 part steamed half and half, 1/2 part milk foam
> 
> 1\. Steam and froth the half and half (between 145 and 160 degrees Fahrenheit), then allow it to set
> 
> 2\. Brew the espresso
> 
> 3\. Pour the half and half into your cup, leaving the foam
> 
> 4\. Pour about half of the foam on top
> 
> 5\. Slowly pour the espresso into the cup
> 
> 6\. Top with the remaining foam
> 
> Recipe courtesy of the Espresso & Coffee Guide
> 
> Also, a cultural note: Kaiseki is a traditional, multi-course Japanese dinner with roots in Kyoto. Hence, why Mirumo used it as a metaphor when he threatened Daichi.


	25. Kokkaffe

Ken slowly folded one of his sweaters and tucked it away in his small suitcase. He shuddered a bit looking at the piles of clothes, remembering how the last time he had packed them was shortly before leaving :re. With a deep breath, he picked up another sweater.

"You'll love Hokkaido, I just know it," Shuu said excitedly as he quickly folded his own clothes. His suitcase sat next to Ken's on their bed, his significantly larger and already more packed with far too many clothes for a mere few days. Regardless, he continued to fold another button-down shirt before placing it on top of a small stack of similar shirts in various colors. "It's still cold this time of year, but it's beautiful. There's so much snow—snow starts piling up there in October! And sometimes it doesn't go away until April! But that's okay because there's so much to do. I'm sure you know Hokkaido is famous for its winter sports; it did host the Olympics once after all. And then there's all the hot spring resorts like the one we're going to, those are always great in the winter. Oh, and—!" Shuu stopped short when he realized Ken had stopped packing. He frowned and gently continued, "Is that all you plan on bringing? Surely you have more clothes."

Ken bit his lip. "I do, sorry, it's just, um—" He stopped and ran both hands through his hair.

Shuu pushed his remaining clothes to the side and cautiously took one of Ken's hands. He gave it a light squeeze, and the other one dropped from Ken's head. With a sigh, Ken looked into Shuu's eyes as the other soothingly rubbed his thumbs over his hand. "Don't judge."

"I would never."

With another swallow and sigh, Ken looked away and said, "I'm nervous. Or, um, anxious. Or…both? Yeah, both."

Shuu kissed Ken's hand. "Tell me."

"I want to go, I really do. Ever since I lost my freedom, I've wanted to go out. It's like I suddenly want the one thing I can't have, the one thing I never even wanted before I couldn't have it. I've wanted to go outside and explore and see new places and have fun, even if that just means going to different parts of Tokyo."

Shuu nodded as he watched Ken, his eyes focused yet soft. When Ken slowed his speech, Shuu began rubbing his hand again.

It made the words come back. "But now that I'm getting what I want, I feel like I shouldn't go. I'm safe here so why am I potentially putting myself at risk? Just to satisfy some unnecessary desire? It doesn't feel right. I mean, what if someone from the CCG is also on vacation there? Or what if Sapporo's CCG knows about me, too? I know your family owns the hot spring resort, but you get human visitors sometimes, too, right? And then it's not just about being recognized. Vacations are supposed to be fun, but…what if—?"

Shuu waited but when no more words came he gently squeezed Ken's hand again. "But what if what?"

Ken looked back at Shuu, his eyes glassy with shame. "What if I have a bad day?"

Shuu could swear he felt his heart shatter in his chest. "Oh,  _mon petit amour_ , everything is going to be fine," he said as he brushed Ken's bangs away from his face. The latter's skin was starting to flush pink. "I know you said you want to go, but we don't have to go right now. I can call Nobuyuki and tell him to put our stay on hold until you're ready."

Ken shook his head. "No, no, I don't want to delay it. I want to go."

" _D'accord._  I know you have some security concerns, but I've actually already considered them. I've already made arrangements for us to be driven to the airport in a private car, and we'll be flying on my family's private jet. You won't even have to deal with any airport security. And then when we arrive in Hokkaido, one of Nobuyuki's servants will pick us up and drive us to the resort, tinted windows and all. You'll be just as safe as you always are."

Ken sniffed, his eyes starting to pink up. "And what about if there are humans at the resort?"

Shuu smiled awkwardly. "I admit I didn't think about that.  _Un moment, s'il vous plaît._ " He let go of Ken and pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts as he stepped back. Ken watched him talk but barely listened as he wiped his eyes. He sniffed and waited until Shuu tapped the phone again and smiled. "There are currently no humans staying at the resort. Additionally, we are guaranteed a private room away from other guests, so there should be no problems. Does that make you feel better?"

Ken nodded as his eyes dropped to the floor. "It does, thank you. But…still—"

"What?"

"What if I have a bad day? I mean it, Shuu, what if my mind doesn't feel like cooperating? Even now I feel like it's going to drag me down and drag you down with it. Vacations are supposed to be fun and relaxing, but I could lose it at any moment and ruin—!"

"Ken," Shuu said gently as he put his phone down on the bed. He took both of Ken's hands and held them up to his lips. "Ken,  _my darling, s'il vous plaît_ , look at me." It took a moment, but Ken's eyes eventually met his, and he smiled. "Listen to me, okay? Yes, you are right, vacations are supposed to be fun and relaxing, and I certainly hope you don't have a bad day while we're away, but at least you'll be in a safe place if you do. We will have a private room in a place where only fellow ghouls are staying. Nobuyuki and the rest of the Sapporo Branch like you, and they would certainly be more than willing to help you, but if you don't want to see them, I will take care of you. I am more than happy to do so, you know that."

Ken bit his lip and fought the urge to drop his head. "But it's your vacation, too."

"The first of what I hope will be many. If this one doesn't go right, we'll make up for it in the future."

"But you shouldn't have to take care of me."

" _Mon coeur_ , we have been over this. You know very well that is not a chore to me."

Ken's eyes watered and threatened to spill down his cheeks. "Shuu."

"Are you absolutely sure you still want to go,  _mon ange_? Like I said, we don't have to go right now."

Ken nodded as he took his hands back and rubbed his eyes. "I want to go. I want to see Sapporo, I want to be somewhere else for a while. I'm sorry, I think I'm really just nervous or anxious or something. I've never even been on a plane before."

"Then this will be exciting," Shuu said, clapping his hands together. "Our first vacation together, your first time on a plane, hopefully it'll all be a precursor to the many trips we'll take together in the future. There are so many places I want to take you."

Ken finally smirked but the expression held no mischief. "You really just want to go to Europe, right?"

"We'll work our way up to Paris."

~

Mirumo left the estate with Chiyo and her family first. He stood with the heiress before the estate staff in front of the front door to make his final statements.

"I do not know when I will be back, but I do not expect to be gone for more than a month. While Shuu and Ken are away, Matsumae is in charge. If for whatever reason Matsumae cannot be at the estate, Karren will take her place."

Karren perked up at this, her eyes widened with surprise. "Master Mirumo, it is an honor, but are you sure?"

" _Ja_. You are Matsumae's protégé, are you not? Take this as an opportunity to put the skills you've learned to good use."

Karren's head dropped low, her hands clasped tightly together in front of her. "Thank you, Master Mirumo, I shall do all in my power to make you proud."

Mirumo turned back to the staff. "For any other concerns, please consult Matsumae first. I will return soon." He turned and walked out the door with Chiyo, the servants and maids collectively bowing and wishing them safe travels.

It was about an hour later when preparations for Shuu and Ken's trip had been completed. Two servants carried their bags to the car while they stood where Mirumo had. "Ken and I plan to return in one week," Shuu said. "It may be sooner depending on the circumstances. We will notify you all. As my father said, please direct any questions and/or concerns to Matsumae and Karren.  _Merci beaucoup_."

Once again, the servants collectively bowed and wished their masters safe travels. When the front door closed, they straightened, and Karren let out a distressed sigh. She stared downwards until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Matsumae,  _danke_."

"Are you sure?"

"Not really, but thank you again anyway."

A smile tugged at Matsumae's lips. "I think I may just take you up on that ugly cry offer you made a while back. Shall I have the chefs prepare something indulgent and horrible for our health?"

~

Ken felt his heart rate speed up once he and Shuu arrived at the airport. They exited the car, and their driver unloaded their luggage, handing it to an attendant as they walked towards the jet on the runway. It was smaller than what Ken had been expecting, but any chance of commenting died on his tongue the moment he stepped inside after Shuu. Between the large, leather seats, coffee bar, and restroom complete with a small shower, Ken wondered if the jet was actually an air-based apartment.

"This is the smallest jet my family owns," Shuu said as if reading Ken's mind. "It's less than an hour to Hokkaido from here, so I doubt we'll need any of the amenities, but if you want something you're more than welcome to it."

"No, no, thanks," Ken managed to say back. He was a bit too busy admiring the interior's sleek, designer craftsmanship.

Shuu smiled. "You should see the one we take to Europe on business. It puts the city's 5-star hotels to shame."

"Let's work our way up to that one."

Shuu's smile turned into a smirk, and he pat the seat next to him. "Sit down, we'll take off soon." He watched as Ken did so and fiddled with the seatbelt. Eventually, it clicked into place, and Ken's hands immediately went for the armrests. Shuu's smile disappeared when he realized just how hard Ken was gripping them. "Do you want to hold my hand?"

Ken looked at Shuu, then down at his hand and nodded. As if cued, the attendant boarded the jet, and the door behind her closed. Ken swallowed and sat back, squeezing Shuu's hand as he felt the engine roar to life. He listened as carefully as he could when the attendant began to speak—something about what to do in case of an emergency?—but the words were a garbled mess that barely penetrated his ears. Before he knew it, she was sitting in her own seat, and the jet was starting to inch backwards.

"Everything is going to be okay," Shuu said, those words ringing loud and clear in Ken's mind. He looked at his love and felt his heart begin to calm. Shuu had taken this jet hundreds of times before, right? If he was still okay, that meant nothing had ever gone wrong.

Right?

Ken couldn't help but squeeze his eyes shut when the plane suddenly switched gears and moved forward. Within a minute, the speed had picked up dramatically, and Ken realized he couldn't feel Shuu's hand anymore. It wasn't until he felt the jet lift off the ground when he dared to open his eyes and realized he couldn't feel Shuu's hand because his own had gone numb.

"The worst is over," Shuu said. He wiggled his hand to free it, and smiled helplessly as he gently shook it. "You can relax for now,  _mon petit_. Ah, have I ever mentioned that you have quite the grip?"

Ken flushed. "Sorry."

" _Non, non_ , it's quite alright. Are your ears hurting? Do you want some water?"

"Yes, please."

Shuu signaled the attendant, who quickly brought two full water cups. Ken sipped at his, flinching as his ears popped. He took a few deep breaths and then leaned back as he continued to drink more to distract himself.

"Ken."

Ken's eyes darted to Shuu.

"Would you like to look out the window?"

Ken suddenly realized that his cup was empty. He set it down on the armrest and nearly jumped when the attendant immediately appeared to take it. He watched her go and then turned back to Shuu, unbuckling his seatbelt as he did. Shuu lifted the window's curtain, and Ken squinted at the sudden brightness. He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times before the scene came into focus, and he gasped.

"I've never been above the clouds before."

"Isn't it amazing?" Shuu asked. "I never get tired of it. When we fly internationally someday, we'll get to watch the sun rise and set. There are few sights more beautiful."

Ken tried to conjure the image of the rising and setting sun above the clouds in his mind. Even better, how incredible would it be to see such a phenomenon from space? He had read books where astronauts witnessed it, but nothing could probably compare to seeing it for real.

"I want to see."

Shuu's eyes softened as he watched Ken take in the view. He exhaled through his nose when Ken's eyes brightened with excitement at the patches of cloud beneath them. He could see the ground below, the cities and forests and highways looked like toys to him. Shuu nodded absentmindedly in agreement, finding the sight before him much more enthralling.

As Shuu had promised, the flight took less than an hour. Ken sat back down and strapped himself in just as the plane began to descend, his face lit up with hopeful anticipation. Shuu watched him with a pleased look, noting how his hands didn't grip the armrests and how his head relaxed against the seat's headrest. "Congratulations on your first flight," Shuu said with a slight playfulness. "I guess we'll be on our way to Paris soon?"

"Shut up," Ken said back, though he could barely contain his smile.

The tension only returned to Ken's face when the jet's wheels hit the ground. He gripped the armrests again, thinking the landing would only last a moment, but suddenly the wheels slipped. They barely spun as the plane raced forward, and even Shuu grabbed the armrests. The two men heard a "whoosh" sound come from the back of the plane and then a screeching sound from underneath it. Within a few seconds, the plane slowed to a stop.

"My sincerest apologies, Masters," came the pilot's voice over the intercom. "It seems as though the runway was a bit more frozen than we thought. We had to use the parachute and the emergency break, but everything seems fine now. Again, my deepest apologies." And the line cut.

Shuu let out a relieved sigh and relaxed. " _Mon dieu_ , that was quite the fright. It's never happened before. No harm done though, since we're all safe. Are you okay,  _mon_ —?"

Ken's face was white. His eyes had blown up as far as his lids would go, and his trembling hands gripped the armrests for dear life. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Shuu gently placed a hand on his shoulder, and he stared at the other as if he were cornered.

"Ken," Shuu said as he slowly rubbed his love's shoulder, "are you alright?"

Ken swallowed hard and reluctantly nodded. "I'm fine."

Shuu's heart sank.

~

Ken's demeanor did not change during the car ride to the resort. His eyes remained wide, his skin remained pale, and his hands continued shaking. His state actually seemed to worsen with every second since departing the jet. He had yelped upon feeling the harsh cold of Hokkaido's northern climate with the wind stinging his face and the frost seemingly crawling under his skin all over his body. The car had been waiting for them with its warm interior and heated seats, but even that was no relief for the mere seconds Ken had spent outside. He trembled the entire way outside the city, jumping when the car suddenly stopped. It didn't even slip or skid.

" _Mon amour_ , we're here," Shuu said quietly as he reached for Ken. "Here, let me help." He undid Ken's seatbelt, and Ken was clinging to him before he could even pass him a jacket. "It's okay, it's okay,  _mon petit_ , we're here. I promise, no more traveling. We won't go anywhere for a while, we'll stay here. We'll be safe."

"Shuu," Ken finally gasped out as he desperately wrapped his arms around the other, "Shuu, I…I don't know—"

"Here, let's get you inside," Shuu said as he maneuvered himself to drape a jacket around Ken. "Come on now, let's not stay in the car. We'll get you into some comfortable clothes, get you something to eat, some coffee or blood wine, and you'll be all better. Out into the cold for just a moment, then into our room, in our bed. Doesn't that sound nice?" He waited for Ken to nod and then kissed his forehead, his lips remaining there as he whispered, " _Bien_. Here we go.  _Trois, deux, un..._ "

A servant opened the door, and the cold flew in. Ken instinctually held on tighter even as Shuu ducked and pulled him out of the car. Once he had his footing, Ken stood on his own, and Shuu tugged at him to move. One at a time, Ken's feet marched through the snow, and after what felt like an hour, the two were inside. Ken only dared to look up when a familiar voice greeted them.

"Welcome, Master Shuu, Master Ken," Nobuyuki said with open arms and a charming smile. "We are all so honored that you could come. I do hope your travels were pleasant."

Shuu kept his arms around Ken even as he spoke to his relative. "Ah,  _merci_. Unfortunately our travels could have gone better. I'm afraid the airport's runway was a bit too cold."

Nobuyuki's eyes widened in realization. "Oh my, I am so sorry to hear that. Is that what…?" He silently motioned towards Ken.

Shuu nodded. "If we could just go to our room,  _s'il vous plaît_."

"Of course. Ladies!"

One maid bowed and stepped forward. "This way please." She headed down the nearby hallway, several other maids tagging along behind Shuu and Ken with their luggage. They passed several rooms and several other hallways until they reached the back of the resort, and the maid at the front opened the screen door to reveal the suite. Shuu quickly shuffled inside and set Ken down next to the bed, stripping away the layers of jackets as the maids followed behind.

"Ah, we will handle the luggage at another time," Shuu said when he saw a maid go to open a bag. " _Merci_. Can we just have a pot of hot coffee? Decaf coffee actually.  _Merci beaucoup_." He nodded to the maids and then turned back to Ken. When he heard the door close, he undid the first button of Ken's shirt. "Let's get you into the bath," he said. "I think you'll feel better after a hot bath."

Ken quickly shook his head. "I don't want to."

" _Non?_  Okay, we won't do that then. How about pajamas?"

After a short pause, Ken nodded, and Shuu immediately reached for one of the clothing sets. Ken nearly ripped off his clothes and somehow, even surprising himself, paid no mind to his bare skin. He let out a gasp when Shuu wrapped the button-down top around him, and the floodgates opened. Ken's hands flew to his face, and he doubled over as he sobbed. "Shuu, Shuu!" he repeated, sniffing hard as the other wrapped his arms around him.

"It's okay,  _mon coeur_ , you are safe. I promise, you are safe."

"I don't know why. I don't know why I'm—!"

"It doesn't matter. You're not well and that's all there is to it. Can you put your arms through the sleeves for me?"

Ken nodded and shoved his arms into the pajama top. He immediately stripped his jeans off and then hoisted the pajama pants on, Shuu pulling him into a hug the moment he was dressed. "There you go, that's better."

When a maid returned to the room with coffee, she found Ken curled up in bed and Shuu at his side, the latter rubbing up and down Ken's arm and occasionally up to his neck and back. Shuu nodded to her, and she set the tray down next to them on the tatami floor. She then bowed and left without a word.

Shuu's eyes shifted down to Ken, and he ran his fingers through his hair. "It's okay," he said. "Everything is fine, you're okay."

"I don't know why I'm so upset," Ken gasped out. "I literally don't know why. Why did the plane bother me so much? I don't get it."

"It's because the plane landing was scary. I was certainly scared."

"But I've been through scarier things! I've fought powerful ghouls. I've been targeted for meals. I've trespassed in enemy territory to find answers. I've fought…I've fought Arima Kishou! I've lived as his dog! I've seen terrible things and done terrible things and survived things nobody else had ever lived to talk about. Why did a fucking plane landing scare me so much?"

Shuu didn't have the heart to speak. He lowered himself so he could pull Ken into his arms, and the two lay there even long after Ken fell asleep, their coffee untouched.

~

Ken's eyes fluttered open to a dim light filtering into the room. He was wrapped in blankets and in Shuu's arms, registering the gentle, soft warmth from the two. He almost smiled but then realized Shuu was still wearing his traveling clothes. He closed his eyes again as the memories from the previous day filled his mind, and he felt a stinging deep in his skull.

It was when he sniffed that Shuu stirred and opened his eyes. Shuu blinked and then yawned before bringing his hand up and lightly pressing underneath Ken's eye with his thumb, prompting Ken to look back at him. Shuu smiled as he wiped away the tear stains and said, " _Bon matin_."

Ken's face crumbled. "Shuu, I'm so sorry."

"Hush, there's nothing to apologize for."

"Yes, there is. I've already ruined our vacation, just like I feared I would."

"No, you haven't. Nothing has been ruined, and nothing will be."

"Oh god, I'm so embarrassed, Shuu."

"No tears. Let's just get cleaned up and enjoy our morning. I'll ring for coffee."

The two took turns using the shower, Shuu first and then Ken. Ken watched Shuu leave for the bathroom as he rubbed the threatening tears from his eyes, only slightly disappointed Shuu didn't start stripping his clothes before closing the door behind him. With a sigh, Ken sat up in bed and finally took a moment to look around the room. He knew that Nobuyuki would save the best room at the resort for them, but he had no clue of just how massive the room was. The bathroom and a walk-in closet were connected to the bedroom, which was separate from a living space, a dining area, and a doorway to the outside. Ken assumed the hot springs were just beyond that door. Each room looked like a model out of a history book brought into the 21st century. Traditional screen doors, tatami mats, and elegantly simple wood carvings decorated the base of each room and contrasted with the large televisions, electrical outlets, and heat generators. Ken had never seen anything like it, especially when he compared it to the ornate, borderline gaudy decorations of the European-style Tsukiyama estate in Tokyo.

Shuu soon returned from the shower dressed for the day and towel drying his hair. He smiled at Ken and said, "All yours,  _mon petit_."

By the time Ken was done in the bathroom, the coffee had arrived. Shuu poured it and offered Ken a cup as they sat together on their bed. Ken finally smiled at the familiar scent and quickly drank down a mouthful. "I always forget how much coffee calms me down," he said as he looked at his reflection in the cup. "I should have had some yesterday. It might have helped."

Shuu shrugged and put an arm around Ken. "Perhaps but please don't beat yourself up about it. I am not at all upset. There is still a whole week ahead of us, so let us look forward to it instead of looking back. You seem to feel much better today, and that's all that really matters."

"I do, thank you. I just wish I knew why the plane landing scared me so much."

"Perhaps it wasn't just the plane landing? There's been quite a bit of action and drama at home lately; it's been far from the quiet atmosphere we've tried to maintain. It's possible it was a buildup of frustrations that all came rushing out when the plane landed."

"I didn't even think of that. I was doing so well."

Shuu shrugged again. "One thing I've realized is that the mind is far more complex and unpredictable than we, especially we ghouls, think it is. For us, it should just be 'hunt, eat, blend in,' but even we are subject to the mind's taunts. Even we experience far more emotions and thoughts than we are capable of handling at times."

"It's funny you say that," Ken said. "Humans say things like that all the time. If humans and ghouls both think like that, maybe ghouls are a lot closer to humans than we all believe."

Shuu's grip around Ken tightened. "Make no mistake,  _mon amour_ , I only think that way for you."

Ken smiled and turned, lifting his head so he could look directly into Shuu's eyes. When Shuu returned his gaze, he felt a fire burn within him, almost like a giddy feeling that told of good things to come. He was done crying, at least for now. Hopefully the tears would stay away for a while and allow him to see more clearly. He preferred that, especially when he could see Shuu's beautiful eyes locked with his own.

Shuu's eyes. Oh, Shuu's eyes were just incredible. A deep purple with hints of red around the rim. Warm and loving yet captivating and intense. Ken knew his own gray ones paled in comparison, but instead of pushing away and claiming he was not worthy, he leaned forward. Both sets of eyes closed when the two men kissed.

"Shuu," Ken said as he pulled away, "I love you, Shuu."

"I love you, too,  _my darling_."

"Let's…Let's have fun this week."

Shuu nodded and dove back in. "I surely hope we do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kokkaffe is a Swedish method of brewing coffee that requires boiling water. Some say it gives a richer mouthfeel and more body to the coffee since all the oils in the beans are being extracted during this process.
> 
> You will need: your favorite coffee, water (about 65 grams of coffee per liter of water)
> 
> 1\. Boil the water on the stove top in a kettle
> 
> 2\. When the water boils, take the lid off and let the water cool a few degrees
> 
> 3\. Add the coffee grounds and stir so they are completely saturated
> 
> 4\. Let steep for about 4 1/2 minutes
> 
> 5\. Stir and let the coffee sit for about a minute so all the grinds sink to the bottom
> 
> 6\. Pour the coffee slowly to avoid getting grounds in your cup
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Drop Coffee Roasters


	26. Cafe Con Miel

"I want to show you something," Shuu said as he placed his empty cup on the floor. He smiled at Ken and motioned for the other to follow him, soon leading him to the suite's back hall. Using both hands, he pulled the tatami doors apart and then stepped out of the way.

Ken's eyes widened and his jaw dropped at the view. "Wow," he gasped out, "I've never seen so much snow in my life."

"It happened last night," Shuu explained, "while we were sleeping. It's rare for such heavy snowfall this time of year despite Hokkaido's long winter. We're lucky, this will probably be the final snow of the season."

Ken slipped on a pair of complimentary shoes and stepped outside. The scene before him was nothing like what he remembered from the previous day with the cold biting at his skin and the wind whipping his face. The cold, while present, merely nipped at his bare skin, pinking it up, and the wind had calmed so much Ken could barely feel it. The snow innocently piled on the ground and in the trees, looking more like a blanket than a frozen mass. When Ken exhaled, tiny crystals floated into the quiet air and dispersed, prompting him to look up in wonder.

"It's so peaceful," he finally said. "It's nothing like yesterday."

"Hokkaido winters can be quite harsh, but they can also be very beautiful," Shuu said back. "I admit I was taken aback the first time I experienced a Hokkaido winter. Papa and I were only walking up to the front of the inn, just like we were, and the wind was so loud I started crying."

Ken's eyes saddened. "You poor thing."

"And what's worse, somehow that was enough to give me a runny nose for three days."

"Oh my god."

Shuu tensed. "You're feeling well,  _oui_?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I don't feel sick."

"Thank goodness," Shuu said with a relieved sigh. "I was suddenly afraid I had done the same thing to you."

Ken shook his head and smiled. "No, I'm okay, thanks. I actually want to sit out here for a while if that's okay."

" _Très bien!_  I'll grab a blanket."

Ken sat down on the back porch and rubbed his arms. Shuu returned shortly and joined him, draping a large, thick blanket around them. Once sufficiently covered, Shuu wrapped an arm around Ken and pulled him close. With another sigh, Ken relaxed, and the two leaned into each other.

They stayed like that for quite a while, just watching the scene before them. It was mostly still with the occasional bird or critter jumping out from a tree branch or from underneath the snow. At one point, a bird hopped along the back porch and stared at Ken before flying away.

"That would never happen in Tokyo," Ken said. "None of this would. I can't think of the last time things were so quiet."

Shuu pressed a kiss against Ken's temple and said, "There are pockets of quiet, but you're right, there's nothing like this."

"And it's not just the quiet. We don't get snow like this in Tokyo. I've only ever seen snow a few times, and every time it's always been just a dusting. I mean, there was one time when it covered the ground, but I was really little. I don't remember it that well."

Ken straightened and looked up into the gray sky, his eyes growing more pained. "And the memories I do have about snow in Tokyo aren't that great. It's not just that there was never enough to play in, it's that the snow we did get always caused problems. I remember stories about people slipping on the sidewalks, falling, and getting hurt. I remember once an elderly woman who lived in the building down the street from mine died because she slipped on the snow. There wasn't even that much, but it was enough to make her lose her balance."

Shuu frowned. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"And it wasn't just the people, everything else suffered, too. One time when I was a teenager there was a bus crash a few blocks away from my school. The driver had lost control because of the snow. Apparently it had started to solidify into ice earlier that morning. I don't think anyone died, but it was still a bad accident."

"I think I remember seeing that story on the news," Shuu said. "I also remember one time when Matsumae was driving me to school. There was enough snow on the ground for the car to slip whenever we turned. I remember being terrified in the back seat because the car swerved and tossed me around. I had my seatbelt on, so I was fine, and I knew that I'd heal if I were hurt, but I still didn't want to crash."

"And then there's just the fact that snow is always a big inconvenience back in Tokyo," Ken added. "Like whenever there's enough snow, it delays the trains. And even if people out walking don't fall, they still slip a lot. It's nerve-wracking."

Shuu nodded. "I agree. Tokyo either needs to get more snow so it can get used to it, or it needs to never get snow again."

"But I like this snow," Ken said as he pulled his hand from the blanket. He motioned towards the tranquil scene in front of them and continued, "This snow is so peaceful and beautiful. It's not hurting anybody; it looks natural, like it's supposed to be here. The animals are used to it. Seems like Nobuyuki and the others weren't even bothered by it yesterday. The rest of Hokkaido probably knows how to live with it. They've adapted."

"Just like we will," Shuu cheerily added, planting another kiss on Ken's temple. He smiled into Ken's hair and continued, "I am very happy you like it though. I was a bit worried there, but as long as you feel safe, that's all that matters."

"I do, thank you," Ken said as he turned. They shared a kiss, and then he added, "It's different than Tokyo, it's something I've never experienced, but it's still good. It's just a different kind of peace. I still like it."

"Perhaps this is the beginning of something bigger?"

"I hope so."

Shuu's cheer softened and he wrapped both arms around Ken, pulling him close enough that the other could have settled on his lap. " _Moi aussi_. I never want to push you, but I'm glad we were able to leave the estate for a while. I'm glad I got to take you somewhere."

Ken rested his head against Shuu's chest. "Maybe I need some pushing sometimes. I think the difference is having a soft place to land if I fall."

" _Mon amour_ , I would be beyond honored to be your soft landing place."

Ken swallowed and shakily inhaled. "Never had one before."

"Better late than never,  _oui_?"

Ken turned so he could look into Shuu's eyes and inched forward until his legs were straddling him. "Yeah," he said against Shuu's lips, their mingled breath disappearing into the air. He sat up on his knees, leaned down, and waited.

He didn't have to wait long. Shuu pounced and pulled Ken down into a kiss. Ken put his arms over Shuu's shoulders and pulled himself in so he was flush against the other. Slowly, Ken's hands traveled up and buried themselves in Shuu's soft hair. Shuu moaned quietly when he felt Ken pull at it.

He briefly pulled away. " _Mon trésor._ "

"Shuu," Ken gasped before diving back in, mouth open and wanting.

"Ken, Ken," Shuu said after another few seconds, " _un moment, s'il vous plaît._  What do you want to do? How far do you want to go?  _Tell me._ "

Ken swallowed hard as his hands came down to cup Shuu's face. "I don't know," he panted, pressing their foreheads together. "I'm sorry, Shuu, I don't know. I've never done this before. I have no idea what I'm doing. Oh god, I didn't ask you if you were okay with kissing again, I'm sorry."

" _Non, non_ , that's not an issue,  _mon petit_. I'm more concerned about you. I just want to know where to draw the line."

"I don't know, I really don't know. I'm sorry, Shuu, I really am, but I just—I think I'm just running on instinct and—"

"That's not a bad thing. It's actually a very good thing. I just want to know when to stop."

"Don't stop, please don't. That's the one thing I do know."

" _D'accord._  If you say 'no' or 'stop,' we'll stop. Is that okay?"

"Yes, that's perfect. And if I'm bad then just tell me and—"

Shuu placed a finger on Ken's lips and shook his head, a sad smile spreading across his face. "Please don't say things like that. I don't want to hear you put yourself down before anything has even happened, and I certainly don't want you to compliment me or anyone else by insulting yourself. Would you please do that for me?"

After a moment of hesitation, Ken nodded.

" _Merci,_ " Shuu said as he pulled himself up and kissed Ken's forehead. " _Je t'aime, mon chéri._  Let's go inside."

Ken nodded again and stood, pulling the blanket with him. Shuu stood and stepped back into the room first, slipping off his shoes as Ken followed. Ken slipped his own shoes off and flinched when he heard Shuu shut the door behind him. He swallowed and his mind suddenly brought him back to the Christmas party.

_"Don't worry, the walls are soundproof."_

He wondered if Nobuyuki's words were true or if he had truly just been teasing.

He'd soon find out. Shuu wrapped an arm around him and tilted his head up. Shuu's breath hitched when their eyes connected, and he leaned down for another kiss. Ken's hands soon found their way back into his hair, and he gently tugged at it. Shuu broke the kiss only to gasp, and Ken began moving backwards. They stayed connected as they lowered to the floor but broke once Ken's knees hit the tatami mats. He quickly shuffled backwards, and Shuu crawled over him. Once Ken's head hit the pillow, Shuu lowered himself for another kiss.

It intensified quickly. Ken opened his mouth to breathe, and Shuu dove in, stealing the air and lapping at the other's tongue. Ken's head swam. His eyes closed and he felt a desperate need to break away, but his body wouldn't move. The world around him grew hazy, and he wondered if it was possible to die of suffocation via kissing.

Just when he thought he would truly black out, Shuu pulled away. "Through the nose,  _chéri_ ," he said through deep breaths, and he moved down to Ken's neck.

Ken sucked in as much air as he could handle before letting it out in a high-pitched cry. Shuu was nibbling at his neck, kissing and sucking at his skin as he undid Ken's shirt buttons. Ken briefly wondered if his teeth would leave marks, but that thought left his mind the moment Shuu pulled his shirt apart. Despite the cold, Ken was suddenly burning up, and exposing his skin to the open air offered little relief.

"Shuu," he whined.

"I think this may not be the best thing for me to say," Shuu said with a huffed out laugh, "but you taste delicious,  _mon amour._ "

Ken let out a weak laugh. "I've been marinating, I suppose."

Shuu burst out laughing and leaned back down to kiss Ken's chest, his hands coming up to massage his sides. Ken whimpered at the new touch and rolled his head to the side. Somehow, this seemed more intimate than anything else they had ever done, even sleeping in the same bed wrapped in each others arms. Ken's mind abruptly stopped wandering when he felt fingers on his nipples, and after a moment, those fingers pinched. He bit his lip to stop the squeal.

"Was that not okay?" came Shuu's voice.

Ken's head shook almost violently. "Just never felt it before."

Cautiously, Shuu nodded and lowered himself further to lick at the space between Ken's pectorals, his fingers still playing with the other's nipples. The dam on Ken's mouth burst, and he cried out at a particularly hard pinch that led into a firm yet gentle tug. Shuu couldn't help his smirk.

"No fair," Ken said, voice cracking at the end. "You have to unbutton your shirt, too."

Wordlessly, Shuu rose and started undoing each button once he knew Ken was watching. Ken pursed his lips at the sight and ran a hand through his hair, gripping it at its roots once the first half of the buttons were free. As soon as the shirt was completely undone, Shuu yanked it off and tossed it to the floor. Still straddling Ken, he held his arms out as if presenting himself and said, "Better?"

Ken nodded, the flush on his cheeks intensifying. He always knew Shuu was beautiful. He had known it since the first time the man had stepped into Anteiku. Between his charming face, statuesque body, and perfect balance of masculine and feminine features, there was no way the man could be anything less than a supermodel. Ken had felt horribly inadequate but still longed for him, like a groupie meeting his favorite celebrity in person.

All of those old fantasies came rushing batch to him upon seeing Shuu's bare chest. How many times had he thought of the other like this? And more? The dreams had stopped for a while after the restaurant and church fiascos, but they still occasionally plagued his sleep. Once he had started to heal under the Tsukiyama Family's care, they had returned more often, but he would die before admitting it. There was no way Shuu wanted him like that, not with Ken being as plain as he was. Even now, despite his own muscled body, he still felt terribly inadequate.

But that was the thing: Shuu was half naked in front of him, and he did want him. He wanted him so badly he was lowering himself back down for another kiss. "You can touch, too, if you want," he said upon pulling away. He took one of Ken's hands in his own and pressed it against his chest. "Don't be shy."

With that encouragement, Ken sat up. Shuu, stunned, sat back but barely had a moment to think since Ken immediately pressed himself against him. Chest to chest, Ken leaned in and kissed Shuu, the latter quickly responding. Ken's hands traveled down Shuu's front until they hit his waistband and then snuck around his back where they lightly dug into the skin. Shuu gasped and Ken took the chance to kiss down his neck until he hit his prominent collar bones. With a sigh, Ken kissed them, too, and then said, "I love you."

Shuu let his own hands travel under Ken's shirt to his own back, and he pulled him in for a tight hug. " _Je t'adore aussi_ ," he whispered into Ken's ear, prompting a shiver from the other. Shuu smirked and changed the direction of his hands so they travelled further downwards. Ken let out a rather undignified squeak when Shuu's mischievous fingers grabbed his ass through his pants, and Ken buried his face in the other's chest, his cheeks aflame. " _Dolce_ ," Shuu continued, voice low and pleased. It prompted an even more violent shiver from Ken.

"Shuu…"

"Can I get a better look?" Shuu asked, lightly thrusting his hips forward. "Can I get a better feel?"

Ken whimpered and nodded. "Go slow," he said quietly. "No surprises."

" _Bien sûr_ ," Shuu said as his hands returned to Ken's front. With a kiss to Ken's temple, Shuu undid the button on his pants and pulled the zipper down. He briefly glanced at Ken's expression and could almost swear he saw steam emitting from his burning cheeks. With a sympathetic smile, he looked down at Ken's crotch and slipped a hand between the pants and underwear.

Ken cried out at the first touch. This was so weird, everything about this was so weird. Nobody touched him there. Nobody was supposed to anyway. To feel Shuu's long, slim fingers play with him, rub him, and stroke him made electricity run through his veins, and he could help but start thrusting. Shame bubbled up at his inability to control his instincts, but Shuu had said following his instincts was a good thing. That was supposed to happen, right? Ken cracked an eye open and looked down only to find one of Shuu's hands still on him while the other was undoing his own pants. Shuu grunted once the garment was undone and then brought both hands back to Ken.

"I want to take these off," he said. "Is that okay?"

Ken nodded and squeezed both eyes shut. He pulled away from Shuu only to shimmy out of his pants and the immediately returned to the other. When he felt Shuu's hands reaching for his back again, his breath hitched, and he nodded before Shuu could say anything. With another kiss to Ken's temple, Shuu slipped his hands past the underwear's fabric and took hold, prompting another squeal from Ken.

"Oh my," Shuu breathed, "now this is a delicacy."

"Shuu!"

"Forgive me,  _mon amour_ , but I have been waiting like a very good boy for a long time."

Tears started forming in the corners of Ken's eyes. What? Shuu had been waiting for this? He had wanted this, too? For how long, Ken wondered. Was it from the beginning, from their first meeting in Anteiku like it was for him? He shook that thought from his mind since the Shuu back then had very different motives. No, it was probably later than that, perhaps when they had teamed up with Hinami and Banjou, and Shuu likely hadn't even noticed it until much, much later. Still, Ken felt an overwhelming sense of flattery make his throat tighten. To think that Tsukiyama Shuu, the literal most beautiful man Ken had ever seen, desired him made his emotions overflow.

"We won't go much further than this today," Shuu said, pulling Ken back from his thoughts. "It's too much too soon. Here." He clutched at Ken's ass and pulled him closer, rubbing his clothed lower half against Ken's almost bare one. "Would you like to help me out of these?"

Ken's hands immediately flew to Shuu's waistband and slipped beneath it. With a deep breath, he pulled Shuu's pants down his thighs, and Shuu maneuvered his legs so they could fall all the way off. Ken, feeling bold, looked down at the lack of space between them, but his eyes immediately flew back up and then shut tightly. The entirety of Shuu was still blocked, but it didn't matter. Ken was suddenly mortified.

Shuu began rocking his lower body, and Ken, despite his best efforts to control himself, soon followed. It was only for a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime to Ken, and he secretly wished it would continue into eternity. He started moaning more, and his hands returned to Shuu's upper back where his nails gently scratched the skin. Shuu softly moaned back and put a hand down between them.

" _Mon amour, mon coeur, s'il vous plaît_ , I want to take these off. May I?"

The rest was a blur to Ken. At some point he must have nodded because he eventually felt elastic travel down his thighs but not all the way down his legs. Before he knew it he could feel Shuu, and he let out his loudest cry yet at the contact. A light layer of sweat covered his entire body, and the tears in his eyes rolled down his cheeks. He could faintly hear Shuu whispering to him what were undoubtedly passionate words of love in French and Italian, but the blood pounding in his ears drowned them out. He couldn't even tell if he was speaking. All he knew was that a sudden burst of lightness left him numb and exhausted, and he slumped against Shuu's chest.

Shuu continued to speak, but Ken could barely hear it. His whole body had felt so weightless mere seconds ago, but now it felt heavy and overworked. He could feel one of Shuu's hands rubbing up and down his back while the other one remained firmly between them. A final tear fell from Ken's eye when reality started creeping back into his consciousness, and he became hyperaware of what had just happened.

"Let's clean up," were Shuu's first words that Ken could clearly hear, and he nodded. Shuu moved first, gripping Ken and pulling him up into his arms as he stood. He was a little wobbly, but he maintained his balance as he walked towards the bathroom. Ken slipped his shirt off his arms and his underwear off his legs once he was sitting on a shower stool. He took a deep breath and blinked at the water running down his body.

"I got it," Ken said as he took the shower wand from Shuu. With a smile, Shuu sat down on his own stool and rinsed himself off.

"Are you okay?" Shuu eventually asked as he rinsed his hair.

Ken nodded. "I don't know what I'm feeling is all."

"Is it bad?"

"No, no, I've just never felt this way before. I don't know what to make of it."

"We'll get you into the hot spring. I think you'll feel better if you relax."

"Shuu."

"Hmm?"

"That was my first time doing anything like that. It felt so good."

"I'm glad it was good for you."

"I didn't know it was possible to feel that good."

Shuu gave Ken a sympathetic look and turned the shower off. "It is. And it's possible to feel even better."

"It's always been the opposite. I could have been feeling so good for so long and yet…"

Shuu reached over and turned Ken's shower off as well. "I think you're clean," he said, standing. "Let's go to the hot spring. Can you walk?"

Ken nodded and stood, holding onto Shuu as they walked out of the washroom and outside to the spring. Shuu stepped in first and then guided Ken in, and the two quickly relaxed. Any remaining tension within Ken melted away, especially when he rested his head against Shuu's chest. Shuu wrapped his arms around the other and kissed the top of his head.

"Shuu?"

"Hmm?"

"We'll do it again sometime, right?"

Shuu grinned. "Whenever you want."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cafe Con Miel is a Spanish coffee drink that translates to "coffee with honey." I chose it as the title of this chapter since it's sweet, comforting, and deliciously indulgent.
> 
> You will need:
> 
> 1 cup of strong coffee or espresso (hot)
> 
> 1/2 cup of milk
> 
> 2-3 tablespoons of honey
> 
> nutmeg, cinnamon, and sugar
> 
> 1\. Brew your coffee as you like it.
> 
> 2\. Add the honey and let it sit for a minute to let it dissolve.
> 
> 3, Warm your milk (in the microwave is fine).
> 
> 4\. Add the nutmeg, cinnamon, and sugar to taste.
> 
> 5\. Pour in the milk and enjoy.
> 
> Recipe courtesy of Make Scout.


End file.
